by P. G. Glynn
“Here’s where we go,” her aunt said, indicating a communal changing area on their left and leading the way in, “to remove our clothes.”
“No.” Suzy responded at once. “I’m not removing anything.”
Lenka looked at her as if at a half-wit. “Are you really so prim?”
The word held a sting, for Suzy had always thought of herself as the opposite. She was also dazed by the way in which her dream was taking on a reality that seemed inevitable. When she dreamed had she been seeing an actual future event? Try though she might, in her befuddled head, she could not remember what happened next.
“I’m simply not a sun-worshipper,” she said. “It isn’t compulsory to be one, is it?”
“I’m glad to see you have spirit! No, nothing is compulsory, but if you keep your clothes on in here you’ll feel somewhat conspicuous. Don’t forget what I said about bodies, Suzy. Probably because you’ve been brought up as more British than Bohemian, you believe they are things to be kept hidden. But that is ridiculous. Why hide our most priceless asset? Yours especially is priceless at the present time for it is unexplored territory. You have no idea of the delights it is due to bring as you – with help of course – explore your sexuality. Such delights begin with an appreciation of the human form – and an abandoning of silly inhibition. So, now will you forget your British upbringing and take off your clothes?”
That had sounded more like an order than a request – besides which Suzy had no wish to forget her upbringing. All the same, what Aunt Lenka said about bodies made a sort of sense in that there seemed no particular merit in hiding them. Suzy could see this in theory. In practice, though, most of the bodies out there in the sweltering sun would look more dignified hidden in her opinion. Remembering that she was wearing matching bra and panties that could pass at quick glance as a bikini, she said: “I’ll take off some of them.”
As well as being the only person partially clad, Suzy distinguished herself by her whiteness when she and Lenka emerged into the sunshine. Conscious of attracting too much attention, she was glad to find an unoccupied patch of grass and settle there with her aunt. She then lay back and closed her eyes, hoping to blot out the curious stares surrounding her along with her concerns about Aunt Lenka.
She must have slept for when she opened her eyes again Edward was imprinted on her consciousness. Had she just dreamed of him? Suzy didn’t remember dreaming and yet he filled her head. Wishing she could remain with Edward instead of resurrecting Vienna, she looked for Aunt Lenka who was no longer beside her.
Suzy then saw her standing over in the far corner, talking to a tall man aged about forty. He had dark hair turning grey in places and his body was slimmer and firmer than most bodies here. When her gaze reached his lower abdomen and then the lengthy appendage between his legs she focused there for a moment before turning her face away. His privates were very different from the twins’ the last time she had seen them. They were different, too, from most privates here – bigger, for one thing, and hairier. Despite the sun’s heat, Suzy shuddered. She glanced back at the man just as he handed something to Aunt Lenka. The ‘something’ appeared to be a wad of money. During their transaction he was eying Suzy oddly and then the most extraordinary thing happened. She had always hated the word penis, but his suddenly jumped … and elongated … and stuck out in front of him like a rod. To her astonishment Aunt Lenka then patted it as if patting a dog.
Suzy gaped before averting her gaze and closing her eyes again. When she next opened them Aunt Lenka was settling back down alongside her saying: “You are certainly the centre of attention, Schatzilein. And it is as I thought: you have a powerful effect on men. Be careful that you don’t make me jealous!”
“Why would you be jealous of me?”
“Why indeed! You have no appreciation, Liebling, of what it means to be seventeen and a blossoming beauty. But then you wouldn’t have, with nobody in the know to guide you through the maze of possibilities that await you. It’s so blinkered of you, to limit your horizons to Britain when Europe has infinitely more on offer. Britain is such a small island that it’s natural for its inhabitants to be small-minded. You are not just British, though, Suzy. You have a whole heritage over here that you seem intent on turning your back on. It’s unfortunate, of course, that we no longer own Schloss Berger because had you grown up there you’d have realised that as a Berger you are virtual aristocracy. I could then have helped you see that you have the whole world at your feet – Europe especially, because we have crowns without heads to wear them currently. For example, the man you saw me talking to just now is a Count who has the intro into many a fine home. Yes, Heini is well connected and has friends right across the Continent! Did you like the look of him, Liebling?”
