“So?’
“So this means she couldn’t have shot Officer Taylor.”
“She did too. I was there. The test is wrong.”
Damien gave Maggie a menacing look before he stood up sending the chair reeling against the wall behind him. Lucas closed the distance before he could take a step towards Maggie and used all his weight to push the suspect against the wall.
Grabbing him by the throat with one hand, he used the other across his body to hold him firm. His anger sent his adrenalin into overdrive.
“Did. You. Shoot. Officer. Taylor?” Lucas asked.
“I can’t breathe.” Lucas loosened his grip slightly. “No I didn’t kill the bitch.”
“Wrong answer.”
“Lucas, let him go,” Maggie was standing beside him and held Damien’s handcuffed wrists firmly between her hands. “I’ve got his hands.”
Lucas let him go and took one step back. “Answer the question.”
“I want a lawyer.”
Maggie escorted the suspect back to the table and told him they would be back. They left Damien to cool off for a while, plenty of time to fetch his court appointed lawyer.
“Thanks for getting my back there,” Maggie said once outside the room. “But why the heavy hand?”
“He’s a cop killer.”
“She wasn’t just any cop was she?”
He didn’t want to answer. “It’s not what you think.”
“How do you know what I’m thinking?”
“I didn’t know her very well.”
“I’m guessing there was a way you knew her well enough.”
“Yeah, so? I’ve known many cops that way.”
“Then why are you taking it so badly, first her partner, now the suspect? Usually you are Mr Cool, not the hot head.” Her scrutinizing gaze was starting to annoy him. The last thing he wanted to do was explain himself.
“Look I don’t want to talk about it alright? She’s dead and it sucks but there’s nothing I can say that will change anything.”
To escape further questions, he turned and strode towards the exit. He needed another smoke and this simply pissed him off more.
28
Soaking The Sorrow
When the phone rang a little before nine that night it reminded Carrie she’d forgotten to call Lucas as planned. She leapt up to answer it before it disturbed the kids and made a mental note to call her brother straight after.
The deep voice of her brother-in-law returned her hello.
“Jared, how are you?”
“Good, you?”
“Great. Is everything okay? Do you want Nathan?”
“No, everything is fine. I actually rang for you.”
“Oh, okay. What’s up?”
“I think you’d better come and get Lucas.”
“Is he okay?” Her heart leapt into her throat.
“Yeah.” A deep laugh followed. “But I don’t think he should drive home.”
Walking into an empty apartment held little appeal to Lucas so he drove in the direction of ‘In Blue’ and thought better of it. That was the last place he should go. Driving around for a while he contemplated what to do. Haunting thoughts and remorse had him seeking solace, something to drive away the demons. He remembered a bar that Jared once told him about and drove in that direction.
He found a reasonably quiet table in the corner and was grateful for table service. Lucas ordered several stiff drinks and told the waitress to keep them coming. He sat, drank and smoked while he watched the people come and go. It was a popular place and he was relieved he didn’t see any familiar faces. Tonight he wanted to be invisible. There would be no girl to pick up tonight, just him and his overwhelming guilt as company.
When Lucas heard a familiar voice, he’d lost count of drinks – the waitress kindly removed the glasses as she brought fresh ones – and the ashtray was overflowing.
“Cigarettes will kill you, buddy.”
Lucas looked up into the face of Jared Montgomery. Lucas didn’t know Jared well but he was Nathan’s brother so he gestured for him to sit.
“I know it’s a disgusting habit.” He lit another.
“Didn’t you give up?”
“Yeah but it’s been a shitty week.” Lucas hoped he wasn’t slurring.
“I can see that.” Jared smiled a quick serious smile.
“Who are you here with?”
“Rick, Sam and Emma. It’s Rick’s birthday so here we are. As you know I’m not big on the whole bar scene. I didn’t think I would ever see you looking for answers in the bottom of a glass.”
Lucas shrugged. He was far too drunk now to care. This wasn’t the answer to his problems but the thought of another journal entry and a night of solitude wasn’t something he wanted to endure. At least for tonight he could forget. He gestured for the waitress.
“Are you sure about that?”
“I don’t need your judgement, Montgomery.”
“Maybe I should take you home.”
“I’m fine.”
Jared shrugged. A pretty blond called out to him and gestured. Emma.
“I’ve got to go. Are you sure you’re okay?”
Lucas said nothing. What could he say? No, he wasn’t okay. He was very far from okay and hadn’t been for twelve years.
“Take care, Lucas,” Jared said with a brief scrutinizing stare before leaving the table and returning to his party.
Several more drinks and too many cigarettes later Lucas began to feel drunker than he’d ever remembered being and didn’t care. The waitress told him she couldn’t serve him anymore. The numbness had done little to ease his guilt and emptiness. The bar seemed to be thinning out and Lucas considered going home but the thought depressed him far too much. A familiar red head bobbed through the crowd but his bleary eyes couldn’t confirm if it was his sister’s until she sat across from him.
“Hey, Sis. Whater ya doin here? He slurred.
“Picking up your sorry arse.”
“I’m fine. I don’t need any help.”
