When I pray, strong feelings, whether positive or negative, emerge and I'm not sure what to do with them. Frankly, I find prayer to be rather unsettling.
I feel ashamed of my sins. I don't think I'm worthy to pray.
I don't know what to say to God. After all, he already knows everything I need!
Perhaps you can think of other obstacles that have held you back in your quest for a deeper prayer life.
These objections are all variations on a single theme: As much as we want to be closer to God, we also resist it. In the words of Marianne Williamson, made famous by Nelson Mandela: "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." I believe we can make a similar statement about spiritual seekers: "Our deepest fear is not that there is no God. Our deepest fear is that God does exist and wants to become an intimate part of our lives, changing us forever." When two people fall in love, often their relationship can be troubled by one or both of two fears: the fear of loneliness or abandonment ("Please don't leave me") and the fear of engulfment ("I need my space"). But when it comes to relating to God, I think that the fear of being engulfed is for many people the greater of the two. It manifests in our "not having enough time" to pray, and in other excuses we make to avoid a daily practice of seeking intimacy with God.
Prayer, therefore, is like physical training or even military combat. It requires that you make enough effort to move through resistance, and it requires profound courage to see you through the scary places it will take you. Thankfully, the gospel promises grace to those who believe; indeed, without that grace, a disciplined prayer life remains ultimately unattainable. Without the grace of God who loves you, your resistance will overwhelm your desire. Without the grace of God beckoning you and calling you into relationship with him, prayer too quickly gets lost in the hectic pace of life. Grace is the secret ingredient that can, finally, lead you to overcome your resistance. Indeed, grace helps you to see how all the supposed obstacles to your life of prayer are ultimately of your own making.
Here are a few points to consider as you seek to make prayer a high priority in your life:
Don't go it alone. We are all social beings, and we are far more likely to embrace a new discipline and stick with it if we don't try to do it all by ourselves. This is one of the reasons why participation in a commuity of faith is so essential. Having others to turn to for advice, encouragement, accountability, and instruction can make all the difference in following through on your commitment, particularly when the novelty wears off and the going gets rough. Likewise, a spiritual director can be an invaluable help in dealing with some of the difficult feelings that can emerge in prayer like doubts that God doesn't exist or doesn't care, or overwhelming feelings of sadness, guilt, or anger that can emerge.
Start small. If you're out of shape and want to do something about it, you don't begin by running twenty miles each morning. Physical training has to be tailored to your current abilities; as your strength develops, your regimen can gradually become more challenging. So it is with prayer. If you have difficulty finding time to pray, start by making a commitment to pray for one minute a day. Master that before you stretch out to five minutes, or ten minutes, or beyond. Even for seasoned contemplatives, twenty to thirty minutes twice a day is usually enough. And not everyone needs to, or can, devote that much time to prayer. A trusted friend or director can be of great help in discerning just how much daily prayer time is right for you. Even if your heart longs to give an hour every day to God, take it slowly at first. It's better to establish a daily routine that becomes as anchored in your life as brushing your teeth. Once your everyday pattern is established, you can start to stretch out the amount of time you give to prayer.
Establish a routine. Essential to a successful daily discipline is a sense of routine. Ideally, your prayer routine will fit in with your overall commitments: for example, if you need to leave for work every morning at 7 AM, plan your morning so that you have enough time to shower, dress, and eat, then get up fifteen minutes earlier and devote those first few minutes to your spiritual practice. If your schedule permits, try to establish time for regular prayer along with the regular practice of lectio divina. In addition to finding a set time for prayer, select a specific place ideally a quiet corner in your home where your family or roommates will not disturb you and you can avoid distractions like the computer, TV, or telephone. Put a Bible or cross or crucifix in your prayer space so that it is clearly a center for fostering intimacy with God.
Experiment. The prayer types we'll be examining later in this chapter are only part of the overall "toolbox" for contemplatives. No one has to master all the many different methods of prayer that have evolved over the centuries. You may find that your devotion to God is nurtured more by the Rosary than by the Daily Office (or vice versa). Some are naturally more comfortable with recited prayers; others chafe at anything that doesn't come spontaneously from the heart. Try to pray in different ways, and get to know how your prayer life shines.
