“So I can’t be with you,” said Jack finally, after an awkward period of silence. “And now you’re telling me I can’t do the one thing I have left to hold on to?”
“For your own good,” replied Anna.
Jack chuckled derisively. “Doesn’t sound very good,” he muttered. “Nothing does right now.”
Anna pulled her hand away from his. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I just want what’s best for you.”
There wasn’t much more to say after that. As he rode the elevator back down from the Palace Floor after making his exit, Jack gazed gloomily out at the sprawling city below him. Dan was at his side, the robot regarding him curiously. “Might I inquire as to how your meeting went, sir?” Dan asked.
“It was awful,” muttered Jack.
“I see,” replied the robot. “Did the Princess not like your hair?”
The question was so unexpected that Jack couldn’t help but laugh, briefly breaking him out of his funk. “No,” said Jack. “My hair was fine. They just asked me to do a bunch of stuff I don’t really want to do.”
“I am sorry to hear that, sir,” said Dan. “If you don’t mind me asking, what is it you plan on doing?”
That was the question, wasn’t it? The wheels in Jack’s head began to turn as he pondered his response to his robotic companion. The inkling of an idea came to him, and oddly enough, it actually made him feel a bit better. “I guess I plan to do what any kid without structure or guidance or rules he has to follow would do,” he said.
“And what might that be, sir?”
Jack looked at Dan and smiled.
“I aim to misbehave.”
Chapter 8
Jack walked down the hallway of one of the residential levels of the Royal Tower, following his mental map as best he could. The Earthship still had Scallywag tagged, but the ship did not have a floorplan of the tower, so he was wandering the halls trying to get a sense of where the pirate’s quarters were. Finally, he came to a door that seemed like it might lead to the room the ship was telling him Scallywag was in. He looked at the doorbell and sighed. If Anna wasn’t going to help him search for Khoruhar, he’d need to find people who would. And if he could count on anyone to have his back, he knew it would be the members of his crew.
Jack rang the bell and waited. When there was no answer, he rang again. For a moment he was worried he had the wrong apartment and that nobody was home, until the door opened. When it did, Jack froze in place. Before him was one of the most beautiful women he’d ever seen in his life. She was tall and slender, with long blonde hair and brilliant blue eyes. She was clad in a lacy piece of lingerie that instantly made Jack blush with embarrassment for looking at her. In a weird way, she almost looked like Jack’s imagined version of a grown up Anna.
The woman smiled at Jack coyly. “Can I help you, handsome?” she asked.
“Uh…” sputtered Jack, trying to get his brain to work again. “I’m… uh… looking for my… friend?”
“You’re friends with Scally?”
“Yeah! Yeah, that’s his name,” said Jack, dumbly.
“C’mon in, then,” the woman said with a smile.
As soon as Jack stepped inside, he became slightly alarmed. The apartment looked like a tornado had hit it. There were empty liquor bottles littering the floor, along with all types of trash, clothing, food containers, and the like. Graffiti and holes that looked like they’d been punched in with fists marred the walls. Broken furniture was everywhere, and loud music was playing.
“Uh, did something happen here?” asked Jack, looking around warily.
The woman giggled. “Oh, lots of things happened here,” she said. “Can’t you tell?”
Jack stopped short as something which looked suspiciously like a live chicken crossed his path. “Yeah,” he said. “I can totally tell.”
The woman led Jack into the living room, which was in even worse shape than what he’d already seen. There was a huge pile made up of sofa cushions, drink cans, food containers, and other garbage in the corner. The floor had so many things strewn about it, it was barely visible. The air smelled stale and sour, and there was a gigantic hole carved into the wall, giving one a full view of the kitchen. The woman skipped over to the room’s entertainment system and turned off the blaring music.
“Scally,” she said. “You’ve got company.”
There was the sound of a groan before the pile of garbage in the corner moved, and Scallywag’s head popped out from beneath it. “Too soon!” he said. “Tell ‘em ta come back in an hour!”
“This one’s not here to party, sweetie,” the woman said, gesturing toward Jack.
Scallywag turned, his bleary eyes struggling to focus. “Jack?” Scallywag said. “What’re ya doin’ here? Don’t ya know what bloody time it is?”
