“Mike made me sell it.”
“Why?”
“He said it wasn’t safe. But really it was his stupid parents. They said only lesbians drive Jeeps and it bothered him so much he just would not shut up about it. I sold it to shut him up.”
“Oh, wow.”
“Yeah, they’re assholes.” As she approached the car, she tossed him the keys. “Here, you drive.”
Jake caught the keys and froze. He looked down at them. He’d driven plenty since the accident but he hadn’t driven with anyone else in the car.
Ashley walked around to the passenger side and stood by the door. “You know how to do it. Now get in the car and drive.”
He looked up at her. Again, she urged him with her eyes, and again he complied and got into the car. The anxiety he thought he’d have sort of just drained away as he backed out of the driveway and eased down the one-lane street.
“I knew you could do it,” she said with a large hint of sarcasm.
“You’re the first person I’ve driven with.”
“It’ll be fine.”
The short drive to Poppies didn’t stress him at all. It was all very normal. They pulled up to the wooden building with the large yellow and blue sign that read ‘Poppies Diner’ and parked. It always bothered Jake that the name of this place seemed to be grammatically incorrect. Although perhaps it wasn’t. Maybe there were more than one Poppy. Perhaps it was named after the flower, or the poppy seed.
The place was nice enough inside, and the food was definitely good. They ended up being seated in the farthest booth in the back, which was fine by Jake. He preferred to be in the back.
A perky little blonde waitress took their orders and scampered away. She reminded Jake of Ariel and his face must have said something because Ashley asked, “Do you know her?”
He quickly shook it off. “No, she just reminded me of someone maybe.”
“Cassie? She does kind of look like Cassie.”
Jake shot a look at Ashley and considered her thought. The concept made him think all over again that maybe Ariel was indeed a creation of his mind and nothing more. The fact that she did resemble Cassie kind of spooked him. He hadn’t really considered it but it made some sense.
“Are you okay?” Ashley asked.
“I’m…I don’t know.”
“Have you seen anyone, Jake? I mean professionally speaking.”
“Yeah, I saw two different doctors.”
“Not your mother’s colleagues, I hope.”
“No, definitely not.”
“Did you feel like it helped you at all?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know, not really. It was all the standard stuff.”
She nodded. “After my parents died, I saw about five different specialists. None of it really helped.”
“What did?”
“Time, just time. And good friends to help make new memories. Surrounding myself with positive people helped a lot.” She sipped the glass of orange juice the waitress set down as she spun away. “We had a family friend and she basically picked me up by my shirt and said ‘You need to live. You need to live for you, and you need to live for them.’”
Jake sipped his juice. “It sounds so easy.”
“It is easy. You just have to make a choice to do it. A terrible thing happened to you, Jake. And yes, actions you took directly contributed to that outcome. But it wasn’t malicious. You didn’t mean for anything bad to happen. You didn’t let those punks provoke you out of some desire to hurt anyone in that car. You didn’t chase them thinking an accident was going to happen. That’s why they’re accidents.”
“I know. I’ve told myself that a hundred times but I just keep going back. At one point, Cassie yelled at me. She said, ‘It’s not worth it, let it go.’ But by the time I heard those words and understood what they really meant, I was already in the intersection. It was too late.”
“Sometimes we make mistakes. That’s what makes us human. But we don’t have to pay for those mistakes forever. At least we shouldn’t. We don’t have to punish ourselves for impetuous choices for life, and we don’t have to die to be forgiven.”
He met her eyes. Her words were as if someone hit him with a tree branch. They shook him to the bone. An undeniable theme was storming into his life, and both Ariel and Ashley were delivering the same message at the same time. It was weird, and oddly serendipitous. He sucked a deep breath and centered himself just as the waitress dropped their food on the table.
As the server turned away, Ashley reached across the table and grabbed his hand. “Jake, think about it. Would Cassie want you to hate yourself? Was she that kind of person?”
He shook his head. “No, she wasn’t.”
“Exactly. She’d never in a million years want to see you like this. You know what she’d say? She’d say…” She trailed off and motioned with hinting hands.
Jake thought about it for a moment then Cassie’s words came to him. “She’d say there’s too much magic in the world to be sad.”
“Exactly. Cassie was pure joy. She was probably the happiest person I’ve ever known. She believed in joy, magic, and all kinds of wonder. She understood more than most people that life is a gift and every day that gift can bring us joy. But your joy did not die with her, Jake. You had joy long before her and you’ll have it long after. It’s okay to be happy again. It’s what she’s screaming at you from the beyond right now. She’s telling you to be happy, you just have to listen to your heart. Her words are in there and will be forever.”
He knew she was right, and as her hand slid back across the table to the fork that leaned on the plate, Jake felt something he had not felt in months. He felt relieved, and he felt like he wanted to spend time with someone other than himself. He felt like maybe he had just turned a corner, and this time he didn’t even crash.
