Lillian's Love

by Laura Marie Henion

  "Hello. I'll be with you in a moment,” Justin said as he continued to add up the order, then accept the credit card from Mr. Willow.

  Michael walked around a bit, remembering the location of a historical section to the left of the front door. He would be safe looking through war storybooks, sports autobiographies, or books on sports cars.

  He looked around. No sign of Lillian anywhere. She probably had an office hidden down some hallway, but it wouldn't be wise to snoop around. He questioned his purpose for showing up at her bookstore. He refused to believe he finally met a woman who could control his every thought and action. In an attempt to not feel so compelled to see her again, he imagined there being numerous things wrong with Lillian. Perhaps she was obsessive, neurotic, gay. He shook his head at the thought. He was driving himself crazy and for no reason.

  He was the ‘man,’ he had that special touch and suave ability to catch any girl, have his fill, and make the escape. He actually felt like he could lose his nerve. What is wrong with me?

  He was rambling on in his mind and battling what his gut kept telling him. Lillian is all woman. She's not anything like the others. Don't insult her.

  Michael cleared his throat, acknowledging the nervousness he felt along with his clammy hands and thick throat. He should just make a run for it. He glanced around the place. The aroma of fresh baked goodies filled the air. His stomach growled. The atmosphere, the aroma, was inviting, which he found unique for a bookstore.

  He loved the way Lillian decorated the place. Everything had a Victorian style motif, including some sculptures that lined the hallways along with the wallpaper.

  "May I help you, young man?” an older woman asked. Then it hit him she was Lillian's aunt. He recalled meeting her at the signing.

  "I'm just looking around. Aren't you Lillian's aunt? Aunt Mabel, right?” he asked.

  Aunt Mabel smiled.

  "Yes, I am. You are Michael, right? How is your head? I heard what happened to you. You're so brave, so very lucky. I read everything in the newspapers,” she added.

  Michael smiled wide.

  "I'm fine, thank you for asking. I'm looking for Lillian. Is she around?"

  "Not right now. She stepped out to the post office but is due back shortly. Is she expecting you?"

  "No, she's not. I wanted to actually ... apologize to her.” He couldn't believe the bad feeling he had in his gut and now he found himself confessing to a stranger.

  "Oh, my. What happened?"

  "I believe I came across the wrong way. I just can't seem to ... communicate with your niece."

  Aunt Mabel began to laugh.

  She looped her arm through Michael's. “Lillian just made a new batch of chocolate chip biscotti. Let's have some with a cup of coffee. I'd like to know a little more about you, Michael.” She led him toward the café.

  * * * *

  Aunt Mabel noted Michael's strong build and height. She was five foot five, a couple of inches taller than Lillian. She could understand her niece's apprehension, considering Michael's intimidating size, never mind his personality. Lillian had a lot to fear, usually dating less aggressive, less powerful men. But something told Aunt Mabel Michael was special and she intended to find out everything she could.

  Twenty minutes later, they were laughing, having a good time, while Aunt Mabel helped customers between talking with Michael.

  She found out about his military service and law enforcement career.

  "You are a soldier, a police detective with such a strong and meaningful name as Michael. Are you aware that St. Michael the Archangel, is the patron saint of police officers?"

  "Yes, ma'am, I am. I wear this all the time.” Michael pulled out the Saint Michael medal he had on a chain around his neck to show her.

  Aunt Mabel smiled. “Michael the Archangel, Prince of the Seraphim.” She smiled.

  * * * *

  Lillian walked through the front door struggling with a heavy box as Justin ran to help her.

  "I could have carried that inside for you, Lilly.” He took the box from her.

  "This is so heavy. Why didn't you come get me? I could have carried it in from the car.

  "I got it here, but you're the lucky one who gets to unpack it. Do I have any messages?"

  "A few. I wrote them down. They're on your desk. You also have a visitor who's been keeping your aunt from her share of the customers.” Justin sounded a little annoyed.

