by C. Gockel
At least, that was what I intended to do. When I turned the tap, however, nothing happened. A few drops sputtered from the faucet, but that was it. So the water was gone, too.
That fluttery feeling of panic returned, and I forced it down. When we were at home, we got our water from the dispenser in the refrigerator door, but we always kept a couple pallets of bottled water in the pantry for road trips or even just running around town. I wasn’t going to die of thirst anytime soon.
I fetched one of the water bottles and poured its contents into the bowl. Dutchie began slurping it up greedily, so while she was occupied, I got out a plate and then retrieved one of the covered storage bowls in the fridge, the one with the leftover roasted chicken from the weekend. Taking out one of the chicken legs and shredding it onto the plate relaxed me a little, made me focus on something other than the dry tap. If I attempted to turn on one of the burners on the stove, would it light? Or was the gas out, too?
Most likely. Which meant there would be no heat. Yesterday had been warmer than normal, but I’d heard that temperatures were supposed to start dipping toward the end of the week. Conditions might become downright uncomfortable.
Oh, like they’re so wonderful right now, my brain mocked me as I bent down to give Dutchie the plate of chicken. She immediately abandoned the water and wolfed down the bits of chicken leg, then looked up at me with pleading eyes when she was done.
“There’s no more, you little pig,” I said with some affection, reaching to scratch her behind the ears. Her fur was soft and silky, and infinitely reassuring. Somehow everything didn’t seem quite so bad if I could have Dutchie with me.
She whined, and I remembered we still had some dog treats up on the highest shelf in the pantry, left over after Sadie died. I got out the step stool, then climbed up and retrieved them. Dutchie watched the entire procedure, tail wagging, and I gave her one of the biscuits.
“Better?” I asked.
No reply, of course, but I figured the way she was hunkered down on the kitchen rug, munching on the biscuit, tail wagging, told me everything I needed to know.
All right. So I had some companionship. Now I had to take care of myself. My appetite was still nowhere in evidence, but I helped myself to some of the leftover chicken as well, then had a piece of bread and butter, washed down with water from another bottle I took from the pallet. Obviously, a shower was out of the question, but I took some of the water and splashed it on my face. It helped a little.
Carrying the half-full bottle of water, I went out the back door, Dutchie following me, and headed up to my apartment. Everything looked so normal there, so unchanged, and I realized I hadn’t been there since my parents — since Devin — well, since. It was no sanctuary, though, no place where I could hide from what had happened.
That wasn’t my reason for being here, though. I set the gun down on the coffee table, got out of my clothes from the day before and stuffed them into the hamper, and then pulled on fresh jeans and socks, and a waffle-weave henley shirt I wore sometimes when I went hiking. My hiking boots were tucked into the far corner of the closet, and I got them out as well and laced them on. I had no idea what I might encounter today, so it seemed smart to be wearing comfortable, serviceable clothes, the kinds of things that wouldn’t get in my way.
Speaking of which —
I headed into the bathroom, brushed my hair, and pulled it back with an elastic band. Afterward, I brushed my teeth, being as sparing with the bottled water as I could. No point in wearing any makeup, but I put on some colored lip balm because the weather was dry, and they felt parched.
During all this, Dutchie sat in the middle of my tiny living room and watched me. After I had extracted my wallet from my purse and slipped it into my pocket, then tucked the S&W back into my waistband, I paused and asked her, “Am I crazy for doing this?”
She cocked her head to one side, mismatched eyes shining. Apparently, she didn’t have an opinion on my preparations, but was probably hoping for another dog biscuit when we got back to the kitchen.
“Okay,” I told her. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Tail wagging, she ran out the door as soon as I opened it, then practically galloped down the stairs. From what I could tell, she wasn’t exactly pining for her former masters. Or maybe she was just so happy to see someone — anyone — that she was willing to be their new best friend, no matter what.
