No Going Back

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No Going Back Page 2

by Ainsley Kincade


  Calm once again, I strode toward my office, which was considerably smaller than Mr. Gabriel’s. By the time I arrived, I’d received an email from Ben about the dinner meeting, and Emily was approaching from the opposite direction, green dress in hand. One of the few coworkers I socialized with on a regular basis, Emily was smiling as she walked up, but held an edge of confusion in her expression.

  “What does Mr. G want with this? I showed it to him yesterday and he approved it for the color swapping article Brian is coming in to shoot next week.” Emily shrugged after voicing her question, as if the answer didn’t matter very much and she was only interested in satisfying her own curiosity. Her laidback personality was what had drawn me to her when I’d started working at the magazine. In a high pressure field that ran on deadlines, she was a relief.

  “I got roped into covering a dinner meeting for him at Brie and couldn’t exactly go in this,” I said, gesturing at my jeans.

  Emily flinched. “Definitely not.” Then my words seemed to sink in and her expression went from mildly curious to dying for details. “Mr. G is sending you to Brie in his place? That’s kind of a big deal, right? Ben said he uses that place for meetings when he really wants to impress someone. Who’s the meeting with?”

  “Brandon Frere. Mr. Gabriel wants him for the new staff photographer position.”

  “He’s amazing,” Emily said, nodding in agreement with our boss’s choice. “I did the costuming and makeup for the how-to article on shooting hair a while back and he was really impressive. Knows absolutely everything about photography. Wow, he’d be awesome to have on staff. I can’t believe you get to try to seduce him over to our side.”

  I laughed. “Our side?”

  “Yeah, he’s all about independent photographers maintaining as much artistic freedom as possible and not molding their style to commercialism or trends. He once walked off a fashion shoot because the lightbulbs weren’t what he’d requested and the set director refused to change it.” Emily shook her head. “I’m sure he had good reason for wanting it changed. Guy’s a genius behind a lens. A bear to work with at times, though.”

  My hopes sank. Mr. Gabriel didn’t like other people making demands, and while we were a magazine that focused on teaching photographers about their craft and helping them reach their potential, when we needed something specific shot, he expected the work to be done on time and in the way it was asked for. Yet he wanted this guy more than two equally qualified options. Why? I wasn’t sure, but I worried I wouldn’t be able to give him what he wanted.

  “I’ll put this in the dressing room. Come by when you’re ready and I’ll help you with your hair and makeup, all right?” Emily said.

  I nodded, numbed by my imminent failure. I held no delusions that Mr. Gabriel would ever give me more than work assignments, no matter how much I might have wished for something different. He was too professional, too dedicated to his career to ever entertain a relationship with a subordinate. Knowing that didn’t stop me from fantasizing about unbuttoning the rest of his shirt and running my fingers across his chest before dipping lower. Thoughts like that would be more difficult to indulge in if he looked at me with disappointment every time we met because I’d failed him. Unwilling to give that up, determination set in. I would convince Brandon Frere to work for us, no matter what it took.

  TWO

  Clever Spider’s Web

  It wasn’t often Marie left the fifth floor. If she needed something, I went to her. So when she stepped into my office after a brief knock, I regarded her with wary surprise. Shit. Had she heard about the mix up with Brandon already? I’d been about to call her, but wasn’t keen on listening to her gloat. She was pushing hard for one of the other two photographers, though purely out of spite. The magazine’s success was too important to her to let pride ruin this deal. She just needed a little prodding to give in.

  “About Brandon,” I said, hoping to get the jump on whatever she was about to say.

  Marie waved me off and took a seat in front of my desk, crossing one leg over the other in a way that accentuated their shape. It wasn’t a ploy or an invitation, simply a testament to her comfort with her own sexuality, even in the workplace. Marie never apologized for being attractive. Closer to fifty now than forty, she took pride in the fact that young interns like Ben still found her attractive, yet was confident enough not to need their fawning. Yes, she was beautiful, but that was hardly the reason she ran multiple magazine imprints for our parent publisher. No one who worked with her doubted that.

