by Chiah Wilder
“Please don’t go, Roche. Je t’aime.”
“The name’s Rock, babe. And I’m not too crazy about you anymore. Have a good life. Give your address to Isa. You’ll hear from my lawyer.”
He picked up his bag and walked past her, closing the door behind him. He told Isa he’d be back to say good-bye before he left for home. Placing his bag in his saddlebags, he hopped on his bike and rode away, his heart aching.
Love fuckin’ sucks.
* * *
“We’re leaving in one hour. I want everyone ready to go,” Hawk said as he picked up his bag and headed out toward his Harley.
“You don’t have to worry about us. We can’t wait to get the fuck back home,” Wheelie said.
“I miss our club girls. The ones here are good, but they can’t give head like Lola or Wendy. And Rosie’s ass… damn, I’m getting hard just thinkin’ about it.” Bones laughed as his fellow brothers voiced their agreement.
Rock went out and placed his case in his saddlebags. “I’ll be back in an hour. There’s something I gotta do before I leave.” He swung a U-turn and sped off down the street.
When he arrived at the cemetery, he went straight to his parents’ humble graves. There was no fancy headstone, just a simple placard with each of their names and their dates of birth and death. It was just the way his mother would have wanted it. He bent down and laid a bouquet of fresh magnolias on her grave. They were his mother’s favorite flower in her favorite color—purple.
“I miss you a lot, Maman, but I’m okay.” He looked at his dad’s grave. “I hope you’ve found the peace you couldn’t find in life. Rest easy, Pa.”
On his way out, he looked around to find another grave he’d asked the caretaker about. He went over, slipped the mojo bag out of his pocket, and placed it on Madame Vincennes’ grave. A sad smile whispered across his lips. “Merci,” he said softly, then turned and walked toward his Harley, anxious to return to Pinewood Springs.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
One month later
Pinewood Springs
Rock sat in the great room staring at the television as Dr. Phil tried to help another fucked-up family.
“Getting some pointers, dude?” Bones said as he sat next to Rock.
Rock laughed, shaking his head. “Why in the hell do the club girls like this shit so much?” He glanced at Lola, Rosie, Wendy, Kristy, Brandi, and Mary as they sat on the couch, transfixed by the program.
“‘Cause it’s always good to know there are people in the world more fucked up than you. Want one?” Bones handed Rock a joint. They both lit up and turned away from the television. “Did you hear that the Demons Riders—Dustin and Shack, in particular—went ballistic when the deal with the Gypsy Fiends fell through? Too fuckin’ great.”
Bones and Rock bumped their fists together. “Score one for the Insurgents. Anytime we fuck those assholes over is a great one.” Rock inhaled deeply.
Buzz came over, placed two salami, cheese, and hot pepper sandwiches in front of them along with two bottles of Coors, and walked away.
Rock jerked his head toward Buzz. “He’s shaping up to be a good prospect. Who sponsored him again?”
“Hawk. He’s the nephew of one of his old Marine buddies. Seems like he’s got the makings of a good Insurgent, but you never know. We’ll have to see how he does when it gets real tough.” Bones took a bite out of his sandwich. “How’s that shit going with your brother and that rich fucker?”
Rock swallowed a gulp of beer. “Henri turned on both Armand and Frederick. I knew he would. He fuckin’ gave them up the second day he was in the slammer. I always knew he was a sniveling piece of shit.” Darkness passed through him. “He gave them up in exchange for life in the joint instead of lethal injection. I hope they beat and rape his ass in prison.”
“Do you think the others will see it through?”
“Armand will probably cave. He’s the one who killed the old lady and… my mother. The rich fucker will go to trial. People like him think they’re above everything and everyone. He’s going to be great feed for the inmates when his ass is sent away. No fuckin’ way he’s going to win this case.”
“Unless he bribes the jury or judge, or both.”
“If that happens, then I’ll make sure he’s dead.” Rock crunched down on a potato chip.
“Count me in on that.” Bones drained his beer and motioned the prospect for another one.
“Count me in too, even though I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Wheelie said as he joined them.
