by Noelle Adams
Abigail hadn’t taken Mia for the two previous years, since she’d felt so much like she didn’t belong in the town, in the community—but she decided to take her this year.
She’d invited Thomas too, which she never would have done even six months ago. He was on call all day, but he hadn’t been called in yet, so he was waiting for them on the sidewalk when Abigail pulled her car into a parking place and got out with Mia.
He wore khakis and looked handsome and casual, a little less tired and stressed than he normally did.
She suddenly realized how happy she was to see that—that he was a little more rested, a little more relaxed. Like he was happier than he’d been for so long.
It made her feel restless and heavy and oddly excited as she admitted she might be part of the reason for it.
He’d always wanted to be married to her. He’d never wanted them to be apart. She’d thought for so long that it was mostly the marriage itself that he wanted and the kind of wife he had in his mind. But he’d said it was more than that. He’d said it was her he wanted, even as she was now.
And it wasn’t as hard as it used to be to believe that was true.
“What is it?” he asked her softly, as he slid Mia back to the sidewalk after the hug he’d given her.
She shook her head, a little self-conscious at the direction of her thoughts.
He didn’t press her for an answer, and he put his hand on her back as they walked toward the center of the park, where the children and parents were gathering for the hunt to begin.
Mia was sober as she walked, her hand tucked in her father’s. Abigail hoped she wouldn’t be too shy to enjoy it, but it was a pretty big crowd, which always intimidated the little girl.
Someone called out to them, and Abigail looked over to see Alice and Micah, Daniel’s brother, waving at them with a pretty toddler in a pink dress at their feet.
She waved back, but Abigail suddenly felt a flush warming her cheeks as she realized something she should have thought of before.
Half the town was here this afternoon. People she knew, people Thomas knew. And they were here together. His hand was still resting possessively on the small of her back.
People would wonder. People would assume. The whole town would believe they were back together and their marriage was finally fixed.
She shifted away slightly so Thomas had to drop his hand.
She was so happy and excited about the way things were going with them, but she didn’t want to do it in front of the eyes of the whole town.
“Mommy?”
She focused down on Mia, forcing the other concerns out of her mind. “Yes?”
“Do you think I’ll be able to find an Easter egg?”
“I think so. There are lots of them hidden.”
“But there are lots of other kids here. And some are bigger than me.”
“But some are smaller too. They hide the eggs in different ways so big and little kids can both find them.” Abigail glanced up at Thomas, hoping for his affirmation, but he had pulled out his pager, which his hospital still used to contact its staff.
She almost cursed under her breath when she saw him glance down at it. He looked over and met her eyes, making a reluctant face.
“It’s fine,” she said. “Did you get called in?”
“Yeah. I think so. I need to call in to see.” He leaned down to kiss Mia. “I might have to go to the hospital to work, sweetheart. I’m sorry if I have to miss your Easter Egg Hunt.”
Mia’s expression twisted slightly, but Abigail reached down to squeeze the girl’s shoulder. “Okay, Daddy,” Mia said, understanding the silent signal and giving him an attempt at a smile. “That’s okay.”
“Thank you. Let me call in and see.”
Thomas walked away, pulling out his phone to call, and Abigail saw Gabe, Lydia, and Ellie, so she and Mia went over to say hello.
When Abigail glanced back to Thomas, she saw he was lowering his phone. He met her eyes across the distance.
“I’m going to talk to Daddy,” she told Mia. “Stay with Aunt Lydia for a minute. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Abigail walked over to Thomas. “You have to go in?” she asked, feeling ridiculously disappointed. She’d really been looking forward to the day with him and Mia.
“Yes. I’m sorry. I was hoping to have the day.”
“It’s fine. It happens. Mia will be all right.”
He lifted a hand to stroke her cheek with his knuckle. “And you?”
“I’m fine. You’re a surgeon, Thomas. It’s part of the job. It’s really okay. You better get going.”
“Okay.” His eyes were soft as he leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips. “I’ll call you later.”
Abigail’s hand had settled on his shoulder, and she was aware of dropping it as he pulled away.
She watched him walk back to where he’d park and was suddenly conscious of the fact that he’d kissed her in front of everyone.
She hoped no one would ask her any questions. She wouldn’t be able to answer them.
***
The Easter Egg Hunt went well over all. Mia was very proud of the three eggs she found, and she’d even made friends with a little boy who lived a couple of blocks away.
She’d been disappointed that her father hadn’t been able to stay, but it hadn’t ruined her day.
Lydia and Gabe invited her and Mia to go out to dinner with them and Ellie afterwards, and Abigail had had been happy to accept. She really liked both of them, and Mia enjoyed talking to Ellie, even though the other girl was almost four years older than her.
All in all, it had been a good day, although it would have been better if Thomas had been able to stay.
She and Mia got home at around seven, and they changed clothes and settled down to read a book. They’d only gotten a few pages into it when the phone rang.
Abigail reached for it quickly, hoping it was Thomas.
It was.
“Hey,” he said, when she picked up.
Even from the one word, she knew something was wrong. He sounded stretched, pained. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
“Do you think you…” He cleared his throat. “Is Mia in bed yet?”