  “I’m not here about Brandon, though I suspect from your guilty posture there’s something we need to discuss.” She paused, eyeing me and likely debating whether to switch topics before continuing. She shook her head. “I’m here about tonight. To see how you’re doing with all of this.”

  Marie was a fierce woman. In business, and in her personal life as well. Yet, she knew when to set aside her inexhaustible drive and take a few minutes to take care of her employees on a more personal level. I wasn’t surprised she would want to check in on me, as our relationship had gone beyond the usual some time back, but it did strike me that she came to my office to do so.

  “I’m fine,” I said. She sighed, recognizing the lie for what it was.

  “Donovan, it’s all right if you’re not fine. It’s not easy to dredge up past traumas like this, even if it’s for a good cause.” She leaned back in her chair, picking at her silk blouse, though it was impeccable, as always. “I wasn’t nearly as close to her as you were, but I’m still battling mixed feelings about tonight.”

  Mixed feelings. That was a very good description of what I’d been experiencing for weeks since I’d gotten the fucking invitation. All day, I’d struggled to stay focused. “I’d feel better about the whole thing if everything had been resolved seven years ago, but…”

  Marie nodded. “I know. It is what it is, though. We can’t not lend our support.”

  I knew that, damn it. It was just so much more complicated than that.

  “Now,” Marie said, her voice switching into boss mode, “what’s going on with Brandon?”

  Sighing, I explained Ben’s mistake and my solution. When I’d decided to hire Reagan after voicing my criticisms a year ago, Marie hadn’t been overjoyed, but neither had she blocked my decision. Since then, she’d come to appreciate Reagan’s dedication and intellect as much as I had. Even so, her nose crinkled at the idea of Reagan meeting with Brandon.

  “Dear God, I hope you insisted she wear something other than jeans and what looks like her older brother’s t-shirt. Cute is not going to impress Brandon.” She rolled her eyes at the idea of trying to impress Brandon at all, given their history, but her irritation showed how much she truly wanted him on staff.

  I almost laughed at her reaction, but instead only said, “Of course I did. Emily, from costuming, is going to get her ready. She’ll be irresistible to Brandon by the time she’s done.” I paused, unable to stop a frown from forming on my mouth as I thought about Brandon’s likely reaction to Reagan. “On an artistic level, of course.”

  “Of course,” Marie said, drawing out the words knowingly. We both knew Brandon preferred men, but he was enamored with beauty in all its forms. Particularly the form of the human body. He was known stop people on the street and request they sit for him, simply because he found some aspect of their look or form appealing.

  Marie didn’t let it go at that, however. Eyeing me, a smile crept onto her lips. “Are you sleeping with her yet?”

  I grunted in surprise at her frank question. “No.”

  “Why not?” she asked. “I know that’s why you didn’t want to hire her initially. You’ve been tiptoeing around the issue for the past year and, frankly, it’s beginning to get on my nerves. If you just need to fuck her, get it out of your system, fine, so long as she’s willing and it doesn’t lead to her quitting because things will be too complicated afterward. If you want to date her, you know I wouldn’t have a problem with it. Yo
u’re two grown adults. Just stop being a pussy about it before you drive me insane, all right?”

  Marie never pulled punches and pretty much always said what was on her mind whether you wanted to hear it or not. Her advice wasn’t all that surprising, but I took offense anyway. “It hasn’t been affecting my work.”

  Rolling her eyes, Marie said, “Not the quality, no, but you’re putting too much focus into your asinine plan to make having a relationship with a subordinate okay in your mind. She’s a little too quiet, in my opinion, but strong enough to tell you to piss off if she’s not interested. She loves this job too much to run away crying just because you hurt her feelings. Either get her into bed with you, or drop it. Okay? This magazine’s success is way more fucking important to me than you nursing some sort of kinky fascination with her.”

  “Kinky?” I drawled.

  Marie cocked an eyebrow at me. “What would you call it?”

  “I like her. That’s it.”

  “Then fucking do something about it,” she said before standing and walking out of my office.