“Killing the rich fuck if he gets off,” Bones said.
Wheelie’s eyes lit up. “Fuck yeah. I’ve been wanting to beat his ass since the first time we were at his house.” The three of them chuckled, then glanced back at the television.
“Have you heard from Clotille?” Bones asked softly.
Rock tipped his head back and drank deeply before he nodded. “She keeps calling and texting, but I never respond. I’m done with her.”
“It’s too bad. It seemed like you had something going there.”
“I thought we did too, but she wasn’t the person I thought she was. That’s the way women are.”
Bones nodded. “Yep. They’re nothing but ball busters. I keep sayin’ it ‘cause it’s true. The club women are the way to go.”
“Only thing is you ain’t gettin’ any from them. How the fuck can you go without pussy for so long?” Wheelie picked up the sandwich the prospect had just put in front of him.
“Why the hell you noticing that shit?” Rock smirked and Bones guffawed.
Wheelie jerked his head back. “Whoa, man. It’s the club girls who’ve been complaining about it. I don’t give a fuck if you get pussy or not.”
“Wheelie’s right. The girls are always asking me when you’re gonna come out of celibacy. Dude, the best way to forget a chick is to fuck her out of your system. The girls want you back inside them.”
Rock looked pointedly at Wheelie and Bones. “Stay the fuck outta my sex life. I’ll get pussy when I want to. All this shit with my family in Louisiana is weighing on me. Isa’s been bugging me ‘bout coming back for Henri’s sentencing. She wants me and Lille to make statements to the judge. Fuck all this shit.”
Bones slapped his hand against Rock’s shoulder. “We’re there for you, bro, if you need us. Any fuckin’ time.” Rock nodded. “We should go to the rally in Lincoln. A ton of our charter brothers will be there. It’ll be a good time. I think it’d be good if—” Bones put his beer on the table, his eyes fixed at the door. “Fuck,” he muttered, “he looks just like you.”
Rock turned around and saw Clotille, brown hair flowing around her. Fuck, she’s beautiful. He sucked in his breath. She stood just inside the club by the door, holding the hand of a boy about twelve years old, who had a mop of dark hair and eyes black as coal. Rock’s insides lurched when he saw the young boy. That’s my son. He pushed back and went over to Clotille, her heady scent of vanilla, sandalwood, and juniper berries wrapping around him like a blanket.
“Hi, Rock.” She smiled at him as she gently prodded the boy forward. “This is your son. Andrew, this is your father.” The boy swallowed hard and cast his eyes downward.
Rock cleared his throat. “Hey there, buddy. It’s good to meet you. We’re going to have to spend some time getting to know each other.”
The boy nodded. “My mom said you’re a biker. Is one of those motorcycles outside yours?”
“Yeah. You wanna see?”
The boy craned his neck at Clotille. “Can I, Mom?”
She brushed his hair out of his eyes. “Yes. Go on. Maybe your dad can take you for a ride around the parking lot.”
A big smile spread over Andrew’s face before he looked shyly at Rock. “Would you take me for a ride?”
“You bet. Let’s see if you can guess which bike is mine.” Rock glanced at Clotille, and then he and his son walked out into the bright sunshine.
* * *
The week went by so fast, and it seemed to Clotille that Rock was trying to shove twelve years into those short seven days. At the end of each day, she and Andrew would fall down exhausted on their beds, but the way her son’s eyes sparkled each time he saw or talked about Rock made every weary moment worth it.
For the past couple days, she’d left father and son alone while she’d taken long walks on the numerous hiking trails in the area. She loved the quaintness of the small town and the camaraderie of the club, and Andrew thrived in ways he’d never had before. When she went to Connecticut after Rock left, she’d told Andrew about Rock. At first the boy was angry, but the more she told him about what a wonderful person his father was and how he wanted to be a part of his life, the more he liked the idea.
Luc had never kept in contact with Andrew after they’d divorced. She’d always felt that Luc knew Andrew wasn’t his son, thus he forgot about him. Frederick hadn’t been a good father figure. He didn’t like children and when Andrew had visited during the summer and school breaks, he was cold toward the boy and irritable to her during her son’s stay. When Clotille visited her son at boarding school, Frederick never came.
