“I feel like a complete ass right now, baby. I should’ve told you all of this sooner. I was scared and…I hate that this is how you’re finding out.”
Forcing a small smile on her face, Savannah cups my face between her delicate little hands. “I understand, and if Dr. Wilcott didn’t think discussing it right now was important for us to heal and move past all of this, I would tell you to wait as long as you need. I don’t care about any of your ex’s because I know I have your heart, and that’s all that matters to me, Kayden.”
I can’t believe what she’s saying. Any other woman I know would be going crazy and throwing ultimatums at me. Savannah surprises me every single day of my life with her. Her heart is so big and beautiful, and she never asks for anything in return; except for me to love her back as strongly as she loves me. Not caring one iota that we’re in a doctor’s office, I kissed her, sliding my fingers into her hair. I kiss her with the intent of pushing away any fears she may have. I love her, and that’ll never change.
Leaning back against the couch, I rest my foot on my knee. I smile at her as I lay my arm along the back of the couch behind her. It’s time to get my past out there on the table, “My ultimate goal is for Savannah and me to move past all the demons plaguing us and if opening up and revealing my past will help us achieve that, I’m game.”
“Glad to hear that Kayden; I think you two have the potential to live a long prosperous life together. You’ve both been through a lot, but with each other’s support, you two can get through this and come out stronger in the end. The main thing to remember is you need to always communicate with each other. It’s the key to a successful relationship.”
Deciding to just get it out there before I change my mind, I quickly say everything, laying it all out on the table.
“When my sister was sick, it was the hardest thing I thought I’d ever have to go through. She had leukemia and after going through many rounds of chemo and radiation, she became very ill. Her immune system was too weak and couldn’t fend off the infection. We tried to keep her home as long as we possibly could, with nurses staying with us around the clock. But when the doctors gave us the news she wasn’t going to make it, it was devastating. We had to check her into the hospital, and she began to have organ failure.”
I don’t realize I’m crying until I feel Savannah’s finger softly wipe the tear from my cheek. Not skipping a beat, I push myself to continue. “Through all of this, I was still attending the University of Texas, which was in my hometown. It made it easier to continue with my classes and not fall behind, but still be by my sister’s side. Through it all, I had my girlfriend, whom I’d become engaged to that past Christmas. She was there to lend an ear when I needed someone to vent to.”
Thinking back to that time in my life sends chills up my spine; it feels more like I’m talking about a sad movie and not my real life. Stopping momentarily, I take a long swig from my glass of water and try to compose myself. I sneak a quick glance at Savannah out of the corner of my eye before continuing. She’s just staring at her lap, watching our hands interlocked together.
“We were planning to wed that summer. We had our tuxes ordered; her wedding dress picked out, and Melody had picked out her bridesmaid dress. At the age of ten, she was at that point where girls love weddings, and going to florists and bridal shops. Lulu and my mother took her all over; she absolutely loved it.”
Stopping, I lean forward resting my face in my hands. It’s overwhelming talking about all of this. I haven’t spoken about this time in my life in so long, it’s taking everything I have to not stand up and walk out right now.
Doing a quick speech at a fundraiser, I can handle. But going into detail about those last few weeks before we lost her, it’s overwhelming and emotionally draining. Scooting closer to me, Savannah snuggles into my side, helping me relax. With her by my side supporting me today, I get the strength to continue.
“When Melody took a turn for the worse, I wanted to push the wedding up, but Lulu wanted to hold off and see if Melody would pull through it. I noticed the more ill Melody was becoming, the more Lulu was pulling away from me. I’d gotten her a job working the front desk at my father’s hotel in Austin because she needed extra money to pay tuition. It felt like other than in school and at the hospital; we didn’t really see each other. She used the excuse that work and school were taking up all of her time.”
