by Lynn Bulock
“Stupid?” Kyra supplied the missing word. “Because I was a rebellious, angry teenager positive nobody in the world loved me or cared about me. And it felt like my parents were proving that, because when I got done with my time for shoplifting they picked me up and got ready to take me back to that school again. When I said I wouldn’t go back they pretty much wrote me off. They gave me money and told me that until I wanted to do things their way I was on my own.”
Kyra could hear Josh gasp. She didn’t look at him, not sure she could continue her story if she looked and saw pity on his face. So she kept her focus on Jasmine and went on. “So did you get your own place? Was it cool doing what you wanted?” Jasmine’s expression showed she was hungry to hear certain answers, but the tentative way she asked told Kyra that she already knew what had happened.
“What do you think?” Kyra asked her softly. “When you left the last time, how did it work out for you?”
Jasmine sighed. “I told myself it didn’t work out because I didn’t have any money. I guess from what you’re saying it didn’t work out for you, either, even with the money, huh?”
“It didn’t. I made some really stupid decisions, like hanging out with the wrong people and partying a lot. Six months later I had to admit that I was broke, pregnant and alone.” Kyra couldn’t meet Josh’s startled look. “I had no idea what to do next and when I called them my parents wanted nothing to do with me.”
“Where did you go?” Jasmine leaned forward in her seat.
“Somebody told me about Covenant House and it saved my life.” Kyra could still remember walking into the shabby brick building the first time, wondering what a bunch of Christian hypocrites could possibly do for her. By the end of the day they’d taken her in and found a bed for her. By the end of the week she’d had a full medical checkup, her first in years. She was eating nutritious meals and sleeping in a clean bed, the same one every night. When she wasn’t working, she could study. It felt like heaven. “I couldn’t understand why anybody would do what these people did, when nobody else wanted me. They explained that God still wanted me, a lot. And I believed them.”
“Were you afraid?” Kyra knew what Jasmine was asking, and she nodded, unable to say anything more for a moment. Breathing a silent prayer for strength and guidance, she gathered herself and took another sip from her drink.
“I was really scared. Especially about a month into my stay there when I felt awful and everything hurt and I ended up in the hospital having my baby, way too early. One of the counselors from Covenant House stayed with me all the time for two days. Her name was Melissa, and that’s where the Lissa part of Lissa Rose’s name came from.”
“Do you still think God wants you? Aren’t you mad that He took Lissa?” Kyra had heard that question before and by now she’d had almost thirteen years to work on her answer.
“I know God wants me, and he wants Josh and he wants you. God’s just crazy in love with each one of us, and that’s why Jesus came and lived and died and rose. For us, each one of us. And I don’t think God ‘took’ Lissa any more than I think God ‘took’ the victims of the killer I’m trying to protect you from.”
“Then what happened?” This time it was Josh with the question, leaning forward against the table as urgently as Jasmine. This was another question Kyra had worked on for a long time, and she tried to put the answer into words that both of her friends could understand.
“Life happened, and my God-given free will to make really lousy choices happened. I was living out on the streets, drinking and barely surviving. Taking care of myself because I was going to have a baby was the last thing on my mind. In fact, I denied the reality of that as long as possible.”
“So you blame yourself for your daughter’s death?”
Josh’s second question stung a bit, and it took a minute for Kyra to realize that he’d reached over the table and grasped her hand gently. “I have to at least take responsibility for my poor choices. Of course I wasn’t the only one who made some bad moves. My parents weren’t right when they cut me out of their lives, and that led to some of my problems. If you want to start with blame that can go on forever. When I was seventeen and dealing with losing my baby it was easy to fall into blame. But twelve years later I’m in a different place and usually blame is a waste of time.”
Josh didn’t have much expression on his lean face. “Okay. I guess I can see that. What about the rest of us who aren’t in that place yet? What are we supposed to do?”
From her right Kyra saw Jasmine nodding. “Yeah. I get that running away now would be a bad choice. But what am I supposed to do instead? I hate the place I’m staying and it’s hard to feel like anybody, even God, cares about me there.” Her thin shoulders sagged and Kyra slipped her hand out from Josh’s grasp so that she could put an arm around the girl.
“Let’s go someplace else and talk a little more and pray some. I really want to do that. Is that okay with you?”
Jasmine pushed her plate away. “I guess. Where do you want to go?”
Kyra looked at Jasmine as she tried to figure out whether or not the idea growing in her mind was the best one she’d had in a long time, or the absolute worst. “Let’s go back to my office. Then I’ll take you back to school before the last bell.”
Kyra could tell that both Jasmine and Josh wanted to argue with her, but neither actually did. So they went out to her pickup and found room for the three of them on the bench seat. All the way to the lab she prayed. Please, Lord, let me be doing the right thing.
The ride back to the lab was extremely quiet. Josh spent the time wondering what he should say to Kyra. Her story had ripped a hole in his heart and he literally ached for her. This was the woman he’d assumed had a smooth and easy life? Right now he didn’t even understand how she’d stayed sane, much less as calm and happy as she appeared most of the time.
