‘I didn’t mean that. I mean that I can’t watch you all the time. While you’re here, I can’t be sure you won’t do something to endanger the fort.’
She looked as though he’d just struck her. ‘But I told you I wouldn’t. You said that you understood!’
‘I thought that I did, but things are different now. I can’t trust someone with divided loyalties.’
‘But I saved your life! You just said so!’
‘And I’m grateful.’ He took a step back from the bed, adopting his stoniest, most resolute expression. ‘But that’s all. We had one night together, but it’s over. I don’t regret it, but this marriage will never work. I see that now. After this rebellion is dealt with...’ He cleared his throat, forcing himself to pretend that there would be an after. ‘You and Julia can live somewhere else as you suggested. We’ll lead separate lives. That would probably be best for all of us.’
‘Separate lives...’ She sank back against the pillows, her gaze accusing. ‘Last night you said that we belonged together.’
‘I was wrong. In the real world, we all have to choose sides.’
‘I thought that I had.’
Her voice sounded so hopeless that he had to resist the urge to go back to her, to hold her in his arms and say that none of what he was saying was true. Instead he braced himself for his last parting shot.
‘I thought I didn’t care where you came from, Livia, but I do. You’re one of them. A Caledonian. A barbarian. You need to be ready to leave at dawn.’
Chapter Twenty-Four
Eboracum—two months later
‘At last!’ Hermenia looked up from her weaving as Livia traipsed wearily into the small tablinium of their borrowed villa. ‘I was starting to worry about you. You’ve been gone for hours.’
‘I’m sorry.’ She kissed Julia first and then dropped down on to a couch, rubbing her eyes with exhaustion. ‘I meant to send word, but we were almost overwhelmed in the hospital this morning. Some more carts arrived and the surgeon needed help.’
‘You’re working too hard. You need some sleep, too.’
‘I’m all right.’ She leaned back against the cushions. ‘At least I’m healthy, which is more than can be said for some of those poor legionaries.’
‘Any news?’
‘No.’ She shook her head despondently. They’d received word that Cilurnum had been overrun by the rebels the month before, but there had been nothing specific about Marius. None of the wounded who’d come back from the wall had been able to tell her anything about him either.
‘Well, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.’ Hermenia’s tone was reassuring.
‘No, I suppose not.’
‘At least the rest of the garrison should have arrived at the frontier by now. That will put an end to the rebellion once and for all, you’ll see. The fighting will be over in no time.’
‘I hope so.’
‘Try not to worry.’ Hermenia reached out a hand sympathetically. ‘Nerva always said that Marius was one of the best soldiers he ever knew.’
Livia took the proffered hand with a heavy heart. Hermenia’s confident tone sounded all too familiar, although it was reassuring to know that reinforcements had arrived at last. The last remaining units of the British garrison had marched through the city a month before, their shining armour a stark contrast to the battered and beaten-looking men coming back from the frontier.
But how could she not worry when Marius might still be fighting for his life? If he was even still alive at all! No matter how things had ended between them, with him lifting her on to a horse and practically pushing the animal out through the fortress gates, she still cared about him. Even if the bond between them was broken—his side of it anyway. Her side was damaged, but just as strong as ever. She had a feeling that it always would be. No matter what he’d said or how much she resented him for it, she couldn’t help but worry about him. She resented that, too.
‘It’s the lot of a soldier’s wife, I’m afraid, waiting for news.’
‘I know.’ She smiled at the older woman gratefully. ‘And I know that you would never have left Coria if it hadn’t been for Julia. I can never thank you enough for taking care of us.’
‘There’s no need. I had to make sure you found somewhere decent to stay here. There are some advantages to being the Legate’s wife, after all. I’ll stay until Marius comes to reclaim you.’
‘When will Marius come, Mama?’ Julia looked up from where she was sprawled on the floor beside Porcia, kicking her heels in the air.
‘I don’t know, love. Hopefully soon.’