Standing abruptly, I ask to have a moment alone to clear my head. Savannah’s eyes are as big as saucers as I stand and make my way towards the bathroom. Leaning against the bathroom cabinet, I stare at myself in the mirror. I look as bad as I fuckin’ feel at the moment. I want to keep going, but it feels like someone is compressing my lungs, not allowing a molecule of air to enter or exit them. I think I’m having my first panic attack and it’s scaring the shit out of me. I hate feeling like I don’t have control of the situation.
Leaning against the wall, I close my eyes and try to focus on my breathing. Slowly, in and out, over and over as I feel my heart rate start to slowly return to normal. I can hear Savannah and Dr. Wilcott talking on the other side of the wall. I feel awful because Savannah is more than likely thinking that I feel pressured into this. But I don’t. I know I have to get this out of me in order to truly cope and move on from the pain my past has burdened me with. Feeling better, I slowly open the door and make my way over to the couch. Sitting down beside Savannah, I give her a reassuring smile, “I feel better, and I just needed to take a moment.” I say before turning my attention back to Dr. Wilcott and continuing.
“The day I lost my sister, it was just my mother and me. My father was nowhere to be found. Over the last weeks of her life, my father was MIA. Usually drowning himself in a bottle of scotch and working until the wee hours of the night, leaving me to care for my mother as she fell apart. I was only twenty years old and hated him for putting all of that onto my shoulders. But I had to be strong for my mother; I was all she had left. My grandmother was in a home with dementia, and my grandfather wasn’t the comforting kind. He loved us but with a firm hand; his life revolved around runnin’ Beaumont Industries.” Savannah’s grip on my hand immediately gets tighter as I begin to open up about Melody. I gently squeeze her hand, trying to show her I’m okay and hopefully help her relax.
Turning my attention towards the floor length windows overlooking the many skyscrapers, I try to focus on anything but Savannah or Dr. Wilcott. “Slowly, I began to resent my father. He should’ve been cherishing every last second he had with Melody. Instead, he stayed away, claiming it was too hard, and he didn’t want to remember her that way. It broke my heart seeing the hurt in my sister’s eyes every time he didn’t come to see her.”
Taking another deep breath, I push on, “The morning of her funeral, I was a complete and total mess. But trying to be the rock my mom needed, I pushed my sadness into the back of my mind. I didn’t allow myself to cry, or show any sign of weakness. I had to show my mother and my family that I could be strong for her.
“After the funeral, we had a small gathering with family and close friends at our house. Little did I know, in the matter of three days, I would lose my sister, the father I once knew, and the woman I gave my heart to. Near the end of the evening, I went to find my father. My mother wanted him to say goodbye to some guests that were leaving. Boy did I get the biggest shock of my fuckin’ life, when I opened his office door.
“I froze in the doorway as I stood there witnessing my father, the great Victor Knox, who put on the act of being a doting husband and dedicated father at my football games, as he was fuckin’ my fiancée…right there on his desk, beside the many pictures of myself, my mother, and sister. All I saw was red. I had just buried my sister and now discovered my fiancée was bangin’ my father.
“Without even thinking, I charged in and beat him to a bloody pulp. My mother was completely shattered and beyond mortified. We still had guests in our home that came to pay their respects to our family. The worst day of our live
s had, in an instant, become even more horrifying than we ever could’ve imagined.”
Savannah let out a small gasp and covered her mouth with her hands. Ripping my gaze from the cars zipping by below, I focused them on her, on the tears streamed down her face. Seeing her hurting for me makes my heart skip a beat. Talking about all of this has been more than I can handle, but I’m happy I finally did. Sliding my hands into my hair, I swallow hard, trying to wet my now dry mouth. Savannah’s known my relationship with my father is strained, but we still have to see each other for work and fundraisers. His living in Nashville now makes it easier, compared to when they still lived in Texas.
It’s hard enough having to see him with Luanne, but now Savannah knows she was the woman I almost married. I’m afraid she won’t be able to handle knowing she’s in my life still. I don’t want her to think for even a second I still love Lulu, because I don’t. I lost any bit of love I had for her that day. My entire heart, mind, body and soul belong completely to the gorgeous blonde sitting beside me.
