“This is cool, but can I think for a while?”
“Of course. But that’s not a no?”
“Not a no. A maybe for now.”
“Excellent. I can live with maybes.”
When Jason smiled, Pete grinned back. “You know, this is a great location. When I get out of the museum at night, the sky is so, so bright and full of stars. You know what? You should buy a star.”
“A star?”
“Yeah, you know, for Micah. It’s not that hard to do now since there are a dozen to find and most companies probably sell the same star again and again. But if you get one for Micah, and you tell him it’s all his, then maybe he won’t be afraid of the darker times. It’ll be easier because if he’s scared, he can just look for something that his dad bought for him.”
Jason’s jaw went slack. “My God, that’s brilliant. You’re brilliant.”
Pete’s smile grew. Jason pulled out his phone, apologizing profusely as he did, so he could write down the information and look up a star center that sold certificates online.
“If I don’t write it down now, I’ll forget. My mind’s swiss cheese lately. But thank you, seriously.”
“Not at all. You still say that a lot.”
“I know, but I mean it. Thanks for listening to me too. It’s nice to tell all that stuff right away rather than avoiding it for weeks. I feel a lot better.”
As they finished up their dinner, Pete talked about art, his new job at the museum, and his hopes for the new season. Jason listened intently, as if it was the best thing he’d ever heard. He asked the right questions and listened to the responses without wavering in his attention. By the time their dinner was over, they were too full for dessert but nursed coffee together and talked more about what they wanted out of life.
For a while, everything was easy. And Pete was ready for another date, if he could only let himself take it.
“You know,” Pete said as they gathered their coats and headed toward the door. “You remind me of someone who’s been from the Yukon their entire life.”
“Oh yeah? What do you mean?”
“You’re rough, but fit into the landscape. Covered by snow that never really leaves, even in the heat of summer. Unbalanced with light and dark, but you eventually get it right.”
Jason tilted his head, considering this. “You know, I’ll take it as a compliment.”
“You should.”
“And you should be a poet.”
Pete smiled. He’d always thought there was a kind of poetry in protesting when he was young. As he got older, he found it in subtle places like the blue table napkins of the restaurant, the clanging of dishes they still heard outside, and the ever-present gold of Jason’s eyes.
“Can I walk you home?” Jason asked. “Or give you a ride?”
“I’m within walking distance, so no car.”
“Good. No carbon footprint.” Jason gestured for Pete to lead the way and fell in step behind him. Though the chill in the air was present, Pete took his hands out of his pocket and linked one of them with Jason’s.
“I think we can agree,” Pete said.
“Oh yeah? On not talking about global warming? Our jobs?”
“Yeah. I think I’d like to try it.”
“And you’re a man of your word, so I think we’re good.”
“Yeah. We are.”
When they arrived at Pete’s apartment building, he wanted to invite Jason up. Press him against the wall and cover him with kiss after long kiss. Jason shifted from side to side and glanced down at his watch. Micah. Of course. Pete really would have to see him again if he wanted to get closer to Jason.
“I had fun tonight,” Pete said.
“Yeah? Good. I had fun too. I wish I could stay, but….”
“Go home. See Micah. But….” Pete lingered and ran his tongue along his lip subconsciously. Jason took the hint this time around and stepped closer. He leaned down to press a tight kiss against Pete’s mouth, firm and solid. There was no tongue, except for a brief hint near the end, which was more a taste of what was to come.
“Have a good night, Pete.”
“Thanks. You too.”
Chapter Seven
“DADDY!”
Jason sprung out of bed at the sound of Micah’s voice. He was already down the hall and next to Micah’s side by the time his brain could compute what was going on. Tears stained Micah’s cheeks and ran down and into Jason’s T-shirt as he held him to his chest. Jason didn’t even have to ask Micah what was wrong. A nightmare was the most likely cause, either about his mother or grandmother.
Also, the dark.
“It’s so scary right now,” Micah said.
“I know, I know. But I’m here. Everything is fine.”
Micah groaned and continued to cry. Some of his next words were muffled by his frustrated sighs and Jason’s shirt. Light flooded in from the hallway and bathroom night-lights, but Jason noticed now that the small rocket ship night-light he’d given to Micah had gone out. Shit. The bulb must have been too old, since that was the light Jason had used as a kid and taken from house to house whenever he needed to move. Somehow it still worked, but he should have known it was only a matter of time before it broke.
“I see the problem,” Jason said. “The mission to Mars has been canceled. Let’s find a new ship or a new bulb to make it bright in here again.”
Micah’s cries were softer now. He held up his arms for Jason to carry him, which still made Jason’s heart swell with love. Micah slipped around Jason’s waist as Jason lifted him from the bed. With Micah on his left side, Jason searched the hall and bathroom closets for bulbs but came up with nothing that would fit the night-light.
“What if we switch night-lights?” Jason asked. “For tonight, I can give you the one from the hallway or we can have the boat one from the bathroom. Sound okay?”
“But the rocket ship.”
“I’ll find some bulbs for it, but tomorrow after work. Right now, you’re sleepy and being sleepy makes you sad. You need to go back to bed. So what will it be? The plain bulb or the boat light?”
