This was all December 30th. But the television is saying Top 100 Songs of 2012? What the hell is today? Did I sleep through New Year’s Eve? We were supposed to go to Braxton and Mya’s house the next day for their annual New Year’s Party. I don’t even remember leaving my house, so how did I end up in the hospital? Feeling defeated, I decide to give my frazzled mind a break.
My mother pops back into the room with a nurse wearing scrubs, armed with a stethoscope and a doctor right beside her. She’s wearing dress slacks, heels, and a long sleeve satin blouse. She looks to be in her late fifties. The only thing helping me know she’s a doctor is the white doctors’ coat she’s wearing over her outfit.
“Hi Savannah, I’m Doctor Willow. How’s your pain on a scale from one to ten?” she asks as she stops beside my bed, holding a clip board in her hand. She looks over the machines beeping beside me; writing things down and every so often smiling down at me.
“About a five maybe, I feel okay just laying here. I have a dull pain in my head and chest. But if I try to move or cough it’s like an eight.”
“Ok, well I’ll have the nurse adjust your I.V. increasing your pain medicine a little more. Its normal with your injuries to still feel some pain, but we will try our best to make you as comfortable as possible.”
“Thank you. Why does my body hurt so badly? I keep trying to remember what I possibly could have done, but I can’t really remember much of anything. It’s all a blur in my mind.”
Sitting down beside me on the bed, my mother takes my injured hand into hers while smiling at me, and trying to hide the fact that she’s a mess. I can tell she’s been crying; her face is puffy and red, and her eyes are all bloodshot.
Dr. Willow flicks through the papers on her clipboard and then turns her attention back down to me. “Well you just woke up, so that is normal. It could take a few hours up to a few days for all your memories to return. You’ve been sleeping for almost three days now. You’re brain has gone through a traumatic experience and is trying to process that and heal all at the same time. You were involved in a car accident the evening of December 30th; it’s now January 1st. You had some swelling of the brain from hitting your head during the accident, and we had to cut into your skull to release the pressure. This is why your head is hurting like it is right now.”
“A car accident?” Reaching up with my right hand, I gently touch my head feeling the gauze on it. “Was I with Kayden? Is he okay?” I’m immediately overtaken by panic. If he were fine, he would be in here beside me right now.
Patting my arm, my mom speaks before the doctor can, “Savannah, sweetie…Kayden is fine. He’s gone home to shower and get a change of clothes. He wasn’t in the car with you.” As she is talking to me, I can hear her voice becoming shaky. She pinches the bridge of her nose to try and calm herself down. I know my mother better than anyone, and when she does that, she is very close to losing it.
Lying back against my pillows, I watch my mother try to stay strong for me. It’s tearing me up inside seeing her like this. Tears that have been resting in the corner of my eyes slowly begin to escape and zigzag down my temples. I am so grateful that Kayden is fine, but now this leaves me with even more questions. “If I wasn’t with Kayden, then who was I with?”
“You need to rest Savannah; we can discuss all of this later. Right now you just need to focus on relaxing. We’ve been on pins and needles waiting for you to wake up. Kayden, Brooklyn, Reagan, Rebecca, and Mya have all been taking turns sitting with you. Your father has been so strong, I wish I could say the same…but I’ve been a complete mess.”
“I can’t believe everyone’s been here with me. I heard them all talking, but it was like I was dreaming. None of it seemed real. No matter how hard I had tried to wake up, I was too tired.”
“You rest, I’ll go text everyone to let them know you’re awake. I love you, sweetie.” Leaning down, she kisses my cheek before leaving my hospital room.
The doctor stays a few more minutes to check me over, and the nurse came in to increase my pain meds. I am too exhausted to talk anymore, and beyond frustrated that I can’t remember what the hell happened. I can’t believe it was so bad that the doctor had to cut into my head. This is most definitely not the best way to start off a new year.