Once we were back in the kitchen, I gave her another dog biscuit, then hesitated at the key rack by the back door. If I was really going to venture out into deserted Albuquerque, I didn’t think my little Honda was the best choice in vehicles. My mother’s Escape had all-wheel drive, but I knew my father’s Grand Cherokee was the sturdiest car we owned.
My hand shook as I took the key with its leather fob from the rack. My father loved that SUV — washed it every week, changed the oil regularly, conditioned the leather seats, the whole thing. He’d never let me or Devin drive it, and even my mother was only allowed behind the wheel if her own car was in the shop for something. But my father was far past caring about the Cherokee, and I knew it was my best bet for getting where I needed to go.
There is no point, the voice in my head said sadly.
“There is a point,” I retorted. “I need to know if they’re alive or dead.”
You already know the answer to that.
“No, I don’t. Not for sure.”
Your heart does.
I didn’t want to believe him. In fact, I refused to believe him. Voice tight, I asked, “All right — where do you think I should go?”
The answer was immediate. North.
“North?” I repeated in some incredulity. “You do know that winter is coming, right? If I have to get out of Albuquerque, it would make a lot more sense to go south, to Alamogordo or Las Cruces.” Or Roswell, I added mentally. Maybe I can go there and stick my thumb out, see if the aliens might give me a ride right out of here.
North. The voice sounded implacable.
“Well, I’ll take that under advisement,” I said lightly. “For now, though, I have some friends and family to check on.”
It is a mistake.
“Then it’ll be my mistake. Come on, Dutchie.”
Had I already descended to arguing with the voices in my head? It sure looked that way.
The dog trotted after me as I went out the back door and over to the driveway. Good thing I’d decided on the Cherokee, as it was blocking my mother’s car anyway. I went around to the passenger side and opened the door. Dutchie didn’t even need an invitation — she jumped right inside, eyes shining, ears up. Her claws slipped a little on the leather seat, and I winced. I had to hope that my father really had gone on to a better place, one where he couldn’t see his prized SUV getting scratches on the seats and, no doubt, dog hair everywhere.
I walked slowly around the back of the vehicle, watching, listening. Since the D’Ambrosios’ sprinklers had shut off — or, more likely, run out of water — besides the cawing of a few crows as they circled overhead, the neighborhood was completely still. Again, that silence made the skin on the back of my neck prickle, and I hastened to the driver-side door, then got in.
The sound of the engine turning over seemed ear-piercingly loud after all that quiet. At the same time, the radio turned on in a burst of static, and I quickly shut it off, knowing that there wouldn’t be anything useful on the radio, any more than there had been on the television. My father had probably been scanning the bands as he came home, looking for a report that would tell him what was going on. Something. Anything.
I paused to slide the gun out of my waistband and into the glove compartment before backing the Cherokee out into the street. On the seat beside me, Dutchie had her head up and was sniffing the air, even though the windows were all the way up. I rolled down the one next to her so she could stick her nose out, then slowed before we’d gone even halfway down the block. I knew what I would find, but I had to check.
The front door to the Munozes’ h
ouse was locked, but when I went around back, I discovered that the side door which led to their service porch was halfway open. The reason why presented itself soon enough — there was a pile of gray dust just inside, right in front of the dryer. I had a feeling, though, that whoever had gone out there had been looking for more ice, as the Munozes had an upright freezer tucked into one corner, away from the other appliances.
Grimacing, I stepped over the little pile of dust, glad that I’d left Dutchie inside the car. “Professor Munoz?” I called out. “Jaclyn? Maria?”
No answer, of course. In the living room, I saw the reason why — a pile of dust on the sofa, a smaller one next to it. I couldn’t know for sure whether it was Maria Munoz or her husband who had expired in the laundry room, or who had been sitting on the couch next to their daughter. I supposed it really didn’t matter. They were gone. No wonder Dutchie had started wandering the neighborhood, looking for someone to take care of her.
