She quivered in his arms because he understood her far too well for her own good.
“Don’t you know an affair is the last thing I want?” he asked, his voice grating. “Why else do you think I bought this home if not to live in it with my bride? I’ve never asked any woman to marry me, but I’m asking you.” The rasp in his voice resonated to her insides.
She clung to him in shock. If she’d heard him correctly, he’d just asked her to be his wife.
With his lips buried in her silky hair he said, “I suggested getting married in Nevada for several reasons. In the first place, I need you tonight, darling. It’s going to be difficult, if not impossible to stop kissing you once I start. Marriage will allow us the freedom to love each other the way we’ve been yearning to do since last April.
“Secondly, I know you care about Dr. Barker and wouldn’t want to hurt him by asking his father to marry us in front of your whole family and congregation.
“Since we can’t be married in your church without causing other people pain, then a private ceremony in Nevada, which is in easy driving distance, is as good a place as any to begin our life together.
“We are meant to be together, Francesca,” he said in low tones. “You know that as well as I do. You also know that every separation has torn us apart a little more. Tonight we can end the torment and get in each other’s arms where we want and need to be on a permanent basis,” he continued, his voice shaking.
“While you think over my proposal, I’m going to turn out the lights and lock up the house. When I come back in this room, I want an answer.”
“Andre—” she blurted in pain and tore herself free of his embrace. With her chest heaving she said, “You can’t say all these earthshaking things to me and then expect me to give you an answer in a matter of minutes!”
“I already have,” came his clipped response with that note of finality. “You and I have had months apart to ponder our situation. Tonight we’ve reached the point where there’s no going back.” His handsome face had darkened with lines. “Either we’re together, or we’re not. It’s entirely up to you.”
In a few swift strides he disappeared from the library, leaving her a mass of nerves.
She knew with every fiber of her being he meant what he said.
This party tonight had been his way of letting her know he was perfectly serious about wanting a solid relationship with her. He’d gone so far as to actually buy a home, which meant he’d given up his life at sea to propose marriage to her.
It was true they’d spent little time together, but because of the unique circumstances of their meeting, she knew the important things about his life and background. She’d met his friend Gerda and her family who patently adored him.
If she were honest with herself, she would have to admit that spending any more private time with him without being able to express her physical love would be next to impossible.
Something about Andre brought her to a feverish pitch just thinking about him. All he had to do was caress her hand, or brush his fingers against her hip and she dissolved in his arms.
How could anyone hold out against the onslaught of such powerful needs?
Fran knew she couldn’t. She was hopelessly in love with him. For months she’d wanted, dreamed of loving him without any attendant guilt.
The idea of marriage to him tonight would satisfy those needs and legitimize what they felt for each other.
Andre had been right about a lot of things. By driving to Nevada, they would avoid placing the Barkers in an untenable position, not to mention Fran’s mother who’d secretly hoped Fran would marry Howard.
But she knew there was a downside to all this. If she told him she couldn’t marry him, he would go away. Her heart whispered that this time, it was all or nothing.
She’d already lived through the shattering, devastating experience of saying goodbye to him too many times in the past. It was doubtful she could live through it again without traumatic consequences.
There was no use lying to herself anymore. Ever since she’d received Gerda’s invitation, she’d secretly prayed Andre would be at the Christmas party, that he hadn’t gone out of her life for good.
Tonight, to her joy, she’d been given one last reprieve to consider what it would be like to never see him again, to never be kissed by him again or held in his arms.
Since she couldn’t contemplate a life without him—since she refused to have an affair—marriage appeared to be the only answer.
In the deepest recesses of her being Fran realized she was irrevocably in love with him. Her heart had known it from the moment they’d clashed in the monastery gift shop on that first day when she’d found herself fatally attracted to him.
Of course she had no idea how long their marriage would last. She didn’t expect it to last. Since her constancy wasn’t in question here, she would have to wait until Andre decided he’d had enough and wanted out. That was the price she would have to pay for loving him.
But when she considered the alternative of watching him walk out of her life tonight, never to come back again, there was no contest.
Before she lost her nerve, she needed to find him. She left the library on a run. “Oh—” she cried out in surprise when she collided with a hard male chest outside the French doors.
Andre’s strong arms closed around her, bringing her to a standstill. When she gazed up at him, his striking features looked etched in stone. His body felt rock-hard.
“Are you so frightened of your own feelings, you can’t even face me, and must resort to sneaking out of my house like a thief in the night?”
She shook her head. “No, Andre. I wasn’t running away. You’ve misunderstood. I was coming to find you and tell you that—that I’ll marry you.”
Her declaration resonated in the hallway.
In the next instance she heard him struggle to catch his breath. “You mean that?” he asked in a low, vibrant voice.
Fran swallowed hard. “Yes. I mean it,” she admitted quietly, realizing there was no going back now.
