But now that he had it, he’d be a fool not to use it.
Autumn stood just out of his reach, hugging herself, her breaths labored, as if she’d run a long race. Regret hammered him hard. He hated the fear in her eyes, longed for the closeness they’d shared for such a short time.
She watched him with fear and wariness, tendrils of fiery hair drying around her face in a soft cloud. The clothes she’d found in the bedroom did nothing to hide the curves of her body, curves he’d only started to know and would never know again.
He wanted to beg her to forget what he was, but knew it was far too late.
Kaderil reached for her and grabbed her wrist before she could back away. “You will not fight me.”
Instantly, her struggles ended. Her eyes filled with dread, deepening his regret.
He loosened his grip on her wrist, trailing his fingers down her soft skin until he cradled her hand in his. “You will not make any phone calls or leave this apartment unless I tell you to. You will not raise your voice above normal level. I don’t want you calling for help.”
Against his palm, her hand began to quake. “Is that all?” she asked bitterly. She watched him with hard, frightened eyes. He’d been out-magicked all his life, but never so utterly controlled by another, and he ached for her plight. Yet he could do little to change it without endangering himself and his mission.
There was one thing he could do. He squeezed her hand gently and stared into those frightened eyes. “If ever again you’re in pain or discomfort or danger, you will shout my name even though I’ve told you to keep your voice normal. This command supersedes all the others.”
Her mouth tensed and trembled with misery. “I don’t even know your name.”
“Kaderil. But call me Kade.” The thought of his real name, the Punisher’s name, coming from her soft lips turned him cold. His arms ached with the need to pull her against him and erase the desolation he saw in her eyes. But for her, too, he’d become the monster.
And the monster needed to know his strength. Never would he have chosen this path, destroying the precious connection he’d developed with Autumn. But now that he had, now that it was done, he needed to understand the power he’d acquired. It could be critical to his mission…even to his survival.
“I know all you want is to be free of me,” he told her. “But we have some work to do first.”
“What kind of work?” she asked warily.
“Stay here.” He released her and went into the kitchen to retrieve the pack of spare lightbulbs he’d found several days ago. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. Can I turn around?”
“You can try.” He paused as he reached for the lightbulbs on the top shelf of the cabinet to watch her. She didn’t move. “Are you trying to turn?”
“Yes.” Her voice was tight with effort. Then suddenly she let out a sound that was half gasp, half scream.
Kaderil rushed back to her. “What happened?”
Her eyes were wide, but a little sheepish. “It hurt. I think I did it wrong.”
“Does it still hurt?”
“No.”
He looked at her thoughtfully, his gaze straying to the amazing fall of hair that was starting to curl as it dried. As he watched her, she watched him back with a stubborn thrust of her chin, cutting him with her gaze. Myriad emotions swam in those gray eyes—fear, betrayal, anger, hatred and probably a dozen more. But the tears were gone, replaced by a gleam of steel that drew his admiration. And his profound, if fragile, relief.
She was afraid of what he was. Of what he could do.
But, despite all that had happened, deep down she wasn’t afraid of him.
Yet.
He desperately wanted to keep it that way. More than anything in his life, he would miss the softness he’d seen in her eyes. He wouldn’t hurt her. Not physically. When he left her world, he would leave her safe and whole. As whole as he could leave her after he did what must be done. That much he could vow even though he knew she’d truly fear him then, and hate him with a fury that would grind the last spark of light from his soul.
“I’m going to try to turn you without touching you.”
“Can you do that?”
“Doubtful. Most Esri can only control through touch, though there are a few who can use their minds or voices.” He concentrated on turning her around, but nothing happened so he took her hand. “Face whichever direction you wish, but don’t leave this spot.”
She jerked her hand from his, watching him warily, then turned as he went to get the lightbulbs and exchange them for the broken ones. The living room once more glowed with light.
“What are you going to do?” she asked.
“I want to see if we can break more bulbs. First, I want to know if I can do it alone.” Kaderil focused, drawing the invisible energy up through his body until he could feel it radiate along his skin. But it was only a shadow of the power he’d felt with Autumn. Mentally, he flung the energy toward the nearest light.
Nothing happened.
He peered at Autumn. “Did you feel anything?”
“No. Was I supposed to?”
Kaderil sighed. “I was hoping to raise the energy alone this time. Maybe we can only do it together. Or maybe it’s already gone. Virgin’s power doesn’t last.”
“Good.”
He raised a brow. “You don’t like the extra speed and strength?”
Her eyes narrowed with confusion. “Were they real?”
“Real enough.” He rubbed his chin where she’d clipped him.
“I thought only the Esri got the virgin’s power.”
“Only the male benefits. I’ve never heard of a virgin growing stronger, not even an Esri virgin. I don’t know why this happened.”
“But it’s not going to last?”
“I don’t know.” He’d never been with a virgin before, so he wasn’t entirely sure what was normal, especially for a dark blood. A dark blood and a human.
He went to stand in front of her. “Hold my hands.”
