He tried for a smile, but it was just as forced and out of place as her attempt to comfort. “Let’s go see if we can find the horses and round them up. If so, maybe we can ride them back to the ranch. You can ride, can’t you?”
She had been riding her entire life, until recently, yet there was no way she could get back up on a horse—no matter how cold it was outside or how far they were from the ranch. She had no doubt in her ability to hike back, but horses... She couldn’t risk being around them again. Just like men, they broke her heart—and all she did was let them down.
“I can’t, Colter,” she said, shaking her head. “But I can help you find them. Then you can ride back or something.”
He looked at her like she had lost her mind. “It’s not far, but that wind is cold and it’s easy to get lost.”
“But if we don’t do something, who knows where the horses will be by morning? Is there any shelter out here, a wind block or something they can use to get out of the cold?”
Colter peered out into the night. “It’s all pastureland.”
She nibbled at her lip. “As long as they aren’t shivering, I think the horses will be fine. They should all have winter coats by now.”
“Yeah, but my mother has been putting them in the barn every night. I don’t know if they’d be up for this kind of cold. Plus, if we find them, we can get a ride home.”
“First we have to catch them,” she said, motioning outside to the flurrying snow.
He got out of his seat and reached behind the bench, grabbing a flashlight and handing it over to her. “Let’s just stay together. The last thing we want is one of us getting lost in the dark. On a night like tonight, the cold has a way of sneaking up on you.”
She took the flashlight from him and clicked it on as she stepped out of the warmth of the truck. “Don’t they say that you should always stay with your car in cases like these—just to avoid hypothermia, Mr. Fireman?” she asked, only half teasing.
He chuckled. “In most cases, they would be right, but I think we have a couple of extenuating circumstances. Plus—don’t forget—I’m a professional.”
“Is that kind of like, Hold my beer and watch this?” she said with a laugh.
Colter nodded. “Exactly like that, except I have no intention of this ending in disaster.”
She didn’t want to mention the old adage that the road to hell was paved with the best of intentions. Besides, she’d already seen hell and it made this icy world look like a dream.
Chapter Twelve
They walked down the road, the world around them illuminated by the headlights behind them as Whitney called for the horse. The fresh layer of snow was littered with several sets of horses’ tracks, making it look like there were at least five horses out.
“Clark couldn’t have gotten far,” Colter said. “And the others have to be close. They would stick together.”
She nodded, sinking deeper into the warmth of her scarf as the cold night bit at her skin.
If there was more than one out, it didn’t automatically mean foul play—horses always wanted to stay with their herd—but it was unlikely that one had just randomly gotten over or through a fence. Something else had to be at work, either a broken fence and an open barn, or someone had intentionally put them out. But why? Why would anyone let the horses loose?
By this time of night, everyone at the ranch had to be in bed and sleeping. If it hadn’t been for them staying out late, no one would have known about the horses until the early morning feeding. Maybe, if someone was behind the horses being out, they had hoped the horses would go for a few miles and be harder to find. But why would they do something that was mostly just a nuisance?
On the other hand, they had scheduled rides with the guests in the morning. It was possible someone would know about their plans and would want to make them look bad in the eyes of their elite guests, but it seemed far-fetched.
Or maybe it was all set up to be some kind of distraction.
The world grew darker as they moved farther and farther away from the truck and its headlights, which were becoming two pinpricks in the night. The air around them grew colder, and as they walked, their boots squeaked on the snow.
“Mom would never put the horses out on a night like tonight—at least not without a blanket,” Colter said, concern in his voice.
She had worked at the ranch for only a few months, but Eloise had always made sure that the horses were pampered. Colter was right that she wouldn’t have put them out, but Whitney didn’t want to make him even more worried than he already seemed to be.
“I just can’t make heads or tails of this,” he continued. “I mean, why would anyone go after the ranch’s horses?”
They had told Sarah about their morning plans. After they left, she would have had plenty of time to come out to the ranch and let out the horses without anyone seeing her. She had been somewhat catty, but it wouldn’t have been in her self-interest to make a move against the ranch.
Then again, the move wasn’t really against the ranch—maybe in Sarah’s mind, this had been more of a move against Whitney. Maybe she was trying to make her look incompetent to the guests. She had to have known that she was the one who would have to deal with the clientele when things went haywire with their reservations and social events.
She thought back to the moment they had left the café—Sarah had seemed to threaten them. Maybe it hadn’t been as idle as Whitney had assumed.
“Do you think Sarah—”
“Sarah what?” Colter asked, cutting her off.
The way he said her name made her back down. She had no proof, only a nagging feeling in her gut that she was missing something that was hiding in plain sight, something that tied all these mysterious events together.
“Do you know Sarah’s family?” she asked, thinking about the ominous note.
“Not really. She and her family moved into town just a few years ago. One of her cousins married a Carter boy. I think they were from somewhere around Idaho.”