He looked over to the driver’s seat where she concentrated on the road, brow slightly furrowed. He wasn’t so sure that taking Jasmine back to the lab was such a great idea. He didn’t know enough about teen girls to really argue; for all he knew this could be exactly the wake-up call she needed.
Right now she sat between them, and Josh could feel the sharp bones of her elbow or shoulder occasionally as Kyra’s pickup bounced over a bump. Her hands in her lap fiddled nervously with her seat belt, worn low to accommodate the growing child within. With a start Josh realized that the young girl next to him was only slightly older than Chrissie had been when he’d left for college. They’d never lived under the same roof and hadn’t developed any kind of real relationship as adults.
Watching Jasmine gave Josh a pang of regret that he’d missed so much of his sister’s life. She was the only person on the planet who remembered some of the same things he did, knew some of the same stories. He promised himself that once he got home tonight he would gather up all of those Christmas cards and get online and find out all about the town in Iowa where Chrissie and her husband and kids lived. Then he’d search out any phone numbers he could find for her and make that call he should have made years ago. What if she hung up on him? No, that was getting ahead of himself. First he had to find a phone number and work up some courage.
The truck stopping in the lot drew Josh back to the present and reality. Tonight he could start the hunt for Chrissie. Right now he needed to go into the building with Kyra and Jasmine and see what would happen there.
He found himself carrying on a silent running dialogue. Only after a few minutes, walking through the parking lot, did he realize that this was prayer. He was talking to God, asking for peace for himself, for Kyra and for this troubled young girl. He asked for guidance to help Kyra do the right thing. The glass doors of the building whooshed open as they walked in and Josh continued praying silently. So this was what a conversation with God felt like. He’d started something like this back in his car before he’d ever come to the lab, but at that point God felt pretty far away.
This conversation was dif
ferent and Josh knew that God wasn’t the one who had changed. He’d started to read the Bible that Kyra had given him, and last night he’d gotten to a part that said God was the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. They were back to the lab now, and once they got Jasmine settled and sitting down, Josh motioned to Kyra and they stepped through the door just outside Kyra’s office.
“So, what’s up? How much are you going to show her? I have to tell you that I’d argue against going in there with the gurneys.”
Kyra shook her head. “Don’t worry. I considered that at first and rejected it. I’ve been praying about it most of the way here.”
“So have I,” Josh admitted, enjoying seeing Kyra’s eyes widen. “Yeah, I thought that would surprise you.”
She grinned wryly. “It shouldn’t, but you caught me. That’s a good thing. So what were you praying for?”
“It’s so new a feeling that it’s hard for me to describe. For strength, I guess, and guidance, and for knowing what’s the right thing to do in this situation.”
Kyra nodded. “And apparently prayer led us to the same conclusion. I don’t want to show Jasmine those bones, but I do want her to know how serious this all is. So I’m going to pull the file pictures that we have and walk through them with her. I’ll explain how hard it was to get to this point where we actually know who these people really were.” She smiled slightly. “I’d appreciate it if you hung around. If things get too hard for you to handle, let me know and we’ll find a way for you to go somewhere else for a while, okay?”
“Sounds okay to me. Now, let’s go back before that kid has a panic attack or starts opening things she shouldn’t in the office.”
“Right. I hate to ask you for this kind of help again, but could you go scout us up a couple of bottles of water? You know where they are in the break fridge. That way I can start the talk with Jasmine.”
Josh nodded in agreement and went to the break room while Kyra went back around the corner to her office. When he came back with the water she’d asked for, Jasmine already had a box of tissues right in front of her. “She’s younger than me, isn’t she?” she asked in a small voice, running an index fingertip along the photo of Nikki.
“Right. She never got past fourteen and her story sounds a lot like yours. Her family was too messed up to deal with her, and she bounced around in the system a lot. She spent a while at Diane and Gary’s. That’s how we figured out who she was, because Diane still had some of her things. We might never have known otherwise, because after almost eight years, all that was left were bones and a few cloth scraps. That’s not enough by itself to identify a human being.”
Jasmine shuddered, and Josh felt like going to her and putting an arm around her thin shoulders to tell her it was going to be all right. Instead he put the water bottles down on Kyra’s desk and went back to sit in his chair nearby. “Do you know how she died?” Jasmine’s voice stayed soft and tentative, without the tough veneer she usually wore.
“There’s nothing obvious on the bones we found, like evidence of a gunshot or a knife wound. The only other bone that would probably tell us how she was killed would be a small bone in the neck called the hyoid bone, and we didn’t find that in any of the three victims we discovered together.”
“Three?” Jasmine squeaked. “You mean she wasn’t alone?”
“She was alone when she died, except for whoever killed her,” Josh said. “But we found evidence of three bodies together out in the woods.”
Kyra started setting the pictures in front of Jasmine. “This is Gen. She was eighteen, and this picture is her with her son, Andre. He was two when she disappeared and he’s in fourth grade now.” She looked over at Josh and gave him a slight nod, which he answered back.
