by C. Gockel
Thor’s eyes flickered to me, and I held his gaze. He stared for a long time before looking back to Ull. “This is not natural, son. Gods are not meant to merge their fates with mortals. You know this.” There was no judgment; he was stating a fact.
“I know the law.” Ull’s tone was flat. “But as I love Kristia, I cannot live without her. It is unimportant to me whether I live as an Asgardian.”
“You would give up your immortality? For a human?” Again, Thor bore no malice, but his opinion of my value was clear. It stung.
“Unthinkingly. She is my life.”
Thor looked at Ull, then at me, and back again. He shook his head from side to side. “I am sorry, son. I cannot consent to this union. Skadi is the perfect match for you. A partnership with her would strengthen the Asgardian race, breeding stronger warriors and–”
“I am not marrying Skadi,” Ull exploded. Thor’s eyes darkened.
“And I cannot approve of this union. Mjölnir was not made to provide a means for a human enter Asgard.” The two gods glared at each other, Ull’s anger radiating in hot waves. After an endless moment, Ull took a breath. When he spoke his voice was composed.
“I am sorry to earn your disapproval. I hoped that you would welcome Kristia to your home as you once welcomed my mother and me. I understand that will not be possible.” No, no, no. Panic overtook me as I realized what was happening. Ull gave what I’m sure he thought was a reassuring nod before turning his attention to the hushed discussion on the screen.
“Thor,” Odin spoke under his breath, “Ull is one of my best warriors. Balder has deemed the girl worthy. Even I can see the sense of approving this request, and we all know my feelings on this.”
Thor shook his head. “I am sorry, Father. I do not agree. This cannot be the best thing for our people.”
Odin looked like he wanted to say more, but Balder shook his head. Odin closed his mouth and addressed his son. “Thor, I cannot force your consent. And I cannot perform the transformation without Mjölnir. I do not agree with your choice, but unless you change your mind, my hands are tied.” Odin turned to Ull and me. His regret was clear. “I am sorry, Kristia your request is denied.” My heart sunk. Denied? That wasn’t an option.
That meant Ull would become a human, completely defenseless at Ragnarok. It meant that Ull and I wouldn’t be able to fight for his family–I wouldn’t be able to fight for him, and our fates were completely out of our control. It meant he would have to give up who he was to be with me. This couldn’t be happening.
“I understand, Grandfather. Will you still perform our marriage ceremony? It would not feel right for anyone else to do it.” Ull’s reply came with a grace I did not feel. How was he so calm?
Odin glanced at Thor before answering kindly. “It will be my honor. Olaug, I will be in touch with instructions for the matrimony.” His eyes softened. “Ull, Kristia, be good to one another. Ull has been alone far too long.” With that, the screen went dark and we were left staring at the blackness.
Chapter 17
Ull and I sat on the leather couch, staring at his armor long after Olaug had let herself out. Neither of us could process Thor’s decision. I fought against emotion, doing everything I could to not let my despair overwhelm my desire to comfort Ull. He had essentially been kicked out of his family and was about to lose his immortality.
His father had condemned his decision, choosing to lose Ull rather than accept me. Thor’s decision needled my fear that I wasn’t good enough for his son, but this wasn’t about me – it was about saving Ull’s immortality. We had to find a way out of this. Thor was right about one thing – I wasn’t worth that price.
It was clear Ull wasn’t going to be the first to speak, so I sat up. “Ull.” Squeezing his arm yielded no response. His gaze never moved from his armor. I wondered if he was thinking about all the battles he’d fought for Asgard, all he’d sacrificed. It wasn’t right that he had given so much just to be kicked out. My resolve strengthened. “Ull, Thor is right. You can’t give up who you are to be with me.”
Ull’s head snapped in my direction. “Kristia, do not speak like that. You are the most important thing to me.”
