by C. Gockel
I rolled my eyes and made my way down the hall. “What the…” Every surface of the living area was covered in vases of white flowers. The scent was simultaneously heavenly and cloying. I picked my way through the arrangements until I found the biggest one. I opened the attached card with a resigned groan.
‘Kristia,’ it read. ‘Please hear me out. I left because my life is complicated, and I do not know if it is fair to involve you. I want to tell you everything, but if you really want nothing more to do with me, tell me in class tomorrow and I will leave you alone. Ull.’
Oh, criminy. What was I supposed to do now?
The next morning, I hovered outside the classroom with two minutes to spare, still unsure. On the one hand, he’d dropped me once. I wasn’t so stupid as to head blindly down that path again, and he was giving me an out – say the word and he’d leave me alone for good. On the other hand, I really had enjoyed our dates. And no guy had ever worked so hard to win my attention.
Heck, until recently, no guy had ever brought me flowers – and here Ull was spending the gross national debt on white blooms. A small part of me still held onto the hope that Ull might be the first guy ever who liked me just for me. While a bigger part of me was screaming ‘don’t be a fool! Run!’
I shook my head. I had no idea what I was going to do.
I kept my head high as I walked into the room. A quick scan revealed Ull in the third row, seeming relaxed as he leaned back in his seat. But a closer look showed he was gripping his pen and his shoulders were squared. He was waiting for me. And he was nervous. I made up my mind, easing my way into his row and carefully sitting two seats away. Ull turned with a tight smile, cocking his head to one side.
“What does this mean?”
“It means I’m still mad you didn’t call. And it means I still don’t trust you. But I’m willing to hear you out.” I kept my hands balled in my lap. “Also, thank you for the flowers.”
Ull’s face lit up. “I am so glad.” He exhaled and the tension visibly left his shoulders. “I will pick you up at eight o’clock tonight. We can talk then.”
“Tonight? What’s wrong with now?”
Ull tilted his head towards the podium where Professor Carnicke was opening her book. “Would not want to be rude, would we?” He gave me an infuriating wink and turned his attention to the lecture.
At eight o’clock, a firm knock interrupted my reading. I picked my way through the flower shop that our living room had become and opened the door.
“Oh good, you kept my peace offerings.” Ull treated me to a rakish grin.
“Just a few of them,” I muttered. “Come on in.”
“Oh, no. You must come with me.”
“Why?” I challenged. Ull sighed.
“Are you going to fight me at every turn?”
“Probably.”
“Please come.” He looked so adorable standing on my stoop, his scarf casually thrown across the grey sweater under his coat. I gave in quicker than I meant to.
“Fine.” I grabbed my coat from the closet by the door and shoved my keys and wallet into the pocket. “Where are we off to?” I closed the door behind me and followed Ull into the brisk night, waiting for his promised explanation.
But he didn’t say anything. Instead, he put his hand on the small of my back and guided me away from campus. I shivered, and noticed that Ull wore his jacket open, at ease in the chill. As we rounded the corner, Ull dropped his hand to clasp mine. It was so warm, so strong, and for a moment, I forgot to be mad at him. We walked in silence as he led me down the main road. After two right turns, I found myself standing in a quiet garden. Ull had brought me to a church.
Chapter 8
“Have you been here before?” Ull’s voice was soft. I looked around the courtyard, covered in flowers, with vines trailing up the sides of the charming chapel.
“No,” I answered. The square was beautiful, but I’d been promised answers.
“I come here a lot. Sometimes I just walk the garden.” Ull sat on a stone bench, somehow even more beautiful in the moonlight. An eternity passed before he started talking.
“This is a Norse Seaman’s Church,” Ull spoke quietly. “It wasn’t built until the mid-twentieth century, but it blends with the town’s older buildings.” I wrapped my arms around my chest. I wasn’t in the mood for another history lesson.
“It’s very peaceful.” It was all I could think of to say.