“Not particularly,” said Suzy, thinking with embarrassment of the way his anatomy behaved. “He looked a bit … seedy to me.”
“Seedy?” her aunt repeated. “What is the meaning of seedy?”
“I don’t know an equivalent German word.” Suzy searched her vocabulary. Hugo had seen to it that his daughter was fluent in his native language and from the beginning she and Lenka had been communicating in both German and English. “Anyway, unwholesome possibly fits him better.”
Lenka frowned. “That is offensive. Don’t you dare judge my friends!”
“But you asked me whether … ”
“You liked the look of him, yes. I didn’t expect such a judgement. You are far too young for your opinion to have any validity. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll be guided by my opinion … and now I suggest you go back to sleep.”
+++++
Suzy wrote to Edward that evening, telling him that she had upset her aunt but not mentioning precisely how. She did mention missing him and wishing she had listened about re-considering this trip. A month suddenly seemed interminable, stuck here in Vienna with a woman so different from the one Suzy thought she had been corresponding with. She now realised that at ten she was seeing Aunt Lenka through the eyes of a child and admiring her for her elegance and sophistication. Her eyes at seventeen saw further and the admiration she used to feel was being replaced with … fear.
Suzy’s fear had no precise form at bedtime. It was just a feeling she had identified … just a sense of impending threat.
Aunt Lenka was still in a bad mood with her when she went to bed. Lying there under the canopy with the gold crown above her head, Suzy found sleep elusive. She wondered whether she could escape to Nandad’s tomorrow, but couldn’t figure out quite how to do so without risking angering her aunt beyond reason. When she finally fell asleep she dreamed weird and troubled dreams.
These were strangely familiar, almost as if she had dreamed them before and already knew where they were taking her. They took her through a misty garden to a house with a red front door. It was a small house she noticed, despite being small herself. Who was with her? Someone was because she could hear breathing. But she could not see anyone. The mist was thickening.
Then she was lifted. Eyes watched her. She could not tell whose eyes they were because of the mist … and because a breast was thrusting from somewhere, its nipple almost in her mouth now. She pushed it away with both fists, yelling in protest.
There was something else: not another breast, but horrid as well. The taste of it made her feel sick, but she couldn’t spit it out because … because she wasn’t allowed. A hand was clamped over her mouth, making it impossible to breathe … impossible to be …
She screamed.
Suzy awoke wondering who was screaming. It was a relief to have awakened and left the nightmare behind… until she remembered Aunt Lenka and her moodiness of last evening. The prospect of the day ahead filled her with dread.
Over breakfast consisting of toast and coffee, Lenka said: “We are still friends, yes?”
Thinking it best to agree, Suzy responded: “Yes.”
“And you slept well?”
Suzy nodded. “Except for a bad dream. Did yo
u hear me screaming? I’m not sure whether I actually screamed, or just dreamed I did.”
“I heard nothing – but then these apartments are solidly built and the walls are very thick. What did you dream of, Schatzilein?”
“I don’t know exactly.” Suzy thought back. “I seemed to be a baby, because someone was trying to breastfeed me. Then, when I refused the breast, they gave me something else to eat … something disgusting … and forced me to eat it.”
Lenka gaped at her. “Who has been telling you things? Why, Suzy, are you doing this to me?”
Startled at the change in her aunt, who seemed to have paled beneath her bronzed skin and whose eyes were fixed on her like gimlets, Suzy said: “I’m not doing anything to you … just describing my dream, as you asked me to.”
“Is that the truth?”
“Of course it is!”
Lenka seemed to believe her and to relax a little. But her eyes didn’t leave Suzy’s face and their penetrative gaze was discomfiting. Suzy said: “I was thinking of going to see Nandad today.”
