by Nikki Ash
“You are going to live, Delilah. Don’t say that shit!” he yells.
“There’s a ten percent chance I’ll die!”
“Ninety percent chance you’ll live!”
“The odds aren’t in my favor, Cole. I’m the one in a million chance of getting breast cancer.”
“You had cancer before and you beat it, and you’ll beat it again.”
“What if I don’t? What if my luck has run out? What if I never make it to prom or to graduation? What if I never get to go on a date or be kissed or even have sex?” I repeat every thought I was thinking, out loud.
“Stop it!” Cole yells. “Stop saying—”
But before he can finish his sentence, my mouth crashes against his. My tongue plunges through his lips as my arms go around his neck. I kiss my best friend with everything in me as I try to convey every emotion I’m feeling in this moment: anxiousness, sheer panic, desperation. It’s my first kiss and it’s nothing like I imagined. I always pictured it to be soft and sweet, but this isn’t that. It’s hard and rough, fear pouring out of the both of us. Cole takes over the kiss, and before I know it, we’re breaking apart only long enough to pull each other’s clothes off. We should be thinking about the consequences but we aren’t. At least I’m not. The only thing I’m thinking about is wanting to feel something other than fear. Needing something to numb this pain. Take my mind off the tomorrow and live for today because there’s a real possibility that tomorrow may not come for me. Cole lays me down on the haybed, and I pull his face toward mine, our lips pressing against one another.
“Cole...Delilah.” Xander’s words stop us in our tracks. We both look at him, hurt evident in his face as he stands there, his eyes darting back and forth between Cole and me.
“You asked me to meet you here,” he says to Cole. “What’s going on?”
“I have breast cancer,” I choke out, and Xander pales. He doesn’t need any further explanation. He knew this was a possibility when we talked by the lake the night of our birthday party. He cuts across the room and pulls me out from under Cole, hugging me tight.
“It’s okay, sweet girl. We’re here for you.”
“I’m scared,” I murmur into Xander’s chest, ignoring the fact that I’m completely naked in his arms.
“Have you guys been together before?” Xander asks, and when I glance up, I see he’s looking at Cole for an answer.
“No,” Cole says, “it just happened.” He swallows hard, looking from Xander to me. “It was a mistake,” he says softly, clearly not wanting to hurt my feelings.
“I have to get a mastectomy on Monday. I’m going to have a breast removed before I’ve even gone out on a date. My hair is going to fall out from the chemo and no guy is going to want to date me...if I survive.”
“You will survive,” Cole growls out.
“But there’s a chance that I won’t and I don’t want to wait until it’s too late. I don’t want to die before I get to live and experience things like having sex.”
“So you want Cole to be your first?” Xander asks, and it hits me that had Xander shown up instead of Cole, I would’ve just as easily attacked him the way I did Cole. It wasn’t about who I was kissing, but why I was kissing him. I feel like my life is spinning out of control, and I’m just trying to grab ahold of something—or someone—to steady myself. Cole and Xander have always been the ones to keep me stable when I felt like I was going crazy. For the last six years, no matter how far I’d fallen into that dark abyss, they’d been my light to guide me back out. And right now, I just really need them to hold my hand.
“I want to have sex”—I clear my throat so I can finish my sentence—“with both of you.” I’m looking at Xander when I say it, and his eyes widen. Then I glance over to Cole, who is still naked, and he’s just as shocked.
“You’re my best friends, and I love you both equally. On Monday, my entire life is going to change, and I’m terrified I won’t get a chance to live past my teens. I’m going to have my breast removed. I just...I just want to experience what it’s like to make love to someone—for a guy to touch me while I’m still me.” A tear escapes and Xander catches it halfway down my cheek.
chapter four
Cole
“Put your shirt back on while I talk to Cole for a minute,” Xander says to Delilah, setting her down on the haybed. She nods, and grabbing my shirt instead of hers, pulls it over her head. I swipe my boxers up from the ground and put them on. Xander grabs me by my arm and pulls me over to the corner. “What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking we’re going to do whatever she asks because she has fucking cancer and there’s no way we’ll deny her anything she wants.” Xander nods thoughtfully, and I ask him, “Are you okay with this?”
