Even as I say the words, I know I’ve probably already added to Cal’s problems by reminding Mawgan of how much she hates him and resents the Penwiths in general. Why did I come here? ‘I’d better go,’ I mumble, suddenly feeling a bit sick.
‘Hold on.’
I stop, halfway out of the chair.
‘You think Cal is wonderful, don’t you?’ she says in a tight voice. ‘But he’s an arrogant pig and always has been. He told me he wouldn’t sleep with me because I was barely eighteen and he was in love with Isla. He told me that it would be’ – she brackets the words with her fingers – ‘“a crap idea” because my mother had just walked out, and I was “vulnerable”. I remember his words. “I’d have been taking advantage if I’d taken you to bed.” Instead he chose to be a self-righteous wanker.’
My bum connects with the seat again. ‘Even if you do think he’s treated you like a child, you surely can’t still hold that against him, enough to destroy him all these years later?’
She laughs. ‘You think that the way I feel about Cal, and the way my father feels about the Penwiths, is all because he wouldn’t shag me?’
My pulse races. ‘I can’t see any another reason.’
‘No, I don’t expect you do because you’ve been sucked in by his so-called charm as well. You think that under that brooding, moody exterior there’s some kind of hero when, in fact, there’s just a selfish bastard. Cal is exactly like his father; he is so like him. His father thought he was entitled to everything and everyone who crossed his path, including my mum.’ She leans forward.
My stomach clenches. ‘Are you saying Cal’s dad and your mum had an affair?’
‘Yes, I am. Cal’s father obviously thought it would be fun to take her away from my dad and from me and Andi. Oh, I didn’t know why Mum left us at the time, she kept it quiet and Dad was too proud to admit he’d lost anything, let alone lost his wife to a Penwith.
‘Of course, Penwith dumped her eventually but it was too late. She’d decided that it was more exciting to run away to the other side of the world with yet another man than it was to stay with us. She decided that actually, once she’d found the nerve to have an affair, she’d found the nerve to leave us.’
I can barely believe what I’m hearing. ‘Does Cal have any idea about this?’
‘I doubt it.’ She smirks. ‘So you see, I’d like to trust people and give them benefit of the doubt like you do and Cal does, but I realised long ago that you only end up hurt. No one can be relied on, because in the end, they turn on you. I trusted Mum, I loved her and she left. I gave her everything of me and she obviously didn’t give a toss. Not for me, or for Dad or Andi. You do the maths.’ Mawgan’s mouth snaps shut, but I can hear her breathing heavily as if telling me all that has exhausted her.
‘I’m truly sorry that it’s led you to this and if Cal did know, I’m sure he’d be horrified.’
‘There you go again, assuming you know what he’d feel,’ she snaps. ‘I suppose Cal may not know. In fact, I don’t think he does, but it wouldn’t make a difference. Like I said, he’s just like his father. He thinks he can click his fingers and have anyone he wants. He did that before he went away and now with you, he’s doing the same. Isla had a lucky escape.’
‘What do you mean, Isla escaped?’
‘If Cal had stayed with her, he’d have screwed her life up and screwed half of Cornwall before the year was out. In fact, it was me who told Luke to go after her, the moment Cal was out of the way. Luke’s always been mad on her but with Cal around, he hadn’t got a hope in hell.’
‘You did what?’ I feel sick and I can’t help thinking that Mawgan encouraged Luke to pursue Isla to hurt Cal and leave him free for her, not that she ever had a chance. I had no idea how toxic Mawgan’s hatred for Cal was but she seems delighted that she’s shocked me.
‘I’m only sorry he waited so long and I give credit to Isla for one thing: not running back to him the moment he turned up again, though she may change her mind, of course, because Cal will never let go completely. He considers her his rightful property.’ Her smile is triumphant.
With a huge effort, I control the urge to shout and scream at her. It’s what she wants, I’m sure, to unravel me. ‘I can see that you want revenge, however twisted, and there’s nothing I can do to change your mind about your opposition to the plans. But if you won’t help us, then think of Andi and Robyn. You’ve made them incredibly unhappy. What would your mum think if she knew you were making your own sister so unhappy?’
