“What for, baby?”
“I forgot to lock the downstairs window,” she said with a sob.
“None of this was your fault, Mace. It’s all going to be okay. I promise.” I kissed her palm. “I love you.”
Her even breathing indicated she’d slipped back into oblivion. I wasn’t sure if she heard me or not, but I hoped to God she took it to heart.
Macey
I WOKE WITH a start. Dallas wasn’t in my room, in fact, no one was. I was alone. No. Not alone. “Well, hi there, pretty.” I opened my mouth to scream, but no sound came out and then blackness again.
“Macey! Wake up! You’re having a nightmare,” Alec said. “You’re gonna hurt yourself if you don’t stop thrashing around.”
I wasn’t entirely sure I wasn’t still dreaming.
“What the hell is going on?” Dallas demanded.
I swam through the pain and forced my eyes open. “Ouch.”
Alec nodded and helped me drink. “Pain? One to ten.”
“Nine,” I rasped.
Alec nodded and looked for my pain pump wire. “Looks like you got this tangled, Mace.” He smiled and pressed the button for the pain pump. “Better?”
After the instant relief, I nodded, and Alec set the pump button close to me again. Dallas leaned over me and smiled. God, he was gorgeous.
“Hey, beautiful,” he said.
I licked my lips. “Hi.”
“Bad dream?”
“Yes,” I whispered. “Really bad.”
He sat on the edge of my bed. “Do you want to tell me about it?”
I blinked back tears and shook my head.
“You don’t have to. The dreams will come, honey. Just know they’ll fade away.” He kissed my palm. “And I’m here, okay?”
I didn’t say anything. As much as I loved him and as much as he said he wanted to be there, I knew he didn’t deserve to be saddled with this. I had to figure out a way to break up with him. For good.
“I told a few of your friends you’re not up to seeing them,” Dallas said.
“Who?”
He scowled. “Bruce for one. He’s been here for a while and he won’t leave.”
My heart raced, fear rearing its ugly head for no apparent reason. “I don’t want to see anyone.”
“Did you hear that, Alec?” Dallas asked. “No one to see her.”
“I heard her, Dal. I’ll make sure it’s noted in the records.”
“Thanks,” I said. “What happened to the man?”
“Brock killed him, honey. He can’t hurt you anymore.”
“Are you sure?”
Dallas nodded. “Promise, baby.”
Alec pulled open the door and nodded at someone before returning to my bedside. “I need to check your stitches now that you’re awake.”
I swallowed. “Right. I had surgery.”
Dallas leaned down to kiss me, but I turned my head. “No.”
“It’s all gonna be okay, Mace,” he promised.
“Time to go, Dallas,” Alec said.
“Not leaving,” Dallas replied.
“Go, Dallas,” I said.
“Babe.”
“Please?” I begged.
He stared at me for a few seconds before nodding, and then Alec pushed him from the room and one of the on-call nurses walked in. She must have been new because I didn’t recognize her.
“Mace, this is Vicki,” Alec said. “She’s on nights.”
“Hi, hon,” Vicki said. “I’m going to sit you up.”
I tried to smile, but it hurt. “Why does my face hurt so bad?”
“You had surgery on your abdomen and face,” Alec said gently.
“I had surgery on my face?” I reached for the bandages, but Vicki pulled my hands away. “How bad?”
Alec crossed his arms. “Do you want me to talk to you like a patient or a nurse?”
“Nurse.”
He nodded. “As well as the stab wounds to your torso, you have a few facial lacerations.”
“A few,” I repeated, my voice flat.
“Four to be exact.” He stepped forward and started to cut the bandages secured behind my head. “But Dr. Isaacs fixed those.”
“Four?” I cried. “Ow.”
“Yes, but Dr. Isaacs said the scars will fade.”
“How bad are they, Alec?”
“I won’t know until I have a look.”
“Bullshit. Tell me how bad.”