Chapter 7
Castro
He went only by the name Castro, though that wasn’t even his real name. It’s just what he told his clients. Sometimes he wasn’t even sure of his real name anymore since he never used it and had not spoke it in probably twenty years. He had no real driver’s license, no real credit cards, and no bank accounts. He worked only with cash and stayed only in hotels and short-term rentals that didn’t require credit checks. It was the life he’d chosen, it was the life he loved. He never had to make friends, he paid for sex when he wanted it, he spent every holiday alone, and that was just fine with him.
He lived a life of total autonomy. He worked when he wanted and picked only the jobs that paid the best money. He made a ton of cash, and he saved almost all of it because he knew how to live cheaply. His plan was to retire in a couple years and disappear into the landscape, probably in the Bahamas.
Watching his latest job through the binoculars, he jotted down some notes onto the yellow pad. Unlike most people these days, Castro hated computers and tablets for taking notes. He preferred to write things on actual paper with an actual pen. It wasn’t that he was too old to adapt, he just preferred the feeling and control of paper. Burning any piece of evidence with the tip of his cigarette was simple and effective.
He watched the subject, and the girl with whom he walked. She was not a target and didn’t matter in this mission. If he had to kill the man however, and she was around, he would have to kill the girl too. No one had ever seen him at the scene of a job and lived. That’s just the way it went. The fact he was good at cleaning up his loose ends was what allowed him to have such a long, lucrative career.
He dialed the number and put the phone to his ear. “This is Castro. I’ve got the subject in sight. What are your current wishes?”
The man on the other end cleared his throat. “Just keep an eye on him for now. I don’t know that we have to do anything yet. Stay on him, take notes, and I will keep you updated.”
“Understood.”
“Watch his movements and be prepared to make a move when I say.”
“Understood.” He liked to let his clients t
hink they had some measure of control over him, but they really didn’t. He knew how to play the game and he played along when he had to for the sake of the job.
Castro ended the call and watched the subject walk down the beach access. He lit a fresh cigarette and took a long drag. He loved to smoke. The feeling of the noxious fumes filling his lungs was just the best feeling in the world. He’d rather smoke than eat, and sometimes he did.
* * *
Jake
Jake kicked off his sandals and let his toes dig into the warm sand. It had been a long time since he just sat on the sand and didn’t want to cry. Ashley had really taken his mind off the bad things. “Thank you, Ashley.”
“For what?” She sat next to him on the edge of the dune and faced the ocean.
“For this.” He motioned his hand between them. “For being my friend.”
“Thank you for letting me.”
He picked up a fistful of sand, sifting the grains in his hand. “You made it easy.”
“You didn’t.” She laughed. “But I wasn’t taking no for an answer this time.”
“What made you decide to not take no for an answer this time?”
She shrugged. “Dunno, call it a gut feeling. I just felt like this time was right. I felt like you were finally ready. When I ran into you at such a random place, I just felt like it meant something. I can sense when people need a friend.”
He huffed. “You’ve always had that quality.”
“You’re not the first person to tell me that.”
A short chuckle escaped him. “You’ve always made me laugh.”
“And you me. Of course, a lot of this is not based on how you are now, but how you were. I miss the old Jake. He was funny and smart and could just own the room when he wanted to. He didn’t always want to and that made him even more desirable to be around. The world deserves to get him back.”
“I want to get him back. I know he’s in there. And for the first time since the accident I feel like I can reach him.” He met her eyes. “I feel like you reached him.”
She patted him on the knee. “Only because you stopped being an ass.”
He nodded, pausing for a beat before he asked, “How’s your life? I mean, how’s Mike and everything?”
She shrugged. “It is what it is. Mike is good looking, he’s smart, he makes good money. He loves me.”
“That sounded totally rehearsed.”
She blew out a breath. “That’s fair. I don’t know, maybe it is.”
“I always liked Mike.”
She moved her head back and made a face. “Really?”
Jake laughed a bit. “No, not really. Quite honestly he’s a douche bag and I always thought you deserved better.”
“He never liked you either. All that time we used to spend together, he was jealous for sure—especially those late nights. Man, I used to hear it all the time. Wasn’t Cassie jealous too?”
“Not really. She knew we were working and understood.”
“Would she have understood if…” She looked out to the water. “You know.”
Jake dusted the sand off his hands. “You mean the night of the aloe plant?”
She blew out a long breath. “Yeah, the aloe plant.”
Jake tipped his head back. He’d never said what he was about to say, but at this point in life he didn’t care about hiding truths. “I never wanted to kiss anyone more than I wanted to kiss you that night.”
She let out an uncomfortable laugh. “I know. That was the only time I even came close to ruining my marriage vows.”
“I almost ruined mine before I took them. I had just proposed to Cassie like the week before.”
“I know. I felt so guilty because Cassie was my friend too.”
“It scared me. I kept thinking that maybe I shouldn’t even be getting married if I could fall in love with another woman so easily.”
She looked at him as her mouth fell open. “You never told me you were in love with me.”
Jake smiled. “Ashley, I was so in love with you it messed me up for months. Here I was planning a wedding to a woman I loved more than life itself, the whole time I was in love with someone else too. I didn’t understand how someone could love two people, but I did.”