Pray as you can, not as you can't. Because prayer is all about fostering intimacy with God, every person's prayer life will be unique. The way God communicates with you and the way you respond to God will be yours alone. This makes it a colossal waste of time to try to impose expectations about the "right" way to pray on your prayer life. If all your friends love the Rosary, but you have a clearer sense of God's presence when you take a long walk in the forest gently sharing with God whatever's on your mind, give thanks for your uniqueness. When others are pulling out their beads, head for the woods.
Remember, it's all about God, and it's all about love. A disciplined prayer life is a commitment that requires a certain maturity to get through the dry periods. During those dry spells, it may feel like anything you do to pray goes wrong. It's important, therefore, to remember that most of what's "wrong" with your prayer life is a reflection of your own human limitations, if not your inner poverty and brokenness. But don't be a masochist about it. Prayer is about God, and God is love. At least some of the fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, kindness) should color your prayer experience, at least some of the time. If your prayer life is joyless, burdensome, and feels like continual drudgery, talk it over with a trusted friend or director. Sometimes an and prayer life is a sign of being called more deeply into contemplation, but it can also be a signal that something else is out of joint. Don't give up on your walk with God or grow cynical; don't lose faith in the mystery of love. Keep your eyes on the prize. Focus on the God who is Love, even when prayer becomes difficult. With your heart set on love and the caring support of a prayer partner, even the longest dry spell can be a time for growth.
Printed words in a book cannot teach you how to pray. Ultimately, all you can bring to your prayer your time offered to God is yourself. Far more important than your thoughts or your eloquence is, simply, your heart and your soul. You need to be willing to offer yourself to God, and to dispose yourself to the possibilities that lie just beyond the reach of your senses or your rational mind. Even faith is optional in prayer! Some of the best prayers emerge out of profound doubt and questioning. But a certain flexibility of mind and heart is probably necessary. If you are arrogant, either in your unbelief or in your conviction that you have a rock-solid knowledge of God, your prayers will fall flat. Humility and an open-hearted vulnerability, coupled with a willingness to let God take the lead, is probably the most helpful attitude to embrace. Prayer is not about impressing God (as if we could do that); it's about getting real with God.
Some people love to fill their prayer space with sensual aids candles, incense, icons, or recordings of Gregorian chants playing softly in the background. None of this is necessary, however, and sometimes these things can be more distracting than reinforcing. If you like those sorts of things, great. But they are neither necessary nor always helpful for prayer.
RECITED AND SPONTANEOUS PRAYER
In the 1970s, the controversial theologian Matthew Fox
insisted: "Prayer is not saying prayers." I think he was on to something, but I think a more accurate statement would be: "Prayer is more than just saying prayers." Prayers that we recite the Lord's Prayer, grace before meals, devotional supplications found in inspirational books are the "training wheels" of the Christian spiritual life. In other words, they teach us the language and the rhythm of intimacy with God. Prayers that we read and recite are designed to set us free to enter, eventually, into unscripted intimacy with our divine lover.
This is not to suggest that formulaic prayers are unnecessary or inferior. On the contrary, just as great musicians practice their scales throughout their careers, mystics rely on the most childlike forms of prayer even as they move deeper and deeper into the splendors of wordless contemplation. The Daily Office, which began as a prayer regimen for monks, is now available to all Christians. Those who embrace these beautifully written, but entirely formulaic, prayers find in them a continual source of spiritual nourishment and are inspired by them to more spontaneous ways to seek intimacy with God.
While it is possible to recite formulaic prayers without sincerity or authenticity, this does not mean that praying in such a way is necessarily futile. Some of the great mystical writers wrote at length about the spiritual treasures available in the humble recitation of the Lord's Prayer. To a dedicated contemplative, even the most familiar prayer represents a new opportunity to be fully present and completely mindful with each word that is prayed. If you recite a prayer in a rote or mindless manner, you always have the opportunity to take a deep breath, slow down, and recite the same prayer, again, only this time with mindful attentiveness to the beauty and the power of the words.