His eyes meet mine, and I can see he’s at war with himself over this, but I’m not sure why. Since the day we met Delilah, we’ve made it a point to give her anything she wants or needs, and not because she demands it or expects it, but because she deserves it. She deserves everything life has to offer, especially when that same life she’s simply trying to live has dealt her a shitty fucking hand. We might not be able to control the cancer and whether it kills her, but we can help make sure that while she’s alive, she’s living her life and is happy. I never want her to live—or die—with regrets. Watching her fight for her life when we were younger made us all realize how fragile life really is, and that it can be taken from us in a blink of an eye. She can be taken from us in the blink of an eye. Not a day will ever go by that Delilah doesn’t know just how loved she is.
“Okay,” he finally agrees, “If this is what you want to do, then I’ll do it.”
“So...how do we do this?” I ask.
“We both make love to her like she wants.” Xander shrugs then walks past me over to Delilah, and I follow. “We’ll do it,” he tells her, “but we need rules.”
“Okay.” She nods her understanding.
“Only this once,” Xander says. “We make love to you and then you fight like hell to beat this shit.” She nods. “Nothing changes between any of us. After tonight, we go back to being friends. We don’t discuss it with anyone.” He looks from Delilah to me. “Agreed?”
“Agreed,” we both say. People in this small fucking town already talk shit about how close the three of us are. The last thing we need is to confirm their rumors are no longer fiction.
“How do we decide who goes first?” I ask.
“She’ll flip a coin.”
“Really?” I laugh humorlessly.
“It’s the only way to keep it fair. If she decides, she’s choosing one of us. No sides.”
“Okay,” Delilah agrees.
Xander pulls a quarter out of his pocket. “Call it,” he says to me.
“Heads.”
The quarter flies through the air and after spinning several times, lands on the ground.
chapter five
Delilah
I can’t believe this is actually happening. I’m about to make love for the first time and it will be to my two best friends. When I mentioned the three of us being together, I thought for sure at least one of them would turn me down, but they didn’t. I should probably be more nervous about this, but I’m not. As a matter of fact, being with the two of them for my first time feels right. They’ve been there for me every day for the last six years. They’ve seen me at my worst—throwing up, bald, and crying—and they still love me. Being with them for my first time makes complete sense.
I watch Xander as he unlaces his shoes and kicks them off. Then he undoes his jeans and pulls them down. He grabs his wallet from his pocket, opens it up and pulls out the condoms he has stored in there. He throws one to Cole and drops the other one next to the bed. He throws his pants to the side then reaches behind him and pulls his shirt off, leaving him in only his boxers, exposing his chest and abs. My eyes dart from Xander to Cole. Both of them are similar in height. Both lean and muscular from years of playing basketball and workin
g out. I’ve seen them a million times without their shirts on when we go swimming or when they’re helping my dad on the ranch, but I’ve never actually looked at them. Now, as I stand here with them in front of me, it hits me that my two best friends are both gorgeous.
“Have either of you done this before?” I ask, even though I’m almost positive I know the answer. We’ve heard the rumors but choose to ignore them. The ones where jealous girls who get turned down by Cole and Xander try to say I’m having sex with one or both of them. I know they just say it because they’re mad that two of the most popular basketball players at our school don’t date anyone and they’re always seen with me. Since the not so quiet speculations don’t seem to bother Cole or Xander, I just let it go and let people think whatever they want.
“No,” they say in unison.
Xander takes control by walking up to me and pulling Cole’s shirt back off my body, leaving me once again naked. “Lay down, sweet girl,” he murmurs softly, and I do as he says, laying down on the haybed.
