by Mary Smith
“Nova, you’ve got to go.” Janan came over to help drag my ass out of the house. “I’m only a few blocks away if Emma or Klara need anything.” She reassures me.
“I know. I know she’ll be okay.” I sniff and hand her to Janan then turn to Emma. “I don’t care what time or anything, if you need me you call. I’ll hop on the first flight out of Wyoming.”
Emma smiles. “I promise, Nova, she’ll be fine.”
“Okay.” I nod and kiss Klara one more time and race out to the waiting car before I change my mind and not head to Wyoming with Uncle Oliver.
I make sure to double check I have everything, which I’ve done several times already. I’m trying to keep my mind busy as not to bawl my eyes out thinking about how I abandoned my baby. As we pull up to the airport where the Bears fly out from, I grab my bags, my briefcase, and race to the gate where we need to board. All the players are already lined up. I try not to look for Teo, but my brain doesn’t listen to me. My eyes scan the line to see him toward the middle with Nathan and Alden. His pale blue eyes meet mine, and I try not to openly stare at him.
“Nova.” Uncle Tad calls for me and I go to him. “Are you okay? You look pale.”
“Leaving my daughter isn’t the highlight of this trip.” I mumble.
“It’ll be okay. I know how hard it is.” He kisses my forehead. “She’s safe.”
“I know.” I sigh not wanting to argue or make myself feel any sadder. He hugs me again and we follow the team out to the plane.
All the guys are seated when I finally make my way onto the plane. Again, my eyes land on Teo. He’s staring right at me. I divert my gaze and keep going to the back of the plane. I don’t want to sit with the team.
Once the plane takes off and levels off, I pull out my laptop and begin to take notes for the upcoming meeting we have in Wyoming. Uncle Oliver is planning on purchasing some land and a business. He’s talking to me and I’m keeping up with his direction. The team is being louder than I would think they would be on a plane, but I quickly get distracted when Alden and Dag begin to swap sex stories. In extreme graphic details.
“Captain, you need to jump in this and tell us all about your wife.” Alden eggs Hamilton on.
“Baer, I swear to God if you say one thing, I’m throwing you off this plane,” Uncle Tad shouts.
“I second that.” I add.
“I’ll just cut you from the team.” Uncle Oliver growls.
“I’m not going to say anything.” Hamilton chuckles. “I’m not one to kiss and tell anyway.” Everyone laughs and Alden goes on with some more stories, and I pray my ears don’t bleed.
I’m thankful to go back to focusing on my work and soon we’re in Wyoming. The bus takes us to the hotel. I continue to fail at not looking at Teo every possible chance I can. I miss him. I shouldn’t. I mean really shouldn’t because of what he did to me, but here I am, like a dog with a bone.
I make sure I stay at the end of the line as everyone unloads and Uncle Oliver hands me my keycard, telling me I’ll be in an adjoining room with him. He wants to keep an eye on me, I guess.
I unload everything in the room and quickly call Emma to check on Klara.
“She’s fine. She has no fever and ate everything off her plate and bottle. I promise you all is well.”
I sigh with relief. “Well, I’m not doing anything but going to dinner. If you need anything, please call me.” Emma promises and I end the call.
I go down to the hotel restaurant and find a table. The waiter brings me a menu, and I order a water and burger with a huge plate of onion rings. They’re my weakness. I know some think they are gross, and yes my breath doesn’t smell the hottest when I eat them, but I love them.
I’m flipping through my emails when someone slides onto the chair across from me. I gasp seeing Teo staring at me.
“Hi.” I’m not sure what else to say. I look around to see if this is some sort of prank, but there’s hardly anyone here.
“How are you?” He doesn’t sound sincere. There’s something off.
“Fine.” I lean back unsure of where this is going. “Is there something you need?”
“We need to talk.”
My heart jumps into my throat. Oh my God, does he know about Klara? “About what?” I choke out the question.
He goes to open his mouth but stops when Hamilton appears next to me. “You okay, Novabear?”