He sighed, but continued to unwrap my bandages. “Six stitches in one, nine in the other, two in the third and four in the last one.”
“Oh my god.” I choked on a sob. “That’s why I tasted blood.”
“Don’t panic on me, Mace. There was no muscle damage, so you’ll make a complete recovery.” He smiled. “Let’s just have a look, okay?”
“Mirror.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Alec said. “They’re going to look much worse for a little while.”
“I want a mirror, Alec.”
He frowned at me, but nodded to Vicki who retrieved one from a drawer. I laid it mirror-side down and waited while Alec finished with the bandages. I waited while he studied each cut and I waited while he gave Vicki general care orders and information to load into my chart.
It wasn’t until he stood that I raised the mirror to my face. And lost my shit. I threw the mirror across the room as I screamed, which brought Dallas and Payton running to my side.
“Get out!” I bellowed. “Get out, get out, get out.”
“Babe.” Dallas tried to walk toward me, but I pulled the sheet up to my face.
“Get out, Dallas. Go home. Don’t come back. Ever!”
“Baby, it doesn’t matter,” he said.
“It does matter. Get out.” I turned to Payton. “Payton, please. Get him out.”
“Just go, Dal,” Payton said. “I’ll call you later.”
I peeked around the sheet as Dallas took a deep breath, his face losing all expression, his eyes, however, were a little scary.
“I’m not going to say this again,” he said slowly. “I. Am. Not. Leaving. Just get that thought out of your fucking heads.”
“Please, Dallas,” I begged. “Go away. There’s no point in you being here.”
Dallas shook his head.
“Then wait in the hall,” Alec said.
“Mace, honey, look at me,” Dallas pleaded.
“No, get out,” I snapped from under the sheet.
“I love you, Mace.”
“Please, just go,” I whispered.
“I’ll be right outside,” he said.
A few seconds ticked by before Alec said, “He’s gone, Macey.”
I slid the sheet slowly down my face and then pulled it back up again. “You too, Payton.”
“No way in hell.”
“Pay, get out.”
Before I could respond, the sheet was ripped away. “No.” Payton crossed her arms. “You are my best friend and I’m not leaving.”
I swallowed. “I don’t want you to see this.”
“Too late,” Payton said, and sat in the chair beside the bed. “Plus, it’s not that bad.”
“I look like Frankenstein’s monster.”
“You do not.”
I closed my eyes. I was too tired to fight, so I didn’t. But as the hours stretched into days and then weeks, I realized everything I’d ever hoped for was gone.
Macey
WHILE I WAS in the hospital, Payton organized the packing and moving of my apartment into a high-rise condo in Portland with a doorman.
Due to its location, I knew the place had to have cost a mint, but I couldn’t be sure. Payton gave me the master suite that overlooked the water and took the second bedroom down the hall. Floor to ceiling windows in the living room gave unobstructed views of the Willamette River and the Fremont Bridge, and I was pretty sure Payton’s parents helped pay part of the rent. At least, someone did. There had to be a third-party because there was no way we
could afford a two bedroom, two-bathroom condo on Naito.
“Do you like it?” Payton asked as I shuffled through the inside.
I’d been released from the hospital barely an hour before, and Dallas had left me in Payton’s capable hands. He hadn’t wanted to leave, but I forced him to go.
“Isn’t it gorgeous?” Payton held her hands out and spun in a circle. “We have two decks, Mace. Two. We can walk to everything. We have a full-time concierge service, sauna, and a gym. We each get a parking spot and there’s storage.”
I narrowed my eyes. “There is no way the rent’s cheap enough for us to afford this, Payton.”
“Dallas set it up, so I promise, we only have to pay half each. You don’t have to worry.”
“No, I mean, there’s no way this condo would rent for anything less than three or four grand a month. So, who’s paying the rest of it?”
“Mace,” she said in exasperation. “It’s one of Dallas’s dad’s properties. And I think he’s giving us a deal because… well, because it’s you.”