When I got back inside the Cherokee, I leaned over and gave the dog a fierce hug. “I’m here, Dutchie,” I said. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”
She licked my cheek and let out a whine, but a questioning one, as if asking whether I was okay.
No, I really was not okay, but I couldn’t let myself start to lose it now. I straightened, gave her ears a quick scratch, and then started up the SUV, moving down the street so I could get out onto Rio Grand Boulevard and head over to my friend Elena’s house, as she was the one who lived closest to me. After that it would be Tori’s, and then my Aunt Susan and Uncle Jeremy’s house. And after that….
Well, I’d see how much more I could take after that.
It was slower going than I’d expected, mainly because a lot more abandoned cars choked the streets than I’d thought there would be. In my mind, I’d imagined more people would have made it home before they expired, but that didn’t seem to be the case. I had to weave in and out of the stopped vehicles, several times being forced up on the curb to make my way around the blockage. And everything so silent, so still, save for the ceaseless cawing of crows overhead.
No carrion for you to eat, you bastards, I thought as I eased the Cherokee off yet another curb.
And in a way, I had to be thankful for that. The Heat might not have killed me to start, but if there had been millions of corpses left behind once the disease had done its work, typhoid fever or cholera surely would have finished the job.
I turned into the residential section where Elena lived, glad to see there were fewer vehicles blocking the streets here. But still I saw no sign of life anywhere, not one person stepping out of a house to flag me down, to let me know at least one other soul had survived the plague that had swept over the world.
Unlike my house, which always had a full driveway and my car parked at the curb, Elena’s looked pristine. Then again, her family had more money — her father was a lawyer — and their house had a three-car garage. It wasn’t unusual to see no real evidence of anyone being home.
I stopped the Cherokee, then reached into the glove compartment and retrieved the revolver. Dutchie looked at me, wide-eyed, as if wondering what in the world I needed with a gun.
“Good question, Dutchie,” I said, but I tucked it into my jeans anyway. “You stay here.”
She wagged her tail and didn’t try to get out of the car as I exited the vehicle. That was one damn good dog.
After looking around quickly and not seeing anyone, I went up to the front door of Elena’s house. Ringing the doorbell was no use, since the power was out all over town. Instead, I knocked, then waited.
No answer, but I hadn’t really been expecting one. I put my hand on the latch, and, to my surprise, the door swung inward. It seemed logical enough that the last person to come home had been so ill they hadn’t bothered to lock the door behind them, but it unnerved me nonetheless. Swallowing hard, I made myself enter the house.
It was a big Santa Fe–style faux adobe, with tile floors and wood-beamed ceilings. My footsteps echoed through the two-story foyer as I moved toward the center of the building. Something sweet and smoky tickled at my nose. Incense. Elena’s mother was a devout Catholic. Maybe she’d burned the incense as she prayed to God to save her, save her family.
Unfortunately, God didn’t seem to be listening lately.
The house had built-in art niches, one of which held a shrine to the Madonna. I saw a pile of gray dust immediately in front of it and knew it must be Gabriella Cruz. Limbs trembling, I made myself walk past it, go through the rest of the ground floor: the great room with the kitchen and family room combined, the formal dining room, the living room. No sign of Elena or her father. Which didn’t mean all that much. There was still the upstairs.
Pulse pounding painfully in my throat, I mounted the steps. The house had four bedrooms, one of which was an office. In there I found another pile of gray dust, which I guessed must be Eduardo Cruz, Elena’s father.
Her bedroom was on the opposite side of the upstairs hallway, two doors down. Truth be told, I’d always envied her that room, with its own bathroom and the little sitting area off the balcony. It felt like a room for a princess, compared to the boxy twelve-by-twelve space that had been mine all through childhood and high school. No wonder Elena had never been too worried about moving out. “I’ll go from here to my husband’s house,” she used to say with a laugh, and the rest of us had pretty much believed her. No one could really imagine Elena trying to scrape by in a tiny one-bedroom apartment, just for a spurious sense of independence.