She nodded softly. “I think it’s totally possible to love two people at once.”
“It shouldn’t be that easy. I mean, you’re an awesome person. But it shouldn’t have been that easy for me.”
She shrugged. “Maybe it was easy for a reason. It was easy for me too, Jake. I could have easily thrown away my entire life for you. Did you feel that?”
“I asked myself a hundred times. What if I’d never met Cassie and you’d never met Mike? Where would we be? I wonder what would have happened if I had kissed you.”
She looked away to the sea as some pelicans skimmed the surface in perfect formation. “Sometimes I think God likes to use me as a sounding board for jokes.”
“I’m right there with you.”
They let the topic fade for a moment, then Ashley asked, “Have you heard from your parents at all?”
Jake pursed his lips. “My mother called like a month ago. Her newest boyfriend has a boat, a big boat—a full time captain, crew, and chef kind of boat. She’s in the Bahamas or Cuba, who knows. She’s made it a habit to run away with her rich clients.”
“Mind shrinker of the rich and famous.”
“This is like the third one in five years. The last guy she married for like six months.”
“How many times has she been married now?”
“Counting my father, like five.”
“She’s a train wreck.” She threw a shell. “What about your dad?”
“Dad, well, let’s see…he’s in Europe again somewhere, totally out of money and living out of a backpack. I have no idea where he is exactly, as he refuses to carry a cellphone. He was in like Switzerland for a while, but I think he’s in Germany now. I haven’t spoken to him in six months. But last I heard he was shacked up with a girl like barely old enough to drink. Some Dutch girl.”
“That’s crazy. I would give anything to have just one parent, and you have two that are completely useless.”
“I guess irony comes in all forms.”
“You can say that again.” Ashley laughed. “Do you remember when your Dad gave away his car, and your mother hit him with the frying pan?”
Jake laughed. “Ridiculous. I figured Cassie was going to back out of the relationship right then. I tried to tell her my parents were crazy, but I don’t think she expected next level crazy. But she was totally cool with all of it.”
“It must have been insane growing up with them.”
“It was a circus. Opposites might attract, but they definitely should not stay together long enough to have a kid.”
“I wish I would have known you then.”
He smiled at her. “We would’ve had some fun.”
Ashley stood up. “C’mon, there’s a volleyball game down there. Let’s go join it.”
They headed down the beach about a quarter mile and asked to join in. The players were happy to add in another couple people and Jake was happy they allowed. It felt so good just to release some energy and sweat in the sun.
Ordinarily he’d probably take off his shirt and get a tan, but he didn’t have any sun block on. He’d always had a good physique and maintained it not at the gym, but generally doing beach sports like surfing, kayaking, and volleyball. He also spent a considerable amount of time on his mountain bike. He’d long been an avid mountain bike rider, but since the accident he’d not really done it. He’d stopped doing most of the things he’d loved.
This huffing and puffing in the hot summer sun was exactly what he needed. And although he was thinking about her, he didn’t miss Cassie right now. It was the first time since the accident he actually felt like he was getting over it.
After the game, they headed back to the car, stopping off at one of the Carolina Beach boardwalk stands to gra
b a drink. It was getting close to dinnertime.
“Thanks, Ashley, for today. It was great. I really appreciate it.”
“Well, I just appreciate you.” She took a long sip of her sports drink. “Why don’t you come for dinner? Mike might like to see you.”
Jake laughed. “Mike won’t ever like to see me…ever.”
“No, you’re probably right. But screw him, it’s my house too and I can invite my friend for dinner.”
“I appreciate it, but I think I’m just going to chill the rest of the day and get to sleep early.” He was only partially telling the truth. As the sun drew closer to the horizon, he kept thinking of Ariel more with each hour.
“Are you okay? You seem to be preoccupied with something.”
He gave her a look. He’d forgotten how intuitive Ashley was. He didn’t know if she was like this with everyone, but the two of them always shared a very uncanny, unspoken link. She always seemed to know what he was thinking. “It’s like you’re in my brain.”
She playfully hit his arm. “Oh my God, I haven’t said that in so long.”
He nodded. They used to say that to each other all the time because it was so true. “Me either.”
“With that in mind, tell me what you’re thinking.”
He wanted to tell her, he really did. But he didn’t want her to think he was crazy. The mermaid still wasn’t real. And she would remain unreal until he said something about her out-loud. It was like tempting fate. If he admitted she was real to someone else, he might go full on crazy. Or it might make her disappear forever, and part of him didn’t want that, either.
He looked at Ashley. “Let me ask you something.”
“Shoot.”
“After your parents and sister died, did you ever feel like you were going crazy?”
She nodded. “Of course, for a long time.”
“Did you ever, you know, imagine things?”
Ashley nodded. “All the time. I’d think I heard my mother’s voice. I’d swear I saw my dad pulling in the driveway, and once I was missing a CD and I swore my sister took it.”
The Mermaid Page 4