“That’s impossible!” her aunt snapped. “Otto will be working – besides which, I have plans for us.”
“What plans?”
“You’ll see – when we reach St. Stephan’s.”
+++++
En route to the cathedral by taxi, Lenka told Suzy: “Please remember today to behave better than you behaved yesterday.”
“How do you mean?”
“In the sense of treating my friends with respect.”
“Are we meeting some of them, then?”
“Not some, Schatzilein – just one – and you owe it to me to be kind to him.”
“Owe it to you?”
“Yes. After the trouble I’ve gone to, you must be sure not to cause offence.”
It suddenly dawned on Suzy who Aunt Lenka was taking her to see. “Heini?” she queried. “Is that who we’re meeting?”
“Natuerlich!” answered her aunt. “He’s keen to get to know you – and ah, here we are at St Stephan’s!”
Suzy saw the zig-zag roof of the cathedral and then, with horror, saw the man from the Donau Bad – dressed now in a smart navy suit to conceal his weird anatomy. He had spotted them and was walking purposefully toward their taxi. Suzy told Lenka: “He might be a Count, or he might not be. It makes no difference to me. I owe you nothing. You aren’t the person I thought you were. In fact, you’re someone else entirely … and are obscenely inferior to my darling Nama. I don’t know what makes you tick and don’t care. If I saw what I think I saw yesterday … that is, if you took money from him and his money is meant to involve me in any sense whatsoever, then you are sick.”
The taxi door opened and Heini put his head in, saying: “Gruess Gott! Let me help you lovely ladies.”
“I don’t need help,” Suzy said, brushing his hand aside and stepping on to the pavement. “But she does! So I’ll leave you two together. Perhaps you can help each other.”
Then she started running … running as if her life depended on it.
+++++
Suzy had thought to find her grandfather until she remembered that he was working and that she didn’t know where. So she ran back in the direction of Aunt Lenka’s apartment, trusting that the concierge would let her in to collect her belongings and trusting that her aunt’s business with Heini would keep her elsewhere. The whole episode had a surreal quality and as she ran she realised that she was living her dream – not last night’s nightmare, but the old recurring dream wherein she kept running from St Stephan’s and from a nipple linked with a shadowy man. What on earth was happening to her?
She knew the way instinctively and, arriving, breathlessly asked the elderly concierge whether he kept a spare key to Frau Berger’s residence. “I think,” said a male voice from just behind her, “that I can possibly help.”
Swinging round in alarm, Suzy saw a tall, thin man wearing predominantly black. He had sunken cheeks and his skin was very pale and wrinkled. “Who are you?” she asked him.
“My name is Fritz – Fritz Meyer,” he told her. “I … lodge with your aunt. I need not ask who you are.”
“Why not?”
He smiled, but she noticed that the smile did not touch his eyes. “Because, long ago, I met your grandmother – and you are the image of her. That will not have gone down well with Lenka.”
“Why won’t it?”
He shrugged. “We need not concern ourselves with the past, as it’s over. Let’s dwell in the present. You wish for some reason to enter Lenka’s apartment without her?”
“Yes.”
“Then come with me.”
They proceeded in silence to Lenka’s front door, which Fritz opened with a key that he took from his pocket. Suzy found his presence slightly unnerving, for she knew nothing about him yet he lived in this apartment and seemed to know plenty about her and about Nama. She also felt uncertain whether it was safe to be alone with him. He looked so stern and somehow forbidding. “I’ll be very quick,” she told him.
“You are packing?” He followed her to her room and then said: “That’s no more than I expected. Marie could never get along with Lenka either.”
Throwing her things into a suitcase as Fritz stood in the doorway, Suzy observed: “I’m not surprised … but why couldn’t she?”
