by Box Set
Or, re-fallen, as it were.
I hung up. I'm not sure if I said goodbye or not. Mustering all my courage, I sat up. The room spun and my hand throbbed and I just about lost everything I'd eaten in the last twenty-four hours. I cursed in all three languages that I'd ever learned, and then I got up to make coffee.
"Josh said to give you your pain pills as soon as you got up." Bryson left the TV and followed my stumbling progress to the kitchen, catching me twice when I tried to fall. I found the bottle and fought with the lid for several seconds, until Bryson snatched it out of my hand and shook a pill out. Without a word, he started coffee brewing as I downed the pill. Work fast, pill. Work fast. If only the pill erased memories, too. If only it eased a shattered heart.
Every time I closed my damn eyes, I saw her. Smiling at me, nibbling her lip, twining her fingers with mine. I saw her eyes falling shut as she leaned toward me, I felt her soft lips opening for mine, felt the stroke of her fingers against my chest.
And then I saw her standing in front of that house, tears running down her cheeks, arms wrapped around herself. What if I'd been wrong? What if...
I'd go over there. That's what I would do. As soon as I could see straight to drive, I would go over there and talk to her. No raging emotions this time. I'd give her a chance to explain.
And then I snorted. Of course there would be raging emotions. There were always raging emotions if Navi was involved.
It took me several seconds, but I finally realized that Bryson was angry at me. "What’s wrong with you?" I asked, peering blurrily at him.
"What’s wrong with me?" His eyebrows shot up and he spun away, jerking the coffee mug out of the cupboard. "What’s wrong with me. That’s awesome." He sloshed coffee into the mug, missing for the most part, and thrust it at me. "What’s wrong with you? When she chose you over me, it hurt. Oh yeah, I felt totally betrayed, Alec. But I should have known—after what you’d said… and I thought, at least he’ll take care of her. At least I’ll still get to see her and she’s happy. If I would have known you were going to hurt her like this, I... I would have fought harder! Or... or something. I would have tried to protect her."
I stared at him, trying not to spill my coffee with my shaking hands. "She was with another guy, Bryson. I didn’t do anything wrong."
"Did you give her a chance to explain?" He crossed his arms and glared, as if daring me to answer him.
I closed my eyes and sighed. "No. No, I did not. She wouldn’t even if I had, you know."
"No." Bryson shoved past me, stalking to the TV. "No, I don’t know."
It took an entire pot of coffee and a long, long shower before I could function. It took another hour before I could move my head without throwing up. It was almost two p.m. when I finally got dressed—which was hard one-handed. "You can't drive when you're taking those Percocet, dude," Bryson, still watching TV, said when I emerged with my keys in my hand.
"I'm fine." I didn't look at him, partly because moving my eyes still made my head feel like it was splitting open down the center. How much alcohol had I had yesterday before Josh convinced me to go to the hospital?
Bryson got up and blocked the doorway. "I know where you're going. She doesn't want to talk to you."
I would have punched him, if I didn't think it would hurt my only good hand. Even then, I still considered it. "How do you know?"
"Because I was over there this morning. She's pissed, Alec. She never wants to see you again. Hell, Konstanz had to talk her out of packing up and going back to Alaska just to get away from you."
Pain shot from my heart down into my stomach, so fierce it almost brought me to my knees. "No. She wouldn't do that."
"She's done it before, Alec."
I shook my head. Big, huge mistake. Pressing my good hand against my skull like it could hold it in place, I said, "She just got back. She has school. And work."
Her voice slammed through my head. It's just work! It's just work! Sobbing, tear-soaked words. I had to talk to her.
I shoved Bryson out of the way. "Alec, I can't let you drive. What if you kill someone?"
I glared at him for thirty whole seconds. "I took the Percocet hours ago. I was supposed to take another one at twelve. I'm fine to drive."
His brow furrowed and he crossed his arms over his chest. "You need to keep up on your pain pills or the pain will be unmanageable."
