by Nadia Aidan
“She lives.”
While I knew we shared the same home, it had never occurred to me that anyone besides a staff member would ever come up to check on me. “Daniella?”
Her smile told me how obvious my surprise must have been, but she seemed to take it good naturedly as she bustled past me as quickly and effortlessly as any woman could who was set to give birth within a few weeks.
“In the flesh,” she said as she placed the tray of food she’d brought with her on the kitchen table. “Khalil is worried about you, but after he told me what happened I told him he was probably the last person you wanted to see right now.”
I held back a snort as I closed the door behind her. Right now? How about ever?
I didn’t realize I’d muttered that allowed until I noticed the small grin on her face. “Khalil is a man, so of course he’s an idiot, but he loves you, that much I do know. I also know he made a mistake, but he’s worried about you, and so am I,” she admitted. “You need to eat.” She gestured toward the tray of food at the same time she awkwardly settled herself into one of the chairs in the sitting area. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the way she maneuvered herself, and especially when she shot me a dark scowl.
“You laugh now, but just you wait. In a few months when you can’t see your feet, it will be me having the last laugh.”
It took me several seconds for her words to register, but even when they did, I was too paralyzed by shock to speak. All I could do was open my mouth, but I floundered when nothing came out.
Daniella’s eyes glowed, her expression full of compassion. “You decline wine at every meal, and you’re always tired. But then I overheard you spilling your dinner in the bathroom the other day, and I knew.” She smiled warmly as she quickly raked my figure with her gaze. “I’m surprised your husband didn’t notice the changes in your body, especially since you’ve filled out considerably in all the places that men seem to appreciate.”
I felt my face flushing, and was once again thankful for my darker complexion so that she didn’t glimpse the blushing of my cheeks. No Khalil didn’t know, for which I was grateful, and I wasn’t too keen on him finding out either. “Promise me you won’t tell him.”
Daniella arched just one eyebrow, but the look she gave me said more than any words ever could. Ever since she’d returned with Amir, we’d both been so busy we’d never been alone for more than a few minutes, so we’d never spoken about the first time we’d met and our acrimonious encounter all those months ago, but it was something that still weighed heavily on me, and especially now.
“Of course I won’t tell Khalil. That type of news is something a man should hear from the woman he loves.” Her expression clouded over. “I regret that I wasn’t the one to tell Amir he was going to be a father, so that isn’t something I would ever want to take from your husband.”
“Thank you,” I managed to get out despite the ball of emotion that tightened inside my chest. “About how I treated you the first time we met,” I began quietly. “I’ve never apologized for my actions, and I just wanted to say that what I put you through was inexcusable—“
“Please. Long forgotten and forgiven,” Daniella said with a small chuckle. “Although, I won’t lie. At first I did think you were a total bitch and I pretty much hated your guts.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at her statement, even though I was still ashamed at how badly I’d treated her, which compelled me to explain. For the first time in years I recounted my history with Khalil, and I found myself telling the woman before me details that I had only shared with my sisters. When I was done, she sat there for some time watching me thoughtfully, and although I felt vulnerable under the weight of Daniella’s silent scrutiny, it was also strangely cathartic.
“It all makes sense now,” she said finally.
I looked at her curiously but didn’t say a word as I waited for her to elaborate.
“Khalil said as much earlier, about the divorce I mean, although he didn’t come right out with it, but I figured it out, which was why I was worried about you when you barricaded yourself up in here all day. But what I couldn’t figure out was why he felt so compelled to grant you a divorce, when it’s so obvious he’s been pinning away for your for all these years, but I get it now.”
“Pinning away.” I snickered. “Now I know your hormones are getting the best of you.”
Her face lit up then like a Cheshire cat who harbored a secret that she refused to tell, except she seemed all too eager to spill this tea.
“It’s because you’re in love with him, that your feelings have blinded you, but others can see what you refuse to. I know he hurt you, very deeply, but it’s obvious to everyone but you that he loves you just as deeply. And that’s why he feels compelled to grant you a divorce. After what he did, he doesn’t think he deserves you, or to be happy for that matter, especially since for so many years he never allowed himself to believe that he would actually get another chance with you—”
“If that’s true then why would he just give up on us and our marriage? If he loves me so damn much, then why hasn’t he ever told me?”
“Because he doesn’t think you could ever love him back,” she said softly. “Like I said, he doesn’t believe he deserves you or your love. And somehow he’s convinced himself that setting you free is the best way to love you, so now it’s up to you to prove him wrong.”
Long after Daniella left that evening I mulled over our conversation. My head wanted to deny there was any truth to what she’d said, but my heart was another story. Every word she’d spoken of Khalil and his feelings for me had resonated at the deepest level of my inner being, and that was the part of myself, which I now listened to. It was a long shot; one that I knew if it backfired would leave me more devastated than I’d ever been all those years before, but my heart told me things would be different this time around.