  Lillian wondered who it could be. She said hello to a few regulars before heading down the hallway toward the kitchen.

  She could hear the laughter from around the corner.

  Kelly, Aunt Mabel, and Michael were sitting together eating cookies. Lillian's young assistant flirted with Michael, batted her eyelashes, and touched his forearm with her fingertips. Lillian could have sworn her aunt flirted, as well.

  "Are we all on breaks or what? Is Justin covering the store himself today?” Lillian asked, annoyed. Kelly jumped up, apologizing before quickly heading back to work.

  "I was entertaining Michael until you got back, Lilly. He's quite impressive,” Aunt Mabel stated as she took her position behind the counter. She placed an oven mitten on her hand before taking a tray of fresh baked cookies out of the oven.

  "Among other things,” Lillian added sarcastically, giving Michael an irritated look. She quickly turned away to glance back at her aunt.

  "I'll be in my office if you need me. I have bills to pay and a bunch of messages to return.” Lillian headed out of the café and down the hallway.

  * * * *

  Just as Lillian left, Michael turned saying, “Those smell great, Aunt Mabel."

  "Come back before you leave, I'll give you some to take home. Her office is the last door on the right,” Aunt Mabel stated, winked then pulled the potholders from her hands. Michael smiled before heading out of the café to find Lillian.

  He knocked at her door and waited.

  "Come in,” he heard Lillian say

  He entered the office and scanned the room.

  It impressed him, and he didn't expect anything less considering the way Lillian decorated the rest of the store.

  She chose a soft violet color for the walls. All the Victorian style trim molding she colored bright white. Her desk, a collector's piece of some kind, had an authentic hand crafted style including etching in the wood.

  Behind her, a large square window lay with an added half-moon of etched glass above it. From the doorway, he could see the view of the back gardens.

  "Nice office, Lilly, it's ... pretty.” He walked closer to her desk.

  "Thank you. So what can I do for you?"

  "I just came by to check out the place ... again."

  Awkwardly, he attempted to put his hands in his pockets, but was hit with the pain from the injury in his arm, grimaced, and turned away a moment.

  Lilly seemed like she wanted to ask if he were okay, then stopped.

  He couldn't help but wonder if she hated him. Michael knew he presented himself with arrogance and he had pulled the trick on her back at the hospital. She wasn't a woman to be playing games with, especially cry wolf, but the pain was intense. Guilt along with feelings of stupidity filled his mind.

  "Well, you've checked it out, so...."

  "I wanted to see you,” he blurted, taking a step closer to her desk.

  "Why? We have nothing to say to each other, Michael. My aunt may think your flirtatious, superficial compliments are attractive, as well as Kelly, but some of us know better."

  "I enjoyed talking with Aunt Mabel, Kelly too."

  Lillian's eyes widened in shock and he couldn't help but wonder if she were jealous. Naturally. He smirked.

  "I don't appreciate you coming into my store and taking my staff away from their work, so you can play your little games. Emotions are not toys, Michael.” Lillian moved around her desk, heading toward the door.

  Michael feared that she would kick him out. He wasn't quite ready to leave.

  He took
her hand, pulled her against him a little harder than he meant to. Caught off guard, Lillian froze in his arms.

  He laughed, whispering an apology accompanied by a smile. “Let's stop fighting with each other. I came here to say I'm sorry. Will you accept the apology so we can move on?” He continued to hold her hand while his other arm wrapped around her waist.

  * * * *

  Lilly held onto his arm, her hand lay against part of a tattoo he had.

  She sensed the attraction to him, her body felt like it called out to her, wanting him to hold her tighter. Immediately, she urged herself to dismiss it. The mere fact she had the feeling, identified it, and wanted to act on it, meant Michael already had some control.

  Control defined everything in her life, from the past to the present. The moment she lost that control, gave into a weakness of any kind, she would fail and falter.

  Her feminine parts begged to differ with her sanity the more she absorbed Michael's embrace.