“Uh… it’s way in the afternoon,” said Jack.
“Exactly!” said Scallywag. “These be prime sleepin’ hours!”
“And this is how you sleep?” asked Jack. “In a pile of trash?”
“I prefer to think of it as the proverbial lap o’ luxury!” said Scallywag as he climbed up out of the pile, stumbling to the center of the room and stretching. Jack glanced away at the sight. Scallywag was dressed in nothing but a stained and tattered robe, which did little to hide his embarrassingly tight bikini briefs.
“Dude, c’mon,” said Jack, holding his hand up to shield him from the sight of his scantily clad friend. “This ain’t a locker room.”
Scallywag chuckled and slapped his belly. “Don’t shy away from it, lad!” he said with a bright grin. “This is the sight o’ freedom!”
“If this is the sight of freedom, I think slavery’s gotten a bad rap,” muttered Jack.
“I’ll just leave you guys to… whatever this is,” said the woman as she walked away into another part of the apartment.
Jack watched her leave, still amazed at how stunningly beautiful she was. Scallywag sauntered up beside him and put his arm around Jack. “She’s a beaut, ain’t she?” Scallywag commented.
“She’s gorgeous,” said Jack.
“Yeah. That long purple hair. That supple blue skin…” Scallywag shivered. “I always did prefer blues ta yellows. But hey, they’re all the same color when tha lights are out, yeah?”
Jack gave Scallywag a curious look. “What are you talking about?” he asked. “She doesn’t have blue skin.”
“Maybe not ta you,” said Scallywag with a chuckle. “What’s she look like? Bet it’s a version of yer Royal girlfriend, am I right?” Scallywag gave Jack a chummy slap on the back, and then started kicking around bottles on the floor, looking for one with something still left in it.
“You gonna clue me in on what you’re yammering about? Or have you partied yourself incoherent?” asked Jack.
“That lass is a Seraphym,” said Scallywag. “They have the distinct talent of looking like the most beautiful thing ya’ve ever laid eyes upon. It’s different fer everyone, depending on yer tastes. They are the most sought-after companions in tha universe. Never been able ta afford the company o’ one meself, but I took the Regal’s offer of hospitality quite seriously and had that Alabaster bloke rustle me up one. We’ve been partyin’ fer days!”
“Yeah, that’s pretty obvious. What happened here?” Jack asked, looking at the massive hole in the wall. Scallywag glanced at it and smiled.
“Don’t rightly know,” Scallywag replied with a chuckle. “If I had ta guess, I’d say me and a bottle o’ Claxagaar rum thought this room wasn’t spacious enough.”
“Wow,” said Jack. “So this is how you live when you’re not in space?”
“This is how I celebrate when nothin’ is bloody tryin’ ta kill me!” replied Scallywag. “Figure I got meself another solid week o’ the good life before all that time in The Pit is balanced out. Only then will it be okay ta come up fer air! Now… where did I put me bloody lowbacco box?” Scallywag muttered to himself as he looked around the room, kicking debris aside. Fin
ally, he picked up a small, ornate wooden box no bigger than a typical remote control. He opened its lid and smelled its contents, smiling. “Ah, now there’s yer lolly!”
Jack looked at the box curiously. “What’s that?” he asked.
“Lowbacco,” replied Scallywag with a bright grin. “Straight from tha fields o’ Cohbannah. The real stuff, not that replicated swill most places peddle. Ya want some?”
He held the box out toward Jack. Inside were small stacks of rolling papers, a lighter, and a pile of dried plant leaves which smelled like a skunk that had eaten a ton of garlic and suffered from uncontrollable flatulence.
Jack recoiled, holding his nose. “Holy jeez!” Jack cried. “That smells disgusting!”
“Aye, that’s how ya know it’s tha good stuff!” said Scallywag with a smile. The pirate plopped himself down in a chair and pulled out one of the papers from the box.
“Scally, I need your help with something,” Jack said.
Scallywag glanced up at Jack as he peppered the rolling paper with lowbacco. “Why do I get tha feelin’ I’m not gonna like the sound o’ this?” he replied.
