by Tanith Frost
I jump to my feet and kick her as hard as I can in the head. She goes down, but it won’t be for long. I hate hurting her, even if she’s not who I thought she was when I defended her against Daniel’s suspicions. But I can’t think about her now, and I can’t let Katya get away. If she does, that man died for nothing. I won’t be able to prove anything.
I reach the top of the stairs and slow. She’s here. I can feel her.
There. Crouched across a catwalk halfway down the warehouse. Waiting.
“Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy it,” she says, rising as I approach.
“No, I did. You weren’t wrong.”
She laughs, low and dangerous. “Like it or not, you’re one of us. A true vampire in every sense, and a rogue. One without friends or allies to hide you. You’d better run. It won’t take us long to hunt you down. Maybe I’ll let Daniel do the honours. It’s been so long since he had a chance to take an enemy down.”
One more reason to hate her, as though I didn’t have enough. I run at her. She holds her ground, weapon poised and ready. I duck, and she brings it down into my shoulder, slicing through skin and muscle. I land on her, hard. She’s pinned, but I can’t win like this. No matter what I do to her, she’s going to recover.
You can’t choke a vampire. Can’t kill one with a fall, and that box cutter wouldn’t take her head off even if I could get my hands on it.
I need to immobilize her, but I need to get rid of that cutter first.
She pulls it free and stabs me again, under my ribs this time, coming from behind. The pain barely registers.
When she pulls the blade free again, I grab her arm and smash it against the railing support next to my head. She grunts, and the weapon clatters to the concrete floor far below.
She shoves me hard with both hands, and I stagger back, on my feet before I can lose my balance.
“You can’t win,” she snarls. “Come downstairs with me. I’ll give you the rest of the medicine you had before. I won’t even tell Daniel what you did. You can disappear quietly.”
I back away slowly, and she advances.
Just a few more steps.
There.
“Somebody’s here!” Trixie calls.
Katya lunges at me as one of the big bay doors in the wall behind me rattles up, filling the space below us with blinding sunlight. Trixie screams in pain, and Katya turns at the sound. Only for a split second, but it’s enough.
I grasp the chain I’d spotted hanging from the catwalk earlier, pull a length free, and twist it around her neck as I shove her off balance.
She catches herself, throws a punch at me. Instead of ducking back, I lean in, hitting her hard in the stomach with my injured shoulder. She pitches over the railing, clutching at the back of my shirt as she goes, pulling me with her.
I grab the edge of the catwalk as I go down, and rugged metal bites into the flesh of my hand. My shirt rips, and Katya falls. The chain jerks tight, suspending her between floor and ceiling. She screams as direct sunlight sears her flesh.
I’m not doing much better. I’m not exposed to the worst of the light, but it’s bad enough. I feel like my skin has been doused with acid. I twist sideways and swing myself like a pendulum until I can pull myself back up to the shadows of the catwalk.
I collapse onto my hands and knees and vomit from the pain.
Blood drips through the open steel and onto the floor.
Someone far below yells. A male voice. Familiar.
God, no.
I force myself to look down.
Seven vampires enter. I know what they are by their power, if not their faces, which are shielded behind black masks with mirrored panels for them to see from. Three carry guns. I don’t want to know what they’re loaded with. One of the weaponless ones points at Katya. The three with guns head toward the stairs leading up to us, while the other three surround Trixie.
I could still run. But what then? Wait for them to hunt me down after I have to feed again?
I won’t. Never.
But I can’t starve, either.
I lace my fingers together behind my head, staying on my knees on the catwalk as one of the hunters holds a gun on Katya and another hauls her up by the chain.
The third approaches me with heavy footsteps. I close my eyes.
He grabs me by my upper arms and forces me to my feet, shoving me into the deeper shadows at the far end of the catwalk, then removes his mask.
“Daniel.” Relief and regret wash out of me in the breath that carries his name. I want to fall into his arms. I can’t. Katya was right. I’m the enemy now, no matter what I might have felt from him before.