“And you are the most important thing to me. But your dad knows what he’s talking about. If Asgard has any chance of winning at Ragnarok, it needs to have the strongest warriors possible. If this Skadi girl is such a good fighter, maybe she would make the best partner for you.” My voice broke over the words, but I forced myself to go on. “Look, I need to know you are alive and happy, even if we aren’t together. I couldn’t live with myself if you turned your back on who you are because of me.”
“Kristia.” Ull’s eyes mirrored my pain.
“Will you let me tell your dad what I can do? If my visions can help Asgard, maybe he’ll change his mind about me.”
“Absolutely not. You have no idea the danger you would be putting yourself into. I will not allow it.”
“Well I won’t let you abandon your family. You have to fight. Even if it means we can’t be together.”
Ull slammed his fist into the couch. He let out an agonized sound before dropping his head to his hands. “This is not right. I should not have dragged you into this. I never should have let you seek entry to Asgard.”
I rested my fingertips lightly on his bicep. “It was my fault – I’m the one who thought we could have it all. I thought I could have you, and you could still have your immortality. Instead, I’ve just made a mess of everything. Listen Ull, I … I.” My voice broke. This was too hard. “I… can’t accept this.” I slipped his ring off my finger, fighting the tears. “I can’t come between you and your family. I won’t be the reason you lose them.”
“What are you saying?”
“I can’t marry you, Ull. I’m so sorry.” I caught just a glimpse of Ull’s stunned expression as I put his ring in his palm and raced up the stairs to the main part of the house. Collapsing onto my bed, I gave myself over to waves of grief. My tears flowed freely now, carrying all of the happiness of the past few months. I’d let myself believe this could all work out. I’d even seen myself fighting at Ull’s side. How was this happening? The sobbing left a dull ache in my stomach, so I breathed until the numbness came. It was easier than the pain.
After a short eternity, there was a knock at the door. In my haste, I’d forgotten to close it. Through burning eyes, I saw Ull stride purposefully to sit beside me. He propped himself against the pillows to lean against the headboard, lifting me easily into his arms. He took a tissue from the box beside the bed, and dabbed at my bloodshot eyes.
“Kristia Tostenson, you do not get to give gifts back to me.”
“Ull,” I began. But he stopped me.
“No. You do not get to interrupt either. Now, if you do not want to marry me because you do not like me, or because you have reached the very wise conclusion that a life with me would be far too complicated for you, then I accept that. But if you are giving this back to me,” he held up his ring, “out of some misguided effort to protect me… well, then I will not allow it.”
“You’re not the boss of me,” I muttered through my tears. Ull smiled, pleased I hadn’t lost all humor.
“Which is it? Is my life too much for you, or are you trying to protect me?”
“Um…” His eyes were endless. Of course I wanted to marry him. How could he ever think otherwise? Oh, right. I’d thrown his ring at him and run out of the room. “Trying to protect you,” I mumbled.
“Sweetheart. I need you to listen very carefully.” Ull looked at me like I was a disobedient two-year-old. “It was always my intention to leave Asgard. Even before I met you, I was running away. It is not necessarily the life I would have chosen. Meeting you only solidified my decision. From the moment I saw you, I knew I would give up everything if it meant we could be together. So I am not giving up anything for you.” I choked back a sob as he brushed the tear from my cheek.
“But what I get is so much greater than a
nything I might lose. Yes, I will miss some of the perks. But what I feel with you is so much more. I have never felt this peace. Never.” He lifted my chin, so I had to look at him. “So, Kristia Tostenson, if I may be so forward as to try to be the boss of you. Do not ever take this off your finger again. Am I understood?” He slid his ring back onto my finger, and my tears started anew. We lay together as I cried myself out, Ull’s strong arms wrapped tightly around me.
“What are we going to do?” I whispered when the worst of the tears were over.
“Well,” Ull drew small circles on my back with his thumb, “We shall live as all humans do. We plan our wedding. We take our honeymoon. We live as husband and wife, have adventures, share love. When we are very old, we sit on the bench in our garden, with our tea. If Ragnarok comes before then, it comes. There is no sense worrying about it. But I cannot imagine a more beautiful way to spend my life.”