He didn’t have a relationship with her family, which seemingly put her out of the running—at least when it came to the note. Yet that didn’t mean she still didn’t have a hand in the horses being let out.
As they walked, the scent of wood smoke grew stronger. It carried the sweet smell of cottonwood and pine, and the smell reminded her of her winters in Kentucky. The aroma elicited thoughts of her family sitting around the Christmas tree, watching as the fire roared in the fireplace. Until now, she hadn’t missed home.
She had loved waking up on Christmas morning to her mother’s cooking. It had always been the same breakfast casserole—sausage, eggs, hash browns—all melded in the Crock-Pot overnight. And her mother’s coffee... It had been so strong and dark that her father had made jokes about it having the power to melt the spoon.
Her mouth watered.
It was funny how one little smell could pull her back so far in time. Just like that, she was a child again, waiting impatiently for Santa to come and to make sure that she really had made it onto the good girls’ list.
This year she was more unsure of her status on Santa’s list than ever before. She had made so many mistakes. When she looked at herself and the woman she had been forced to become, it was almost as though she didn’t even recognize herself. The things she had loved were merely memories now. Her home was no longer her home.
When Frank set that fire, he hadn’t just made her lose the things she had loved—he had also made her lose herself. And that was just as impossible to bring back. She’d never be the same girl she had once been. She’d never be carefree again. She had seen the underbelly of humankind, the dark sickening world of those who, simply put, just weren’t right in the head.
Almost as if he could read her mind, Colter slipped his gloved hand in hers. “You warm eno
ugh?”
She moved her fingers between his. Though she was wearing thick wool gloves, the tips of her fingers had started to go numb and she basked in the warmth of his touch. “I will be.” She smiled. “I was just wishing that maybe we had gotten that ice cream.”
He stopped. “I hope you don’t regret anything. You know...”
She didn’t regret getting into trouble with him, not entirely anyway. It had been a long time since she had felt that nibble in her belly and the need to be touched the way he had touched her. “Nothing like that,” she said, squeezing his fingers. “I’m just hungry.” As if on cue, her stomach growled.
“Are you saying you wish you would’ve gone for the ice cream instead?” he teased.
“Never, but I am starting to pretend that the snow is marshmallow fluff. Don’t worry about me if I dive in headfirst here in a minute or two.”
He laughed as they started to walk again. Her flashlight bobbed around, lighting the way in front of them, and occasionally she flashed it around in the darkness. As she moved it to the right, she caught the shining reflection of a large set of eyes.
“Clark, baby,” she cooed, squeezing Colter’s fingers and motioning toward the horse in the distance. “Do you have anything, a halter or a lead or something?”
Colter shook his head. “I’ll just climb up. You can ride with me.”
Just the mention of her riding made her blood pressure rise and her heartbeat begin to thunder in her ears. There was no way...no way she could get on the back of the horse. Yet she didn’t want to let him down.
She stepped off the road, carefully picking through the deep drifts of snow as she worked her way slowly to the horse. A part of her wanted the horse to spook and for them not to be able to catch him, but if they didn’t get him and he tore off into the night, they would lose track of him—or spend all night trudging around in the open fields in the freezing cold.
Clark threw his head and pawed at the snow as they neared him. He was shivering, and the whites of his eyes were visible as she grew nearer. He must have still been scared after his close run-in with the truck.
“Don’t move too fast,” Colter said, stepping beside her. “If he runs off, we’re going to have a long walk back to the ranch.”
If they didn’t get their hands on the horse, the cold was going to make the midnight trek nearly unbearable. As it was, even though she had been prepared for the cold, her toes were starting to ache. She was tough, but there was no amount of toughness that could prepare someone for below-zero temps made colder by the harsh chill of the wind.
The wind... She turned around. Her tracks were already beginning to get filled in thanks to the drifting snow. If they didn’t get to the horse and start back, their footprints would soon be nearly indistinguishable from the natural dips and valleys in the dark.
She hadn’t been really scared about their safety...until now, with the full reality of the whipping snow blasting against her face. In an instant, this could become a fight for their life.
Maybe this was what someone had planned on all along—maybe they’d known full well that she and Colter would find the horses and be forced to go out into the night to wrangle them. And maybe they hoped that they would get lost and be found as ice cubes in a snowbank somewhere the next day.
She brushed off the thoughts. She was being absurd. No one could have expected anything. Horses were horses. They were always just a bit mischievous. No doubt Clark was probably the ringleader in the escape. Maybe they had been spooked by the storm. Maybe someone forgot to close the barn and they had simply walked over the fence.
Not everything bad that happened was meant to threaten them or the ranch. Sometimes bad things just happened. And nearly everyone who had ever owned a horse had had them break loose at least once. It was in their nature to want to be free.
She stuck her hand out, hoping to entice the horse to come to her. Clark took a few tentative steps, but threw his head again as he caught her scent.