Mawgan looks as if I’ve slapped her. ‘You have no idea what my mother would think. None!’ Her voices rises, just a little hysterically but she doesn’t hit me or throw me out.
‘Isn’t she to blame as much as Cal’s father? Andi told me you hardly ever see her, even though she wants to see Andi and vice versa. I know something: I’d give anything to see my mother again if I could, but she’s dead.’
She pouts. ‘My heart bleeds.’
‘I think your heart does bleed but you don’t want me or anyone to know how much. You’re eaten up with misery, Mawgan. You’re consumed by hate for the Penwiths, you blame your mother for leaving and you want to destroy Andi’s happiness too because you just can’t bear her to be liked and loved when you’re not.’
Mawgan throws the pen onto the desk with a clatter. ‘How dare you talk about my family like that!’
‘I don’t care. You need to hear it and I’m not afraid of you and I would never beg you for anything either. But listen to me: I don’t speak to my dad either, because he has a new partner and that cuts me in two. I don’t want to see him, I blame him for retreating into himself and ignoring me after my mum died. I hate him for finding someone else other than her. I’m not sure I ever really loved him, but you obviously worshipped your mum, or why would you be so upset that she went off?’
She jumps to her feet and advances on me, her fists balled.
This is probably the biggest mistake I’ll ever make but I do it anyway. I touch her arm. She stares at my hand like I stabbed her but she doesn’t move.
‘You can’t say this to me …’ Her voice is high pitched.
I take my hand away. ‘I’m sorry if you’ve had a rubbish time; really I am, and I can – just about – see why you blame the Penwiths. So do what you want to us, but leave Andi alone. I know that you love her and you don’t want to lose her too but I swear that you will lose her if you try to keep her away from Robyn.’
Mawgan’s fists are still clenched but there’s something else. Her eyes are glistening and I swear she’s turned pale under the fake tan. I think she might cry – either that or leap on me. I’ve said too much. I’ve dropped Andi and Robyn in it big time.
‘Get out,’ she says in a voice so small it’s almost a squeak.
‘I’m sorry if I’ve upset you.’
‘I said. Get. Out.’
‘OK. I’m going, but if you do this to Cal and your family, you’ll destroy yourself too.’
‘Just leave me alone!’ she shrieks.
I escape into the hall and the door slams behind me. My legs are like jelly. My hands tremble. I stumble along the hallway towards the huge front door.
Behind me, I hear Mr Cade shouting: ‘Mawgan? Are you all right? Mawgan!’
I race up the drive, between the stone pillars and back to the Land Rover in the lane. Once safely locked inside, I try to turn the key in the ignition but my hands are shaking too much.
I think I’ve just made everything a hundred times worse for everyone.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
‘Demi? Is that you?’
Polly shouts to me from the open doorway of the building that was supposed to become my cafe. All the rubbish was cleared out weeks ago and a pallet of new Cornish slates for the roof and two of breeze blocks have been delivered. Raindrops bounce off the blue plastic shrink-wrap that protects them.
After I left the Cades’ house, I drove around for an hour, not caring where I was going. Then I realised I was going to
run out of diesel so I parked the car on the cliffs above Godrevy Towans and watched the nutters tackling the gnarly surf on the beach below and the waves battering the rocks at the base of Godrevy lighthouse. I can picture Mawgan now, screaming at Andi or turning up at Bosinney to confront Robyn and Rory Penwith. Why did I ever think I could persuade her to back down? I drove home to Kilhallon, eventually, but ran straight to the cafe building. I don’t know why. Or perhaps I do. This half-built shell reminds me that my dreams never got off the ground.
Polly picks her way past the building materials and stands over me. ‘What are you doing? It’s peeing down.’
I’m sitting against the wall of the barn and I lift my face to her, hoping she can’t tell whether it’s rain or tears on my face. ‘I’m sorry, Polly. I’m so sorry.’
‘What are you sorry about, my bird?’ She starts to pull off her cagoule.
‘No. Don’t! You’ll get soaked.’
‘Drop of water won’t harm me but you’re drenched to the skin and shivering. You’ll catch pneumonia, you daft thing.’
‘I don’t care.’
‘What’s up?’
‘I’ve messed everything up.’
‘What do you mean?’