  He wasn't her type at all with his brown, wavy hair, a bit long for her taste—smiling at her, waiting for her to answer, the crease of that smile drew Lillian's attention to his dimples. Dimples she tried unsuccessfully not to notice along with the solid structure of his face. Denying he was a perfect specimen, extremely handsome, charismatic, and tough appeared to be an unsuccessful battle with her whole being. This is bad.

  Neither said a word.

  * * * *

  Michael refused to release his hold on her, he didn't say a word, make any wise crack at all. Gazing into the most stunning green eyes he had ever seen, realizing her youthfulness, the fresh, soft texture of her skin, brought on the realization and intensity of his attraction to Lillian. There were no blemishes, no cover up, just purity in its simplest form. Breathtaking.

  "If I tell you I forgive you, will you please leave? I have a lot of work to do.” Lillian finally broke the awkward silence.

  "Yes, I'll leave."

  "I forgive you. Now let me go."

  She tried to pull away, but Michael held her by the waist smirking, confident that she belonged exactly where she stood.

  "I'll accept if you let me make it up to you."

  "No!"

  "You didn't even hear me out."

  "No, Michael, I'm not interested, I'm busy, please stop doing this. It would never work."

  "You don't know that. Forget I said that. Listen, everyone is meeting at Louis’ bar tonight."

  "I know. Carla called, asked me to come along.” “So you'll be there?"

  "Will you let go of me?"

  He slowly released her.

  "I planned on it already.” She walked back around to the safety of her desk.

  "Good enough. I'll see you tonight."

  In an awkward moment of silence, he smiled again and left the office.

  * * * *

  Lillian brought her hand to her cheek, she could still feel Michael's touch, could smell his cologne on her hand.

  She wasn't frightened by his use of gentle restraint, probably because it felt so seductive. It had taken her a long time to realize the difference, to understand that most men want to touch, hold a woman they were attracted to. With Lillian's uncertainty, she still felt the fine line between a gentle restraint, a tight embrace, and becoming a man's possession.

  She couldn't help but worry about Michael nor his abilities. She thought about Martin Crane in an instant. It was a terrible feeling and one she had hadn't had in a good length of time. However she thought it, she felt its every ounce of negative, fearful effect on her and cringed. The anxiety, helplessness, and pain followed short after. She was scared. Even after all this time, he still had a small hold on her. She should not compare Martin to every man she met, but she couldn't help herself. Martin's abusive ways left their scars. She refused to ever follow such a path again.

  She shook her head trying to erase the thoughts of her past the best she could. She thought about Michael again as she stood in front of the window in her office. Focusing on the arborvitaes that bordered the backyard, she sighed pulling her gaze toward the bright red roses near the back gardens. The flowers were abundant in a glorious assortment of colors and types. She found it therapeutic and relaxing to work in the gardens, weed the beds, and become one with nature. Again, she thought about Michael.

  Michael had a way about him. He knew his affect on women in general and he used that to his advantage. Those dimples were addicting, his eyes alluring, and his body was a weapon of mass destruction for her heart. She knew that. Every tiny ounce of her gut warned her, sent up the flares of caution, yet she wanted to deny them. How ludicrous am I?

  She found herself especially attracted to his muscular frame and the mere fact that he was highly trained, in Special Forces, and a cop. He always seemed to dress nicely from the few times she had seen him. A definite plus in her book because she found it important to always look her best. Michael had a great smile, a likable personality when he wasn't trying so hard, obvious from both Aunt Mabel as well as Kelly's responses to him.

  The thought made Lillian laugh. Her aunt loved to play matchmaker. But what should she do about it? The things she brought up so far were his good qualities. Now what about the qualities that scared her?

  Michael appeared to be wild. He enjoyed being in charge, taking control. Obviously from his recent injuries, he had no problem taking danger head on. She wondered if he looked for it on purpose. Did he have some sort of death wish or something? He didn't look like he took ‘no’ lightly. He didn't let his fear control him, unlike Lillian.