“What are you doing to yourself, Lucas?”
“What does it matter?”
“It matters to me!”
“She’s dead.”
“Who?”
“Sasha.”
“Who’s Sasha? Lucas, you’re not making any sense.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
With a sigh, he laid his head on his crossed arms on the table but quickly realised his mistake when the world began to swirl. Lifting his head to Carrie, he saw her concern and fear in eyes so much like his, so much like their mother’s.
“You look like mum.”
“I know, Lucas. Come on, let me take you home.”
Together they staggered through the thinning crowd towards her car. Somewhere between awake and asleep Lucas allowed the blackness to surge through his veins and consume him. Nothing held any appeal anymore. Casual sex didn’t seem to be filling the void that lived inside. What was he supposed to do now? He missed Maggie. Although he was happy she would be happy and getting what she wanted, the loneliness left behind by her absence caused his heart to ache. Was it her he missed or the warmth of someone special?
The sun streaming through the window burnt through his eyelids and straight into his head. The thudding intensified as he attempted to open his eyes. Still fully clothed, he lay stretched out on his sister’s couch with his feet hanging over the end. His mouth felt like the Sahara and the after taste of whiskey and cigarettes almost made him gag. That was one thing he would be eager to abandon in the cold light of day, smoking.
In the kitchen he heard the sizzling of bacon and eggs and although his stomach lurched at the thought of the food, his mouth filled with much needed saliva. The aroma was intoxicating. With slow, unsteady movements he ambled towards the kitchen. The only sound he could hear was his sister cooking at the stove.
“Where’s Nathan and the kids?”
“Oh, Lucas,” she said jumping. “You startled
me. He took them to the park. I didn’t really want them seeing you this way.”
“Sorry.” Remorse squeezed his chest.
“What’s going on?” She asked placing a coffee, breakfast and then a tall glass of water in front on him.
The previous night flashed before his eyes and he remembered his sister coaxing him to drink several glasses of water before he went to sleep, well passed out more like. Suddenly he felt enormous gratitude towards his sister. For twelve years she held him up, forgave his indiscretions and moods, all the while dealing with everything in her own way. She didn’t deserve to be burdened with his problems.
“Thank you, Carrie.”
“You don’t have to thank me or apologise, Lucas. You’re my brother and I want to help you. I worry about you so much.”
“I know. I’m just so tired, Carrie.”
“I know, honey.”
Her arms wrapped around his neck from behind and she squeezed him tight. The comfort of the gesture brought up grit determination. It was time to stop hurting others and get on with his life. Could he stick to the right path this time?
29
The Nuptials
Both Carrie and Maggie noticed he’d started to lift from his funk and became a shade of the man they both knew him to be. Cigarettes, drinking sessions and girls seemed to have been pushed by the wayside and a focused detective returned. Although he wasn’t anywhere near the man Carrie knew he could be, his change alleviated her concerns a little. Her worry over him living a life of solitude remained but at least he seemed brighter than before. Maggie and Carrie spoke often on the phone as her brother’s partner was still concerned about him despite the change in attitude. His lonely life concerned her and Maggie felt guilty that she may have contributed to his solitude. Carrie reassured her. This wasn’t anyone’s fault it was just his way. The phone calls were the only way Carrie could find out how Lucas was doing without hassling him. He wouldn’t give her the answers she wanted anyway.
Cases came and went. Maggie and Lucas made a great team and together they’d solidified an excellent working partnership and arrest record. Carrie knew this probably helped Lucas more than he would admit. At least he was giving his all to something and occupying his mind, even if he worked all the time. The time he wasn’t at work he spent with Mabel and Tommy or at the gym. What he did in his few hours of solitude each evening concerned her but she couldn’t do anything to entice him from that solitude, no matter how hard she tried.
Months went by and Maggie was getting married the coming weekend. Carrie wondered often how Lucas felt about this. The Lucky she thought she’d lost all those years ago appeared, albeit slightly, when he’d been seeing her. Carrie had high hopes at the time that love would be the cure. Of course, Lucas in his own way, had let that slip away too and Carrie ached at the thought of his loneliness. She also knew it was pointless to try. Lucas would do what he wanted and nothing or no-one would ever fix him. He was beyond repair.
Over the years she’d wondered if she should have tried harder. Pushed him to re-join the world and fall in love but Carrie knew that Lucas would not be pushed into anything and she didn’t want to interfere, well not much anyway. It didn’t matter, he was stubborn and had chosen to live his life this way and there was nothing she could do but hope that something would entice him out of the black hole he lived in.
Lucas woke on the bright Saturday morning with mixed feelings. Maggie was getting married today and although he was happy for her, something niggled inside that he couldn’t put his finger on. It wasn’t jealousy or regret but a sadness he didn’t know how to shake.
Since Sasha’s death, he’d stayed focused and determined. No more women, no more late night drinking binges, instead he dedicated all his energy to his work and the gym again. As the months had gone by he put all his energy into solving every case they could. This brought something to his life and staved off the emptiness living permanently within him.