Jack sighed. “I… haven’t been quite honest with you about some things,” he said. “Something happened on the Ghost Planet. Something really important that I need to talk to you about.”
“Important, eh?” Scallywag said with a smirk. “Important enough ta keep yer craw shut fer a month?”
“Yes,” Jack replied, sadly. “Anna wanted to keep it a secret, but now… now I’m not sure if I can rely on her as much as I thought I could.”
Scallywag chuckled. “Reality. She be a harsh lass,” he said. “What did I tell ya about them Regals, eh?”
Jack sighed. “Look,” he continued, “when I was fighting with Zarrod, after I’d broken the Great Seal—”
Scallywag held up his hand, interrupting Jack. “Lemme stop ya right there, lad,” he said, before giving his paper a quick lick and rolling it up. “Ya remember, back when we first met, when ya asked me ‘bout all me crazy intergalactic adventures?”
“Yeah,” Jack replied.
“Well, despite everythin’ you and I been through, I ain’t really the adventurin’ type,” Scallywag said. “In fact, I spend most of me time and energy tryin’ ta avoid adventures like the one we had. I don’t much care fer fightin’ Deathlords. I don’t much care fer uncovering Ancient mysteries. And I most certainly don’t much care fer outrunnin’ explosions which wipe out half o’ creation. Now, I get the feelin’ ya learned something on the Ghost Planet that warrants a whole lot more o’ that kind of stuff, and ya were countin’ on Her Majesty ta help ya out with it. How am I doin’ so far?”
Jack frowned.
“Thought so,” Scallywag said as he lit up his cigarette and took a drag off it. “Look, lad… I like ya. I do. You’re a right proper good guy. But for the first time in a long time, I got the opportunity ta start fresh. The Regals gave me a sweet little deal for my part in keepin’ yer girlfriend among tha breathin’. I got me a Royal Pardon, which means I ain’t a wanted man within Regal space fer a change. And they gave me a pretty nice digicredit reward, so I ain’t gonna have ta hustle meself anytime soon just ta earn a livin’. Top that off with them givin’ me an official Regalus space permit so I can legitimately operate a spacecraft within the Empire, and Osiris is yer uncle! Once I get me ship back, I’ll have enough seed money ta go legit. Start a merchant trade company, leave tha pirate life behind, and most importantly… avoid any and all adventures.”
Jack was quiet for a moment. He couldn’t blame Scallywag for his reasoning. It made sense not to get tangled up in another dangerous endeavor like Jack’s quest for Khoruhar might very well be. But he still had a hard time hiding his disappointment.
“Scally,” Jack said. “This mission, or quest, or whatever you want to call it… it could mean getting my planet back. It could mean saving the lives of everyone who’s died.”
Scallywag raised an eyebrow. “And how exactly would that work?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” replied Jack. “That’s why I need help. I don’t think I’ll be able to do this on my own.”
Scallywag took another drag off his cigarette. “And what’s the Princess’s reasoning fer not helpin’ ya?”
“She wants me to have a normal life,” Jack said bitterly. “She thinks I’ve done enough already and wants to hand this off to other people to take care of while I go back to school and get married and grow old or something.”
Scallywag nodded. “Yes, that sounds dreadful,” he said wryly. “Look, lad, take me advice fer once… let this go. Yer girlfriend is right. Ya’ve done yer part. She’s literally got an army that can handle this type o’ thing far better than you ever could.”
“It didn’t take an army to destroy the Planetkiller fleet,” argued Jack. “It didn’t take an army to kick Zarrod’s butt. We did it, Scally! You, me, Grohm, and Heckubus! We make a good team!”
Scallywag laughed. “Lad, by no rights should any o’ us have survived that ordeal,” he said. “It was only by the grace o’ Jouromir we all are still breathin’ ta enjoy the fruits o’ our labor. And as fer bein’ a team, well… I ain’t no team player. I make me own way, and I captain me own crew. Always have. I’m not the type ta play second fiddle on another man’s ship, even if it be one as fancy as yours. So I’m sorry ta tell ya, if ya came here looking ta recruit a first mate, ya best start lookin’ fer someone else.”