I nod and quickly slide out off my chair and race out of the restaurant. I don’t want to be close to Teo. I can’t handle it. There’s too many issues and good memories and even more bad ones.
I hide in my hotel room and order room service. I spend my time working and checking up on emails. A couple of hours later, after I’m finishing up with my shower, a knock sounds on my door. I walk over and open it and Teo pushes his way in.
“We’re going to talk. Period.” He puts his hands on his hips. “I’m not fucking around. I want to talk.”
I swallow the lump in my throat, pulling my robe to my body. “Okay.”
“Actually, you’re going to listen, and I’m going to say what I need to say.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m fucking pissed off at you. Do you know this? Do you even understand how you cut my heart out and then stomped on it? I thought you and I had something going on. I mean I thought we were getting serious. Yes, it was quick, but I enjoyed every moment of it. Now, tell me why you just up and left and never talked to me again? Tell me.” His voice is much calmer than I expected, but his eyes are throwing daggers at me.
I can’t speak. The words are swirling around my brain but I can’t form a thought.
“Tell me, N. Tell me the truth for once. Or are you going to be like all the other women I know and be a cunt.”
My mouth drops. “How dare you?” I growl at him and suddenly my blood begins to boil. If he wants me to tell him then I will. “You stand there and are all pissed off at me and you know what? You’re the one who ruined this between us. So don’t stand there and act all high and mighty when you’re nothing but a fucking liar and a player. I hate the fact I lost my virginity to a fucking prick.” It feels good to say those words.
“Excuse me.” He steps up closer to me. “I treated you like a fucking queen. I treated you better than anyone who’s ever been in my life. I am not a liar nor a player. Now, explain why you think this?”
“Think? Think?” I scoff. “I don’t think anything, I know this. I heard you talking to Nathan that night and I heard every single deplorable thing you said about me. You are a liar and a fucking asshole. I want you to leave. Now.”
“Wait.” He holds up his hands. “Wait one second. What are you talking about? I’m serious. I want to know.”
I cross my arms. He’s trying to act like he doesn’t remember what he said or did, but I’m not buying it. He knows.
“N, please.” He begs and his pale eyes are wide. He’s searching my face–almost pleading with me. “Please.”
“What difference does it make, Teo? We are over.” Tears fill my eyes. “I hate you so much for what you did to me.” I do hate him for it, but I love him too. He gave me the greatest gift in my life. Klara.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I never told Nathan anything about you that would be hurtful, and I’m far from being a player. You know me. Fuck, you know me better than anyone. Well, maybe besides Nathan.”
He reaches for me, but I step away from his touch. He can’t touch me because it’ll be the one thing to unhinge me. I want to feel him above me and inside me. I remember every moment of our time together.
“Just go, Teo.” I sniff.
“No.” He stands firm.
I stare into his pale eyes. Klara’s eyes and I can’t look at him. I can’t do it.
“N. Nova. Please.” Now he is begging.
I take a deep breath. I have to do this. I can’t go on with my life with regrets. I already have so many, and I’m trying to make my life better for my daughter. “Fine. You want to know, I’m going to tell you and
then you can leave.”
“I’ll leave.” He promises and takes another step back from me. He knows to give me space.
“I went to your party. The one you and Nathan threw last year. I came early because I wanted to surprise you. Alden told me you were on the back porch and I went out there. You guys were talking and I heard what you said.”
Teo looks utterly baffled. “What?”
“You told Nathan you were dating me because of my family and you couldn’t wait to get rid of me. And the best part was when you said I was the worst sex of your life. My self-esteem jumped really high on that one.” The tears roll down my cheeks. I try not to let them fall, but I couldn’t stop them. “Now leave.”
Teo stares at me. He’s been caught red-handed and he knows it. “Nova.” He shakes his head. “You’re so fucking wrong.”
“Huh?”
Teo pulls out his phone from the back pocket of his jeans and touches the screen a couple of times. “Come to room 613,” he says and hangs up. “You’ll know the truth in a moment.”