“Cole,” Xander says, and Cole comes over. “We need to get her ready.” Xander parts my legs, leaving me wide open and vulnerable. I should be embarrassed, but I’m not, and not for the first time, I think how lucky I am that my first time will be with my two best friends. Cole and I watch as Xander ducks his face down, spreads my pussy lips, and licks up my slit, his warm tongue eliciting a shiver down my spine and straight to my core.
After a couple laps of his tongue, he murmurs, “Holy shit, you’re soaked.” He looks up at me, and I can see the wetness sparkling on his beautiful lips. His tongue darts out to taste my juices and the muscles at the apex of my thighs tighten. His gaze meets Cole’s, and he gives him a slight nod before he looks back down at my pussy and slowly inserts a single finger into me. He pushes it in and then pulls it out a few times before he adds another one. He stops for a second and gives Cole a heated look before he inserts a third finger.
Cole’s gaze leaves my lower half and his mouth and hands go directly to my breasts, massaging and sucking on them tenderly. Xander continues to fuck me with his fingers, and I can feel something in me building, my body shaking with need. His fingers stop, and I hear myself let out a sigh, wanting him to keep going. But before I can verbalize my complaint, his cool breath is once again against my entrance. His tongue landing on my clit as he pushes his fingers back into me.
I moan loudly, but I’m quickly silenced as Cole claims my lips. One of my hands go to Xander’s head, my fingers running through his hair, silently pleading with him to never stop doing what he’s doing to my body. My other hand grips the back of Cole’s neck as he continues to kiss me passionately, and before I know it, my body is built so high, wound so tight, I have no choice but to let go and fall, and holy shit what a fall it is. My entire body trembles and my pussy spasms. I feel like I’ve lost all control, as I come all over Xander’s fingers and tongue. It’s not the first orgasm I’ve ever had, as I’ve given myself a few while experimenting, but it’s definitely the most mind blowing.
While I’m still coming down from my orgasm, I notice Cole’s eyes meet Xander’s. Something must be silently communicated between the two of them because Xander stands and comes to the side of me while Cole pulls his boxers down and rolls the condom on. I notice his hands are shaking as he parts my legs.
“Are you okay?” I ask, and his eyes meet mine.
“Yeah.” He runs his fingers through his hair like he always does when he’s nervous. “I’m sorry if this isn’t good for you.” His lips twitch into a handsome smirk.
“I’m with the two of you. It will be good no matter what,” I insist.
“If it hurts too much, just tell me, okay?”
“Okay,” I agree.
With one hand gripping the inside of my thigh, Cole lines his dick up at my entrance. Xander doesn’t make a move to touch me, so I make the move instead. Pulling his boxers down, I grip his dick and tug his body towards me. His shaft is hard but dry at first, so I lick the palm of my hand to lubricate it. And as Cole slowly pushes himself into me, I focus on stroking Xander, afraid of the inevitable pain I’m about to endure. When I start to feel the head of his dick pushing into me, I gasp out loud. Xander leans down, and removing my hand from his dick, he takes both my hands into one of his and holds them above my head as he kisses me for the first time.
His tongue swirls with mine as Cole continues to enter me. The further he goes, the more it hurts, and the harder Xander kisses me. I feel it when Cole pushes past the barrier of my virginity. My mouth opens to gasp in pain but Xander’s kisses swallow it down, and he doesn’t stop kissing me as Cole slowly pumps in and out of me. With every thrust, the pain begins to subside little by little, and when it’s finally just tolerable, Cole stills, and even through the condom, I can feel the warmth of his release.
He pulls out, and Xander stops kissing me. Both guys stand and switch places. I watch as Cole removes his condom and tosses it into the garbage as Xander rolls his on.
Xander kneels in front of me, and his eyes lock with mine, silently asking if I’m sure I want to do this. But he was right in what he said earlier. I can’t choose. I need to be with them both. I give Xander a small nod, and he pushes into me. I try to keep from wincing in pain, but I can’t help it. I’m already sore from being with Cole moments ago.
