He bent his head and tried to clear the vision of Levi lying lifeless on the pavement. His guts spilled along with his blood.
God, why?
Olivia approached him and gently raised his head with a finger under his chin. “I know you’re hurting. I want to help.”
He peered at her, and tears glistened in her eyes. Moisture pricked at his own eyes, and he bit the inside of his mouth, hoping the pain would take them away. No way he would cry. Not in front of Olivia.
“I’m sorry for snapping at you,” he said once his emotions were under control. “I didn’t mean it.”
“It’s okay. You’re upset. I get it.”
He took her hand. “But you don’t deserve my anger. I do.”
“You? Why?”
“If I’d been a better friend to Levi maybe I’d have seen what he was involved in and convinced him to stop. Or stayed here to protect him. Sure, he’d be in prison, but he’d be alive.”
“Don’t put this on yourself.” She squeezed his hand. “You couldn’t control Levi’s actions.”
“Just like you can’t control your brother’s or your mother’s?” The words shot out before he could stop them, and the moment they hit her and her face paled, he wished he could take them back. “I didn’t mean that either.”
She took in a breath and let it out slowly, each second she didn’t speak an hour to him. “It’s okay. You’re right. I’ve been taking responsibility for their happiness for years and enabling them. But I’m done with that. Not done with them, but I won’t put up with their behavior any longer.”
He got the message she’d not so subtly delivered. He’d written off his family, and she was telling him that he’d been too harsh. Reminding him to think about reconciling. Something he didn’t want to hear right now, but he was thankful that she cared enough to keep after him.
She stood there in front of him, so fierce and yet irresistibly attractive at the same time. He couldn’t resist tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.
She reached up and removed his hand. “Nothing has changed between us, you know?”
“Actually, it has. You know it and I do, too.”
“You mean we’ve gotten even closer.”
He nodded and rested his forehead against hers. “The question is, what do we plan to do about it?”
“I don’t know.” The words whispered out. “I honestly don’t know.”
Chapter 26
Rick couldn’t quit thinking about Levi. Hours and hours of memories flooding his brain. Deployment together. Double dates with Traci and April. Levi’s wedding. The birth of his children. Any joy Rick had in life outside the job had been connected to Levi and Yolanda. He couldn’t sleep. Hadn’t even tried. Just hit the gym and hoped he’d drop from exhaustion.
Hadn’t worked. An hour on the treadmill and the sight of Levi’s body remained etched in his brain. He needed more. To punish himself. He hopped off the treadmill and grabbed a bottle of water. He chugged most of it, then poured the remainder over his head and wiped it away with a clean white towel. He moved to the weightlifting bench and tossed down the towel. On his back, he grabbed the bar, clutching it with everything he was made of. Exactly the way he’d want to grab Levi and shake some sense into him if he were alive.
Agonizing pain swept through Rick’s body. He jerked the weights free, dropped them down, and shoved them up. He’d thought he’d known Levi. Known the man, his character, but clearly he hadn’t.
Could he really know anyone in life? Had he known Traci? The real Traci? Or had he ignored her issues because he didn’t want them to be real?
He lowered the weights and held them there, feeling the burn in his muscles. From the day they’d met, he’d recognized her dependent personality. She always needed a man in her life. And he’d loved that. Loved that after living with such a controlling father, he had someone in his life who went with the flow and didn’t try to tell him what to do. But she grew needier over time, and though he continued to love her, her growing dependence on him wasn’t good for either of them.
Had he subconsciously stayed in the marines to deploy? To leave town and Traci behind? Guilt settled in, the weight heavy.
He shoved the bar up again. Held it. Relished the burn.
“Isn’t it dangerous to be doing that without a spotter?” Olivia’s voice came from the doorway.
“Probably.” He settled the bar on the rack and sat up to grab the towel. “What brings you down here?”
She came and sat on the end of his bench. The sweet fragrance of her perfume drifted closer. “I wanted to see how you were doing with losing Levi.”
“I’m moving along.” He rubbed the towel over his neck.
“What does ‘moving along’ mean?”
“Right now I’m royally mad. At the killer. At God. At Levi. How could he be so stupid? He had so much to live for. His wife. Kids. How could he risk all of that? If I was him…No…No point in thinking that way. I’ll never have what he had.”
“Why not?”
He shrugged and draped the towel around his neck.
“C’mon, Rick. Tell me. I can help.”
“I don’t deserve it, all right?” He shot to his feet and paced to the small refrigerator in the corner for another bottle of water. He heard her soft footfalls as she followed. He turned, and though he could easily push past her, he felt trapped in the corner.
“Tell me why,” she said softly.
He shook his head, but the words pushed at his tongue, and he couldn’t hold them back any longer. “Traci died because of me. I shouldn’t have trusted Dr. Fox to help her. I should have been here. I failed her big-time.”
“But you couldn’t be with her, could you? Even if you wanted to, you were deployed.”
“Traci’s unhappiness didn’t spring up overnight. She couldn’t deal with my frequent deployments. Got depressed when I left.”