I now knew what I had to do.
Chapter Thirteen
Enraged, Khalil stalked toward Amir’s office. When he arrived he burst through the double doors.
“Where is she?”
Amir looked up from whatever he’d been poring over at his desk. “Where is who?”
Khalil glared at his cousin, especially when a smug glint entered his gaze. In that instant he knew exactly what this was about. He’d interfered when Amir had been hell bent on finding Daniella, and apparently now this was his cousin’s way of paying him back.
“Sabeen,” he snapped as he shook his fist in the air that now contained the crumbled up note her lawyer had given him that morning. They’d been scheduled to meet that day to sign their divorce papers, but Sabeen hadn’t shown up. In her place had been a single page letter, the contents of which still left him shaken. He didn’t know whom he was angrier with? Sabeen, for revealing such intimate details to him in something as impersonal as a letter through her attorney? Amir, for his role in helping her? Or himself, for more transgressions than he could name or number?
“Where’s my wife?”
Amir’s casual shrug almost set him off, especially when his cousin leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest as if he had all the time in the world.
“She said she was going to your home.”
“And you let her?” Khalil was incensed. “You let my wife go off into the desert, alone—”
“She was very determined. Besides, Sabeen knows these lands as well as any of us.”
Khalil had to count silently to himself so that he didn’t launch himself across his cousin’s desk and rip him apart. Amir’s sedate demeanor grated on him, especially since he was on the very precipice of losing control.
“I know you want to pay me back for the role I played in keeping Daniella from you, but to use my wife to get back at me—“
“Would make me petty and childish.” Amir’s expression hardened, as fury swirled in his eyes like dark, thunderous clouds. “Which, you know I am not.”
Because he knew his cousin so well, Khalil
could sense the fight brewing between them, and a I fight right now would get him nowhere.
“Be thankful that I adore your wife and that you’re about to be a father.” Khalil threatened as he marched toward the doors of Amir’s office. “But if anything happens to Sabeen out there, I swear I will come back here and kill you myself.”
Khalil didn’t stick around for Amir’s response, so he missed the amused grin on Amir’s face at his hasty and ominous departure.
*****
I knew Khalil would come for me, just as I knew he would be irate when he arrived. What I hadn’t expected was for him to arrive as soon as he did, especially with an early morning sandstorm still hurling through the desert. But not long after I’d settled into Khalil’s desert home, I heard the steady beat of hooves striking sand, before they slowed to a steady trot and eventually stopped altogether. Not even a full minute later, Khalil burst inside the tent, with the wind and sand whipping through his hair and the blazing sun at his back.
Just like the night of our honeymoon, Khalil had donned the traditional white serwal and thoab, and with his hair lose, he looked every bit the image of the wild, desert prince.
With almost deliberate movements, he secured the tent so that it wouldn’t rustle open, and I could tell he was using that time to rein in his temper.
“I know you’re angry,” I began, because the silence was killing me, and I refused to pretend that I didn’t know what he was feeling.
“Angry?” His eyes widened with disbelief. “You ride out here alone, in the middle of a storm. You put yourself in danger, risk possible death.” He chuckled bitterly. “Anger is far too tame for what I’m feeling right now.”
“Wait. What? I didn’t come out here alone.”
When his eyes narrowed, I knew he was having a hard time believing me, which was when I realized he really didn’t know. “Amir would never allow me to come out here alone. He sent four of his guards to escort me here. They’re less than a quarter mile away. And I have been checking in with them and Amir every half hour,” I said, pointing to the black satellite phone on the table in one corner. “Amir told me to call him as soon as you arrived, which I just did when I heard you approaching.”
I knew the moment my words registered because his entire expression eased, well somewhat, and he crooked his lips into a half smile.
“That bastard. I should have known he would pull something like this.”
When I looked at him curiously, he continued. “Amir led me to believe he let you come out here alone, but I should have known he would never put you in any danger, and especially not just to spite me.”
Since I’d grown up with both men, Khalil’s chagrined expression told me all I needed to know.
“I take it you’re going to owe Amir an apology when you return.”
He chuckled. “A big one.”
I was even more curious now as to what he’d said to his cousin, but when his smile disappeared, I forgot all about that, and considered maybe I should be the one offering an apology of my own, but before I could get a word out, he said quietly, “I got your note. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
The pain in his eyes made my heart clench, so much so that I knew I would choke up if I tried to talk about that just yet. “Why did you want a divorce?”
“Nala—“
I shook my head, a silent warning that I wasn’t ready to go there. I knew I would have to, just not yet.
He nodded in understanding. “I already told you. It was selfish of me to force you into a marriage you didn’t want.”
“It was,” I agreed. “But once we became man and wife, any decision about our marriage became just that—ours.”
Khalil regarded me with confusion in his eyes. “I don’t—”
“You never asked me if I wanted a divorce.”
Myriad emotions swept across his face before he asked quietly, “Do you want a divorce?”