“Aviva, what happened?”
I can’t speak. Sobs wrack my body as my victim’s terrified, staring eyes return to my mind and the full weight of my crime crashes down on me. I stopped Katya. I don’t know whether it was worth the price.
“Katya’s leading the rogues,” I gasp. “Trixie joined them for the last hunt. They’re killing for fun, for… It’s a game, Daniel. A fucking game.”
I collapse, and he catches me, easing me to down to sit. “I went and found evidence in Kilbride, and she caught me there. I was so hungry, so weak, and she brought me here, and—”
“Daniel!” someone calls below, from among the boxes. I don’t want to look, but I do. A black-clad form drags the body out and displays the ragged wounds in his neck.
Daniel’s face turns pallid. “Aviva. Did you do this?”
Katya’s screaming now as she tries to shield her reddened, blistering skin from the sun. She doesn’t look like an angel now. Two vampires are holding her, but she’s rogue strong even if she’s injured and hasn’t fed in a few days. She breaks free from one. I expect a gunshot. Instead, he reaches into a pouch on his belt and uncaps a long needle that he jabs into her arm. She slumps to the catwalk floor, and they leave her where she lies.
Is that it? I knew justice was quick, but…
I’m not ready.
But I can’t deny what I’ve done, or explain it in a way Daniel will understand. Or more importantly, Miranda. I’ve protected what she built, but that doesn’t change what I am now.
I hate Katya for what she forced me to do. I’m sorry that man had to die. But deep within my darkest heart, I know that I don’t regret what I did. I’ve only begun to use up the life I stole from him, and I’m already craving more.
I’ve gone rogue.
“Daniel, I didn’t mean to. Katya made me, but I…” I’m sobbing again, barely able to get the words out. “He made me strong, and I fought her. I killed him.”
Daniel shifts back on his heels and looks me over. His brows knit together over his beautiful eyes. “God, Aviva.”
My emotions are shifting again, toward despair as strong as the euphoria that filled me just a few minutes ago. I wipe my arm across my face, and when I pull it away my white skin is streaked with bright blood. His blood. The human I killed. Who I enjoyed killing.
My motive doesn’t matter. Maybe catching Katya was an excuse to find out what I was truly made for.
I’d do it again right now if I could.
If I could…
I collapse as my mind fractures again, overwhelmed by the grief inside me. I’m only vaguely aware of Daniel calling for the medic, of hurried footsteps coming toward me, of the needle slipping into my flesh.
It’s better this way.
19
Awareness comes back in a rush, accompanied by light that leaves me blind. I’m pinned flat on my back on a soft surface, restraints around my wrists and ankles. I don’t remember how I got here. I grunt as I struggle to sit up, and can’t. I panic, yanking at my restraints.
Strong hands pin me down, two on my upper chest and more on my stomach and thighs. Someone calls for a shot, and I struggle harder. Something is very wrong. I just can’t remember why.
Masked faces come into focus as my eyes adjust to faint sunlight filtering through curtains into a sterile white room.
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Doctors. Vampires.
“Step back.” I recognize the voice, and force myself to be still.
Daniel’s tone doesn’t leave any room for disagreement, but one of the doctors tries.
“She’ll hurt herself, or someone else,” she says, glaring at him over her shoulder. She wears mascara so thick her eyelashes look like spider legs, and for a moment they seem to be crawling. I blink hard, and the illusion disappears.
Daniel appears beside her, looking down at me. Our hair doesn’t grow quickly after death, but he’s got a solid five o’clock shadow going, like he hasn’t been home in a while. He shoots her a dark glare that I’m glad isn’t directed at me.
“I said to let her go. This is one of our finest hunters, not a common rogue. You will treat her with the respect she deserves.”
The doctor gives him another hard look, but steps away. They leave, all except Daniel. He doesn’t touch me, just sits on a hard plastic chair beside the bed as I try to sort things out.