"The pain is already unmanageable, Bryson. And those damn pills aren't gonna touch it." I wrenched the door open and stalked out to my truck.
It was difficult driving when I had to shift with my injured, bulky hand. I killed the truck twice before I got the hang of it, and I swore more times than I could count. I blew through a red light once just so I wouldn't have to shift back down. And then I parked in Navi's apartment carport and sat there.
She hated me. She'd told me to go to hell. You called her a whore. Technically, no. I hadn't called her a whore. I'd asked if she was a whore. It was a simple question, right?
I hung my head. No, it wasn't.
I started the truck again and backed out, feeling like I left half my soul waiting there at her doorstep.
Chapter 27
Navi
I stared out the window, pain lancing through my chest. The wound in my stomach had healed when the moon had risen the night before, thankfully. So all I had to deal with now was the broken heart.
Yeah. No problem.
Alec's truck roared out of our parking lot, disappearing in a cloud of smoke around the corner as he gunned it. Good. He needed to stay far, far away from me.
So what, are you a whore now?
"Hey." Konstanz stroked my hair and I smiled over at her. "Was that—?"
I nodded. She slid her arm around my shoulders and I laid my head on her chest. "I wasn't with another guy, K."
She nodded. "I know."
We stayed that way, watching the cars below, watching people go about their daily lives, completely unaware and ungrateful of the sacrifices Agents made to keep them safe. Alec, completely unaware and ungrateful. I didn't tell him—all this time, all these accusations, and I didn't tell him because I wanted to keep him safe.
"Bastard."
Konstanz sucked in a breath because I never swore. Reese could put a sailor to shame, and no one batted an eye. But me, one time, and it stunned the entire apartment.
"You know what I do to get over a guy?" Terrie asked, reclining on the couch like Cleopatra. I raised my head from Konstanz's shoulder and looked back at Terrie, waiting for her to continue. Heaven knows she had enough experience in the subject. She smiled wickedly. "I do a new guy."
I cringed at her coarseness. Konstanz sighed. "Navi isn't that type, Terrie."
She shrugged. "Maybe not that type, but I bet finding her another fella will take her mind off Alec."
If only she knew of all the times I'd dated different guys just to do that exact thing. Four years worth of guys, and not one of them ever made me get over Alec. Not one made me forget him. Even for a second.
"That's true. Now that you're feeling better, we should go out." Konstanz rubbed her hand briskly up and down my arm like my dad used to do when he was trying to give me a pep talk.
"I've got homework. And a meeting tonight. I can't go out, and"—I nodded at Terrie—"I'm sure your plan is fabulous and works every time, but I kind of don't want anything to do with guys for a while."
She rolled her eyes. "That's why I never fall in love. Because it hurts when they inevitably break your heart. Men don't fall in love. They fall in lust."
"It was two days, Terrie. Navi wasn't in love with him. It was just a crush. Crushes are easy to get over." Reese nodded with finality. Because in this apartment, what Reese said, goes.
It wasn't a crush. With Alec, it was more of an obsession. It had never been a crush. I had met him, and a week later we were inseparable. For three years, every waking second was spent wherever Alec was. I even rearranged my school schedule so we'd have classes together.
That shop class I'd taken junior year had really come in handy.
And that obsession? It hadn't gone away.
But Reese was only trying to help, and I wasn't going to correct her. Besides, I suspected we all knew how wrong she was anyway.
A knock sent hope soaring through my heart that somehow Alec had come back and he would apologize and everything would be okay.
"Bryson. Hey. Come on in." Reese swung open the door and stepped out of the way. "Welcome to the house of mourning."
I hadn't seen him since almost forty-eight hours ago when he'd been teaching Reese how to cook and helping Konstanz put out kitchen fires. "Hey, honey. How are you?" He came straight to me, barely nodding at anyone else.
"I'm fine." I forced a smile and moved away from Konstanz, proving that I could, in fact, stand on my own.