Dallas’s father was a real estate developer and loaded. But he was also a very nice man and adored his kids. He would absolutely do this for Dallas if he asked him to.
I grimaced. “I didn’t want to owe him anything.”
“You don’t. Won’t. They care about you, Macey. You need to be in a safer place, and since I needed to move out, I thought we could room together. You know we’ve always talked about it,” Payton said, her positivity grating on me.
I sighed and rubbed my temples, my head suddenly pounding.
“Do you have a headache?” Payton asked.
“Nothing gets by you, Payton.”
“You don’t get headaches.”
“Well, I do now. Alec said that the bonus prize of all of this shit is migraines. And he said they may or may not go away.”
“Oh, honey, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I grumbled, and waved my hand toward the water. “Can you really afford this, Payton?”
“You and I are splitting rent… of course I can afford it.”
I shook my head. “Did Dallas strong arm you into moving in to keep an eye on me?”
“No one made me do anything,” Payton said. “It was time. And don’t worry about the money. I have a little savings and my school loans are super low interest, so it’s all good.”
“But you’re moving to Portland, which means you’re going to have to pay income tax now.”
Payton was a teacher and had paid her way through school mostly on her own, which left her with debt, but her degree also provided her a good job in Vancouver. With a ten percent income tax hit to her salary, I didn’t know how long Payton would find it worth her while.
“You know I have always wanted to live in the city. I’m down here all the time anyway.”
I sighed. “Yeah, but you haven’t had to do that morning commute before.”
“Mace, I’m fine with it,” Payton assured me.
“Well, I’m not,” I snapped. “You shouldn’t have to take a hit to your bottom line to make sure I ‘feel’ better. I will never feel better, so you’re giving up a hell of a lot of money for no fucking reason, Payton.”
“Well, this is happening, so you’re just going to have to get used to it,” Payton said.
“I don’t have to get used to shit!”
Beyond pissed and feeling very sorry for myself, I barricaded myself in my room, locking the door and shoving a chair under the knob. It didn’t matter what Payton did, or how hard she tried, I gave her nothing.
Over the next few weeks, I managed to shut Dallas out, continued to try to do the same to Payton, but Payton wouldn’t let me retreat. This meant Payton got the sharp end of my tongue and I could lob an insult like no other.
Three months after my attack, I was sure Payton was ready to give up on our friendship.
Payton’s parents were celebrating their thirty-sixth wedding anniversary and they’d booked a large section of Beaches Restaurant in Vancouver. The family and closest friends were invited and that included me. I, however, wanted nothing to do with it.
“You said you’d come,” Payton reminded me.
“No. I didn’t say anything. You assumed I’d come.”
“Macey, you have to be there.”
“Why, Payton? Why do I have to be there?” I snapped.
“Because my parents adore you.”
“What a load of sentimental, pathetic horse shit! I’m not even family.”
“You are family, Mace. We love you. You know we do.”
“What exactly do I need to do to make you understand that I want nothing to do with you?” I bellowed. “God, Payton, stop being such an idiot! Just leave me the hell alone.”
Payton, with tears streaming down her face, her voice hiccupping as she spoke and jabbing a finger at me, yelled, “I don’t care what you say to me, sister of my heart. I don’t care if you tell me I’m an idiot or that I’m pathetic! I love you, Macey Gilbert, and you will not chase me away because you’re too broken to recognize you are worthy.” She slapped her palm to her chest. “I know your value. I know your worth. Dallas knows that too. So does my family. We are not going anywhere,” she screamed. “Do you hear me? Nowhere! You are going to call Mom’s friend and you are going to get some fucking counseling even if Brock has to handcuff you and drive you to the fucking appointment in a squad car. I will drag you inside and shove your ass onto her couch. But you will not live like this anymore. I’m done watching you slowly try to kill yourself.”