Somehow he shut off the usual lust and desire that coursed through him when meeting beautiful women. Staying celibate was the only way. Staying away from temptation and bars made this task easier. He was getting by day by day just going about his business and closing himself off. Carrie didn’t like it but this was the only way. Occasionally Maggie cast worrying or wary looks in his direction but didn’t comment on his gruff, distant temperament.
The warm sunny day lifted his mood as he climbed from bed and prepared for the wedding. His mind wondered for a moment to who would be attending. Perhaps he could indulge with someone tonight. He missed sex. He missed the soft curves of a woman and passion. These entanglements though lead to trouble and attachment and that was the last thing he needed. Yet he wanted, needed, the physical contact. The last wedding he went to flashed through his mind. Carrie’s. He’d made a mess of things that day and didn’t plan on a repeat performance and ruining his partner’s day either. Lust needed to be controlled. This, he discovered, was harder to do than he thought. Pain and loneliness he could push aside but lust was another thing. Maintaining a strong facade and suppressing all emotion was hard work and Lucas felt drained and hollow. Perhaps the happiness of the day would lift his mood slightly.
Brooding in the corner didn’t help but brood he did. The ceremony was simple and suited the nuptials. While the reception, in full swing, was an informal party. Lucas had been relieved there was no seating plan and he could use the bar as a resting post in the corner of the room. The room was full of cops and too many pretty girls for his liking. Hiding in the corner was the only way to quench his desire.
Across the room a brunette studied him and something stirred in his gut. Desire and something else, the fall of her hair and the look in her eye seemed familiar but his mind couldn’t place her until she smiled. Stacey?
Before he could clear the memories barraging his mind and decide what to do, she stood before him looking prettier than he remembered. Perhaps she was. Maturity looked good on her.
“Lucas!” she said as her face appeared before his. “I knew it was you!” Before he could respond her arms were around his neck and her lips on his cheek.
“Hey, Stacey.”
He held her for a moment, relishing the feel of her soft curves against his body. She still smelt the same too. The familiarity didn’t spark unhappy or guilt riddled memories, just good ones and he smiled.
“What’s been happening? Are you married? Family?” She fired off questions as she extracted her arms from his neck to rest her hands on his upper arms while she studied his face, waiting for the responses to her rapid questions.
“I’m a detective in the police force and I’m not married, no kids. You?”
“I’m in nursing as planned, unlike you! Detective!” She grinned. “I’m a widower and I have one child, Eliza, she’s almost eight.”
“I’m sorry ... about your husband I mean.”
“Thanks. It was a few years ago now ... he was sick for a while ... anyway ... what brings you here?”
“Maggie’s my partner.”
“Your partner?” Stacey screwed up her face in a confused way, the familiar way, and this sent desire to shoot straight to his groin. “Oh, police partner, silly me.”
She grinned again. That wide, pretty smile that used to melt his heart. It still had the same effect after all these years and he felt a layer of ice around his heart liquefy. He wanted to kiss her. Kiss her more than he ever wanted to before.
“What brings you here?” he managed to say instead of what he wanted to which was let’s get out of here.
“Steve is my cousin.”
“So there is family here and not just cops.”
He offered her his lopsided grin, The smile that she said she loved. The same one he used to give her. The one when he was happy and in love.
“So it would seem.”
Her eyes studied him coyly as she used to when they were supposed to be doing their homework in the library. It used to drive him to the brink of desire then and n
ow the effect was tenfold.
“The bride and groom are leaving soon ...” she began.”
“Do you want to get ...” he began at the same time. They both stopped and laughed. “You first.” He said.
“They’re about to leave and I was wondering if you wanted to catch up some more after ...” Her eyes told him all he needed to know.
“Yes.” As if he would or could say no.
They waited impatiently but happily through the goodbyes as the married couple left. Lucas took hold of her hand as they made their way to his car. Once inside he was lost all of a sudden. Where were they going to go? Do they go and have a drink first or straight into it? Into what? He was stumped.
“Lucas, don’t look so worried.”
Spinning in the seat, he turned and took her hand again. “I suddenly feel like a teenager again.” He offered a shy smile.
“Me too but it’s different too. In a good way.”
“Stacey, you have to know something about me ... I don’t want to hurt you again.”
“I think I know what you’re going to say.”
“You do?”
He didn’t know what he wanted to say. How did she? All he knew was his conscience burned at the thought of using her. He didn’t want to do that to her again. Lucas cursed the night silently for the cruel twist of fate that brought him Stacey again.
“You’ve never married, Lucas so it’s pretty obvious that you have a reason for that. I’m lonely and I miss my husband. This could be nice for both of us. I don’t want anything from you. I can’t believe you’re here and we are both alone ...”
His old loving feelings rose up and made his heart leap. Her consideration and understanding was a breath of fresh air. Unsure of what to say or do he followed his instinct and brushed his hand over her cheek which was still smooth as it had been all those years ago. Her head came forward and she lifted her chin. He needed no further invitation and captured her lips, first soft and tender and then deeper. Their kisses were the innocent kind, before the years of experience now present intensified the sensation. The first time they were unsure and learning as they went. This time would be different and he could barely wait until they got home.
Hudson Page 15