She lifted that stubborn chin, drawing his attention back to that full, ripe mouth and for a moment, all he could think of was kissing her again, tasting the sweetness of her lips. Desire slammed into him anew.
He forced his gaze to her eyes, startling a flicker of answering need in her eyes, before she closed it down.
She glanced at his waiting hands. “If I say no, will you make me?”
He shrugged. “Yes. Come, Autumn. Give me your hands.”
With a frustrated roll of the eyes, she laid her hands in his. He forced himself to ignore the feel of her skin against his sensitive palms.
“Do you feel the power rising?” he asked.
“No.”
“Me, neither. Fight me.” The moment the command left his lips, she began to struggle against his hold. He held her fast as she kicked his shins and tried to wrench free of his grasp, but still no energy stirred inside him.
“You’re fighting me with your body. Because I told you to. I want you to fight me with your mind, Autumn. Hate me.”
Almost at once, her eyes flashed and a faint stirring of power charged the air.
“That’s it, Autumn.” But in her eyes he saw anger. An anger she’d been directed to feel. If they were going to raise the kind of energy they’d raised before, he was going to have to stir in her real, honest rage. “I release you from your spot.”
At once, she tried to pull away from him.
He pushed her back against the door and pulled her arms above her head as he had before, pressing his body against hers. The moment his bare chest came in contact with the soft, flannel-covered mounds of her breasts, blood rushed to his groin.
She struggled against him, her breaths coming faster.
“Fight me.” He leaned closer, filling his senses with her intoxicating scent until his lips brushed her temple. “Hate me for my lies, for the way I used you to find your friends. For the way I pretended to be one of them in order to win their trust.
”
With each word, her hands tightened in his until her nails dug into his flesh, until her eyes sparked with her fury. The power buzzed around them, swirling in and around their bodies like a swarm of bees. But the lights remained whole and bright.
“I’m going to kill the Sitheen, Autumn.”
“No.”
He ignored the way that single pain-filled word squeezed his chest. “Yes, Autumn. It’s what I was sent to do, I’m going to kill them all. Jack, Larsen, Charlie, Harrison. Even Myrtle.”
She struggled against him with an inhuman strength, forcing his muscles to bulge and strain to control her. Her hips thrust against his throbbing erection as she tried to kick him, driving his lust to a fevered pitch.
The nearest light burst. Heat began to build in their hands.
He ground his hips against hers. “They’ll die because they were foolish enough to think I was one of them.”
“No.” Her face contorted with fury, with the effort she poured into the silent battle—a battle without punches. Without weapons. Nothing but the straining of their bodies as he fought to hold her considerable strength under control.
The second light burst and he growled with triumph, but didn’t stop. The energy was riding him now, driving him higher. He wanted more. He needed more.
“They’ll die because I’ll never release you to warn them. You’re my prisoner. I can make you do whatever I want, Autumn. Whatever I want! Hate me. Hate me!”
A reddish glow erupted over their skin in a flash of light, as if they were lit from within. The heat of power rushed through him in a charge of pure energy, power that strengthened but didn’t burn. Power that…
“Kade!” His name burst from her lips, throbbing with agony, tearing him from the power’s greed.
Autumn’s face was contorted with pain and he wrenched his hands away from hers. “What happened?”
But she didn’t answer, just sank to the ground as the glow died, casting them back into shadows.
What had he done? Kaderil swept Autumn into his arms before she hit the floor, then strode back to the lit bedroom, fear lending unnatural speed to his steps.
He laid her on the bed, but instead of curling in on herself, she flung her arms and legs wide, arching her back.
“Autumn, what happened? Where does it hurt?”
Squeezing her eyes closed, she gasped with pain. “Fire. My body’s on fire.”
He’d felt the flames, but no burn. But neither was he mortal. His stomach clenched with self-directed anger. Would he never cease hurting her?
“I’m sorry.” He reached for her, then stilled, wondering if his touch would help or only cause her more pain. Could his control over her body control the fire within her? He had to know, had to try.
Kaderil laid his hand lightly over the back of hers, barely touching her heated skin, but even with that barest of touches, her tension leaped into him, stringing him as tight as a bow.
“Feel no pain, Autumn,” he murmured softly. Power, he was beginning to realize was a double-edged blade. And in the hands of the inexperienced, he thought ruefully, a dangerous and unpredictable weapon.
He lifted his hand, fearing he was doing more harm than good. “Did I help at all?”
Her lashes fluttered open, freeing tears that slid silently into her hair. “A little,” she said, her voice tight, her gaze filled with pain.
He lifted his hand and slid it over his mouth as he struggled with the sharp ache of guilt.
“Forgive me. I never meant to hurt you, Autumn. If you believe nothing else of me, believe that. I only said those things to drive your fury and raise the power, but your human body is too fragile for the energy we raised. I won’t do it again.”
She said nothing, just watched him with eyes filled with a misery that called to the dark ache in his own soul. He took her hand, watching that he didn’t cause her more pain as he tried to ease the fire tormenting her.