“I can’t believe your father doesn’t approve of me.” Years of small town whispers were brought to a head by the scariest god ever.
“It is not that he disapproves of you – you must listen to Thor very carefully. He says exactly what he means. What he said was that Skadi would make a more suitable partner to strengthen the Asgardian race. He does not know you, and he was not judging you. Really,” he confirmed as I opened my mouth to protest. I sure felt judged. “Darling, he does not understand the value you could bring to the realm. He does not know anything about you, your heart, your loyalty, your stubbornness.” He tweaked my nose.
“My visions?” I’d seen myself fighting next to Ull as a goddess. Had Thor’s verdict changed my future?
“No.” Ull’s brow furrowed. “I will not let him use your visions. I cannot lose you. Kristia, it is not important to me to keep my immortality. Please understand that.”
“Well it’s not right to turn your back on your family when they need you the most. And it’s important to me to protect your world. And mine. Just how are we supposed to convince Thor if you won’t let me tell him what I can do?”
“I am not sure that we can.” Ull’s blow was soft. “But let us not think of it any more tonight.” Outside the window, darkness had fallen on Ýdalir.
Glancing at the ring on my finger, I whispered into Ull’s chest. “Are you sure you want to marry me? Even if you have to give up your family?”
“You are my family. Marrying you is the one thing I am absolutely sure of. The rest will fall into place.” He kept saying that.
“Easy as that, huh?”
“Easy as that.” He kissed the top of my head as I fell into an exhausted sleep.
After the week I’d had, Cardiff felt like something from another lifetime. How was I supposed to focus on school when I needed to plan a wedding, make Thor like me, sell Odin on making me a goddess, save Ull’s immortality and fight to save the cosmos? Going to class and writing papers seemed like an insanely frivolous waste of time given the enormity of my to-do list.
“Kristia, what is that?” Victoria pointed at my left hand the minute I walked into our flat after winter break.
“What, this little thing?” I waggled my fingers, and Emma ran up to grab my wrist. Their frenzy began; they were worse than hungry hounds at a pheasant hunt.
“Oh my God!” Emma’s cheer trilled through the tiny space. “You did it! You got Ull Myhr to propose.”
“We definitely chose the right outfits for your trip.” Good old Victoria. It was nice to have one thing in my life stay the same.
“Ooh, now we get to buy wedding magazines! We have to scout venues, choose flowers, colors, the cake–”
“Don’t go crazy Em,” I interrupted. “We’re going to have a little ceremony at the Seaman’s Church after graduation. No magazines required. Honest.”
But she ignored me. The next night, our tiny flat was overrun with thick bridal magazines. None of them were mine.
“Of course she’ll wear the satin mermaid gown.” Victoria pointed to a glossy page. “The feathers clipped just so on her fascinator.” It took me an hour to figure out that a fascinator was a hat.
“Oh, Victoria! She’s so going to wear the lace ball gown, the one with the extra crinoline underneath so it has more oomph. And a long veil,” Emma countered disdainfully.
“Uh, guys? I’m wearing my grandmother’s dress. It’s coming in the mail, um, pretty soon I hope.” Nobody was listening to me.
Well, it beat thinking about the god thing. And it was kind of fun to look at all the shiny brides.
The next weekend, I knocked on Ull’s door. He and Gunnar had gone to a rugby match at Millennium Stadium and Inga and I had a date to watch the Sports Wives marathon. As I’d predicted, Inga had become one of my closest friends, and I knew she’d be happy as a hog in a mud hole about the package I’d brought her.
“Olaug’s Apple Tarts!” Inga ripped the bag from my hands and flitted to the kitchen, returning with an artfully arranged platter and two steaming mugs.
“How’d you get these?” She bit into a pastry.
“I found them on my porch. She must have dropped them by on her way to London this morning.”
“The little sneak. Bless her heart.” Inga gave me a pointed look.
“What?” I mumbled around a full mouth of apple-y goodness.