  She thought about Martin again, angry with herself for doing that. Why after all this time did Martin invade her thoughts of Michael?

  She stopped herself from reading into it. Strong, confident, more secure now, Lillian refused to look back.

  She had taken every possible precaution when she left Pennsylvania, including changing her last name.

  She knew Martin had finished serving time in jail for assault charges. His lawyer got the attempted murder charge dropped down to aggravated assault.

  He tried to kill her. He had beaten her so badly, she could barely catch her breath when the paramedics finally got to her. Instantly, her heart felt heavy, her eyes swelled with tears. She nearly died. That son of a bitch got off with a charge of assault? The plea-bargaining continued with the result of twenty-four months in the state penitentiary. She wasn't going to rely on the law or the courts any longer. She had packed up her bags, left town heading to New York to live near her aunt, but not before covering her trail. Her parents supported her decision. They wanted her safe, so they found someone to help change her last name legally. Following the move, she took every kind of self-defense course possible, along with counseling.

  Lillian had a new life, established her own business career from the ground up, and was more cautious when it came to dating and getting involved with men.

  She didn't want the intimacy of a boyfriend and relationship. The thought alone sent her body into a panic and no amount of training, counseling, or loneliness would make her change her mind.

  * * * *

  "A penny for your thoughts?"

  Lillian turned toward her aunt, quickly wiping a tear from her eye. She refused to dwell on the past.

  "What's wrong, Lilly? Why are you so upset?” Aunt Mabel asked taking a few steps into the room.

  "Just reminiscing a bit, but I'm over it already. Is everything all right outside?"

  "Everything is fine. Michael stopped back to say goodbye. I gave him some cookies to take with him. Gosh, he's a cutie."

  Lillian smiled at the way her aunt talked about Michael.

  "You should ask him out,” Lillian teased while she moved around some papers on her desk.

  "It's you he wants. What seems to be the problem? He's a nice man, respectable."

  "Don't you start. I'm not interested in dating someone like Michael."

  "What do you mean? There's nothing wrong with him."

  "He's ... got i
ssues,” she stated walking toward her desk.

  "He does not have issues. Now, I know what you're doing, Lillian. I just can't believe it."

  "I'm not doing anything. As a matter of fact, I don't even know what we are talking about."

  "A very nice, respectable detective is interested in you. You're allowing the past to dictate the present. I can tell a lot about people. In my opinion, I think Michael is perfect for you. Go out with him, get to know him better, you can't take care of yourself forever, Lillian."

  "I sure can take care of myself. I've had no choice."

  "It just gets getting lonelier, the more you push people away."

  "I'm not pushing anyone away. I'm just being cautious, that's all, Aunt Mabel, so please just drop it now. Let's get back to work.” Frustrated, Lillian walked with her aunt out of the office, down the hall.

  Suddenly, she felt her aunt's hand on her shoulder.

  "I love you very much, Lillian, believe me. I understand your concerns. Michael isn't anything like Martin. Follow your heart, you know you like him too."

  Lillian sighed exasperated at her aunt's persistence.

  They were silent as they held one another's gazes.

  "Will you think about it?"

  "We'll see."

  [Back to Table of Contents]

  Chapter 6

  Michael's phone rang as he finished getting dressed. He wasn't sure what to wear tonight. He wanted to look good but not like he tried to look good. Damn it! Look what this woman is doing to me.

  He answered the phone.

  "Hey, buddy, where were you today? I came by during my shift to see you. Your truck wasn't in the driveway,” Jimmy asked.

  "I went for a ride, didn't want to sit around the house all day. I had that meeting with the brass."

  "Yeah, how did that go?"

  "The transfer went through. Looks like I will be joining you in the B.C.I. Unit at the sheriff's department."

  "Man, that's fantastic. The guys are great. You're going to love it. Guaranteed you'll know half the people in the unit. It's quite an elite force. They have a lot of cool, high tech equipment."

  "I guess so. It will be a change from working undercover in the hoods."