Xander’s not quite as gentle as Cole, but he isn’t rough either as he thrusts slowly in and out of me. Realizing I’m giving all my attention to Xander and none to Cole, my eyes leave Xander to look at Cole, and that’s when I notice, he’s frozen next to me, staring at Xander.
Needing to touch him in some way like I did with Xander while Cole was in me, I intertwine my fingers with Cole’s. He glances down at our hands and smiles sweetly at me for a moment before he leans over and kisses me. I can feel it when Xander is about to come, because unlike Cole’s steady thrusts, Xander’s turn frantic like he’s losing control. His fingers dig into the flesh of my thighs, and I let out a low moan. Cole breaks our kiss, and as Xander comes, my eyes are on Cole, while his are on Xander.
The three of us are back in our clothes and laying in our haybed. My face is snuggled into the crook of Xander’s shoulder with his arms around me, and Cole’s head is resting on my belly—his fingers trailing up and down my side while my fingers thread through his hair. If I could freeze a single moment in time, it would be right here, right now, with my boys. My body might be sore but it only serves as a reminder that I’ve just made love to my two best friends. My hair is still full, my breasts are still intact, and I don’t feel sick or weak. I feel whole. I feel complete.
“Why is it that I feel more scared now than I did when I was twelve?”
“Because when we’re kids, we don’t understand fear. It’s why parents have to hold their toddlers’ hands while crossing the road, put fences around the pools, and remind them to chew completely when eating,” Cole answers. “The day we met you, you were sick and weak, throwing up more than not, yet you were still so strong and brave. You had no fear because you didn’t really understand what it would mean to die.”
“We’re going to be with you every step of the way,” Xander adds. “I know I’m at TU, but I’m only a forty minute drive away, and Cole is right next door. Just like six years ago, we’re here for you. And when you get through this, you’re going to go to college and join some girly sorority and have the time of your life. Your hair will grow back and your breast will be replaced, and years from now, you will look back and this will all just be a shitty memory. Just a small moment in time.”
“I don’t want to join a sorority. I want to live with you guys.”
“I have to live on campus the first two years because of basketball, and if Cole plays he’ll have to as well, but once you guys are juniors, we’ll make it happen. I promise,” Xander says. “Just get through this, please.”
chapter six
Xander
“Hey man, I’m going to grab a shower!” I yell to my room
mate and teammate, Tim. We’ve just gotten done with practice and all the guys are planning to go to the cafeteria to get dinner. The dorm I live in is strictly for the athletes. It’s one room to two people and we share a bathroom. The room isn’t huge but it’s decent. Like me, Tim is majoring in business. A common major for athletes. Because we’re freshman, we’re only taking the general education classes right now, but holy shit, college is nothing like high school. I’m only a month into this semester and I’m already struggling in several of my classes. If it wasn’t for Delilah helping me, I don’t know what I would do. I’ve never been a good student, but luckily I have her, and she’s damn smart.
“All right, I need to finish and turn in an assignment anyway,” Tim says. “I’ll jump in the shower after you.” He sits down at his desk and starts typing away on his laptop.
Grabbing a change of clothes, I bring them into the bathroom with me, and after undressing and making sure the water is hot enough, I jump in the shower. The steady flow of the water beats against my aching muscles, and I roll my neck in an attempt to loosen them up. Squirting some soap into my hands, I lather up and start washing down my sore as hell body. One thing I’ve quickly learned about college ball is that the coaches don’t play around. We’re up every day at five a.m. for our morning workout, and when we aren’t in class, we’re practicing. We’re already halfway through the season and still undefeated. The guys are supportive of each other, and we all get along. They’re even great about lending me their car occasionally so I can drive down and check on Delilah. She’s had her surgery and is recovering. They’ve checked and believe they’ve gotten everything, which is a good sign. If all goes well, she’ll be starting chemo soon. Thankfully, Cole and her parents are around, so she’s never alone.