"I heard what happened. Alec went out last night and got rip-roaring drunk. I figured something was up."
Ouch.
"Well, he's a free man." I was surprised at the flat indifference in my voice. Like I really didn't care at all. Like the pain wasn't searing through my chest and starting all my internal organs on fire.
I had a meeting with Death tonight. I should ask him if he'd somehow managed to bring hell to Earth.
Konstanz moved between us like her physical presence could somehow protect me from his words. "You know, Navi probably doesn't need to know that right now."
"Right. Sorry. What was I thinking? I’m awful at being a comforter."
"You’re doing fine, Bryson."
"Have you eaten yet?" he asked Konstanz, since I was still staring out the window like a lost dog.
"No. We’re in mourning. We don’t eat."
"My grandma always said food soothes the soul. Konstanz, can you help me in the kitchen? We’re going to make this all better."
Konstanz hid a smirk and nodded, following him out of the living room.
"Then maybe we can all take a nice walk on the beach or something," he continued, rummaging through our pans.
I stiffened. I already had to go to the beach tonight. I didn't enjoy the beach. "How about not," I practically snarled.
He looked at me, startled. "Okay. Sorry. I'm just trying to help."
Konstanz patted him on the shoulder. "She doesn’t like the beach," she said quietly.
"Okaaay..." he studied me with those ice blue eyes for several seconds. "How about the Astoria Column? I've never been there and I hear it's fantastic."
I gaped at him, like, literally. I'm pretty sure my mouth was hanging open in a very attractive fashion. He wanted me to go out and pretend nothing was wrong and the world was still turning? I could think of no response for several seconds, and then finally, "You've never been to the Astoria Column? How is that possible? Everyone has been to the Astoria Column."
He shrugged. "I work a lot. Everyone I hang out with has already seen it. Going alone never sounded very fun."
I had seen the Astoria Column, and I still loved to visit it again and again. "Well that's just sad." I didn't want to go out. I wanted to stay inside and cry and wail and... and Alec was probably out having the time of his life with a whole bunch of girls. "Okay, Bryson. Let's go see the Column."
His face lit up like a little kid. "Really?"
I nodded, hoping the smile reached my eyes. He seriously looked overjoyed at the prospect. What kind of friends did he have that they wouldn't take him to see the Column when he wanted to before?
"You guys wanna come?" Bryson asked.
Reese and Terrie both shook their heads. Sightseeing wasn’t really their thing.
"Sure," Konstanz said. "I like the Column."
Chapter 28
When Bryson said he could cook, he wasn’t lying. It didn’t soothe my soul, but my stomach was quite pleased with life. "Ready to go?" I asked as I tugged on my shoes. I hadn't even looked in a mirror yet. I probably should run a comb through my hair or a toothbrush over my teeth.
But it didn't matter. It didn't matter what I looked like. Not anymore.
Wait. I mentally gritted my teeth and dug around my soul for a backbone. Not right now. It would matter again. Just not right now.
So then I probably should at least get out of my stained sweats. "You know, I'm gonna run change really quick. I'll be right back."
This could be fun. It would be nice to get out and take my mind off Alec. Go somewhere I wouldn't be able to watch for him, hoping he'd pull into my carport again. I took my phone out of my pocket and set it on the dresser with a little more force than was necessary. At least now I wouldn't be waiting for him to text me.
Chapter 29
The Astoria Column was built to honor Astoria's part in the nation's history. Inside, there are murals along the winding staircase, with scenes from Astoria's past. Lewis and Clark, the first Astorians, the arrival of the railroad, and several others. We wandered up the staircase as Konstanz told him the meanings behind each painting. He totally could have read them for himself but he seemed happier to let her tell him.
"My favorite part, though," I said as we reached the top and went out onto the observation deck, "is the view."
The view, indeed. We could see forever. The column was sitting atop a 600 foot hill. Add to that the 125 feet we'd just walked up, and we could pretty much see everything there was to see. In fact, I was pretty sure I could see Alec's apartment building from here.