“Yes,” he said calmly. We stared at the bounty of ivory roses growing in the eastern corner of the garden, and the ivy stretching up the white walls of the chapel. “When I am here I can forget…” His body tensed, his brow furrowed, and his eyes grew dark. I sighed – Angry Ull.
“Uh, you lost me.” But no clarification was forthcoming. I was uncomfortable waiting. It wasn’t exactly evening stroll weather.
“So are you going to give me this alleged explanation or not? Taking me to a church doesn’t exactly cut it.” I glanced impatiently at Ull’s tense frame. I didn’t know what to make of him. While I waited for a response, he kept staring at the sky.
“Seriously Ull? You dragged me out here in the cold for nothing? That’s it – I’m done.” I turned to walk away. This was the worst fairytale ending ever.
“Kristia.” He hung his head, staring at his hands. I stopped but didn’t turn. “Please come sit with me.”
“Why?”
“Please.”
Curious and desperate for his companionship, I sat. A shiver ran through me as a gust of wind blew through the garden. I pulled my coat tighter around me. Ull took off his scarf and wrapped it around my neck. The gesture would have been sweet two weeks ago.
“I owe you an explanation.”
“We already established that.”
“Kristia, let me talk!” He looked up with pleading eyes. They bored into mine, as if he could see through my pretense and right into my broken heart. He took a deep breath, his broad shoulders rising and falling with effort. He unclasped his hands, then clasped them again until his knuckles turned white. “Kristia, I had a very nice time on our dates. Those days with you were the best I have had in–” He stared at the ground. “In a long time.”
“Right. Then why did you just take off?” The words were out before I could stop them.
Ull thought. “Come with me.” He stood. I followed. But I hesitated when he opened the church door.
“Are we supposed to be in there?” Rule followers did not break into churches at night.
Ull laughed. “The pastor is a friend.” He ushered me into the warm chapel. Row after row of chocolate-colored pews were stunning in their simplicity. The wood of the benches shone with fresh polish and the little altar at the front of the aisle held a pulpit with a carved crest – a hammer, a cross, and a figure I didn’t recognize. The room was small for a church, and very plainly decorated. Only the woodwork and the crest stood out. It was enchanting.
Ull left me sitting in a pew and came back with a plate of heart shaped waffles with jam, and two cups of tea. I must have looked suspicious because he laughed. “Honest, I am a regular here. It is okay with the pastor. I told him we are in the chapel. He says ‘hei hei’ and ‘god natt’. Hello and good night.”
The waffles did look good, and the tea warmed my hands as I took a sip. So long as I wasn’t breaking, entering, and stealing food from a church, this night could still end well. A begrudging bite of the waffles proved me right. “These are really good,” I mumbled around a mouthful of the savory sweet.
“Finest Norwegian waffles I have had,” Ull agreed, spreading jam on a heart. “Now where was I?” He sat back, staring at the carved hammer above him. Seeming to reach a decision, he began.
“Kristia, I promised to tell you everything. But it is a lot to take in, and it will take time. I would like to give you an overview tonight, and if I do not scare you off, I will explain the rest this weekend. Does that sound fair?”
Anything was better than the big bag of nothing I
knew right now. “Yes, it sounds fair. Now explain.” Patience was never a virtue of mine.
“All right. I left town for a few days – I needed to spend some time with my family.”
“Are they okay? Is someone ill?” Of course I had the poise to be worried about his family, but I was relieved at the possibility his absence really had nothing to do with me.
“They are well, thank you. I needed to ask them a question. You see I have a certain… role that is expected of me. There is little room for flexibility in my family. I call them The Firm.” He laughed bitterly, and I wondered at this odd noise, such a stark contrast to the musical laughter I’d heard before. “Do not get me wrong, I love them very much and we all want what is best for one another. But there are certain realities that none of us can escape. And one of those realities is a very… dark future.”
If I was right about what Ull really was, his future was as dark as it could get. “How do you mean?”
Ull thought for a moment. “How can I explain it? My family is very strong – some of the most influential individuals in our land. But there are those who envy us and want to see us fall.”