I can’t tell her: I’m too ashamed. I also know that my tears aren’t all down to Mawgan’s reaction to my rant, but also my own. I’ve never told anyone what I told her about my dad. Why did it have to be her?
Polly sighs. ‘You look upset and I don’t blame you.’
She must know something. Mawgan must have phoned Cal or something to complain about me and hammer the last nail in the coffin.
‘If you’re worried about being thrown out of here and losing your home, you can stop right now. I’ll have you living with me before I let that happen. I’ve money saved up and a little cottage near my daughter’s.’
‘You have a cottage away from Kilhallon?’
‘You don’t think I rely on the Penwiths for a roof over my head, do you? I invested in it with the money I got when my husband passed away and I rent it out at the moment, but I always intended to move into it when I retired. I only stayed here for Cal’s sake and to keep the place going after his dad died. Somebody had to look after him.’
‘Polly, I had no idea.’
‘Well, now you do and you can lodge with me until you get yourself fixed up if we’re forced to move. You and that hell hound. Did you know he’s been howling the cottage down while you were out? How long does it take to visit a market garden?’
‘I … I was held up.’
‘For three hours? Get up and come back to the house this minute. Cal’s been looking for you.’
‘Cal? Why?’
‘He wants to talk to you. He’s mad as hell. He thought you’d done a runner.’
With Polly’s ancient cagoule draped around my shoulders, I trudge after her, towards the unexploded bomb that awaits me.
Cal jumps on me the moment I walk into the kitchen. ‘Why didn’t you answer your mobile? We were worried you’d had a crash and were lying at the bottom of a cliff somewhere.’
Polly tuts. ‘Calm down, Cal. She’s OK and she needs a few moments.’
‘Why are you wet through? What have you been doing?’
‘Cal, will you be quiet and give the girl a few minutes!’
At Polly’s bark, Cal’s mouth snaps shut. He looks amazed and I would smile if my teeth weren’t chattering so much.
‘I’ll put the kettle on,’ he growls.
‘Best idea you’ve had all year,’ says Polly, handing me a towel from the radiator. Wrapped up warm and with a mug of steaming tea in my hands, the feeling gradually returns to my fingers. Cal sits at the end of the table, watching me in between sips of his own tea. It’s all very well for Polly to fuss over me but I fear it’s only drawing out the agonising moment when Cal lets rip about my visit to the Cades.
I finish my drink and pull the towel tighter around my shoulders. Polly has left us to collect Mitch, so I know I’m for it from Cal.
He dumps his empty mug on the table with a thump. ‘Right. First, where have you been? Second, why haven’t you answered your mobile? And third, why do you look like you fell in the sea?’
I open my mouth to confess then I realise that he genuinely doesn’t know. I should tell him, I really should but I can’t bear to tell him what I’ve done, or share the personal details Mawgan told me or that I told her. It’s too painful, for him and for me.
‘Well?’
‘I was upset,’ I say. ‘About losing Kilhallon and so I just drove off.’
‘Where?’
‘Just somewhere.’
‘Using up the diesel for fun?’
‘I’ll pay for it.’
‘I don’t care about that but I do care that I – we – were out of our minds. We genuinely thought you’d had an accident and were unconscious or worse. How could you put us through this when we already have enough to worry about?’
‘I – I’m sorry.’
‘Stop saying you’re sorry.’ He slams his fist on the table, making me almost jump out of my skin. ‘Damn it. I’m sorry too, for losing my temper, but I thought I’d lost you.’
‘Did you? Do you care?’
He stares at me. ‘Of course I care!’
Our gaze locks. Cal holds up his hands in frustration. I’m trembling again. ‘Of course, I care,’ he repeats, yet so softly I can barely hear him. ‘You know I do.’
Polly’s shouts and some wild barking herald the arrival of Mitch who races into the kitchen, claws clattering on the tiles. He leaps on me and licks my face until I can hardly breathe or see. I almost burst into tears again.
Cal shakes his head. ‘See, Mitch thought something had happened to you too. Demi, if you were that upset, you only had to talk to me.’ He scoops up the keys from the dresser. ‘I’m going out and if anyone wants me for anything, tell them I’ve gone to drive off a cliff.’