We stare at each other until there’s a knock on the door and he opens it. Nathan comes strolling in and glances between us.
“N, tell Nathan what you told me.”
I’m not sure why I do as he says, but I tell Nathan.
“Oh man, Nova.” Nathan looks down at the floor. “You didn’t hear the whole conversation.”
I shrug. “I didn’t need to hear anymore because I had already learned how Teo felt about me.”
“I wasn’t talking about you.” Teo jumps in.
I stare at him, unable to speak.
“He was talking about his ex-girlfriend. She showed up at the party because Teo’s parents made her. She came to tell Teo she was getting married. It’s also the same night he told me he loved you.” Nathan explains.
I’m stunned in place. “No.” Teo’s eyes and mine are connected. “You two are lying.”
“I fell in love with you, and then you just stopped talking to me because of something you overheard. Instead of talking to me and letting me explain, you did this.” Teo blinks several times, and I think he’s about to cry.
“I’ll leave you two alone.” Nathan leaves the room, but I can’t move my eyes away from Teo.
“Why didn’t you talk to me?” he asks.
“Be...because...of what you said. I thought it was about me.”
He shakes his head and throws his hands in the air. “I can’t believe you.”
Before I can say anything else, or even comprehend what’s really going on, Teo leaves, and I’m left standing in the room–alone.
THIS HAS BEEN the longest week of my life. If I’m not with Uncle Oliver, then I’m watching the team for him, which means I’m staring at Teo the whole time. And if I’m not doing that, I’m on the phone with Janan sobbing like a child whose candy has been taken away from her because I have fucked up my life.
Why wasn’t I mature enough at the time to talk to Teo?
It’s the one question rolling around my head over and over. Now as I depart the plane and get ready to head home, I wonder what would have happened had I talked to him before? Would he be here for Klara? Would we still be together? Would we be happy?
When I walk into the house, everything leaves me because all I want to do is hold my baby. I drop all my bags and pick her up off the floor where she’s playing.
“Oh I missed my little monkey.” I kiss her cheeks and am greeted with a giggle. “Did you miss mama?” I stare into her beautiful eyes and she smiles. It melts away everything from the week. This is what I was meant to do in my life. With or without Teo.
Probably without him.
I know everyone wants to tell him, but why? He doesn’t want kids. Well, I’m guessing he doesn’t but we never really talked about it. He’s a professional hockey player who is on the road more than he’s home. Not to mention he mainly lives in Sweden. If he finds out would he take Klara to Sweden? I am certain he would, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.
This is all giving me a headache.
Emma tells me all about the week, even though I talked to her numerous times every day. I tell her she can head on out because I have everything under control here. She smiles warmly and leaves. I place Klara back into her walker and sit on the floor next to her, shaking her rattles, and pointing to the little mirror attached to her table, showing her her face.
After spending a great day with my daughter, I put her to bed and clean up the house. I take a hot shower and curl up with my laptop on the couch and try to get some work done. Uncle Oliver had purchased the land in Wyoming but not the business. He thought it was a bigger risk than it’s worth.
I’m a little surprised when I hear the doorbell ring. Usually the family just walks in because they all have their own keys. I get up and open the door, without first looking at who it was.
“Teo?” I gasp. Am I dreaming? I must be dreaming. There’s no way Teo is standing on my porch. How did he even know where I lived?
“I want to talk to you.”
Nope, not dreaming. “We...we already talked.”
“We’re not done.” His tone isn’t mean but determined.
“I believe we said everything that needed to be said.” I try to shut the door, but he pushes his way in. Oh dear God. Teo is in the house. In my house with Klara just down the hall. This isn’t going to end well. I can feel it in my bones.
“Look I’m not the type of guy to trust women.” He begins walking further into the house until he sees my living room and sits down on the couch.
“I know.” I’m not sure what it is but Teo has said this to me more than once. He has a hard time trusting anyone really. I don’t sit down. I feel better if I stand and block his path to the hallway.