“Which is why you sought out Dr. Fox, right?”
“Right, but I should have sensed that the doctor wasn’t helping. I could have gotten leave or even moved to civilian life.”
She blinked a few times as if confused. “But you couldn’t decide to leave the marines whenever you wanted.”
“No, but I could have promised Traci I wouldn’t re-up. Then she would’ve had something to hang on to.”
“Did she ever ask you to leave the marines?”
He shook his head.
“Why do you think that is?”
“I don’t know.” He chugged more water as he pondered her question. “Maybe she knew how much being a marine meant to me, and she didn’t want to take that away.”
Olivia nodded. “That’s how I would have felt if it was me. If you’d left your military career for her, she would know that and wonder if you resented her, adding to her unhappiness.”
“I didn’t think of it that way.” He set the water on the counter and swiped the towel over his face. “Doesn’t matter at this point. I can’t change the past.”
She grabbed his arm, stilling it. “But you can change the future and quit denying yourself the happiness you deserve.”
“As long as our team gets called out for long periods of time, I won’t have another relationship just to leave the person I love home alone and risk them not being able to handle it. So it doesn’t much matter what I think, now does it?” He freed his arm.
Olivia pressed her lips together for a moment. “I didn’t know Traci, but I can say not all women are strong enough to withstand being with a man who is gone and in danger all the time. But there are women with the strength to handle it. I see these women supporting their husbands every day in my practice.”
“Traci wasn’t the strongest of women, I’ll grant you that. Probably why I fell for her in the first place. I didn’t want another controlling person in my life.”
“Strong and controlling aren’t the same thing.” Olivia eyed him, pinning him in place. “I like to think with God’s help I’m strong enough to handle a
nything thrown my way, but I wouldn’t say I’m controlling.”
“You’re right. You’re not.”
“Still, I hear the skepticism in your voice, and you’re not willing to risk another relationship.”
“Right again.” He crossed his arms and widened his stance in hopes of ending the conversation. “Nothing you say or do will change that.”
Her warm expression faded and her head dipped in a sad nod of acceptance. “If you want to talk more about Levi, I’ll be at the guesthouse.”
She marched out of the gym just like he wanted her to. Okay, fine, he didn’t want her mad or disappointed, or even frustrated by him, but he had wanted the conversation to end. He just couldn’t deal right now. Not with this. Not with Levi. His parents. None of it.
He headed up to his room to take a shower, then went in search of his teammates to find something he could work on to advance the investigation. He discovered Kaci in the library, staring at her laptop as usual.
She looked up and pushed up her glasses. “Good, I was just about to come looking for you. I finished reviewing the router logs from the coffee shop where the senator’s ransomware originated.”
He took the chair across from her. “And?”
“We’ve narrowed it down to one transmission, and I have a MAC number.”
“I’m guessing that doesn’t mean the guy used a Mac computer.”
“Right. MAC stands for media access control. Without going into details, just know that a manufacturer assigns a unique number to every device that uses IP to access the Internet. Which means every device that used the coffee shop’s wireless network to access the Internet is recorded, and we can narrow it down to a particular computer.”
“Can we then use that number to find the owner of the computer?”
“Unfortunately, no. There’s no centralized registry for MAC addresses.”
“So what good is it to us?” He tried to keep his frustration out of his voice.
Her reaction told him he hadn’t managed it. “We can actively monitor the router at the coffee shop to see if the device with this MAC address accesses the router again. If so, we know the guy is in the shop or at least nearby.”
“You’ll assign someone to do that, then?”
“I’m heading over there now. Cal will join me to help apprehend the guy if he shows up. I’ve also arranged for local agents to man the router when we need a break.”
“Thank you.” He made sure his tone reflected his sincerity. “Sorry I was so short with you.”
“Hey, I get it. You want to find this guy before he takes someone else out, and it’s not going so well.”
“Exactly,” he replied.
“Maybe this will help. I also have video for the coffee shop during the time the malware was transmitted. I’ll e-mail it to you so you can show it to Olivia, and maybe she’ll see the guy who chased her.”
“Then send it on, and I’ll head over to the guesthouse right now.”
She dipped her head and started typing. “On its way.”
He went to his room to retrieve his laptop, then stepped outside to discover a fine mist falling over the property. As he approached the guesthouse window, he saw Olivia walking the floor with Natalie snuggled at her neck. She ran a soothing hand over the baby’s back.
An aching longing ran through him, and his footsteps faltered. He’d known he wanted a family. But this pain? He clearly wanted it far more than he’d realized. Well, too bad. Just because he wanted something didn’t matter. Life didn’t work that way.
He continued on to the door and knocked softly in case Natalie was asleep on Olivia’s shoulder. She opened the door and held a finger to her lips.
“Let me try putting her down.” She went down the hallway and quickly returned without the baby.
“Success.” A wide smile crossed her lips.
The sight sent his heart flip-flopping, and he was very thankful she didn’t still seem upset with him. He held up his computer before he said something to take them back to their earlier discussion. “We have footage from the coffee shop where the senator’s ransomware originated. I need you to look at it to see if you recognize anyone.”