  I knew that was hardly a normal conversation to have with one’s boss, but I had known Marie too long to let that bother me. What annoyed me more than anything was that she was right. Obsessing over Reagan was making me crazy. What to do about it, though? It wasn’t as simple as Marie pretended. I wasn’t going to ask her out at work, but getting her alone outside of work wasn’t easy. I doubted she would even consider it after the shit I was about to put her through with Brandon. I already felt the need to apologize for whatever he might do or say to make her uncomfortable.

  I needed to take steps to make the night easier on her. Not just because I wanted a chance at her saying yes to a drink some night after work. The more I thought about her having to deal with Brandon’s ego and personality, the more I felt guilty for not having prepared her better. Picking up my phone, I texted Ben about another change in plans. One I was sure he wouldn’t mind in the least.

  ***

  “Well,” Emily said as she finished adjusting the dress, “if the perks and benefits of the job offer aren’t enough to sway Brandon, the fact that you look insanely sexy in this might do the trick.”

  My stomach twisted. “God, he’s not that kind of guy, is he?”

  Emily laughed. “Actually, I’m pretty sure he’s gay, but even so, he appreciates a beautiful woman from an artistic standpoint.” She pulled my hair back from my shoulders, letting it fall down the bare skin of my back. “It’s Mr. G you might have to worry about in this dress.”

  Scoffing, I didn’t dignify that with a response.

  “It’s his favorite color, and he’s never seen you in anything more than jeans and a t-shirt. He might not even recognize you dressed up,” she teased.

  Staring at the mirror, I had to admit she might be right—about me being unrecognizable, anyway. My dark blonde hair, normally pulled back in a braid or ponytail, had been let loose by Emily and now hung in a wavy cascade down my back. Rose petal pink was my everyday color for lip gloss. The deep red lipstick Emily had insisted on to contrast the green silk looked almost garish on me, but made me feel strangely confident. It was the dress, though, that did the most.

  The rich green stood out against my creamy skin. Almost too tight across my bust, my breathing felt restricted, but it did a marvelous job of accentuating my breasts without being gauche. I doubted any of my coworkers had ever considered whether or not I worked out in what little free time I had. Being comfortable while agonizing over placement and color values took top priority for me. I detested constricting clothing and often wore roomy t-shirts. The slim bodice of the dress highlighted the hours I spent at the gym, destressing, clearing my mind, and distracting myself from thoughts I shouldn’t have been having about my boss. I loved the way the loose skirt brushed against my thighs every time I moved, but I worried the length was too short for a business meeting.

  “It’s fine,” Emily said when I tugged at the hemline. “Seriously, Marie wears way shorter on a daily basis. You look amazing, so quit fussing and messing up all my hard work.”

  A knock sounded on the dressing room and Emily called out that whoever it was could come in. I was surprised when Ben’s head popped around the corner. A freshman in college, Ben was young enough to still be growing into his height, and his attempt at a sexy five o’clock shadow was a little patchy. He was adorable, and a hard worker who’d won me over his second day by bringing me coffee when he picked up Mr. Gabriel’s order.

  I had suspected he might have a small crush on me from that first week, and as red flushed his cheeks when he saw us, I had to hold back a laugh. Emily didn’t bother, and chuckled at his reaction. “Did you just come to stare, or is there a reason you’re back here?” she asked.

  “I, uh, yes. I had a reason,” he said, inching into the room as he tried to regain his composure. “I just wanted to know if Ms. Castell was ready to leave for the restaurant.”

  Blinking at him in surprise, I said, “What? Ben, you don’t have to drive me.”

  “Mr. Gabriel insisted,” Ben said, wide-eyed that I’d suggest he go against his boss’s wishes.

  Somewhat confused by the request, I hesitated insulting or ignoring Mr. Gabriel’s plans. “Oh, well, okay, I guess. I think Emily’s done with me.”

  “Take her away,” Emily said with a flourish.

  Ben looked relieved. “Great. I’ll get the car and meet you downstairs, okay?”

  “Uh, sure.”

  He darted away and I looked over at Emily, who only shrugged. “Guess Mr. G wants to make an impression.”