“No, you don’t understand.” Teo runs his hands through his hair. “I really don’t trust women. But you were different.”
My heart stops.
“I’m not one to give second chances and I know you have a lot more on your plate than when we dated before, but after talking to Nathan and drinking a lot of vodka last night, I came to the decision to give our relationship a second chance.”
I freeze in place. Did I hear him correctly? Maybe I am dreaming? This can’t be happening. “I...um...what?”
“I care for you, N. You know this and I know you care for me. Let’s do this.”
I step back even though there’s several feet in between us. This isn’t happening. Even though I know he didn’t say those things about me, there’s still the threat of him taking Klara from me.
“I don’t want this, Teo. Too much time has passed.”
“Is this because of your baby daddy? Is he an asshole or something? Is he here now?” He looks around the room as if some guy is just going to appear.
“Teo, we can’t talk about my daughter okay.” My hands are shaking and my anxiety rises.
“Why?” He stands and comes closer to me.
“Don’t.” I put my hand up and my head down.
Teo is quiet–eerily quiet. I can’t look at him because I will spill out every detail of the secret and he’ll take Klara from me. I know it. Seconds tick by slowly as the minutes grow. He appears in my line of vision as I stare at the floor.
“Nova.”
I close my eyes as the tears fall.
“We were together all the way through October.”
I nod.
“Your daughter was born when?”
I lift my head and Teo’s eyes are boring into me. They swirl with anger, confusion, and worry. It’s clear to see.
“When?” His voice cracks.
“May.” I choke out. “She was born at the end of May.”
Teo’s chest rises and falls heavily. “You didn’t sleep with anyone else, did you?”
The tears fall faster down my cheeks. “Teo, please.”
“She’s mine. She’s mine, isn’t she?”
I step back continuing to put myself in between Teo and Klara’s room. I
can’t say anything because my throat is closed. I can’t say anything.
“Nova.” He growls at me and glares. “Did you lie to me? Did you lie to me about her?”
“You threatened me, the day at the diner. You can’t take her from me.” I try to sound tough, but I’m beginning to sob.
He narrows his eyes at me but suddenly stops. His eyes go wide and he reaches around me. I silently gasp. I know what he’s doing. Behind me on the hallway table is an array of photos of Klara and the family. He’s staring at it. It’s a photo of Klara taken just a few weeks ago. Her pale blue eyes bright and smiling.
Suddenly, a small wail comes from the end of the hall–Klara is awake. Teo drops the picture and pushes past me. I run with all my might to block him from going into the room, but Teo is faster. The nursery is dimly light as we both walk in. I make it to Klara’s crib and try my best for him not to see her.
“Nova, I’m not playing around right now. Tell me the truth.” He’s seething with anger. He’s practically glowing red.
“Just stop. Just stop for one second.” I turn and pick up Klara and then flip on the light.
Teo scrubs his face hard. “Holy fuck.” Now, he’s covering his mouth with his hand. “She’s mine.”
“She’s yours.” I confirm holding Klara tighter to me, rubbing her back, and soothing her crying.
“You fucking lied to me.” A tear. A real tear rolls from his eye. “You’re just like every other fucking woman. I hate you, Nova Long. I hate you more than anything else in this world.”
I sob and try not to fall to the ground in the heartache and pain I’m feeling.
“I’ll contact a lawyer in the morning and I’ll keep my promise. She will not grow up to be like every other female I’ve met. She’ll be much better than you.” Teo’s voice is lethal and causes me to shiver.
“Teo.” I try to beg but instead he just leaves.
What have I done?
Chapter Four
Teo
“DUDE, YOU NEED to relax just a bit.” Nathan tries to calm me down, but I’m still pacing.
I had spent the night before last drinking and thinking only of Nova. Nathan had helped me come to a decision about her. Giving her a second chance had been a huge deal for me. Second chances never work. Ever. It had been a small misunderstanding between us. Should she have talked to me? Yes. However, after Nathan talked me through how she was probably feeling at the time, it would have been hard for her. She was hurt.