I’m hungry again, craving blood, feeling dead. Not like I was when I woke up in that warehouse, but—
Oh, God. The warehouse. Trixie. The memory of fear-drenched blood coats my tongue, carrying with it a mixture of shame, disgust, and perfect bliss that I want more than I hate the other things. I force myself to remember the body on the floor, his throat torn apart.
I did that.
The craving calms, but leaves a faint tremor in my limbs.
Daniel waits, watching me.
Something else is wrong. Missing. Maybe it’s just that I’m hungry, but I feel… free. Disconnected in a way that I fear even though it’s quite a peaceful feeling. Like something in me has been severed.
An anchor.
I ignore Daniel’s probing stare and focus within myself, sorting things out, looking for the warm scrap of whatever it was that connected me to life. A lingering shred of a soul, or whatever made me so different. So weak.
It’s gone. Maybe it was never really there to begin with, and I was just clinging to the memory of it all this time. In any case, I suspect Katya was right. I’m all vampire now, just as she is, or was. And Daniel. And the others. The thought doesn’t sadden me as I might have expected. Once I’ve placed it and named it, it’s not so bad.
I’m still me. Still Aviva. But I’m connected deeply with the endless void within me. It’s eternal, as I thought my soul was. It’s not the same, but it is every bit as wondrous.
I am here. I am aware. I have not lost myself as I feared I would. And I suspect I still have the capacity to choose what that means.
My muscles relax, and I look to Daniel. “Where am I?”
“Medical facility. Not the same one you went to after your making.”
That’s good. I never want to go back there. I suspect that even when I’ve found complete peace with what I am now—if that ever happens—I won’t want to. The negative memories are too strong.
Daniel rubs his hands over his face. He doesn’t seem himself. Rougher, exhausted, and more stressed than I’ve ever seen him. It’s like when his accent slips, but more so. His mask of composure is off. This is the Daniel he hides from everyone.
I can’t say it’s a bad thing.
“Am I the only patient here?”
“You are. Trixie and Katya are gone.”
“Gone?”
He nods. “I didn’t see either of them after we left the warehouse. Katya is an elder and will get a trial.”
“Will I have to be there?”
“No. The elders deal with their own.”
I don’t ask about Trixie. She’s as new as I am, and I doubt that Katya felt any need to protect her.
I want to cry for her, but I can’t. Maybe later, when I’ve fed. When I’m well.
He reaches toward the floor and pulls a paper file up onto his lap. “I’m supposed to debrief you. Evidence for the trial, information to be filed for reference.”
“And then what?”
He frowns and leans forward. “That depends on you, I suppose. Tell me what happened.”
He’s all business now. Mask back on, so very like the Daniel I’ve always known. If anything changed between us in recent weeks, I don’t imagine it’s permanent. Especially now, after what I’ve done. If he thought I was dangerous before, I guess I’ve proved it now.
It doesn’t take long for me to tell him everything. We start with my issues, my shameful connection to the living, and finish with my sedation in the warehouse. He records every detail, including his own suggestion that I stop trying to break my connection to the life I left behind. I doubt that’s something he really wants in a permanent record, but it’s important.
I don’t mention the day he spent in my bed, and he doesn’t ask about it. Not important at all.
I ask whether the guys who tried to mug me can remain off-record, but he shakes his head. “It’s important that the elders know. They understand what we are better than anyone, remember. They existed as vampires before Maelstrom came into being. They’ve felt what you have. They may have created our laws to prevent things like Katya’s little game from exposing us, but…” He caps his fountain pen and puts the papers away. “We all understand the hunger, Aviva.”
“So I won’t be executed as a rogue?”
He leans back in the chair. “You’ll have a lot of recovery time ahead of you. Sort of a detox program. And something like probation. But based on what I know of you, I’ve recommended that what you did in the warehouse be treated as actions taken to prevent further crimes. Means necessary to reach an end.” There’s almost a question there.