Slowly, the arch eased out of her back. Her gray eyes lost their focus, filling with an empty hopelessness that tore out his heart.
“You said those things to drive my fury,” she said softly, her words flat and hollow. “But they were true.”
Kaderil turned his head, unable to watch those empty eyes. “Yes.”
“Leave me.” Her words rang as hollow as her eyes as she pulled her hand from his and rolled onto her side, turning her back on him.
He stared at her rigid back and knew a pain unlike any he’d felt in centuries.
All his life he’d been feared. He’d thought himself immune to emotional pain, immune to hurt. He’d thought his heart’s armor strong enough to withstand anything.
But he’d been wrong.
Nothing in his life had prepared him for the cutting pain of watching eyes that had once looked at him with warmth and affection suddenly slice him to shreds with loathing and fear.
He forced his feet to move, to leave the side of the woman who, for a few short days, had brought such light into his life. In the hallway, he closed the door behind him, then squeezed his eyes closed against the stunning sharpness of his own unhappiness. If only he could let her go.
For her. For him, so that he wouldn’t have to continually face her hatred and misery. But he couldn’t afford to be so weak. She knew he was Esri. If she warned the others, he might never get his hands on that draggon stone. His mission would be forfeit.
And his mission was all he had now.
Chapter 12
“You’ll drive us to the marina.” Kade’s touch on her hand was light, but his voice was not as he handed her the car keys the next morning before they left his apartment. He was dressed in jeans and a black silk shirt that, on his muscular frame, made him look dark, dangerous and way too sexy. Even knowing he was Esri wasn’t enough to stop her body’s response to his potent masculinity.
Autumn’s gaze roamed over the features of the man she’d thought she was falling for. The strong bones and straight nose, the brilliant blue eyes. How could she have been so blind? He still looked like the man who’d kissed her so tenderly, but there was a hard light in his eyes this morning that chilled her to her core.
Overnight, something had changed in him. Or maybe she was just seeing him clearly for the first time.
“You will keep your eyes downcast and you will speak to no one on the way to the car.” He stood in front of her, compelling her to meet his gaze. “You will drive carefully and legally and park the same way once we’re there.”
“Yes, master,” she said sarcastically.
Though he hadn’t said why they were returning to the houseboat, she knew. He wanted that Esri stone. And with the control he had over her now, there was nothing she could do to stop him from getting it. If only she hadn’t told him about Mr. Robertson and the sculptures. If only she had told Jack and the others. Her foolish, foolish wish to impress the Sitheen might kill them all now.
Kade tugged on her hand, but unlike before, the feel of his strong fingers engulfing her own made fear lance her heart. He led her out the apartment door and she followed because she had to. If only she could find a way to thwart him. But the man seemed to think of everything.
The elevator door opened and they walked hand in hand to the car, looking to all the world like lovers. She was still in sweatpants and the flannel shirt she’d found last night, but in the second bedroom she’d at least found women’s underwear and a pair of flip-flops that were a little short, but not too bad. She kept wondering about the woman they’d belonged to.
She unlocked the car doors as they approached the vehicle. “What happened to the owners of your apartment, Kade?”
He glanced at her over the roof of the car. “I don’t know. Ustanis procured me the apartment.”
“So they could be dead.”
“They could also be on vacation. Don’t automatically think the worst, Autumn.”
“Thinking the best certainly hasn’t worked.” Bitterly, she remembered thinking he was a kind and gentle man
. She’d imagined she’d seen a loneliness inside him, and a need for connection that had called to her.
Foolish, foolish Autumn.
“Get in the car,” he said, and she did, unable to do otherwise. When he told her to start the car, she fought against the command with everything she had.
She wasn’t going to drive this car!
But though her mind refused, her body obeyed him, starting the ignition, easing out of the parking space, shifting to drive.
Her hands gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white as she tried to turn the wheel toward the parked cars. Sweat broke out on her brow. A groan of sheer effort escaped her throat.
“You can’t fight it,” Kade said beside her, his tone flat.
With a low cry of frustration, she quit struggling as her unwilling self joined the heavy morning traffic. “Why is this necessary? What are you going to do with those stones? The least you can do is tell me what I’ve done.”
“You already know what they do. The draggon stone opens the gates. The others will revitalize the magic in my world.”
“Is the magic in your world low?”
“Not desperately so, but yes. Lower than it should be.”
He didn’t say any more and didn’t look at her again as she drove to the marina and parked. As she pulled the key out of the ignition, his hand covered hers. The brush of his warm flesh on hers sparked a quick rush of excitement before her mind recoiled and doused the pending fire.
“When I release you, you’ll get out of the car and wait for me silently.”
“Do you really think I could escape you?”
“No. I’m still faster than you. But we’d attract too much attention.”
Her gaze flicked to his. “Two giants chasing one another at superhuman speeds? Go figure.”
For an instant, his expression softened to something slightly shy of granite, then hardened again. “Let’s go.”
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