My issue of Envy is out this weekend, and we were supposed to fly into L.A. for the party to celebrate at Vertigo. Now it looks like I’ll be missing that too. Lying in my hospital bed, I am watching Miranda Lambert’s Over You music video. I love Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton. I’ve been lucky enough to meet them a few times because of my parents; even exchanging numbers with Miranda. Just as the video is ending, Kayden comes barreling through the doorway, practically giving me a heart attack.
As soon as our eyes locked on one another, I can feel happiness pushing away the sorrow I’ve been drowning in since I woke up. He looks so tired, as if he’s aged years over the last few days. He’s wearing his worn and ripped American Eagle jeans and a button up plaid shirt. I love it when he dresses down, just as much as I love it when he’s all dressed up in his three-piece suits, looking ready to take on the world.
“Oh, my God! I can’t believe it, baby, you’re really awake. I didn’t want to leave you. I wanted to be by your side when you woke up.” Sitting down beside me, Kayden takes my face into his hands. I savor the feeling of his warm, strong hands on my skin. I instantly feel safer the moment he’s near me. Leaning down, he presses his lips against mine for a gentle, sweet kiss. Holding his lips against mine, we savor each other’s kiss.
Pulling away from my mouth, Kayden gazes down at me with tears filling his eyes. Seeing the sadness in his eyes makes my chin quiver, and the tears I’ve tried so hard to push away slowly return. “I love you so much, baby. I thought I lost you…”
I let out a soft whimper as I saw the first tear fall from Kayden’s eyes. He’s normally a man who, from the outside, looks so strong, as if nothing can affect him. Witnessing him breaking down in front of me is terrifying. Did I really come that close to losing my life? So close that Kayden is a complete mess right now? I hate seeing him so sad and hurting. I just want to kiss away all his sorrow and show him I’m all right.
Wiping a tear from his cheek, I try my best to force a smile on my face. “I love you, too. Everything is fine; the doctors said my vitals are looking good. Before you know it, I’ll be as good as new.” The look of confusion and sadness on Kayden’s face is making my stomach tense up. Why am I getting the feeling that everyone is keeping something from me? I can see it eating away at Kayden right before my eyes.
“Kayden, what’s going on? Why won’t anyone tell me what happened? The last thing I remember is eating dinner with Jacob and Zak; after that it’s all a blur. I keep trying to recall something…anything. I’m not aware of saying goodbye to them before they left, you coming home from work…nothing. Why was I driving around town, anyways? Was I going to see you?”
Taking in a deep breath, Kayden runs his hands over his face. It’s like he is having a tug-a-war with himself, trying to decide if he should tell me or not. It’s beginning to irritate me. “Kayden…I get it; I was seriously hurt, but I’m awake now. Not telling me what the hell happened isn’t fair. Instead of relaxing like everyone keeps telling me to do, I’m just stressing myself out. I’ve been laying here trying so hard to remember, but I can’t.”
Glancing towards the door, I can see he’s contemplating telling me. I don’t know if he’s afraid of what my parents will say or do. They all seem to think they have to walk on eggshells around me. “You were in a car accident a few nights ago while I was at work dealing with the issue at Beaumont Industries. You were with Jacob and Zak, Savannah, when your car crashed.”
Why the hell was I with them? Why is it such a big deal for me to know that they were in the car with me? Unless they were not as fortunate as I am. Holding my stomach to try and calm the uneasiness bubbling inside of me, I try my best to work up the courage to ask Kayden my next quest
ion. I want to hurry and spit it out before my parents come in and interrupt us.
“How are they? Are Zak and Jacob okay?” My voice is so shaky, the words come out in a whisper; I can barely hear myself speak. As soon as the question leaves my mouth, I instantly wonder if I really want to know the answer.
Kayden takes my right hand into his, pulling it up to his mouth and kissing it. I can feel his hands shaking as he holds onto me. Not able to look at me, he stares down at our hands entwined together. “You really don’t remember anything from that evening after you had dinner?”
“No! Now please stop dancing around my question and just answer me. I need to know!” My fear is mixing with anger. I just want him to tell me, and not sugar coat anything. “Jacob is dead…and Zak is missing.” Kayden quickly drops my hand back onto the bed. Standing suddenly, he walks over to the large window beside my bed. For a long time, Kayden just stands there staring out the window, as if it pains him to look at me. I am in shock. Full blown, gut-wrenching shock; I break down and sob uncontrollably in my hospital bed.