She put the next picture down and he moved his chair closer to her desk. “This is Serita. She was just about your age. What they all three had in common is that they were in the foster care system, or they had been, and they’d run away or gone from placement to placement.”
“We think that’s one of the reasons the killer was attracted to them. He seemed to think they wouldn’t be missed nearly as quickly, so they were fair game. The thing of it was that he was right.”
“That’s not fair.” Jasmine’s voice was almost a whisper. “Somebody should have cared about them.”
“Somebody did, but nobody was determined enough to keep looking for them once they disappeared. Even though it wasn’t right or fair, they fell through the cracks and someone got away with murder at least three times.”
“Probably more,” Josh added. “What I’ve seen makes me think there are more victims. And killers like this don’t stop unless they’re dead or in prison.”
Jasmine slumped in her chair. “This is why you got so upset when I ditched school today, huh? You must think this guy is still out there.”
“This is why Miss Kyra wants you to stick to the rules for a while. If you don’t make yourself a target, you’ll stay safer.”
Kyra reached over her desk and put a hand on the girl’s thin arm. “Can we take you back now? And will you agree to stay there? I care about you, Jasmine, but I can’t keep you safe all the time. You need to stick to the rules even if you don’t like it.”
“You know I don’t like it. I never have any privacy and somebody’s always after me for something. Are you sure I can’t stay with you, just for a couple of weeks?”
Josh watched Kyra as she struggled with her answer. “We’ve talked about this before, and you know what I said then. I work too much and I live too far from your school for me to be approved as even a temporary guardian. Besides, with the personal record I told you about today, it’s unlikely I could get approved even if everything else worked out.”
Josh could see Jasmine’s lower lip trembling. “But you’re an important person with a good life. Why would they care what happened to you when you were my age?”
“For the same reason when you’re my age, your employer and the important people in your life, will care about what you did as a teenager,” Kyra said simply. “What you do now will impact who you become. That’s probably reason number two that I want you to go back to your group home and play by the rules for a little while. Not only do I want you to stay safe, but I want you to plan for the future.”
Jasmine shrugged slightly, lifting one shoulder. “That’s all so far away if seems silly to do that.”
“Maybe so. All I can tell you is the way I see it, and how I feel. Sometimes it feels like it was only yesterday that I watched Lissa Rose die in front of me. And she’d be almost a teenager if she were still here. If I hadn’t started planning before she was born I wouldn’t be where I am today. I might not have gone to college or on to grad school. I know I wouldn’t have discovered just what it is that God wants me to do with my life.”
Jasmine stayed silent for a short time, regarding Kyra with a thoughtful expression. “Are you doing it, do you think? Is this where God wants you to be?”
“Yes, I think it is. And as much as you hate to hear it, I think going back to the group home and taking care of yourself and that baby would be what God wants you to do.”
Jasmine grimaced. “I know you’re right, but I hate to hear it. Let’s go before I change my mind again.”
All the time Kyra was gone with Jasmine, Josh worked on reports having to do with the case. It was slow going because his mind was on Kyra and what she’d said earlier. He kept hearing her words about Lissa Rose. Every time they echoed he wanted to kick himself for being such an idiot. No wonder she’d reacted the way she had when he said she’d had an easy life. She’d had anything but ease and still she’d gone on to be a compassionate and skilled forensic anthropologist. He was beginning to understand what she said about “call,” too. Not that he had any idea what something like that would be like for him, but believing that Kyra was called to what she did made sense.
She’d be back in the office anytime and he’d have to face her. That was the last thing Josh wanted t
o do right now. He felt so transparent that Kyra would know with one look that he was in love with her. Then she’d tell him what she thought of him and he wouldn’t be able to fool himself anymore. Their time together was going to be short, anyway; no sense in making it short and painful. Shutting down his computer and packing his briefcase, he left and made the trip home in silence, wondering what on earth he should do next.
TWELVE
Josh was gone when Kyra got back. That told her everything she needed to know. Josh had heard her story and had not said a word to her afterward about how he felt. He’d looked strained and angry, but at the time she’d blamed it on his trying to protect Jasmine when he thought that she was going to take the girl into the back room. Now she wasn’t so sure. Maybe he had been repelled by her story. For Jasmine’s sake she hadn’t glossed anything over, although she hadn’t gone into details on the worst of her choices during that dark time in her life.
Jasmine hadn’t asked much about Kyra’s parents, and for that she was thankful. She still didn’t communicate with them all that much. After her father retired from the international conglomerate that had taken them around the globe, they’d settled in a small town in upstate New York. Technically they were just a few hours away, but given their differences it might as well be another planet. No matter what Kyra did with her life her parents wouldn’t forgive her for the embarrassment they’d suffered when she ran away. Even before that they hadn’t really known what to do with a teenager; after that they didn’t want anything to do with her.
Her parents had never been people of faith, and her choice to become a Christian had confused them more than anything else about her journey into adulthood. She’d gone to church with Gran as a child, but fallen away from that as a teen, until she’d gotten so far from those roots that she felt alone and abandoned. Then when things were the absolute worst, she felt God’s love surround her again, even though she couldn’t imagine how anybody would want to care about her.