At its best, prayer even a simple, memorized prayer like the Our Father is like healthy digestion. It requires that you take your time to "chew" the words and "digest" the thought. When you rush through your prayers, you simply set yourself up for spiritual "indigestion." On the other hand, when you recite a prayer in a mystical way, you slow the process down enough so that each word can be fully "chewed," broken apart and savored both consciously and subconsciously as you make your way through the prayer. No one experience of praying will ever be perfect. But, to the extent that you slow down your engagement with the prayers you say, you will be prepared for deeper and more intimate forms of prayer. In learning to recite formal prayers mindfully, you will be preparing yourself to share with God the truest and most hidden thoughts and feelings that emerge from deep within you, offered up spontaneously, in your own words or even in sounds and gestures that, inspired by the Holy Spirit, are "too deep for words" (Romans 8:26). Just as recited prayers eventually lead to conversational or spontaneous prayer, "from the heart" prayers eventually shade off into the post-verbal experience of wordless prayer, which takes you to the spiritual frontiers of contemplation.
FORMAL PRAYER
Formal prayers are those recited from the Bible, from sacred texts, or from traditional writings. There are several kinds:
Basic Prayers. Every Christian should know the Lord's Prayer. Catholics and others with a devotion to Mary should know the Hail Mary. Various other Bible passages, hymns, traditional prayers, and nuggets of wisdom from great saints or mystics, can all be memorized and recited from the heart. One of the earliest Christian monks, John Cassian, recommended regular prayer of this verse from the Psalms: "0 God, come to my assistance; 0 Lord, make haste to help me" (Psalm 69:2 Douay-Rheims Version). My wife and I love to recite this prayer from Julian of Norwich: "God, of your goodness, give me yourself, for you are enough for me. I may ask nothing less that is fully to your worship, and if I do ask anything less, ever shall I be in want. Only in you I have all." These simple prayers are easily memorized and can be recited at any time throughout the day. These recitations can also be used to begin or end periods of time set aside for lectio divina, meditation, or contemplation.
The Rosary. This popular Catholic devotion combines recitation of memorized prayers (particularly the Lord's Prayer and the Hail Mary) with reflection on various key events in the lives of Jesus and Mary. Part meditation and part prayer, the Rosary can be a powerful tool for slowing down the monkey mind and discerning God's silent presence.
The Jesus Prayer (Prayer of the Heart). Entire books have been written about this simple prayer and its power to transform your life. Indeed, The Way of a Pilgrim, the work of an anonymous Russian Orthodox author concerning this prayer, is a classic of mystical literature. Several variations of the prayer exist, the most common being: "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner." When you entrain the prayer to your breathing inhale as you pray "Lord Jesus Christ, son of God"; pause; exhale as you recite the rest of the prayer and repeat it slowly and gently as you breathe, this prayer is arguably the best tool for achieving Saint Paul's ideal of prayer without ceasing. The Greek Orthodox spiritual tradition of hesychasm is anchored in the use of the Jesus Prayer, and its repetitive nature is clearly reminiscent of the mantras found in Eastern forms of meditation. Like the Rosary or centering prayer, this practice can help foster an experience of acquired contemplation.
The Daily Office. Also called the Divine Office or the Liturgy of the Hours, the Daily Office is a form of communal prayer used in monasteries and in Catholic, Orthodox, Anglican, and some Protestant churches. Different churches and monasteries have their own forms of the Daily Office, which usually consists of between four and seven "offices" or services of prayer to be prayed at appointed times throughout the day. Each office includes scripture readings, Psalms and other canticles, hymns, antiphons, and prayers. Because it is designed as a communal form of prayer, even if you recite it in solitude, you are on some level participating in the larger praying community of the church. We know from the gospels that Jesus prayed the Psalms. So, by joining in the Daily Office, you are joining in a tradition of prayer that extends back to the origins of the faith. The Daily Office is a complex form of prayer; different readings, Psalms, and canticles are assigned to each day, and the days themselves are influenced by the season of the church year (Advent, Lent, etc.), as well as the days on which the lives of saints are commemorated. While it can be daunting to learn to pray the Office, once you become familiar with it, it's a lovely tool for anchoring a daily practice of prayer.