In the semidark hall, she couldn’t read the expression in his eyes, but she sensed some of the tension go out of him. His hands kneaded her shoulders with growing insistence, sending fingers of delight through her body. “That’s all I needed to hear.”
Before she could tell him she loved him, his possessive mouth descended and once again they were devouring each other. But this time there was a difference.
This time she didn’t have to suppress her feelings or worry that she would never see him again. It was heaven to be able to give in to the burning tide of desire which threatened to consume her, and left her clinging to him.
“Elko is three hours from here,” he said in a thick-toned voice, sounding as shaken by their passion as she was. “We can be married and stay the night,” he murmured against her lips as if he could never get enough of them.
“I have to be home by tomorrow morning. Howard will be phoning me at my apartment and—”
“I’m perfectly aware you have unfinished business where he’s concerned,” Andre interrupted, then gave her another soul-destroying kiss. “We’ll be back in time, but right now all I can think about is making you my wife. Under the circumstances, three hours sounds like three years and I don’t plan to waste another second. Let’s go.”
In a euphoric stupor, Fran walked through the house with him, aware of his hand at the back of her neck, gently guiding her while he caressed the hot skin with his fingers.
Experiencing a sense of déjà vu, she climbed in his elegant Mercedes. Once they were both settled, he backed the car out of the garage and they were off. It occurred to her that except for her purse, she didn’t even have a bag packed. No toothbrush, no change of clothes. Nothing.
“Andre—” she started to speak, but he cut her off.
“Don’t spoil it, Francesca. For once in your life, just go with your senses. All that either of us will require is each other.”
&n
bsp; The next thing she knew, his hand had slid to her thigh. It remained there, sending rivers of heat coursing through her body.
After they’d left the city limits he whispered, “Do you have any idea how long I’ve dreamed of this moment?”
“I-I think I do,” she answered breathlessly.
His fingers played with the velvet material covering her flesh, driving her mad with desire.
“Before I met you, I used to watch the men when we’d arrive in port after a long haul at sea. The ones who had wives and children waiting for them would be first off the ship.
“My friend, Jimmy, couldn’t wait till we were tied up to the dock. After final chores were done, he’d be the first up on deck so he could spot her red hair. When he found her, he would shout to her and his family, his eyes glowing like hot coals, his whole wiry body trembling with excitement and anticipation.
“I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to feel that way about a woman, to live for the moment when I could finally be reunited with my wife and children, wanting for nothing else.
“Whatever that elusive element was, it had always escaped me. That is—” He paused and turned his head, sending her an all-encompassing gaze. “Until the morning I knew you were coming back to the monastery with the rough draft of your article.
“Long before you walked through the gift shop door, I found myself waiting for you, imagining you bringing the sunshine inside with you, imagining the scent of your skin, visualizing the way your beautiful body would look in some feminine outfit as you walked toward me.”
With every private revelation, Fran thrilled and trembled a little more.
“When I heard footsteps, my heart began skittering all over the place like the sparks of a ship’s magneto. That’s when I knew something earthshaking had happened to me.
“At first I fought my feelings because they were too overpowering.”
“I know, because I felt exactly the same way when I drove to the monastery that morning,” she confessed quietly. “It’s embarrassing how much I wanted to see you again. But overriding those feelings was this terrible shadow of guilt. I couldn’t believe I was enamored of a man who’d taken a vow of celibacy.” She shivered in remembrance. “I’m afraid I didn’t fight my feelings nearly as hard as I should have.”
“Thank God.”
He squeezed her leg gently, then tousled her hair. “You sounded sleepy just now. Why don’t you close your eyes and get some rest while you can.”
His comment was a reminder of the wedding night to come. Suffused in heat, she did his bidding. At first her heart was pounding so hard, she didn’t think it was possible to lose consciousness. But at some point, her body must have succumbed to all the emotion draining her. She didn’t waken until she heard Andre’s seductive voice calling to her.
“We’ve arrived, Francesca.” He kissed her so thoroughly, she was witless after he let her go. “It’s time.”
“I can’t believe we’re here. You shouldn’t have let me sleep so long. I could have spelled you off driving.”
“I enjoyed it, and you obviously needed the rest. Here’s your purse,” he said as she began groping for it. Andre seemed to have the ability to read her mind.
Her hands shook slightly as she ran a brush through her hair and reapplied the lipstick he’d kissed off back at the house. Once she felt presentable, she got out of the car on shaky legs, thankful for his support.
As they entered the small white chapel, a newly-married couple passed them on their way out the door. Neither of them looked a day over eighteen, and certainly not old enough to get married.
Andre ushered Fran toward the front of the chapel where two elderly couples waited for them.
“Good morning,” said the woman behind the desk. “I’m Mrs. Appleby. This is my husband, Judge Appleby. He’ll be performing the ceremony. Mr. and Mrs. Granville will stand in as witnesses. If you’ll fill out the form for the wedding license, then we can begin. Do you plan to exchange rings?”
“I do,” Andre answered to Fran’s complete astonishment before he started signing papers.