“I thought we were friends,” said Jack, beyond disappointed. “I thought I could count on you.”
“I guess we just have different ideas about friendship, then,” said Scallywag as he puffed away on his cigarette. “Fer instance, I don’t like to drag me friends inta life-threatening situations. Or force them ta do anythin’ they don’t wanna do. I’d much rather see ‘em rich, and drunk, and happy, smokin’ a fine lowbacco ciggie while entertaining many a lovely Seraphym. Now that, lad, is true friendship.”
Scallywag smiled devilishly as he took a long drag from his stinky cigarette and blew some smoke rings toward Jack. Jack shook his head with disappointment. “Fine,” Jack said. “Enjoy your life, Scally. I wish you all the best.”
Jack turned and started to leave until Scallywag called out. “Oy, lad…” Jack turned. Scallywag was looking at him good-naturedly, as though to say ‘happy trails’ and that there were no hard feelings. “Fer what it’s worth,” the pirate said, “I do consider ya a friend. Which is why I’ll give ya this bit o’ advice. Take the Princess’s offer. Live yer life. Enjoy bein’ a big-shot hero. If anyone ever earned such a thing, it’s you. Another adventure like the one we had might not turn out so favorably. Luck is a fickle lass. She’ll leave ya when ya need her tha most. Count yer blessings and take this fer the opportunity it is. Leave the questing ta those better suited for it. Savvy?”
“Scally,” said Jack. “You are the worst at helping.”
Scallywag laughed. “Yeah, I think we established that quite some time ago, eh?”
Jack nodded. “Best of luck to you, dude,” he said. “I really do mean that.”
“Back at ya, lad,” the pirate replied. As Jack made his way out of the wrecked apartment, he heard Scallywag yell out. “Oy! Female! Call some friends! I feel another party comin’ on!”
Chapter 9
Jack felt dejected as he made his way back to his apartment. First Anna turns his life upside down, and now the only guy he could consider to be his ‘best friend’ abandons him. For a moment, he wished they were all back on the Earthship, still travelling together. At least during that month, he felt like he knew he could count on the people he’d come to depend upon as friends. But now, everything had changed, and not necessarily for the better. Jack had a mission. He had to save Earth. But he had no idea how to do it, and no one seemed willing to help him.
“Oh! There you are, sir!” said Dan as Jack came walking back into his apartment. “Thank goodness you finally returned. We really should start getting prepared for t
he State Dinner.”
“The what?” asked Jack. He really didn’t feel up to dealing with any more political stuff. He was so depressed, he just wanted to sit in front of the TV and veg out.
“Did you not—”
“No I didn’t read the stupid email!” snapped Jack.
“Oh,” replied Dan. “Well, official news of your victory over the Deathlords has formally been announced!”
Jack plopped himself down on the sofa. “Yeah, the ‘official’ version,” he muttered, knowing that was just another way of saying it was the “made up” version. His mind was still numb from the hours he’d spent sitting with all five of the Directors as they laid out the story they expected him to tell everyone. It had only been a day since the briefing, and Jack felt like he couldn’t remember half of what he was supposed to.
“The news stations have been reporting nothing but the tale of your heroic deeds,” said Dan. “Dignitaries from across the Empire have requested an audience with you to express their gratitude. An official State Dinner has been sanctioned by the Directory for the end of the week to not only celebrate your achievement, but to officially introduce you to the universe at large. I have been instructed to help coach you on the official narrative, as well as all relevant customs and ceremony.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” said Jack. “I don’t suppose I could just skip this stupid dinner, could I?”
“Skip it? Oh dear. No, sir!” said Dan. “State Dinners are quite an important event! The leaders of all the member worlds of the Empire will be there, along with every government official who is important enough to get an invite. And if you don’t mind me saying, we have a lot of work to do and not a lot of time to do it if we are to properly prepare you for such a thing.”
“Fiiiiiine,” cried Jack, as he slid down into the cushions of his couch. He felt like he was being assigned homework for a class he hated. “What do I have to do?”
Earthman Jack vs. The Secret Army (Earthman Jack Space Saga Book 2) Page 10