“Luanne? Your father’s fiancée…your future stepmother?! That’s the woman that you were planning on spending the rest of your life with?” Savannah blurts out, her voice shaky as she attempts to hold back the shock and anger in her voice.
“Yes.” Is all I can say at the moment; I feel raw, exposed, and broken as I lay everything out before her; revealing all of my painful memories from my past, memories I swore I was never going to relive ever again. But because I love Savannah with every fiber of my being, I put it all out there…showing her my demons, in hopes that I can finally move on, removing the shackles that were imprisoning me to my painful past.
“Wow. I cannot believe you never told me, Kayden! I assumed it was some random girl from high school that you hadn’t seen in six years. I’ve spent an entire evening with her at Melody’s fundraiser. I made small talk with that woman and talked with your father, thinking whatever was going on between you two could possibly be fixed. But this…this is just insane! How does a father do this to his son?”
“I’ve asked myself the same fuckin’ question over the years. The guy I looked up to and wanted to be like betrayed me in the worst way possible. All he says about the matter is ‘you can’t control who you fall in love with’.” I spat out between clenched teeth. I have so much anger coursing through my body. I need to do something to get out the anger boiling in my blood. I think a long intense workout is needed after this session.
Dr. Wilcott spent the next thirty minutes of our session talking about ways to move past my pent up anger, suggesting I meet with my father and Luanne, with the sole purpose of getting everything out that I’m feeling. She said once I do that, it’ll be easier for me to find closure and maybe repair my relationship with my dad. Only thing is, I don’t know if I can do that, or if I even want to repair our relationship. She said she wants me to continue joining Savannah for the next two weeks that she’s scheduled to see her. Dr. Wilcott thinks that talking with her and opening up more to Savannah about my past and guilt I have about her kidnapping will help with my nightmares. It will also help us build a strong foundation for our relationship.
I plan on proposing to Savannah soon. Ever since her kidnapping and accident, having the hospital tell me I’m not family, almost not being able to be by her side, it almost killed me. I want to spend the rest of my life loving her; protecting her. I need to work on healing myself so I can help her heal. Then we can have our happily ever after, filled with blue and green-eyed kids running around Sugar Land. Just thinking about our future together is settling a calm over me. Slipping our appointment card into my pocket for Wednesday, we say goodbye to Dr. Wilcott.
Chapter Fourteen
Kayden
Standing on the sidewalk outside of Dr. Wilcott’s office, I pull Savannah into a tight embrace and kiss her passionately, slowly slipping my tongue into her mouth, caressing it against hers. I love the feeling of her arms wrapped around me and her mouth against mine. I’m the luckiest man on the damn planet, just because she loves me. Unconditionally, whole heartedly…Savannah Livingston loves me. Even with all of my faults and jaded past, she loves me no less.
I could care less that there’re people all around; the only thing on my mind right now is her. It feels great having no secrets left between us. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Now we can take the steps to help piece each other back together.
“What was that for?” Savannah asks, letting out a nervous laugh as she eyes a group of teenagers making cat calls at us as they make their way into the café next door.
Smiling momentarily at the group of boys, I give them a friendly wave and turn my attention back to my gorgeous girlfriend. “That was for being you, baby, for loving me and taking a chance on a man with a darkened soul. Each day that I have you in my life, I feel that darkness seeping away, and a light slowly beginning to brighten it.”
~~~
Savannah
My brain’s on overload right now as I process everything Kayden told me yesterday. Now I gotta try and focus on getting this work done. It’s my first day back to work, and I can’t for the life of me focus on the to-do list Eloise sent me. To top it off, my parents fly in today. They’ll be staying in Galveston for a few days before they get back on the road for the next leg of their tour.
Kayden seemed like he needed some space, and I know I did to process everything he revealed. So after our session yesterday, I came back here, and he went to Knox Hotel to work out, shower, and then head to the office to get some work done. I spent the rest of the afternoon yesterday with Brooklyn, filling her in on everything that Kayden revealed.