The past week, Andrew had come alive, and he kept asking her if they could stay another week. And Rock had worn a perpetual smile, which was a nice change from his usual stony face. When he found out they were at the Palace Hotel, he’d promptly checked them out and given his room to them, taking an empty one in the basement. Andrew loved being around the club, and the guys tried to outdo each other on teaching him the right way to change a motorcycle tire and play darts, pool, and cards.
The only dark spot in the time she’d spent there was the way Rock interacted with her. He was polite and respectful, but he acted like they were social acquaintances and it broke her heart. I still love him so much, but I think he’s fallen out of love with me. It tears me up inside.
Whenever the club had their parties, she’d take Andrew out for dinner and a movie or a game of miniature golf. Then they’d come in through the back and take the other set of stairs until they were safely in their room. After Andrew had fallen asleep, she’d sit in the room, staring out at the inky darkness, her heart lurching every time she heard a woman’s voice or laughter. She’d drive herself crazy picturing Rosie or Lola kissing her Rock—she still considered him hers—and him hovering above the club girls, thrusting inside them. As hard as she tried, she couldn’t stop the images.
One afternoon, she sat behind the club and watched the Colorado River gushing over the stones. Clotille turned around when she heard the pine needles crunch behind her. She shielded her eyes with her hand, smiling when she recognized Rock walking toward her.
He pulled over one of the lawn chairs and plopped down. “Where’s Andrew?”
“Exhausted in the room. He’s taking a nap. It’s official—you’ve worn him out.” She laughed when concern crossed his face. “The high altitude has a lot to do with it as well.” She put her hand over his and he quickly moved it away. Her stomach twisted. “It’s nice here,” she said with a cheerfulness she wasn’t feeling.
“Yeah. I like watching the river. Just thinking about where it goes is mind-blowing. It’s fun to come here with a few brothers, smoke a few joints, and come up with ideas of where the water, rocks, and leaves end up. It can be fuckin’ hilarious.” He chuckled and then put his beer bottle to his lips.
“I’m sure what you guys come up with is pretty much out there.” She laughed and turned back to gazing at the water. From the corner of her eye, she noticed him staring at her.
“You’re a good mom. Andrew’s a great kid.”
She cocked her head and met his gaze. “That means a lot coming from you.” I miss you so much. I want to feel your lips on mine, your arms around my body. I want us to be back the way we were at Isa’s. How can I melt your heart again? “Addie told me the club’s having a family barbecue in the yard this Sunday. She said her son, Jack, will be there, along with some other kids Andrew’s age. He’ll like that. Her daughter is so precious. She seems very happy.” She sighed.
“I was going to mention it to you. It’s a good time, and with the days growing shorter we don’t have too much time left before it’ll be too cold to do shit outside. Chas and Addie are solid. She’s a good woman.” He placed a joint in his mouth and cupped his hand around it as he lit it.
“All the old ladies I met seem real nice. Baylee said that if we wanted to stay in Pinewood Springs, she’d try and find us a place.” She held her breath.
“You planning on staying? When did that come about?”
“I’m not sure. It’s just that Andrew loves it here, and he’s over the moon about spending time with you. I think Pinewood Springs would be a good place to raise a kid. I also want you to have the time with him. If we go back to Connecticut it’d be so far away. He needs you.”
His smoke blew away from them, dissipating by the pine trees. “I’d love to be a full-time dad. We have a lot of catching up to do. What would you do?”
“Get a job. Cara said she could hook me up with something. She knows everyone.” She smiled. “You could watch Andrew until I got home from work. I don’t know… I’m just thinking about it.”
“Sounds like you wanna do it. I’d love for Andrew to be here.”
But not me. You deserve to have a chance with your son, but it rips me up inside that you’ve shut me out of your life. She glanced at her watch. “I better get going. There’s some things I want to pick up at the grocery store before it gets too late. I was thinking I’d make a pot of gumbo. Do you think the guys will like that?”