I welcome the dull pain shooting through my ribs and head as I cry furiously. The pain helps ease the shock and sadness coursing through me right now, and temporarily replaces thoughts of my friend being dead, and the other, who knows?
Through my teary vision, I see Kayden’s sad features being quickly replaced with anger. His face is turning red, and his usually gorgeous green eyes are now looking dark and cold. “Seeing you cry for the loss of Jacob’s life just shows how much of a sweet and loving person you are, Savannah. It’s too bad they couldn’t appreciate your big heart.”
I am so confused right now. Jacob and Zak were nothing but wonderful towards us over these last few weeks. “What are you talking about, Kayden?”
Pacing back and forth at the foot of my bed, Kayden runs both hands through his hair. This time gripping fistfuls and pulling so hard that he winces in pain. Like me, he seems to welcome the pain he’s inflicting on himself. Something is eating away at the very soul of the man I love. “There is more Savannah, and I want to tell you, dammit I really do, but I am terrified what learning the truth will do to you. Christ, Savannah! I just got you back.”
I sit up trying my best to move slowly. My head is spinning; the pain medicine is kicking in, but moving around is still slightly painful. Reaching out my hand to Kayden, he takes it and walks back around to the side of my bed. “I understand you’re scared.” I say softly. “I can’t even imagine what you’ve been going through. I know if the roles were reversed, and it was you lying in this bed, I would be a complete mess!” I quickly flick a stray tear from my cheek. Taking in small slow breaths, I force my tears away. I am done crying for tonight.
I think the best thing for us both right now is for me to stop pressuring Kayden into telling me everything tonight. Maybe it’s best to wait for my parents or Brooklyn to come back. Let them be the ones to tell me what happened. “If you don’t want to tell me Kayden, I understand. If you want someone else to fill me in on the rest of the details, I’m okay with that too. I love you and don’t want you to feel pressured into telling me anything.”
It’s as if a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders, Kayden lets out a loud sigh and his body immediately relaxes, but his eyes are overcome with sadness again. “I want to tell you everything, baby, believe me. I just don’t want to risk losing you. I was so afraid that you would never wake up. It would kill me to know that something I did could hurt you.”
The rush of love that has exploded in my chest right now is overwhelming. I never thought I would feel that kind of love for someone where your life isn’t complete unless they are in it. As a child, I watched Disney movies, and dreamt of finding my Prince Charming. However, as life went on I thought that was a childish pipe dream. So I settled with a man I knew I loved and could imagine growing old with, but gave up on that idea of a love so explosive that the moment you are near each other, your breath is sucked from your lungs. Never did I think I’d have one of those relationships with so much love that your heart skips a beat when they kiss you and sweetly say, “I love you.”
With Kayden, I have that. I finally found my Prince Charming. I don’t ever want to be the cause of pain for him, and because I love him so much, I will push my questions into the back of my mind for now. I want to enjoy this moment, knowing I am alive and going to be okay. Reaching for the collar of his white undershirt peeking out from under his button up shirt, I pull him towards me. Finally seeing a smile on Kayden’s lips, makes me tingle all over, “Lay with me please?”
“You don’t have to ask me twice. You should’ve seen the nurses trying to insist I sleep on a pull out bed. Needless to say, you haven’t slept alone a single night here, baby.”
I can just imagine Kayden telling the nurses where to shove their pull out bed. A small giggle escapes my mouth, making the smile on Kayden’s face widen. “You’re such a rebel.” I say, shaking my head and gladly snuggle into Kayden’s warm, welcoming embrace.
Chapter Two
After a week in the hospital, I’m beyond ecstatic to finally go home. Kayden had to go back to work the day after I woke up, and my parents had to fly back to New York. I feel bad about them missing their New Year’s performance in Time Square. They insisted that being by my side was far more important than any concert, so they are doing a free concert tonight at Madison Square Garden for their fans. I swear my parents have the biggest hearts of anyone I know. They truly love every single one of their fans.