And it was on the wrought-iron bed, with its filmy topping of mosquito net and matching white embroidered comforter, that I found the third pile of gray dust. For the longest moment, I just stood there, staring down at it, remembering my friend’s quick, flashing smile, the annoying way she absolutely could not get through a movie without offering her own running commentary on it. How she’d quietly slipped a wad of money into my hand one day during our senior year so I could get the prom dress I really wanted and not the bargain gown my mother was pushing me into, because “in five years you’re just not going to care what you wore.”
But I still did care…although mainly because of what Elena had done to help me out, and not the dress itself.
You see? the voice said, its tone quiet and sad. There’s no point in you doing this. You can’t save them. They’re already gone. Mourn them if you must, but your path lies northward.
I wished then that the voice were real, that it was attached to a real body, so I could grab it by the shoulders and shake it for being so thoughtless. “That’s not the point,” I said, my own voice trembling. “I need to know…and I need to say goodbye.”
It remained silent then…wisely so. I reached out and touched the twisted wrought iron of one of the bedposts, and whispered, “Sleep well.” Then I turned away and walked down the hall, descended the steps, and went out the front door, shutting it quietly behind me.
Dutchie’s tail thumped happily as I got back in the Cherokee, but I didn’t say anything, only reached out to pet her, to feel her silky fur beneath my cold, cold fingers. For a long moment, I just sat there, the key still in my hand, the gun digging uncomfortably into my waistband. Finally, I reached back and pulled it out, returning it to the glove compartment.
Uncle Jeremy and Aunt Susan next. Could I do it? Could I go to the house where I’d spent Thanksgiving and Christmas — Susan was my mother’s sister, and they traded holidays so no one family would have to do all the work — and walk in to see my uncle and aunt reduced to dust, and my cousins as well? Well, two of them, anyway. My cousin Shane was in college in California, at Stanford, to be exact, and so he wouldn’t be around. He would have died far away from his family.
If he died, I reminded myself fiercely. He could be immune, too. You don’t know.
No, I didn’t know. I just wasn’t sure how I would ever find out.
Even so, I put the key in the ignition, then turned it, pointing the vehicle north and east, toward Sa
ndia Heights. It was a longer jog than the one from my house to Elena’s, but up here the streets didn’t feel quite as crammed with abandoned vehicles. There was plenty of evidence of unexpected death — cars crashed into walls, into trees, into one another. And as I gained some height, I could now see that the smoke I had smelled earlier seemed to be coming from the city center. Downtown itself, maybe, or the university. I couldn’t tell for sure from this distance, and it didn’t really matter. That was miles from where I was now, miles from my house. It might spread that far, but I had a feeling I’d be long gone by then.
As I drove along Academy Road, I passed a PetSmart and saw the strangest sight. All kinds of dogs were converging on the store, and right out in front I saw several of them tearing into big bags of dog food, then beginning to feast. More dogs came to join them, but there was no fighting over the food. In fact, I even saw a big pit bull mix move to one side to let a fluffy little dog — a Maltese, I guessed — come in next to him and start eating.
“What the — ” I said aloud, and Dutchie swiveled her head in my direction.
The animals will be taken care of, the voice told me.
I’d been so caught up in my own losses, and so relieved to have Dutchie by my side, that I hadn’t even stopped to think what would happen to all those thousands of ownerless pets left with no resources, no one to watch over them.
“They’ll be taken care of?” I demanded. “By whom?”
They will not suffer. They are innocents.
This whole situation was getting stranger by the minute. The way all the bodies of the dead had dissolved into dust seemed to tell me something greater than a single rampaging strain of microbe was at work here, and now, seeing the way the animals were all cooperating, hearing the voice reassure me they would be fine — well, I didn’t know what to think.
“Is this a judgment?” I asked. “Some sort of punishment?”
Silence.
“Who’s doing the punishing?” I demanded, voice shaking. “And why wasn’t I punished along with everyone else?”