After a few moments of blinking and worrying his bottom lip, Micah murmured, “Boat.”
“Excellent choice, sailor.”
Jason made sure to flick on the bathroom light before he removed the boat from its socket. Both Jason and Micah blinked under the sudden florescent light in their eyes, but it was worth it to keep Micah calm. Jason tapped the bulb in the boat to make sure it wasn’t too warm.
“Here. You should hold the boat, Micah. I’m your first mate.”
Micah wrapped his fingers around the hull of the boat. His head bobbed as Jason walked him down the hallway, as if he was falling asleep in Jason’s arms. If only things were that easy again…. Jason remembered the first time he held Micah after he was born, his eyes barely open and completely asleep. Jason had been so shocked those first few months at how much newborns actually slept. Micah rarely cried, rarely fussed, but was the picture of dreaming bliss. Everything changed at around one year old, but from what Alison said, that was pretty standard too.
The red glowing letters on Micah’s clock read that it was almost three in the morning. If Jason was lucky, they’d both fall asleep right after this ordeal and get maybe one ninety-minute sleep cycle before Jason’s alarm went off and they needed to get ready for the day. Jason’s body ached the way it always did when he was too tired; his lower back was on fire and his fingers seemed stiff, especially after carrying Micah. He was only thirty years old, but in moments like this, where he sometimes felt helpless to fix Micah’s worries, his age really hit him. For a second, he longed for the days when Micah would sleep and sleep and sleep, but then he’d miss out on other things that gave Micah depth and personality, like his loud laugh, the way he became keenly focused on whatever interested him, and of course, his calling all birds “chickens.”
“All right. Back in bed.”
Jason dropped Micah off on his covers. He u
nplugged the old night-light and swapped it in for the boat one. A wavelike pattern washed over the carpet and Micah’s mood became significantly better. Jason tucked him in and said a few encouraging words. He hoped that was all he had to do, and was about ready to kiss him on the forehead, when Micah reached out for his wrist.
“When will the sun come back?”
“Dawn?” Jason asked. “When will the sun rise and make dawn?”
Micah nodded. “Takes so long now. It’s always dark like it is around Christmas. But it’s not Christmas—is it?”
“No, not Christmas yet. Still have a couple months.” Jason ran a hand through Micah’s curls while his stomach flipped with nerves. The darkness had been creeping up on them both the past few weeks as the months changed. September had been a pretty normal month, like Pete had assured him. The weather became chillier rather quickly, but the day and night were equal. So other than making sure there were always night-lights in the house, Jason hadn’t done much to prepare Micah for the darker times. They were still too busy adjusting to the new work and play schedule, Miss Betsy’s as a day care, Jason’s new job, and Jason’s relationship with Pete.
Jason and Pete had gone out on a couple more dates—dinner, the movies, and even to one of those extremely campy minigolf places where each hole was dedicated to a different facet of the Yukon’s history—but it wasn’t too serious yet. They’d kissed a couple more times and made out at the end credits for a movie, but there had been no sleeping over. Not with Micah still getting used to the house and the new schedule he was on. Jason didn’t think he could focus solely on Pete if Micah was in the adjacent room, as much as he wanted to try.
Because Jason really, really wanted to focus on Pete. The more they hung out, the easier it became to forget their differences. They never brought up work, but instead focused on their pasts and futures. Pete told him so many interesting stories about his life on the reserve, along with his college days when he received a degree in computer sciences, so Jason forgot about anything else. It was only Pete, the historical reenactor and museum guy, now turned into an Inuit art specialist for the winter term.
But now it was October, less than a week until Halloween. The sun had only peeked over the horizon as they drove to Miss Betsey’s the last few days and had set by the time Jason picked him up from her place at night. As much as Jason wanted to put off telling Micah about the darker times, the earth had other plans.
“So why is it dark?” Micah asked. “It was never like this before. I want the sun to come back.”
“I know. That is a good question. Do you remember what time it was when the sun rose at Miss Betsy’s place?”
Micah shook his head.
“I think you do know. What time do I go to work?”
After a while, Micah said, “Eight thirty.”
“Good. So I must have dropped you off at eight, right?”
Micah nodded.
“Good. I’m glad you remembered. It will rise the same time again today, save a couple minutes. But you know, we will get an app for the phone that will tell you exactly how many hours of light you will have and exactly when the sun comes back. How does that sound?”
“Good. The sun will come back?”
“It will. It always will. I promise. It may seem like it’s going to be really dark for a while, but I assure you, that’s only because of where we live now. We’re so, so north now it actually means we’re closer to the sun and closer to the light, which means we get a bigger shadow in the wintertime.” Jason gestured to the night-light. He held his hand over the bulb and pointed to the dark patch he’d created. “See? Just like this. The earth goes around the sun and creates the seasons, so when we get to the summer, it will mean we have even more light.” Jason demonstrated with his hand acting as the earth and the light as the sun, creating what it would look like for the summer.
“Really? More light in the summer?”
“Yes. It’s going to be daylight almost all the time. No nighttimes! It’s very possible that you would go to sleep with the sun, and it will be dark while you’re asleep, and then wake up and it’s bright again.”