“You try,” she said to Colter, hoping that the horse would pick up his scent and it would make him feel safer.
This horse, this beautiful black gelding who looked so much like Rudy, wasn’t her beloved boy. To this horse, she was nothing more than a stranger who wasn’t to be trusted. Yet, if the horse was like her, he would have realized that it wasn’t the ones whom you didn’t know that did you the most harm.
Colter moved slowly toward the gelding, his head down. “Hey, handsome boy,” he said, his voice comforting but strong. “How’d you get out, baby?”
The horse shivered, drawing in a long breath and huffing a greeting to him.
“Good boy,” Colter said, coming close and lifting his hand.
Clark took a hesitant step toward Colter’s hand and let him slip his fingers under his mane. Colter smiled as he stroked the horse. “That’s a man,” he said, walking around the horse’s body. He leaned against the horse and, in one fluid motion, lifted himself up and onto Clark. The horse looked back, giving the man a side-eye and taking a step forward.
“Hey, now, Clark,” Colter said, “I didn’t tell you to get moving. We have to pick up our rider, man.”
Clark stopped, shifting his weight.
“He’s voicing his complaint,” she said with a giggle.
“He isn’t one who likes to be bossed around—not that I know anyone else who is like that or anything,” he teased.
“Hey, I’m a fine employee. I have no idea where you got that idea,” she joked.
“I wasn’t saying anything about you as an employee. My mother loves you. I just happen to know that you aren’t the kind that is ever going to let someone push you around against your will.”
Her thoughts instantly went to Frank, and her heart sank. She had let him push her around, not physically, but emotionally, for too long. She had been all too acquiescing when it came to him and what he had wanted. Yet, since she had come here, she had changed. Maybe Colter was seeing her as she wanted the world to see her—strong, uncompromising and brave.
Was that who she had truly become or was it nothing more than a show?
If she ever had to face Frank or a man like him again...she doubted that she could keep up this strength or bravery. She would probably fall to her knees and beg for mercy. She could never go back to being the girl in the barn—the girl who had hoped to survive. In fact, she couldn’t help wondering if in her survival she had already used up all her lucky stars. Next time, if there were ever a next time, she doubted that she would have the strength or good fortune to survive.
Colter stuck out his hand, motioning for her to take it so she could climb up behind him.
She took a step back. “I’ll just walk. It’ll be fine.”
“It’s going to be at least a mile. If you sit up here with me, you can snuggle close and I can keep you warm,” he said, his playful grin taking over his face.
She knew it didn’t make any sense, her fear of riding. And really, it wasn’t the act of getting back on the horse that bothered her. It was just, for her, that the act of riding was a way of bonding with an animal—it was the smooth motion of her thighs against its back as they worked in tandem. It was a promise the rider made the moment she got on to take care and treat the horse with kindness and do nothing that was against the horse’s best interest, and more than anything, it was just the feeling of being up there that she feared the most. If she got up, it would be like being on Rudy again.
It would bring up far too many memories...and even more disappointments.
If she got up on Clark, there was a good chance it would open her heart to things that it just wasn’t ready for. It was just too risky.
Being with Colter had already made her more vulnerable than she had intended to be when she came here. Only time would tell if her opening up to him would be a mistake. She couldn’t
give any more of herself when she couldn’t be sure that she hadn’t made the wrong choice.
“Colter, I’m not ready.”
He closed his hand and laid it on his thigh, nodding. “Okay. If that’s the way you feel, I understand.”
She wanted to think that he meant what he said, and he really understood the way she was feeling, but a part of her doubted it. He couldn’t understand what it was like to experience what she had been through. He couldn’t understand the way her chest constricted at the mere thought of riding again, and the way the scent of the fire would spring to the front of her mind when she had gone near horses. He couldn’t understand the trauma. No one could—she herself barely did.
She turned away from Colter, afraid that he would be able to see the pain in her face if he looked at her. He needed to see her as emotionally strong and nothing else.
Colter rode up beside her and she walked next to the horse and rider until they made it back to the road and started heading east in the direction of the ranch. As they started down the road, there was the crunch and nicker of the other horses as they caught up. Looking behind them, she saw the line of four other horses nose-to-tail as they walked in the trail Clark and Colter had broken in the snow. She was moving at a slower pace than the horses, but Colter kept them in step with her.
The horses looked tired and the palomino was shivering as the wind whipped against her. They needed to get the horses back. Though they would likely have been okay in the cold, it made her cringe watching them combat the elements.
Pellets of snow pelted against her face as the snow started to fall harder with each footstep. Though she was dressed for the weather, her fingers had grown so cold that she couldn’t feel her fingertips and she bumbled as she moved to wipe her nose, bumping her fingers against her cheek.
She could feel Colter’s gaze as she moved, and even more, she could feel his concern. He pulled Clark to a stop and got down. He took off his scarf and wrapped it around Clark’s neck, using it as a lead rope.
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