‘Don’t you say such terrible things, Cal Penwith!’ Polly calls after him.
‘I was joking,’ he shouts back before adding, ‘Will someone shift that bloody boot scraper!’
That evening, after a shower and a hot meal prepared by Polly, I’m back in my cottage, wondering when and if I can break the news to Cal and if I should phone Robyn or Andi. If Mawgan hasn’t said anything to Cal yet, perhaps she won’t. She must be fuming and ashamed that she let down her guard as much as she did. Perhaps she’ll go ahead with her plans without telling anyone about my visit. We’ll still lose Kilhallon but at least I won’t have made life even worse for the people and friends I care about. Mitch curls on top of me as we listen to the rain lashing the windows of the cottage.
When I wake up, it’s dark. Mitch is barking and someone’s hammering on the door. I see Cal’s face at the window. He looks pale and drenched. I open the door and he shoves his hands through his hair.
‘What’s up?’
‘Demi, Mawgan Cade just phoned me.’
‘Oh no! I’m sorry, Cal.’ My heart rate takes off like a rocket. This is it, then.
‘Don’t be! She’s decided not to buy Kilhallon after all. The devious little madam had the nerve to call to tell me that she’d had consultants in who’d told her it was a crap location for apartments anyway. She said that I’d go bankrupt if I carried on developing the park myself, but if that was what I wanted, then she’d enjoy seeing me go down with the place.’
‘What?’ I’m amazed, it’s the only word I can manage.
‘You look as gobsmacked as I was, but who cares? As long as she does what she says. Come over to the house and I’ll tell you more, and I’ll open a bottle of wine. This deserves a celebration!’
‘I don’t believe a word of her story about the consultants,’ he tells me as we share a bottle of red wine at the house. I’m too shell-shocked and knackered for celebrating it, but I had to put on a show. ‘But something’s put the wind up her, I know that much.’
‘You think so? But it doesn’t matter, in the
end, we can carry on with our plans, can’t we?’
‘Fingers crossed that she keeps her word. I think she’s worried that someone’s found some evidence of her corrupt dealings. She certainly won’t have had an attack of conscience, I can tell you.’
‘I don’t suppose she would,’ I said, in turmoil over whether to tell him the truth. I’m not even sure if what I said to her is the reason, though it can hardly be a coincidence. I’m also still terrified of what’s happened to Andi and Robyn. I hope I haven’t sacrificed them for Kilhallon.
‘I wonder if Luke or Isla have had a word with her,’ Cal muses.
‘Isla? Why would she have any influence on Mawgan?’ I ask.
He shrugs. ‘I don’t know. Mawgan doesn’t dislike her and Isla loves Robyn and Andi. Isla has a way with people; she’s good at pouring oil on troubled waters. I just have a feeling that Mawgan’s had a wake-up call from someone.’
‘Perhaps you’ll find out,’ I say, my guts twisting. So if Cal thinks Isla had a hand in ‘saving’ Kilhallon, then so be it. I can live with that, even if it gnaws at me, just a little bit. OK, a lot.
‘I’d love to know but for now I won’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Just wait until I tell Polly. She won’t be able to bloody believe it.’
The following morning, I go up to the house to find Cal. I didn’t stay too late last night but when I got back to my cottage, Mawgan had one last surprise for me. She phoned my mobile and the conversation lasted about a minute. She said pretty much the same as she’d told Cal – that her property consultants had said Kilhallon was too isolated for residential development, that there was a risk of mining subsidence from the old workings and in the current market it would be a bad investment for her. She also told me that if I breathed a word to Cal or anyone about our ‘private conversation’ in her study, that she ‘could have a very rapid change of heart’. I think she wanted me to know she’s still a dangerous foe, but for now, we can breathe again.
When I saw Polly this morning, she was humming a song I recognise from her Il Divo CD. She’s ecstatic about the news from Mawgan and told me that Cal drove off first thing and wouldn’t tell her exactly where he was going, just that he had ‘business to take care of’. I didn’t get much sleep after Mawgan called last night and couldn’t concentrate on my work this morning, so in the end, I took Mitch up onto the moors above the park to try to get my head together.
Summer at the Cornish Cafe Page 23