“Fuck yeah. They’re not too picky except when it comes to barbecue—then everyone is a critic. You need a lift into town? I could borrow Wheelie’s SUV.”
Her pulse quickened. “Let me see if Andrew’s up. If he is, then we can all go together.” She sprang up and dashed into the clubhouse.
Grocery shopping with Rock and Andrew was so enjoyable. It seemed like they were a happy family, and if she pretended hard enough, she believed it too. So many women blatantly flirted with Rock, acting like she was invisible. Even though she knew he enjoyed it, he didn’t flirt back, but she did catch him take a few phone numbers when he thought she wasn’t looking and it made her stomach plummet. I’m being foolish. Why shouldn’t he go out? We aren’t together anymore. I should probably think about meeting someone. Maybe if I date a little I won’t think of him as much.
“Is that going to do it?” Rock asked as he and Andrew munched on some beef jerky.
“Done. How can you guys eat that?”
“It’s super good, Mom. I never had it before until Dad gave me some a few days ago. Now I’m hooked.” She and Rock laughed, and he ruffled his hand through Andrew’s hair.
“Did your Dad tell you that the club’s having a family barbecue this Sunday, and that there’s a boy around your age who’ll be there?”
Andrew bobbed his head up and down. “He said his name’s Jack.” He ripped off another hunk of jerky.
On the way back to the clubhouse, Andrew and Rock talked about everything and nothing, and their chatter was comforting to her. I wish it could always be like this. It just feels so right. When they arrived at the club, Rock and Andrew carried all the groceries in and placed them on the kitchen counter. Clotille busied herself in putting things away.
Bones walked in and high-fived Andrew. “You wanna find rocks for skipping? Your dad’s taking you to Crystal Lake tomorrow, so you’re gonna want the best rocks.”
Andrew practically knocked Bones down in his haste to get to the door. “Can I, Mom?” he asked breathlessly as he leaned against the door frame. She nodded. “Yay! Let’s go.” Bones chuckled and followed the boy.
“He sure has taken to Bones,” she said as she put the cans in the pantry.
Rock leaned against the counter, watching her. “And Bones to him. I know he always wanted kids with his ex from hell, but she wasn’t into them. It’s too bad he can’t ha
ve one and skip the woman being around.” He chuckled.
“Like you?” she said softly.
He stared hard at her, then pressed his lips together. “Yeah, like me.” At that moment, Wendy came into the kitchen and grabbed an orange before she went up to Rock and ran her hand up and down his arm, her fingers lingering on his bulging bicep. “Hey, Wendy. What’s shaking?”
“Bored out of my fuckin’ mind.” She licked her lips. “Wanna do something with me?”
Clotille buried her head in the refrigerator, pretending to clear off a shelf. I want to grab the witch and shove her in here. I hate that he’s letting her touch him when all he does is pull away from me like I’m a leper. I can’t stay here anymore. I need to move us back to the hotel. I can’t stand seeing him giving to other women what he should be giving to me.
“You need me for anything else?” Rock said.
Clotille pulled herself out of the fridge. “No. You can go.”
And much to her disappointment, he did—with Wendy hanging on his arm.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Rock’s gaze traveled up and down Clotille’s body, lingering on the roundness of her ass as she bent over and pulled a big pot out of a cupboard. I hate that I fuckin’ want her so much. My goddamned cock has been constantly hard since she got here. He’d done a pretty good job in avoiding being alone with her. Most of the time, it was the three of them, or if Andrew was doing something with one of the brothers, there’d be people around. It’d been safe, but the day before when he’d sat with her by the river, he’d wanted to pull her to him and kiss her. The truth was he’d sought her out and found her by the river. He acted nonchalant but a firestorm was raging inside him. When she’d placed her hand over his, he almost lost it and threw her on the ground, fucking her good and hard.
“I know it won’t taste exactly like back home because I couldn’t find some of the stuff I needed, but I’ll make it work.”
“They’ll love it. You make a fuckin’ awesome gumbo and jambalaya.”