Livia turned her face away, looking out into the courtyard beyond, trying to hide her expression. Julia asked about Marius every day, almost as if he were her real father, and every time she felt a stab of guilt, answering as if they really had a future together when in reality there was no hope for them. Even if he survived, there was none. Because she was a barbarian and he didn’t trust her—and because he wasn’t the man she’d thought he was either. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to say it, to admit that her second marriage was over, not as acrimoniously as her first perhaps, but even more painfully. She hadn’t even told Hermenia.
At least she had a purpose here in the town, helping tend to the wounded in the hospital. She had a plan, too, for after the rebellion was over. She wasn’t going to go south again. She was going to stay in Eboracum and use the skills she’d learned from her mother to open her own kitchen and cook meals for soldiers in exchange for a few coins. It would be a way for her and Julia to be independent at last.
‘There’s a man here to see you, lady.’
‘Oh!’ She leapt to her feet at the servant’s words, so quickly that she almost lost her footing and stumbled forward.
‘Careful.’ Hermenia reached out to steady her. ‘There’s no need to fall into his arms.’
‘Marius...’ Her heart was already racing. Could it be him? And if it was, how ought she to greet him? She could hardly kiss him, not now. A polite embrace maybe, though perhaps even that was too much... She clutched at Hermenia’s sleeve, breathless with anticipation, her gaze turning towards the door at the sound of approaching footsteps...
‘Sister.’
Her hopes hit the floor with a jolt. It had been three months since she’d last seen Tarquinius, but he hadn’t changed at all. He still looked more like a bird of prey than a man, regarding her as if she were some stranger and not a blood relation, his pale eyes just as cruel and disapproving as ever. Only this time, she decided, she wasn’t going to be intimidated by him.
‘Hermenia.’ For the first time in her life, she held his gaze, lifting her chin up rather than bowing her head. ‘This is my half-brother, Tarquinius.’
‘My respects.’ His voice was an inexpressive monotone.
‘Perhaps I ought to leave the two of you alone?’ Hermenia looked at her enquiringly, but she shook her head.
‘There’s no need. I don’t suppose Tarquinius is here on a family visit.’ She lifted an eyebrow. ‘Are you, Brother?’
‘I see that your manners haven’t improved in the north.’ Pale eyes flashed, displaying not the faintest hint of pleasure at seeing her again. ‘Although you’re right. I’ve come to collect my debt.’
‘Porcia?’ She looked over her shoulder towards her trembling maid. The poor girl had always been terrified of Tarquinius. ‘Perhaps you could take Julia to her room?’
‘Yes, lady.’
‘Thank you.’ She smiled, waiting until they’d both left the room before adopting a look of exaggerated innocence. ‘Now what debt would that be?’
‘You know fine well what debt,’ Tarquinius snapped. ‘I received a message from Lucius Scaevola a few weeks ago.’
‘A few weeks? Then it’s taken you a while to get here.’
‘I was hardly going to make the journey b
efore military reinforcements arrived to impose order.’
‘Of course. How very brave of you, Brother.’
His expression sharpened malevolently. ‘Scaevola says that you refused to marry him.’
‘He’s lying.’
‘Do you deny that you refused to carry out my wishes?’
‘No, I simply deny whatever version of events he’s told you. I came here with every intention of marrying him.’
‘Then might I ask how it is that you came to marry someone else? A mere centurion, so Scaevola tells me.’
‘Because he gambled me away in a game, although I don’t suppose he mentioned that part. But it was all fair and legal. I simply followed the rules and married the man who won me.’
‘Scaevola says he was tricked!’
‘He would. He’s a gambler. You ought to know that their losses are never their fault. To be honest, Tarquinius, I’m surprised that you trusted him in the first place.’
‘Enough! You will divorce this man, this lowly soldier, whoever he is, and marry Scaevola as planned.’