Micah’s eyes were wide. It was clearly the best thing he’d ever heard. Jason left the night-light so he could kiss Micah’s forehead.
“But that’s in the summer. Can you be a brave, brave boy for me until we get to the summer?”
Micah considered the question with great concentration. “Yes. I think I can.”
“Good. Remember what I said about how to sleep if you think you can’t? Close your eyes and….”
“Close your eyes and wait. Count to ten or say the alphabet. Then you’ll be asleep.” Micah closed his eyes as he spoke. His lips moved mutely, as if he was already counting. Jason pulled the blankets up around his small body and slinked out of his room.
In his bedroom, Jason took his phone out from the charger. He noticed a few e-mails in his inbox already, but fought the urge to check them. All chance of sleep would be gone as soon as he did that. Instead, he downloaded the app about daylight in the Yukon and checked out the next sunrise: 8:30 a.m. exactly. The app reminded him that daylight savings ended this weekend, which only meant the darkness would escalate faster than before.
The realization that even here—in the darkest spot—they still did something as useless as daylight savings time made Jason angry. How the hell was he going to explain that they were going to be going back into more darkness to Micah? He was about to google more mommy blogs to see what they said about how to deal with a kid being afraid of the dark, when he caught a glimpse of the moonlight from his window. He set his phone down and glanced outside, pressing his hands against the frame. Next to the moon was the North Star, followed by the Pleiades, and everything else he’d studied from school.
You could buy him a star. Pete’s words echoed in his head. Get Micah a star and he won’t be afraid. He’ll have something to look for. Jason had forgotten about the suggestion until this moment, and now, it was even more brilliant than before.
In the next twenty minutes, Jason ordered a star certificate and texted Pete for an impromptu date idea this Saturday.
I know we haven’t talked about staying over, and I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet, but what about staying late? As in, late enough for daylight savings to end? I think I have a good idea for a date—with Micah, too—but I want to know if you’re interested before I get the little man excited.
He didn’t expect to hear back from Pete right away, so Jason crawled into bed and tried to sleep. He wasn’t going to get very much before work, but it was a start. By the time his alarm went off, Pete had written back.
Sure, I’m definitely up for staying late and whatever else that ends up leading to. :) What exactly were you thinking?
Chapter Eight
PETE ARRIVED at Jason’s on Saturday in time for an early dinner at six. Jason told him to dress casual, but since casual to Jason always seemed to mean some kind of designer jeans, Pete had opted for a collared shirt and the nicest pair of pants he owned (still jeans, but there were no holes in the knees). Pete held a pan of brownies in front of him and hoped he hadn’t jumped the gun. Some parents didn’t want their kids to have so much sugar in one day—or even dessert after dinner. Jason was a responsible parent and quite strict about bed times, but what about sugar? Pete rang the bell and tried to shake off his doubts. If Jason wasn’t the type of parent who’d let his kid have some effing brownies on a Saturday night, then he wasn’t worth the time.
Pete laughed at himself. Like you’d really leave him now. If working for an oil company hadn’t made Pete run away, he didn’t think anything would work. Pete was still consistently impressed by Jason’s efforts to prove that he was considerate toward the environment. Even when they went to play minigolf, Jason had insisted on bringing their own food in Tupperware containers so they didn’t leave any garbage behind. Not to mention that the way Jason felt under Pete’s hands when the two had made out after watching
The Martian still gave Pete chills weeks later.
Basically, Jason was perfect. Pete was sure of that. Nothing, short of a meteor hitting the earth and wiping out the Northwest Territories, could change his mind about that.
Pete rang the bell again when no one answered. Some scuffling sounded from inside, but it was only by the third ring of the doorbell that Pete heard someone say something inside.
“Be right there!”
Jason. Distressed Jason. His voice was followed by the pattering of little feet. When the door opened, Pete wasn’t surprised to see Micah on the other side. He had to stretch to reach the knob, but once he did, he seemed super proud of himself.
“Hi, Pete.”
“Hi, Micah. What’s going on?”
“Nothing. Daddy burned a cake.”
“I did not burn it,” Jason said, voice still thin and distressed. “The oven burned it. I was a bystander.”
Pete chuckled as he stepped inside. While Micah ran back into the kitchen, Pete took off his shoes, jacket, and shut the door. The heavy smell of vanilla and burnt cake mix lingered in the air. A large soup pot simmered on the stove, unharmed, while Jason stood over a newly blackened cake pan. It looked like some kind of fossil the museum had and showed to kids. Jason’s hair was a mess from nervously running his hands through it. He wore an apron over his dark blue collared shirt and designer jeans. Jason’s brows were still creased with worry as Pete stepped into the kitchen.
“Oh, Pete. Shoot. Sorry I couldn’t let you in. I didn’t even hear the doorbell until Micah told me.”
“It’s okay. You were busy. And Micah is a good host.” Pete set down his brownies on the counter, already thanking his lucky stars that he didn’t believe for a second that Jason didn’t want dessert. The burned cake was testament to that now. At least in this scenario, Pete got to be the hero.
Chase This Light Page 7