"Wow." He leaned on the railing and stared out over the city. "This is gorgeous."
I nodded, trying to keep my eyes away from the apartment building that held my heart. Two days. Two days and I was dying inside. This was beyond ridiculous.
It will get better. It will get better. I'd made it through this before. I'd lost Alec before, and I had survived. It had hurt more than this the last time, and I had made it. I also remembered that it got easier as time passed. It would get easier again. Maybe this time, I would be able to forget him completely.
What happened between Alec and I was stupid. It should never have been so intense. If we'd just taken it slow, become friends...
Everything would have still ended up the same, only it would hurt worse. Because I was still an Agent, and he would eventually think I was cheating. We'd been together for three years before, and it hadn't stopped him from thinking the worst then.
"Navi, no offense, but I don’t get it. It was two days. Why are you both so upset? I mean this in the most innocent way possible. I’ve had years-long relationships that I’ve been less upset about."
I sucked in a breath. How, exactly, does one respond to that? "Bryson... I..." I ran a hand through my hair. "I have this thing with Alec. You might as well know." I turned away, unable to face him, or the pity in his eyes. "I can't get over him. I've been trying for four years and I just can't. He haunts me." I fell silent and kept my eyes firmly staring out over the city.
"It’s true. She couldn’t." Konstanz sighed, leaning against the railing. "But this time will be different. Me and Bryson, we got your back. Alec won’t even be a memory soon."
Bryson nodded, sliding an arm over both our shoulders. "Yep. We got this."
Chapter 30
We walked along the edge of the river. Bryson and Konstanz kept up a string of conversation, and I ate my ice cream and stared at the setting sun, feeling my blood wake and hum with the rising moon. Death would be waiting for me. I had to report in and arrange to meet with potential new recruits. Hopefully, he had a lot of them for me. I had this overwhelming fear that something bad was coming. I needed an army ready to meet it.
"You're gonna get over him, you know." Bryson totally misread my silence as brooding over Alec, when in fact it was the first time that I hadn't been thinking of him. Well, not counting the times I was fighting for my life against demons set on eating our city.
As if conjured by that thought, Elizabeth appeared in front of me, sliding backward through the air, not walking, not moving her feet at all. It was seriously creepy, despite her beautiful face. I bit my lip and
peeked at Bryson, but he had fallen back into conversation with Konstanz about our Astoria’s early history.
Even still, I couldn't exactly ask her what was up.
Luckily, she knew this. "Death waits, Navi." Her eyes, always so full of sadness, went to Bryson and Konstanz and then back to me.
"Guys, this has been a good day. Really, it has, and I appreciate it so much. But I have to go to work now. The moon..."
Holy crap.
I was too tired. Too distracted. Had I really been about to tell him the moon was rising and I had to go to work? Bryson frowned, glancing at the sky and the setting sun. I wracked my brain trying to come up with anything, anything at all. "The full moon makes people crazy. I have to go in tonight. I have a meeting." I was rambling. Get it together, Navi. His frown deepened, utter confusion on his face. "I have to go in early so I can make sure all my parolees are okay before my meeting." Voila. I'd somehow managed to make up an excuse that made sense.
"Right, I remember you saying you had a meeting tonight. I'll take you home."
"Thank you." I turned around and started walking toward his car—a little sports thing that barely fit all three of us and would be worthless in a big rain storm.
He didn't follow, pointing out something to Konstanz.
I looked at Elizabeth, panicked, but she only shrugged. It looked completely out of place in her colonial dress, but there it was. She wasn't going to help me at all.
"How about you let me make you breakfast tomorrow?" I heard him say, and then he raised his voice so I was included. "Both of you."
"Oh. I have school in the morning. I have to be there at seven."
He planted his feet and crossed his arms. I started to fidget. Death did not like to wait. Not one bit. "You have school at seven when you work all night long?"
I nodded. It was true.