“No.”
That one word seemed to propel him forward, and he crossed the distance between us with two long strides.
“But I don’t understand. You’ve been so unhappy.”
I looked at him, then down at my feet, but he wouldn’t let me avoid this discussion too.
“Nala—”
“Even before I stumbled upon your secret room, I knew the things you were into. I knew you were more intense than when we were first together, but you never talk about it, or want to go there with me. You said it was because things are different when we’re together, but I could tell you were lying.” I looked him squarely in the eyes. “If we’re going to make this work, I need you to be honest with me, and about your needs. If I don’t please you—“
“Is that what this is about?” He raked a hand across his face and when I nodded, he let loose a string of blistering curses that nearly singed my ears.
“All this time you thought I was holding back with you because I didn’t think you were up to the task of meeting all of my dominant needs?” The incredulity in his voice, as if he couldn’t believe I could think something so crazy, struck a nerve and once again the past reemerged.
“It’s not like this would be the first time my inexperience was an issue?”
“Your inexperience…” It took him several seconds, but I knew the moment my words registered, and when they did I almost regretted them.
He seized me by my arms and dragged me to him until we were so close I had no choice but to meet his furious gaze.
“I thought we had cleared this up. I thought we had put this behind us, but since we haven’t I will say this, and once I’m done this will be the end of it. I lied to you the day I left you in that hotel room alone. I lied to you the day you came to my apartment when we were in college. But I didn’t lie to you that night when we were together in what you like to call my ‘secret’ room. Whatever experience or inexperience you have or don’t have, there will never be a question as to whether you fulfill me or meet my sexual needs because you’re the woman I love, and you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved in my entire life. Our connection goes beyond the physical, at least for me it does, which is why I don’t need anything else when I’m with you.”
He released me then and took a small step back, but not before I saw the wounded look in his eyes. “I know I fucked up and I know why you doubt me. I know you tried to tell me the truth and that I devastated you, but I deserved to know. I never would have let you go through that alone.”
“I know,” I whispered brokenly, and it was all I could do not to cry, especially when he reached into his pocket and pulled out the letter I’d written and had my attorney give to him that morning—in lieu of signed divorce papers.
In it I’d finally told him the truth—all of it, and then I’d told him where to find me if he still wanted to make our marriage work.
“Now I realize why you’ve hated me all these years. I would have hated me too. When you showed up at my apartment I thought I was doing the right thing by turning you away.” He cupped my face between his hands. “You must know that had I known you were pregnant I would have given up everything for you and our child. Nothing else would have mattered.”
The tears I’d fought so hard to stem finally slipped down my cheeks. “I know and had I not miscarried I would have had no choice but to tell you and we would have had to make the difficult decision, but I know now you would have been there for me, but a few weeks after I visited you…”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I will never forgive myself for what I did to you and that you had to go through that alone.” He frowned. “That’s why I don’t understand why you would ever want to stay married to me. You have a chance to be happy, to have the life and love you deserve.”
Even though the tears had dried on my cheeks, the searing pain in my heart made me want to sob all over again. Khalil was the man and love I deserved, the only man I’d ever loved, but he truly believed I hated him, that I wanted nothing but to be free of him, because that’s what I’d made him
believe.
“I am happy.” I smiled. “Because I already have the life and love I’ve always wanted with the only man I have ever loved.”
“But—“
“I love you, Khalil.” Even though I said it, I could tell he still didn’t quite believe me, which made my heart ache. Daniella had been right. Khalil didn’t believe he deserved to be forgiven, and with it, he didn’t believe he deserved to be loved and know happiness. Well he was wrong and I was determined to remedy that—starting now.
*
Khalil was speechless. She loved him? It seemed inconceivable. After everything he’d put her through, all the pain, the long years apart—but she did. The truth of her words was displayed across her face as bold and vivid as a bright, painted canvas. He’d honestly never believed she would ever return his feelings, at least he’d never imagined she still had any for him. Passion yes, but love? Never. He hadn’t let that stop him from trying though, because Sabeen was worth his unending pursuit. It was only after he’d seen how miserable she was with him, that he’d accepted she deserved to be happy, and as much as it killed him to admit it, if he truly loved her he had to do what was right by her and let her go.
And yet somehow, they’d been given another second chance, a real one this time, one based on love and honesty. Words could not even begin to describe what that knowledge did to him. He opened his mouth to say something, but no sound emerged. Even if he’d managed to form words, they would have been silenced the moment Sabeen clasped his face between her hands and pulled him toward her.
The instant their lips met his desire to speak was immediately replaced by another more urgent one, and he groaned against her mouth when she deepened the kiss. Her tongue dueled with his, until his dominant nature overcame him and he firmly wrestled all power from her. His tongue plundered her mouth, demanding her complete surrender, and she willing gave it as he took her mouth with all the force and raw intensity he intended to take her.