‘No.’ She bristled at his imperative tone. ‘I will not. I have a husband. One worth ten hundred of you or Lucius Scaevola and I have no intention of divorcing him ever.’
He lifted a hand as if to strike her, his expression of restrained enmity slipping into one of pure poison before he seemed to control himself again.
‘Perhaps we ought to speak alone after all.’
‘I’m not going anywhere!’ Hermenia’s tone was now openly belligerent.
‘It’s all right.’ Livia put a hand on her arm. ‘He won’t hurt me. He knows that I’m not under his protection any more. If he hurts me, then he’ll have my husband to answer to and who knows what a mere soldier might do.’
‘You were under my protection until you married Scaevola. Since you weren’t married when he gambled he had no right to stake you in the first place! Therefore the game was invalid and your marriage to this Centurion is, too.’
‘The thought did occur to me. I chose to ignore it.’
‘Then we’ll let a court decide, shall we? Then we’ll see what your Centurion can do about it.’
‘We could.’ She tapped her chin thoughtfully. ‘That is, if you really want to explain to the Emperor why you think one of his Tribunes ought to be relieved of duty in the midst of a rebellion.’
‘Scaevola owes me a debt!’
‘Exactly. He does. I don’t. Now I think our business here is concluded, don’t you?’ She squared up to him, unflinching. ‘Since that’s all I ever was to you, wasn’t I, part of your business? Our father would have been ashamed. He asked you to take care of me, not to use me.’
‘How dare you speak of our father!’
‘Because he loved me, too, Tarquinius! Because love is love, no matter who we are or where we come from. Only you wouldn’t understand that, would you?’
His lip curled contemptuously. ‘Julius was right about you.’
She reacted instinctively, raising her fist and planting it square in his jaw.
‘What...?’ He staggered backwards, raising one arm in defence as she pursued him.
‘I was faithful to Julius. He never doubted me until you turned him against me!’
‘I only told him the truth about your mother.’
‘You blackmailed him! You made him doubt me and our daughter! You made me hide something that should never have been a secret so that when he found out, he never trusted me again. You destroyed my marriage and you would have done it all over again with Scaevola!’
‘What about your new husband?’ His expression turned spiteful. ‘Does he know where you come from?’
‘Everyone knows about my mother.’ She smiled triumphantly. ‘Don’t they, Hermenia?’
His face blanched. ‘You’ve told people?’
‘Yes. You can’t make me hide it any more. But then you don’t really mind, do you, Tarquinius? After all, you were the one who was always threatening to reveal it. Of course, Scaevola was a little surprised, since you didn’t mention anything about it when you arranged our marriage, but I’m sure that’s something you can discuss when you find him.’
Her brother’s expression hardened. ‘You’re no sister of mine. I never want to see you again.’
‘Then I suggest that you stay in Lindum from now on. In fact, I wouldn’t come anywhere near the wall again if I were you. My husband wouldn’t like it.’
He started towards the doorway and then stopped, looking back over his shoulder maliciously. ‘And if your husband should die? It’s a dangerous place on the wall. If he doesn’t come back, what then? Don’t expect to come crawling back to me.’
‘I never would. Goodbye, Tarquinius.’
* * *
Livia waited until her brother’s footsteps had receded before collapsing on to the couch again, her legs giving way beneath her. Now that their confrontation was over, all the tension seemed to catch up with her in a rush. She felt as if she were shaking all over, scarcely able to believe that she’d finally stood up to him.
‘You were magnificent...’ Hermenia sat down beside her ‘...if perhaps a trifle duplicitous. I thought you’d only told Marius and me about your mother?’
Livia smiled sheepishly. ‘I might have exaggerated a little, but I wanted to see his reaction. Besides, I’m not going to hide it any more. If anyone asks, I’ll tell them. Scaevola will probably find out eventually.’