“Is this about politics?” I was determined to coax the truth out of him.
“Well, sort of. We do have substantial power. With power comes a life of duty, and in our case, a terrible demise. We cannot hold our… positions forever. And when we fall, most of us will not survive.”
I struggled to keep my face neutral. My theory would account for Ull’s strange behavior – his disappearance in the club, the way he talked about his family, his stepdad’s weird name. But the idea was so bizarre, I needed to hear him say it.
“Go on,” I whispered.
“I do not mean to frighten you, but you have to understand what would happen if we dated. We might get sick of each other and break up next week. Or we might be perfectly suited and end up married. And if you were to become a part of my family–” He broke off. “You would suffer the same fate as the rest of us. I cannot let you die on my account.” His head dropped into his hands. I could tell he wasn’t upset about his own fate. He was upset that he might jeopardize mine. “So I stayed away. I did not call. It was the kindest thing to do.”
I completely forgot about coaxing out a confession. My mind fixated on the we might end up married part. Guys our age didn’t talk about marriage. Ever. And since I wasn’t ready for that kind of talk, I jumped on the other end of his speech. “You seriously think leaving me hanging like that was kind?”
“Compared to getting involved with you, yes. I have a lot of what you Americans call baggage.”
“Maybe.” I shrugged. “But it would have been nice to know if you’d really had a good time, or if you were just saying that to get something out of me.”
“Kristia.” Ull smiled. “I would never knowingly hurt you. I like you far too much.”
“Hold on. So you do like me?”
Ull chuckled. “Yes. I like you.”
“Oh.” I looked at my fingernails. “Well, sometimes I like you too. When you’re not annoying me, or smothering me, or disappearing on me, or generally driving me nuts.”
“That is fair.” He sighed. “But it should not matter. It is not right to bring you into my life. If we end up together, you will meet the same fate that I do.”
“It’s not polite to speak in nonsense.”
“Maybe, but there is a lot about me that you do not know.”
“I’m listening.” Boy howdy, was I listening.
Ull’s tousled, blond mane flopped adorably as he tilted his head. “I have not scared you off?”
I shrugged. “It takes a lot to scare me. Irritating me seems to come more naturally to you.”
“Oh, Kristia.” Ull lifted my hair off my neck and rested his fingers on my collarbone. I shivered. “Will you join me in the country this weekend? There is a lot I need to tell you, and it would be easier for me to get through it without interruption.”
“Um... I don’t think that’s the best idea for us. Couldn’t we just go out for dinner or something?”
“We could. But it would be best if we had more time to talk. There is much you need to know.”
“Okay, two dinners then?”
“Kristia.” Ull rubbed at his temples.
“Listen. You know as well as I do we haven’t exactly gotten off to the greatest start. Spending a whole weekend together seems like asking for disaster, don’t you think?”
“Maybe.” Ull winked. “Or it might be just what we need to get on track.”
Instantly, I was in an English Garden. The cobblestones at my feet formed a smallish courtyard, and candles marked a path through the ivory roses and lavender beds to a small grassy area beneath an ancient yew dale. Twinkling lights filled the dale, and Ull stood at its base with a small jewelry box in his hand, a nervous smile on his perfect face.
Mormor didn’t raise no dummy. This was one vision I wanted to see for myself. Besides, I had to know if there was any truth to my ridiculous theory.
My heart pounded so fiercely that I thought it might break free from my ribcage. I pulled myself back to the present and stood without hesitation, putting my hand in Ull’s. “You win. What do I pack?”
Chapter 9
“Where exactly are we going?” I asked as Ull loaded my suitcase into the back of the black Range Rover.
He winked. “A place that is very special to me. Someplace I hope you will feel right at home.”
I was grateful Ull had at least told me what to pack – comfortable clothes for weather much like this, and a pair of rain boots for walks. And he’d promised to have me home in time for class on Tuesday morning – I never signed up for Monday classes; Ardis taught me that trick freshman year.