CONVERSATIONAL PRAYER
Sooner or later, recited prayers may begin to feel stiff and overly formal. This is not necessarily a sign to abandon them, but rather to stretch out and begin to pray without a script, offering to God your uncensored thoughts and feelings, and even the "space" between your thoughts and feelings.
Conversational prayer is prayer that comes from the heart, in your own words. Ultimately, it works best when it's spontaneous and unrehearsed. Having said that, it's helpful to consider categories of prayer that are traditionally associated with this kind of extemporaneous reaching out to God.
Adoration. God is love, and therefore infinitely lovable. So what better way to express yourself to God than by offering words of love? This is easier said than done, however, if you have images of God that are less than loving: God-as-angry-father, God-as-implacable-judge, or God-as-indifferent-creator. Of course, God is beyond all our images of him (whatever reveals God conceals God even our ways of thinking about God), so if you become aware of ways in which you perceive God as unloving, you will find tremendous healing in choosing a more kind and compassionate understanding of him. Learning to trust God and to pray words of love to him can be an important part of coming to know God as love.
Confession. No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. And everyone is capable of making unloving choices, even with full knowledge and consent. Facing the God of infinite love means facing your own unloving choices, behaviors, and dispositions as well. While coming face to face with your own sinfulness may seem to encourage shame or guilt, the Christian tradition is less interested in you feeling sorry for yourself and more interested in you honestly confessing your faults to God as a key step toward healing your brokenn
ess and embracing a new (or renewed) life of love.
Thanksgiving. The Benedictine monk David Steindl-Rast calls gratefulness "the heart of prayer." Meister Eckhart suggested that if all we ever prayed was a single prayer of thanksgiving, that would be enough. Counting your blessings and acknowledging God as the ultimate source of all that is good in your life is essential, not only for your spiritual health, but also for your mental health. Gratitude creates the space in our hearts for love, peace, joy, and hope; praying our thankfulness can be a powerful tool for learning to live in gratitude.
Petition and Intercession. Petitions are prayers made on your own behalf; intercessions are prayers in which you appeal to God on behalf of someone else. Some people think that prayer is primarily about petitions and intercessions about asking God for blessings, for healing, for favors, whether for yourself or for others. For contemplatives, however, prayer is about far more than just crying for blessings prayer is primarily about establishing, or strengthening, a relationship with God based on trust, love, and intimacy. Although petition and intercession remain important ways to communicate with God even for contemplatives, those who truly seek to embrace the divine mystery will understand such "asking prayer" to be only one part of an overall prayer discipline. Even when contemplatives do offer petitions and intercessions, their requests extend far beyond seeking material benefits. Mystics pray for healing, for strength, for confidence and faith, for comfort, for spiritual blessings (as well as material needs), and for a sense of God's presence and guidance in their lives. And while cynics may argue that there's no scientific evidence that prayer has any impact on external reality if you're dying of cancer, will prayer really make a difference? from a Christian spiritual perspective, this kind of skepticism is pointless. You can never know the difference between praying and not-praying, because each individual and each circumstance is unique. Furthermore, prayer assumes that God knows what is best, and that the answer to your prayer may come in ways that you don't necessarily expect or want. Moreover, whether or not prayer changes external circumstances (like a cancerous growth), it always changes the internal circumstances of your heart, your soul, and your trust in the goodness and love of God. In all these ways, intercessory and petitionary prayer remains invaluable even for those whose faith is unsure.
The Big Book of Christian Mysticism: The Essential Guide to Contemplative Spirituality Page 21