‘Perhaps.’ Hermenia patted her hand. ‘Although I have to confess I’m a little disappointed at you letting him off the hook so easily. Honestly, between the pair of them I don’t know which is worse, but I don’t suppose your brother will pursue him for the money now.’
‘Probably not, but I expect Scaevola has enough to deal with at the moment. And he might have suffered enough, worrying about it. In any case, if there are any more repercussions then they can fight it out between them. It’s nothing to do with me any more.’
She let out a tremulous sigh. Now that her heartbeat was slowing again, she felt as though she needed to get outside, to get some fresh air to clear her head.
‘I’m just going for a walk around the courtyard.’
Hermenia looked at her dubiously. ‘You really ought to get some rest.’
‘I will soon, I promise. I just need to calm down first.’
‘Of course.’ The older woman laughed suddenly. ‘Do you know, I liked you the first day we met. I thought you were strong then, but it seems I still underestimated you. You and Marius are perfect for each other.’
Livia felt tears well in her eyes, enveloping the other woman in a swift hug to hide her face before walking quickly out into the courtyard. The open air felt liberating, soft and summery against her cheeks, even if there were tears running down them. She’d finally done it, finally broken free from her brother, and yet the feeling was bittersweet, her victory tinged with sadness. If only she could find out that Marius was alive and safe, then perhaps she could find a way to be happy again...
She leaned against a pillar, staring into what passed for a garden, though in reality it was just a single tree surrounded by paving stones. That was the funny thing about courtyards, she thought, trying to distract her mind from her anxieties. They were neither indoors nor outdoors, neither a garden nor a room. Not one thing or another, just like her life. She was neither Roman nor Caledonian, not a wife or a widow. It was strange how many significant events of her relationship with Marius had taken place in courtyards, too, but then their relationship had never been one thing or the other either...
Footsteps on the other side of the courtyard made her heart sink again.
‘What is it now, Tarquinius?’
‘Livia?’
She jerked her chin up and then froze, wondering if it were a trick of the light or whether she were imagining things. It looked like Mari
us, standing between the pillars on the opposite side of the courtyard, dressed in military attire, though his head was bare. His face was leaner and gaunter than she remembered, but the features were unmistakably his, as stern as ever, though his eyes were bright with emotion, shining with what looked like hope and something like yearning, though surely she was mistaken about that.
‘Marius?’ She hardly dared say his name out loud in case he denied it. ‘Is it you?’
‘It’s me.’ He hesitated, the look of hope in his eyes fading when she didn’t say anything else. ‘It’s good to see you again, Livia.’
‘It’s good to see you again, too.’ She hated how paltry those words sounded. Good. As if her heart weren’t trying to beat its way out of her chest! As if she weren’t tensing every muscle in her body in an effort to stop herself from running to him! He was alive!
‘You thought I was your brother?’ He was back to frowning again.
‘Yes, he came to visit me, but it’s all right. He’s gone and I doubt he’ll be back.’
‘Good.’ The frown deepened, the air of tension between them palpable now. ‘You look well.’
‘Thank you.’ She clasped her hands in front of her, hoping she looked more composed than her palpitating heartbeat was making her feel. ‘We heard about Cilurnum. What happened?’
‘We had to abandon it in the end. There was no point in losing men to a lost cause.’
‘That sounds familiar.’
‘It does.’ He gave an ironic smile. ‘I think I understand my father even better now.’
‘I’m glad.’ She tried not to think about how handsome he looked. Despite everything, his smile still had the power to take her breath away. ‘I still have his—your—gladius. It was in the bag you sent back with me.’
‘I know. I put it there.’
‘You did?’ She’d thought that she must have picked it up in her semi-delirious state.
‘Yes. I wanted you to have it in case I didn’t make it.’
‘Oh... I can go and fetch it if you want it back?’
‘No. I can’t fight for a while anyway.’ He pushed his cloak back and she had to dig her toes into the ground to stop herself from rushing forward. His whole left arm was wrapped in a tattered white bandage.
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