One that I can’t answer. “Thank you,” I say. It’s almost a whisper.
“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.”
The shock of Daniel apologizing leaves me silent for a few seconds. “You did in the end,” I finally say. “You didn’t let her arrest me.”
His brow creases again. “I helped you escape because I didn’t want to lose you, and I didn’t trust her to give you another chance if she thought you were a threat. I still thought you’d come around, see how crazy your suspicions were.” I stiffen at the word crazy, but don’t respond. “I was trying to protect you, give you time to understand the facts.”
He pulls his chair closer and leans forward. “I was wrong. I’ve been living within Maelstrom for a long time, abiding by its rules, accepting its beliefs. Your gift defies some of those beliefs. You’re different, and our society does not reward that. Everything hinges on us respecting the system and the hierarchy.” He pauses, swallows hard. “And I thought I knew Katya. We’ve had our differences in the past, but we’ve also worked together successfully. It was hard for me to consider that I could be so blind to what she was.”
“Not just you.”
He forces a smile. “No, she fooled everyone except you. Maybe I would have listened to you more closely if I hadn’t given a shit about your safety, but I do. I was afraid you might get hurt, and it nearly ruined everything.” He pulls his fingers through his thick hair. “I need to be more careful about that. You are terribly dangerous, you know.”
“I guess it’s natural for a trainer to be protective,” I offer, and he smiles.
“That must be my problem.”
“Can you untie me?” I tug at the thick velcro straps that hold my wrists. “This is quite uncomfortable.”
He looks away.
The door swings open. “I heard someone is awake!” chirps a chipper young voice. A living woman in green scrubs enters, high ponytail bouncing with every enthusiastic step. “Hungry?”
“Absolutely.”
“Excellent. The doctors say that if you’re awake and calmed down, we can take care of that. If you feel ready, of course.”
I’m beyond ready. Daniel isn’t acting like he’s going to leave, which is awkward. I haven’t fed in front of an audience since my recovery days, long before I met Daniel. It’s a private thing for me. Still, I’m hungry enough that it hardly matters.
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nbsp; She smiles and leans in. She smells different. There’s something strange yet familiar in her blood. Sweet, but not terribly compelling. Still, it’s blood. Human blood. My mouth waters.
“Are you sure?” I ask, even as I struggle to pull myself closer in spite of the bonds that hold me to the bed.
“Absolutely. It’s pretty rare that a vampire has to come to a hospital, you know. I’ve been just about going crazy here.”
She’s the perfect opposite of the man in the warehouse, not only in her physical appearance but in her attitude. Whoever she is, she’s here by choice, eager to let me feed.
She positions herself carefully, bracing her hands on the bed rails. I don’t need any more encouragement than that.
The skin of her neck is thick and lightly scarred, but I find a place where I can slip my fangs in with little resistance. She sighs and leans in further, and I wish I could wrap my arms around her and hold her closer still. The urge to tear her skin to open the flow of blood is nearly overpowering, but I resist. If I misbehave, she’ll leave.
And I don’t want this to end. Her blood is hot and good. She might be a regular at this, but she’s strong, and her life flows into me as I feed. I feel her weakening, and remember the shattering moment when I took a life. It’s so close I can feel it.
She pulls back, and I can’t hold back the growl that rumbles from me before I regain my senses.
“Sorry,” she says, and presses a gauze pad to her neck. Blood trickles from underneath, staining the edge of her top. “Just a little at a time to start. This is your rehabilitation, friend.” She winks. “I look forward to next time.”
I collapse back against the bed, filled with strength that tempts me to try to break the heavy straps that hold me. I feel good. But I want more.
Daniel is looking out the window. I didn’t see him move. When he turns back, the apprehensive look he gives me makes me wonder whether he knows what I’m feeling. He always seemed so straitlaced, my trainer. I wonder if Katya was right, if he craves the hunt.
He sits on the bed again, but doesn’t speak.