“No. It’s not even eight. What’s wrong, Thomas? Did you want to come over? We’re both still up.” Her pulse was racing with anxiety, since something was obviously wrong with him.
“Yeah.” He cleared his throat again. “I do. Just give me a little while. I need to…”
When he trailed off again, Abigail put down the book she’d been holding. “You’re scaring me,” she said softly, as if the lowered tone might hide the sentiment from Mia, who was seated right next to her. “Tell me what’s—”
She broke off when she realized what must have happened. Thomas had been called in for a surgery, and there was only one thing that left him broken and incoherent this way.
“We’re coming out to get you,” she said, knowing immediately what she needed to do. “Just stay there. We’re coming to get you.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
When she hung up, Mia’s eyes were wide and scared. “Is Daddy okay?”
“Yeah. He’s okay. He had a really hard day at work, so we’re going over to pick him up from the hospital. That sounds like a good plan, doesn’t it?”
Mia had already jumped up. “Yes. I just need to get my shoes on.”
Abigail was wearing a t-shirt and sweats, and Mia was wearing fuzzy pajamas with bunnies on them, which she and Thomas had picked out last week—she’d made him buy a matching set for himself—but Abigail didn’t want to take the time to change their clothes. They got their shoes, and Abigail grabbed her purse, and they were in the car in less than five minutes.
When they pulled into the parking lot in front of the hospital, Abigail said in a serious tone, “Now, Daddy might not want to talk. He’s had a really hard day. So we’ll let him just be quiet, if he wants. We’ll just be with him so he knows that we lo
ve him. Okay?”
Mia nodded, pushing her glasses up her nose. “Can I give him a hug, if I’m quiet about it?”
“Yes. I think he would like that.”
She took her daughter’s hand as they walked into the hospital, and they found Thomas in his office, slouched on the small couch, his long legs stretched out in front of him.
“Daddy!” Mia cried, when they saw him, running over to where he sat.
He reached down to pick her up, and he pulled her into a tight hug. Abigail was touched and deeply concerned as she walked over. Thomas wasn’t letting go of Mia. He was holding her like she might slip through his fingers.
Abigail lowered herself to sit beside him, not saying anything for what felt like a long time, until finally Thomas loosened his arms.
To anyone else, he would just look tired, but Abigail knew he was feeling a lot more than that.
“Were you reading a book when I called?” he asked, obviously trying to sound natural as he stroked Mia’s hair.
She nodded mutely, her eyes turning from her father to Abigail.
“It’s okay,” Abigail said. “You can definitely answer him.”
“Yes, we were reading, but we’d just started when we had to come get you.”
“Thank you for coming. Why wouldn’t you be able to answer me?” Thomas asked, a question on his face.
“Mommy said we should be quiet if you wanted to be quiet. Do you want us to be quiet, Daddy?”
“You don’t have to be quiet, sweetheart. I’m really glad that you’re here.” He pulled Mia into another, looser hug.
Abigail felt like cradling him, he looked so utterly battered. She needed to get him home first, though. “Are you done for the day?” she asked him quietly.
He nodded.
“Good. Why don’t we drive Daddy back to his house? That way he can get to bed soon, since he’s really tired.”
Thomas looked like he might object, but neither Mia nor Abigail let him. They collected his stuff and got him out the door to his office and out of the building and to their car. Mia was worried about leaving his car at the hospital all night, but Abigail convinced her it would be fine and they could just drive him back in the morning.
Thomas didn’t say much on the ride home, and, despite his attempt to act normal when they all traipsed in through the front door, Abigail couldn’t bear to leave him alone in the big old house.
“Why don’t we stay here tonight?” she suggested. “It’s past your bedtime anyway, and that way we can see Daddy in the morning.”
“That’s a good plan,” Mia said. “We don’t want to leave Daddy alone if he’s had a bad day.”
Thomas began, “You can go back if you—”
“We don’t want to go back,” Abigail insisted. “Unless you’re kicking us out.”
“Of course, I’m not kicking you out.” Thomas was just standing in the hall, rubbing his face with one hand.
With this decided, Abigail helped Mia get settled in her bedroom and get ready for bed. Then she and Thomas said goodnight to the girl and left her reading.
Thomas didn’t say anything when they were in the hall alone together. He gave his head a little shake and headed for the kitchen.
Abigail followed him.
She wanted to demand he tell her what exactly had happened, but she restrained the instinct. Instead, she poured them both a glass of water and watched as Thomas gulped his down.
After a few minutes, Thomas began, “It…it was…”
Abigail waited, feeling breathless, so concerned.
“It was a girl. Mia’s age.”
“Oh, no,” she murmured, moving toward him and pressing herself against him. “Oh, Thomas, no.”
“I thought I could…I did everything I could.”
“I know you did. Sometimes there’s nothing you can do. I know that doesn’t make it easier, but it’s true.”
Thomas’s arms wrapped around her, as tightly as he’d been holding Mia earlier. He felt hard and strong and human—and needy somehow.
Like he needed her. Desperately.
And she wanted him to need her that way. She needed for him to need her.