“You bought a ring?” Fran asked incredulously.
With a quiet smile Andre stood up and pulled a plain gold band out of his suit pocket.
“It’s the only possession my father left me before he died. He bought it with the intention of asking my mother to marry him. But she knew his religious leanings too well and urged him to join the priesthood instead, so he kept it.”
Fran put the back of her hand to her mouth so she wouldn’t cry out. That ring was precious. It represented his parents’ love as well as their struggle.
“That will be a hundred dollars, please.”
Andre repocketed the ring, then reached for his wallet. Fran watched him put a five-hundred-dollar bill on top of the table. “Keep the change, Mrs. Appleby. Consider it a gift from Francesca and myself because you’re willing to accommodate us at this unorthodox hour.”
“That’s very generous of you, Mr. Benet. We’ll use it to help those couples who don’t have enough money for the license. Now, if your fiancée will sign the bottom line, the Judge can begin the ceremony.”
Taking a deep breath, Fran picked up the pen. Earlier in the evening while she’d been getting ready to go to Gerda’s party with Howard, if someone had told her she would be getting married to Andre Benet in Elko, Nevada, before the night was over, she would have scoffed at such a ludicrous notion.
Yet here she was with him, ready to enter into the most sacred ceremony between a man and a woman.
Dear God. What was she doing?
Mrs. Appleby handed her husband the papers for him to look over.
“Francesca Mallory, Andre Benet?” the judge said their names, adjusting his bifocals. “I was going to tell you to take each other by the hand, but I can see you’ve already done that. Please approach the pulpit.”
Andre’s fingers tightened around hers as he drew her alongside him, then stood tall to face the judge.
“I see here that this is a first marriage for both of you.”
“That’s right,” Andre murmured while Fran nodded, feeling more and more anxious.
“You’re both old enough to know what you’re doing, but nobody knows what marriage is like because that sacred institution is what I like to call ‘uncharted waters.’ A sailor would know what I’m talking about.”
Fran’s gaze darted to Andre whose compelling mouth curved in a knowing half smile. Instead of reassuring her, that smile filled her with unease.
Uncharted waters.
That was exactly what it felt like.
What did she really know about Andre? It wasn’t a question of love. There was no doubt she was in love with him. Mindlessly in love.
But there was still so much she and Andre ought to know about each other before they made a commitment as binding as marriage.
“It means you’ve got to be prepared for anything,” the Judge spoke on, ignorant of her turmoil. “And there’s only one way to do that.”
He took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose before putting them back on. Then leaning on the pulpit and looking both of them straight in the eye he said, “All you have to do is put your partner’s happiness before your own.
“That’s all!” His hands spread wide. “That’s it! That’s the trick! Unselfishness gets the job done through the good weather and the bad. When the children come, they bring more joy, but more pressures.
“After you leave this chapel, if you promise in your heart and soul to put your spouse’s happiness ahead of your own, every time, you’ll not only make it through this life with all it holds in store for you, you’ll find joy.”
The sleep in the car must have cleared Fran’s head because the gravity of what she was about to do hit her full force.
Her love for Andre was greater than she’d thought possible. But the Judge’s words stabbed her conscience. She couldn’t honestly promise before God to put Andre’s happiness ahea
d of her own every time. Not when she didn’t even know what made him happy.
He’d bought a home, ostensibly for them to live in. He obviously had money, investments, which could take care of them. But she wasn’t ready to live there with him yet, not when she worried he might grow tired next week or next month of a traditional lifestyle and yearn for the sea.
While they were on fire for each other, the idea of settling down held great appeal. But later on, he would probably feel confined. Then would come the anger and the reproaches because she would sense his restlessness and start to act possessive of his time.
When he left, she wouldn’t be able to face people knowing she hadn’t been able to hold her husband’s love. She’d rather die than repeat her mother’s history. It would be better to keep their marriage a secret for a while and live in separate households.
As for children, neither she or Andre had even touched on the subject.
A long time ago Fran had made the decision that if she ever did marry, she would never bring a child into the world. To give birth would be to experience another form of hell if the baby’s father abandoned them both.
But after what Andre had told her in the car, it sounded like he wanted children, even craved them.
Once more an image of the magnificent house he’d bought flashed through her mind. It was a big home. Too big for two people to rattle around in.
Maybe because she and Andre had run away to be married in a place that wasn’t a real church with a real pastor, she hadn’t expected to be affected by the Judge’s words.
But to her shock, everything he’d said ran soul deep and filled her with fresh apprehension.
“Now repeat after me. I, Francesca Mallory, take this man, Andre Benet, to be my lawfully wedded husband.”
She tried to swallow, but her mouth had gone dry. “II,” she began, but she couldn’t get the words out. They wouldn’t come. She tried again.
Andre’s arm slipped around her waist and he pulled her close. “What’s the matter, darling?” he whispered. “You’re so pale. Are you ill?”
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