She couldn’t believe it and said she knew it had to have been something major for him and his father to go six years without speaking. We both can’t believe something that big didn’t get out to the press. I guess money can keep people quiet. I can’t even begin to fathom the pain Kayden went through. He goes from losing his sister to discovering his father was having an affair with his girlfriend all in a matter of a few days.
In an attempt to distract me, Brooklyn called Mya and planned a girl’s day for us today. We’re all going to meet up at the country club for brunch and tennis. She said we’ll be playing doubles, me and Brooklyn against her and her friend Kylee, who’s in town for a week visiting family.
Today will be the first time I’ve done any kind of sports activity since my accident three weeks ago. Of course, it won’t be an all-girls afternoon for us because I’ll have Jerome and Alec coming along with us. I pray the police finally catch Zak. Then I can move on with my life and not be afraid that he’s lurking around every corner, just waiting to attack and shatter whatever life I’ve pieced back together.
Typing the last line in the article, I’m writing for Envy’s March issue, I close my laptop and head upstairs to get ready. After showering and putting on my new white and pink Nike racer back tank, and white pleated skirt, I slip on my white Nike tennis sneakers. I head downstairs to grab a racket from Kayden’s collection since all my stuff is still in Galveston. I miss my beach house, but I’m still too scared to go back there.
With my water bottle and racket in hand, I bounce down the stairs to find Brooklyn leaning against the wall chipping off her nail polish. “You do know that’s what they make nail polish remover for, you dingbat.” I laugh.
“Ha, ha. Yes, I do know that, Queen Savannah.” Rolling her eyes, she playfully shoves me towards the door. “It’s about time your bossy little ass got down here, I was ready to go up there and drag you out to the car myself.”
“Sorry, some of us have to work for a living.” I say, sticking my tongue out at her as we make our way to Jerome and Alec, who are waiting for us beside Kayden’s black Audi Q7.
“Your boyfriend is a billionaire, Savannah; you’re far from having to work for a living.” Brooklyn says dramatically with air quotes. Sliding across the back seat, I stare at Brooklyn with my mouth agape. “I will make my own money,
even if we get married down the road, Brooklyn.”
Tipping her head back and letting out a throaty laugh, she looks at me like I have five heads. “Chill out girly! I’m just yankin’ your chain!”
An hour later, we finally pulled up outside of the country club. With its rolling green hills of the golf course, and golf carts everywhere, you’d never know you’re in one of the largest cities in the United States.
Getting out, Jerome opens the car door for Brooklyn and me. Barely getting my feet planted onto the ground, I’m mauled by an overly excited Mya.
Her black hair is smoothed back in a tight ponytail. She looks like she just stepped off the runway of tennis fashion show with white and baby blue polo tank top, and baby blue pleated skirt. Her white shoes are blinged out with rhinestone detailing on the sides with the Baby Phat kitty logo.
Within seconds, a petite blonde makes her way over to us. She’s about the same height as me, and stunning. When I had asked Kayden if he knew the woman coming along, he said she was married to his old college buddy Ryder Kent. They now live in San Diego, California. Their family still resides here in Houston, and she usually flies into Hobby airport a few times a year to visit them, along with their daughter Evelyn. He said Ryder doesn’t speak to his parents, and hasn’t been back to Texas in years, so he doesn’t accompany Kylee.
Kayden told me he, and Ryder became good friends in college because Ryder was the quarterback when he first started playing football at the University of Texas. He mentored Kayden, teaching him everything he knows. After Ryder and Braxton were drafted into the NFL, they kept in touch, but after his career ending injury, he moved away to San Diego.
Kayden says they still try to keep in touch with Facebook and FaceTime, it’s just hard with his busy schedule. He should really make an effort to fly to San Diego and visit. He mentioned if he ever gets married, Ryder will be a groomsman. Hearing Kayden mention marriage immediately makes my mind move into overdrive. I can’t wait for the day I can say I’m Mrs. Kayden Knox.
Savannah Series Boxed Set: Four Full Novels and One Novella Page 51