“Let’s go to bed,” she said at last. “Let’s just go to bed.”
“I’m not ready yet,” he mumbled against her hair.
“But you’re dead on your feet, Thomas. Please.” She pulled away enough to look at his face, and realized why he was so reluctant. So she said, “I’ll stay with you. I’ll come to bed with you.”
His expression broke in an emotion she couldn’t quite identify. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. I want to come to bed with you.”
Nine
Getting ready for bed wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable, as Abigail might have supposed.
The master suite in Thomas’s big old house was set up exactly as their bedroom had been when they were together. The pile of books on the nightstand on Thomas’s side of the bed was there, just as it had always been. Different titles but stacked in a familiar order—paperbacks set on top of hardbound, fiction separated from medical-related reading. And there was the same engraved tray on the dresser, where Thomas had always put his watch and wedding ring at night.
After he changed into the flannel pajama pants he’d always worn, Thomas went to check that the house was locked up, Abigail stood in the middle of the bedroom and felt like she’d never left.
As her eyes flickered over the tray on the dresser, she noticed a glimpse of gold. Without thinking, she walked over and stared down at what she’d seen.
Thomas’s wedding ring, exactly where he’d always set it.
He still wore it. He’d never stopped wearing it, although she hadn’t been wearing hers, since until recently it had felt like a lie.
Thomas returned then, looking a little more like his normal self. “I got you a toothbrush,” he said, handing her an unopened package. “And I guess you can sleep in something of mine, if you want.”
“Thanks.” She smiled at him almost shyly and took the toothbrush. Then she opened a drawer and found one of his t-shirt to wear to bed. She’d known exactly where to find his shirts.
She went into the bathroom and changed clothes. Then she washed up using Thomas’s soap and toothpaste.
When she came back, she didn’t know what to say, so she just crawled into her side of the bed. She wished there was something she could really do to help him through this day.
He used the bathroom himself and then turned off the light as he got into bed.
“Abigail,” he said, rolling toward her.
For some reason, the one word caused a lump of emotion to catch in her throat. With a little sound, she scooted toward him and exhaled shakily when he took her in his arms.
“Abigail,” he murmured again, holding her tightly against him, stroking her back and her hair with one hand. “Baby. Thank you for being here.”
She hugged him back as hard as she could in her position, hating the tension and angst she could feel in his body and wishing she could somehow soothe it away.
When they’d been together before, she’d never really believed he’d needed her. Not like this. Not in the ways that really mattered.
***
When Abigail woke up, it was still dark in the room, but it must have been early morning. It felt like she’d been asleep for hours.
She was still snuggled up against Thomas, and his arms were still wrapped around her. She shifted a little, but his arms didn’t loosen. She tried to raise her head to look at the clock, but Thomas mumbled something under his breath and gathered her against him even more tightly.
She gave up on the clock. It was Sunday, and it didn’t matter what time it was. Sunday School didn’t start until ten.
Relaxing against him, she let one of her hands run down his spine, then up again until she could caress his head. It felt natural, completely inevitable. She’d always loved the feel of the ridges of his backbone and the tight skin and little bumps
of his skull through his hair. She didn’t see any reason not to feel it now.
Thomas’s body was as hot as a radiator—he seemed to be pulsing with heat. But he was completely relaxed, except for the tight embrace of his arms and the hardness of a morning erection. As she trailed her fingers down his back again, she discovered his pajama pants were riding low on his hips.
She slid her hand to his side and squeezed the firm flesh at his waist, rubbing herself unconsciously against his hard arousal.
He’d been asleep when she woke up—she was certain of it. But sometime in the midst of her caresses he awoke. She wasn’t sure of the exact moment, but she became vaguely aware of a tightening in his body. Then his head tilted, and he buried his face in her hair, nuzzling his way down to the crook of her neck.
Abigail’s body had already begun to respond to the feel of him against her. And as he mouthed the sensitive skin of her throat, sucking lightly at her pulse point, she moaned in naked pleasure.
Thomas hummed against her skin and adjusted slightly, gently pushing her from her side to her back. His hands slid under the oversized t-shirt she wore, and he stroked the bare skin of her belly until he’d reached and cupped her breasts. As he fondled her, he kissed his way to her face.
Flooded with warmth and sensual pleasure, Abigail arched up into his hands and eagerly took his head between her palms. She pulled him into an open-mouthed kiss, her tongue tangling with his in an attempt to feel him more deeply.
They both moaned as the kiss became more urgent. She rocked her pelvis up against his, finding and pushing into his erection. She was fully aroused now, flushed and hot and wet. So she exhaled in relief when Thomas tore his mouth away so he could concentrate on pulling her panties down over her hips and legs.
She kicked her underwear away and yanked down Thomas’s pajama pants, reaching for his erection as soon as it was freed. They were still under the covers as Thomas pushed her thighs apart and lined himself up at her entrance.
She lifted her hips to meet his first thrust, releasing a silly mew as she felt his hard flesh push in.
Thomas made a thick sound of pleasure and pressed his face against her neck, his hips working in small, unconscious pumps even as he tried to even out his breathing.