“You haven’t shown me your ring.”
“Oh my gosh, Inga!” I held out my hand. It was the first time we’d been together since Ull proposed. “Can you believe we’re going to be married?”
“It’s about bloody time. Ull has been alone for so long.” Everyone kept saying that. “What are you going to do about… well, you know…” The god thing.
“What did Ull tell you?”
“Not a whole lot. He’s really private, even after all this time. He did tell us you wanted to join up, but there was some kind of issue with Thor.”
“Yeah. I’m not sure what to do about that.”
“I am.” Inga laughed, bell-like sounds filling the flat. “Ull’s private, but I have ways of getting information. When Ull said you wanted to be one of us, I went to my dad.”
“Of course you did.” Inga was a woman of action and Jens seemed unable to say no to his only daughter. “What did he tell you?”
“Odin is not happy with Thor. Losing Ull this close to Ragnarok – it’s one of the worst things that could happen. Ull really is unmatched as a warrior, you know.” She beamed. “And if you were to fight under his tutelage, Odin knows you would be a tremendous asset to Asgard too.” I tried not to think about studying combat under Ull.
“So what’s Odin’s plan?”
“Well,” she bit her lip, “he’s not sure. You can’t join us without the magic of Mjölnir, and Odin can’t force it against Thor’s will. The only way you can become one of us is if you can change Thor’s mind. You have to make him want you to be a goddess.”
I threw my hands up. “How am I supposed to do that? He hates me.”
“No, he doesn’t.” Inga shook her head. “Kristia, I know Ull went over this with you. Thor doesn’t think or do anything that isn’t founded entirely on reason. If he believes that you will be a detriment to the realm, he’ll never agree to change you. But if you can show him you’re an asset, especially now… well, then he might change his mind.”
I saw where this was going. But I was trying to follow Ull’s edict. “Isn’t losing Ull enough reason to change me?”
“It should be, but it’s not. Thor thinks Ull will come around, that he’ll realize he shouldn’t turn his back on Asgard for a girl.”
“He shouldn’t.” I felt sick about that.
“Oh, stop it. Thor shouldn’t make him choose. That’s what’s wrong here.” Inga sputtered.
“So I have to convince Thor I can help? That’s the only way I’m getting into Asgard?”
“Pretty much. Got any hidden talents?”
Boy did I. “Well. Yes. But Ull doesn’t want me to tell Thor about it.”
“What is it?”
“I can see the future.”
Inga choked on a piece of pastry. “Excuse me?”
“I can see the future. I can’t control it or anything, and I hardly ever see anything important.”
“And you failed to mention this because…”
“It’s kind of embarrassing.” I shrugged. “It makes me seem crazy.”
“Ull knows about this?” Inga put her plate on the table.
“Yes.”
“And he won’t let you tell Thor about it? That’s the kind of thing that would make him reconsider, for sure.”
“I know it is. Ull thinks it’s too dangerous. Apparently, people who see things are hot commodities to bad guys.”
“He’s right about that.” Inga picked up her teacup. “Who else knows about this around here?”
“Here? Nobody. Just Ull. I didn’t tell Olaug.”
“Huh.” Inga stared out the window. When she looked back, her eyes were shining. “You’re going to tell Thor anyway, aren’t you?”
“I’m thinking about it. I don’t want to go against Ull, but if there’s no other way to change Thor’s mind, I kind of have to tell him. Don’t I?”
“Yes. You do.” Inga picked up the remote and muted the bickering Sports Wives. “Now tell me everything about your ability. We need to come up with a plan.”
Chapter 18
At the end of January, I returned from a weekend at Ýdalir to a big box on my doorstep. I carried it inside and lifted out its contents. My grandmother’s wedding dress was so beautiful. It would hardly need to be altered to fit me. A note of parental congratulations rested at the bottom of the box, along with another envelope – this one with my name written in Mormor’s handwriting. A faded sticky note on top of the envelope said, “Give to Kristia on her wedding day.” Wedding day, my foot.