Her smile disappeared. “I should have known you didn’t come to talk about anything but the investigation.” She gestured at the small dining table. “Have a seat, and I’ll take a look.”
He wanted to tell her that despite the reason for his visit, he was happy to see her, but he wouldn’t lead her on by making her believe there could ever be anything long-term between them. He brought up the video and set his computer in front of her.
His phone rang, and he jerked it from his pocket before the ringing woke Natalie. He spotted Max’s icon as he lifted it to his ear. “What’s up, Max?”
“There’s been another shooting involving a self-steering bullet.”
Rick almost hated to ask for details. “Where?”
“Here in Atlanta.” Max rattled off the address in a less-than-desirable part of town.
“Marcus Floyd?” he asked, drawing Olivia’s study.
“No. Floyd’s still in the wind. James and Patton are in custody, though, so they’re safe. The victim’s name is Norm Mooney.”
“What do we know about him?”
“Nothing yet. The team is getting ready to depart for the scene. You’ll be needed to calculate the bullet trajectory.”
“We can’t leave Olivia alone.”
“Already taken care of. Shane’s volunteered to stay behind.”
“Then I’ll be at the house in a minute.” Rick disconnected and met Olivia’s curious gaze.
“Who died?” Olivia asked.
“His name is Norm Mooney. Know him?”
She shook her head, and a sigh of relief followed. “I hate that someone else has died, but I’m glad it’s not someone I know.”
Rick nodded his understanding. “I have to go. Shane will remain on the property for your protection.”
“Okay,” she said, but fear lingered in her eyes.
“Look.” He took her hand. “Shane seems like this laid-back guy who might not be able to protect you, but he’s as fierce as they come.”
She stood, but didn’t try to remove her hand. “It’s not me that I’m worried about.”
“Then who?”
“You.” She took a step closer.
“Me? Why?”
“You’ve been distracted since Levi died. The shooter could still be out there, and I don’t want you to let your guard down.”
Despite his desire to keep things professional, her care and compassion had him cupping the side of her face. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay.”
The air between them crackled, and the look in her eyes held him captive.
She rose up on her tiptoes, inching closer. “Still, you won’t mind a kiss for good luck, right?”
“No.” The word choked its way out of his throat tight with emotion. “I wouldn’t mind at all.”
* * *
Olivia settled her lips against Rick’s, the touch electrifying. What in the world had possessed her to kiss him? Something deep inside had spurred her on. But it was a mistake, wasn’t it? She should pull back, but Rick’s hand slid into her hair and drew her closer as he deepened the kiss.
Giving in, she snaked her arms around his neck and ignored the fact that less than an hour ago he’d told her didn’t want a relationship, and she was only making things harder for herself. That she was opening herself for heartache. She’d live in the moment. Give herself to these feelings.
His phone chimed from his pocket. His head jerked up, and he looked bewildered until that iron control she’d come to associate with him slid into place and extinguished the warmth in his eyes.
“I have to go,” he said, but didn’t release her. “Promise me you won’t leave the house for any reason.”
“I’d like to promise, but I can’t. Sometimes the only way to get Natalie to stop crying is to take her for a drive.”
“And I don’t like the thought of Natalie crying when I have a way to stop it.” She eased out of his arms. “Do you really think I’m in danger here?”
“There’s no indication that our shooter knows your location. And right now he’s likely too busy evading capture to pay any attention to you.”
“So it should be safe for me to take Natalie on a drive.”
“How about we compromise? If you have to go, bring Shane with you.”
“But what if it’s in the middle of the night? I don’t want him to lose sleep.”
“We’re used to wake-up calls at all hours. Promise me you’ll call him.”
That was something she could do. “I promise, if you promise to stop in when you get back so I know you’re all right.”
“I could text you, then I won’t have to wake you up.”
“I won’t be sleeping until I know you’re safe.”
Her comment brought a frown to his face. She searched for the reason, but before she could make sense of his expression, he placed a soft kiss on her forehead, grabbed his computer, and marched to the door.
“The video?” she called after him.
He glanced back. “I can’t leave my computer. We’ll look at it when I get back.”
As soon as the door closed behind him, she felt the loss of his presence. Craziness. She’d come to depend on him. Totally depend on him, in less than a week, and her fear for his safety was very real. Traci had to have experienced these same feelings when he deployed. The loss all men and women experienced when their soldier spouses deployed.
She had to keep her mind occupied, so she started cleaning the kitchen. The staff kept the house immaculate, but she didn’t care. She scrubbed counters and the sink and hand washed dirty dishes. Then she went to the main bathroom and, using a small brush, scoured each and every grout line in the tile.
Hours later, when Natalie woke up, Olivia was thankful to have the baby to concentrate on. But even after changing and feeding, the precious child continued to cry. Olivia found her pacifier and tried to plug it in. Natalie screwed up her face and spit it out, her screams intensifying. There was nothing to do but take that drive.
Kill Shot Page 27