“Fine! I won’t kill myself slowly anymore, Payton. I’ll take care of it right now!” I shouted and stormed out of the apartment.
I didn’t get far.
Brock was leaning up against his car when I exited the building. “Go away, Brock.”
He pushed away from the cruiser and shook his head. “Not gonna happen, babe.”
“I hate you so much right now.”
“Yep, I know.” Brock looked down at his phone. “Wanna walk a bit?”
“No.” I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt further around my face. “It’s daylight.”
“So?”
“Look at me.” I waved a hand toward my face, but dropped my head again. “Actually, don’t. I’m a monster, Brock. Right now, I just want to throw myself in front of the MAX.”
He cornered me without touching me, forcing me to look at him. “Mace. I know that my words mean nothing to you right now, but what’s on the outside is still beautiful, it’s what you’re doing to the inside that’s making you a monster.”
“Fuck you, Brock.”
Brock smiled. “I love you, Macey. We all do. At some point, you’ll get that through your thick head, but until then, you’ve got us and we’re not going anywhere.”
“There’s nothing left to love.”
He still didn’t touch me. Knew I couldn’t stand it, but he also didn’t let me out of his reach. He smiled again. “Not true.”
I forced back tears and dropped my head. “Well, I hate me. Why don’t you just do the same and go away?”
Brock knelt down a bit, so he could catch my eye, again without touching me. “I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart. None of us are. You can either fight it until you’re too tired to fight it anymore, or you can embrace it and avoid a lot of frustration in the end. You’re going to have to face Dallas at some point, too. Whether you want to acknowledge it, he loves you and he’ll give you space, but he’s not going anywhere either.”
“What if I kill your dog? Will that make you hate me enough to go away?”
“I don’t have a dog.” He smiled. “And you wouldn’t let me kill that stupid ass spider when you were twelve years old, remember? I highly doubt you’d kill a dog.”
“Well, I had just finished Charlotte’s Web,” I explained. “How horrible would it be if one of the spiders was Nellie?”
“Babe, I can guarantee you that that spider was most assuredly not one of Charlotte’s offsprin
g.”
Despite the desire to smile, just a bit, I ground out, “I hate you.”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes. I. Do.”
Brock chuckled. “No you don’t.”
I bit my lip. “Payton hates me.”
“No she doesn’t.”
“I told her that she was sentimental and pathetic, and that I’m not going to your parents’ party because I’m not family.”
“Yeah, that would have hurt her, Mace. But she still doesn’t hate you.”
I threw my hands up in the air. “Then that really does make her an idiot.”
Brock shook his head. “No, that makes her your family.”
“Stop it, Brockaby.” I burst into tears. “I’m the worst person on earth. She’s always so nice to me and all I ever do is push her away. Everything is just so messed up and I feel so... “
“Honey, we can’t even imagine what you’re going through. We just wanna be here for you.”
I wiped my tears. “I can’t. I can’t cope.”
“Well, now we’re getting somewhere. You gonna call Mom’s friend?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Nope.”
“Fine. I’ll call her.”
Brock smiled. “Good. Can I hug you?”
I bit my lip. “I can’t hug you before I hug Dal. It just doesn’t feel right.”
“Even better,” Brock said. “I agree that it should be him first.”
I nodded.
“You know we got accepted. Me, Dallas, and Jax.”
I nodded again. The FBI had scouted the three young detectives to be trained for a special op team.
Brock frowned. “He doesn’t want to go.”
“He has to go,” I said. “It’s the career opportunity of a lifetime.”
“He’s worried about leaving you for six months.”
“I’ll be fine. Tell him I’ll get counseling. Tell him I’ll get better, but I need space. He needs to live his life and not wait around for me. I might never be ready.”
Brock shook his head. “You’re gonna have to tell him yourself, babe, but when you do, if he does go, I’ve got his back.”
“Thanks, Brock. Please don’t let him do anything stupid.”
“I won’t.”
Justice Page 4