“I am glad you came.” Ull helped me into the front seat with a kiss on my cheek. My heart fluttered, and I tried to remember that this was the same guy who had nearly annoyed me to death yesterday, and ignored me to death last week. I couldn’t get over the shock I felt at each touch or the way my vision swam in and out of focus any time I looked at him. His endless supply of fitted sweaters didn’t help either. If this kept up, I was going to suffer a stroke at a tragically young age.
An hour later, Ull steered the car off the main road, heading toward a collection of row houses sheathed in ivy. We followed a winding river through the main part of town, passing a small cobbled sign that read “Welcome to Bibury.” We continued past two separate fields of sheep and drove through a small drive framed by trees until we came to a cottage.
Ull parked and got out of the car. I kept my tush firmly planted in the passenger’s seat until Ull came around and opened my door for me. I didn’t want to knock him out. As a rule, I tried not to repeat my more mortifying mistakes.
He held out a hand as I stepped down, pausing next to a small fountain in the center of the drive. The cobblestone cottage had an aged roof and an unsteady-looking chimney. Soft lights from the windows welcomed us, and the smell of lavender mixed with moss filled the country air.
“It’s beautiful,” I breathed. It was from the pages of a fairy tale. I thought of my favorite childhood story, Cinderella, then snuck a glance at my sometimes Prince Charming. “Um, Ull? Everything all right?”
He rubbed his brow and let out a low chuckle. “I am happy you like it. I was afraid you might find it too…” he searched for the right word. “Quaint. It has been in my family for a long time.” It seemed like he wanted to say more. “Come inside, Kristia. There is someone I want you to meet.”
Ull opened the azure door and ushered me into the house. A kindly, white-haired woman in a ruffled apron flitted from the kitchen with open arms. “Ull!” A smile lit her face as she set her eyes on him. “Welcome home! Ýdalir has missed you!” Ull greeted her with a warm hug, coming back to me with a smile to match the woman’s. “Ahh, I see. So this is what has kept you so busy these past few weeks. Well, let me look at you, dear.”
I stepped forward shyly, feeling the
woman’s happy eyes on me. “Ja, ja. Vaer så god.” Mormor had taught me enough Norwegian to figure out I had met the woman’s approval. Ull laughed.
“Kristia, may I present Olaug. For all intents and purposes, my grandmother. She lives nearby and is good enough to take care of this cottage when I am away. We have her to thank for the lovely fire – is that apple wood? And for what I am sure will be a delicious supper.”
I held out a hand, but Olaug laughed and pulled me in for a hug. “My dear, none of that. Come you two, sit! Eat! Everything is on the table in the garden. Ull, I do hate to be rude, but I must get home – the boys are visiting for the weekend. Please come for Sunday brunch so you can meet everyone, Kristia.” With a hug for each of us, she was off into the night, humming a tune that sounded vaguely familiar.
Ull smiled and closed the front door. He took my coat from my shoulders and hung it on one of the hooks below the mirror in the entry. “Well,” he questioned. “Dinner or tour?”
“Tour please.” I couldn’t wait to see the rest of the cottage. “So what is this place?”
“This,” Ull began, taking my hand and lacing his fingers through mine, as comfortably as if he’d been doing it all his life, “is my country home, Ýdalir.”
He had a country home. And it had an even crazier name than he did.
“I don’t get to come here much at the moment, school being as it is this time in the term, but this is the place I feel happiest. I have much that makes me anxious, but I forget all of that when I am here.” He led us down a small hallway to a study. “This is where I keep my favorite books and reading chair.” He gestured to a well-worn leather loveseat and matching ottoman nestled in the corner.
“Over here,” he led me to another room, containing a queen-sized four-poster bed, dresser, and writing desk, “is the guest room you will be staying in.” Oh, thank God there was a guest room. I shouldn’t have been surprised that Ull was the consummate gentleman, but it was still a relief to have my own room. I was already out of my element, no need to make life even scarier than it already was.