  I hoped I could live up to whatever image he wanted portrayed. Gathering my purse and notes on the offer the magazine was extending to Brandon, I thanked Emily for all her help and hurried down to meet Ben.

  When I made it to the lobby and saw the car Ben was standing next to, my anxiety doubled. I’d been in company vehicles before when traveling to on-location shoots. I doubted this was a company car. Sleek and powerful, I recognized the three-pointed-star of the Mercedes logo even if I couldn’t name the exact model of the SUV. I worked for a specialized and high end magazine, but I’d ridden in a Buick to an outdoor shoot detailing different ISO settings for a variety of outdoor situations.

  Ben opened the passenger door to the backseat. I’d expected to ride next to him, but held back my questions. I knew his response would likely be that Mr. Gabriel insisted. Supposing my boss knew how to impress a prospective employee better than I did, I settled myself in the backseat and admired the soft leather. Ben slid into the driver’s seat a moment later looking excited. I couldn’t help doubt the wisdom of Mr. Gabriel allowing him to drive such an expensive car.

  “Do you play chauffeur for Mr. Gabriel often?” I asked Ben.

  He laughed. “Sure, but usually for him. This is the first time he’s driven himself to a big meeting and asked me to drive someone else.”

  His answer unsettled me even more. “I’m really not sure why he went to the trouble. Brandon Frere definitely seems to be someone we want, but it’s still a little overboard to go to so much effort to recruit him.”

  Ben shrugged. “I do what Mr. Gabriel tells me. Even when his requests seem odd, he’s usually right, so I just go with it.”

  That was certainly true. Mr. Gabriel had a good mind for business and design, but he understood people better than anyone I’d ever met and never made a bad call when it came to dealing with clients or employees. I decided to trust him about Brandon, as I’d learned to do on just about everything else.

  We pulled up to the restaurant twenty minutes later and I waited for Ben to open my door, because it seemed like the right thing to do, even though I was itching to do it myself. I wasn’t used to anyone waiting on me. Even though I asked Ben to run an errand for me on occasion, it was only if I knew he wasn’t busy doing something for Mr. Gabriel. I had never needed nor wanted my own assistant, even though several of the other managers had interns of some sort.


  “Thank you,” I said when he helped me down from the SUV.

  Ben nodded politely and closed the door when I stepped aside. “I’ll be nearby if you need anything between now and when you’re finished. When you’re ready for me to pick you up, just send me a text, okay?”

  “Uh, okay.” I felt bad thinking he was wasting his night being on standby for me, but I couldn’t exactly tell him to go home. “Thanks, Ben.”

  He grinned at me. “Good luck tonight.”

  I nodded my thanks and took a deep breath. I was definitely going to need it. He climbed back into the SUV and pulled away, leaving me to sink or swim. Figuring I had better get on with it, either way, I approached the entrance and tried not to look out of place as I walked into the gorgeous foyer. The host smiled warmly as I approached. I swallowed my fears and addressed him. “Hi, I’m supposed to meet someone here tonight. Brandon Frere. Has he arrived yet?”

  “No, Ms. Castell, but I have your table ready if you’d like to be seated now.”

  Hesitating, I didn’t know what to do. Would it seem impolite to be seated without Brandon, or would it be more awkward for me to wait for him? No one else was standing around in the foyer. Wishing Mr. Gabriel had prepared me better, I tried to come up with an intelligent reply, but the host beat me to it.

  “Mr. Gabriel usually prefers to be seated before his guests. Would you like to do the same?”

  Breathing a sigh of relief, I nodded. “Yes, thank you.”

  He smiled and pretended I hadn’t just shouted to the whole room that I had no clue what I was doing. Guiding me through the restaurant to the table, he was politely silent. It allowed me to take in the beautiful setting and elegant diners. I had grown up never wanting and living comfortably, but not to such a level. Even in Emily’s gorgeous dress, I worried I stuck out.

  “Here we are, Ms. Castell.” He pulled out my chair and expertly slid it beneath me as I sat. Stepping to the side, he asked, “Would you care for something to drink?”

 

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