I wasn’t alone for a single second. Brooklyn and Rebecca were by my side every minute that Kayden was away at work. Reagan had photo shoots he couldn’t reschedule, but Brooklyn grabbed my iPad from the beach house so I could FaceTime with him each day. Mya and Braxton were life savers! They brought me the most delicious food from Braxton’s restaurant, even bringing meals for Brooklyn and Rebecca. It’s overwhelming all the love and support I’ve had while being cooped up in that God forsaken hospital. My parents, along with the doctor, told me everything about the night of my accident. Kayden just sat with me, holding my hands to comfort me while I learned the horrific truth of what happened the night I almost died. I’ve slowly begun to regain my memory, which the doctors keep reassuring me is totally normal. Things come to me in short flashes of memory, some being more blurry than others and it freaks the hell out of me.
It all seems surreal, as if I am being told a story someone saw on the I.D. Channel, not something that I actually went through. I trusted Zak and Jacob wholeheartedly. They never once gave me a reason to doubt their friendship. They definitely conned me, and I feel like a fool for trusting them so easily.
Since I awoke, I’ve struggled with sleeping. I fall asleep for maybe two hours and then I’m back up again. Nightmares plague me as more and more memories from that night come back to me. The fact that Zak is still out there is petrifying. I keep having dreams that he comes to my house and kidnaps me again, waking up every time just before he kills me. The doctors prescribed me some sleeping pills to help me fall asleep at night. Because of the anxiety I’ve had, I struggle to shut off my thoughts and fall asleep. Even with the pills, though, I still haven’t had a full night’s sleep yet.
The detective working the case has been in to see me a few times to update us on the search for Zak, and also to take my statement on what happened that night. All my memories are scrambled and jumbled together. I am having trouble knowing what happened first or last. I’m still in shock over the fact that I shot Jacob. The police said they first suspected Zak did it, but they discovered gunshot residue on my hands and found my pistol at the accident scene with only my fingerprints on it.
I’ve scheduled an appointment for next Monday to meet with a psychiatrist. The doctors think it will help me with my struggle to regain all of my memories from that night, and will help me with my fears and anxiety I’ve been plagued with since then. They even suggested Kayden come to some appointments with me. They said it may be good for him to spea
k with someone too, because we’ve both gone through a traumatic ordeal.
With Zak still on the loose, Kayden thinks it’s best that we stay at his house in Sugar Land. His house has security guards outside of the main gate leading into his gated community. He also has top of the line security at his house. Jax flew back in a few days ago and he helped Kayden with hiring a few more guys from the security company Jax is employed by. So now we have three more men who will be staying at the house with us.
My stitches are almost all dissolved in my head. I was grateful they only did a small incision; you can’t see where they cut into it, or where they shaved some of my hair. My ribs are still sore; it feels like someone kicked the shit out of my ribcage repeatedly. Brooklyn stopped by the pharmacy and grabbed my prescriptions for me so Kayden could drive me straight home.
I had a mini panic attack when leaving the hospital. I kept having nightmares the last two nights that Zak attacked Kayden and me outside of the hospital. He was shooting us both and screaming as we lay on the ground bleeding. He kept repeating that it’s my payback for taking Jacob away from him. The police assured me I was safe. They had people all over looking for him and that he would not be able to get anywhere near the hospital without being spotted first. After a long and uncomfortable ride, we finally pulled up to Kayden’s house. For the first time today I was able to let out the breath I’d been holding in. Taking my hand, Kayden helped me to the front door with small slow steps. Every inch of my body is hurting due to the beating it took when the car flipped; I have bruises everywhere to prove it.
We were supposed to have a celebratory party at Vertigo in L.A this weekend to release my cover of Envy, but because of the accident, we canceled and rescheduled for two weeks later. Eloise sent me the February issue; it’s strange seeing myself on the cover. I’m used to doing the work on the issues, not being part of the actual issue itself.
Savannah Series Boxed Set: Four Full Novels and One Novella Page 41