“It’s a long story – too long to tell someone who’s obviously in a great hurry to leave. The story began in Vienna so it’s fitting that it should end here. It is fitting, too, that the world has moved on from the one I once knew. Instead of the inconsistencies that there used to be, we now have an era of equality. The sun has set on the Bergers and their ilk just as it did on the Habsburgs. Yes, the landed gentry of the old Empire had had it too good for far too long. Circumstances of birth should not give one man a castle, another a hovel. That is wrong, wrong, wrong! At least we evened things up a bit. We might not have won the war in the way we wished, but we made our mark on history.”
“Were you a Nazi?”
“I served Hitler faithfully, just as your Uncle Ludwig did … until he weakened and spared your grandfather. That was Ludwig’s undoing. If the idiot had not shot himself, then I would have shot him!”
“You wanted him to kill Nandad?” Suzy gasped.
“I’ve spoken out of turn. In this post-war world there’s senseless persecution for my Fuehrer’s servants. So, you must forget what I said. Unless you promise to forget, I shall take steps … ”
“There’s no need to threaten me,” Suzy told him, shutting her suitcase. “I have a very short memory … and I’m leaving Vienna. If you wish, you can help me leave quickly by ringing for a taxi.”
With a mock bow Fritz told her: “I shall do that with pleasure. We already have one Berger too many here in Austria.”
+++++
Otto was dancing under the stars with Suzy in his arms. She was a changed Suzy, who had learned to her cost that when a person was put on a pedestal there was a big risk of them toppling off. And there was something else she had learned: something she was having difficulty putting into words.
Now, on the deck of their Danube steamer as they headed by starlight toward Duernstein, he was reminded of another river-boat in another country, another time. He had not danced with Marie back then, heading from Westminster to Kew, but he had felt as if he were dancing for she had captured his heart right from when she first flashed those dramatic eyes at him. And he was still captive. For the rest of his life he would be hers, whether or not she was his. Such was Marie’s magic … and Suzy had inherited it.
She was Marie again and yet she was also herself. Could there be any better arrangement? Otto rather doubted that there could. And now Suzy was telling him of a very odd thing. “They were Aunt Lenka’s eyes,” she said.
“How do you mean?”
“You haven’t been listening to me!”
“Oh, but I have,” he assured her with a smile. “I just want to be absolutely clear as to your meaning.”
&
nbsp; “The eyes watching me in my dream – I couldn’t work out whose they were while I was dreaming, but I’m convinced now that they were Aunt Lenka’s.” Suzy suddenly stopped dancing and stood stock-still. “Nandad, who killed Carla … and … and how did they do it?”
“Let’s go and sit down for a bit,” Otto suggested. Then, when they were sitting at their table with the Blue Danube Waltz playing, he said: “Lenka killed her, but we must remember that she was deranged at the time. Someone not in their right mind can’t be blamed in the same way as … ”
Suzy interrupted him, saying: “Nama told me it was Aunt Lenka, but I wouldn’t listen to her.”
“Perhaps it wasn’t in your interests, then, to listen. Perhaps, for some reason, you needed to find out for yourself.”
“Perhaps I did,” Suzy said pensively. Then: “You haven’t told me yet how she killed her.”
“With a poisonous mushroom called death cap,” he said.
Staring at him, Suzy blanched. She could not speak immediately. “In my dream,” she said after a time, “I was a small child and someone with Aunt Lenka’s eyes forced something horrible into my mouth. I must have dreamed I was Carla, mustn’t I?”
“It would seem so,” an awed Otto agreed, “unless, of course, you’ve … lived twice.”
63
Marie was ecstatic to have Suzy safely back. She had returned within a week of leaving for Vienna and a large proportion of that week had been spent with her grandfather in preference to spending it with Lenka. So it had not taken Suzy long to get her aunt’s measure and while the process had been painful Marie doubted it had left lasting scars. She gathered that Otto had helped Suzy see Lenka in perspective and she was grateful to him. She felt gratitude currently for many things.
Smiling at Suzy across the table she said: “This is such a treat! Thank you for inviting me.”
