by A. R. Shaw
She had drawn up a design for a smokehouse like the one her father had, and the men had made quick work out of the wood scraps to put it together. The meat that did not fit the tiny freezer made its way into the smoker.
Macy turned out to be quite a good shot with the pistol, and Ennis devised a harness out of the seatbelts in Tala’s Escort to fit the girl’s small frame, so she and Tala were armed wherever they went.
In fact, Ennis turned out to have quite a few useful skills. He could fish with the patience of a saint, when he finally made his way down the long narrow trail between the pines to the lake below, and often took Bang along to teach him all his tricks. Ennis carried a pocketknife and showed the boy how to whittle more arrows from soft pine branches and he made him a quiver to hold them all, since Graham’s childhood quiver was pretty beat up and wouldn’t last long. Bang used his newly acquired knife and watched the old man intently. In the evenings, Ennis was often observed sitting by the woodstove in what was now “his” chair, working on what Graham thought must be a larger bow for the boy.
Tala’s fever subsided, and her strength grew a little every day. She knew the children needed her, and she had found a new purpose in them. One day she told Graham quietly that if it had not been for them, she would not have made the effort. Marcy had told Tala about the events that took place with Campos, and though Tala was thankful nothing more happened to the girl, she understood why the child was so upset by the incident. Smiling, she explained to Graham that while the twins were physically identical, their expressions and natures revealed quite separate identities. Where Marcy was obstinate and bossy at times, Macy was obedient and brave. They each carried themselves differently, and because of that, they were easy to tell apart.
Bang, on the other hand, was very quiet and quite shy of Tala. Graham told her about how he came to be with the boy. “He feels closer to you, and for good reason,” she said during that conversation. “I might also remind him too much of his mother. Poor little guy. He’s lucky to have you.”
“I’m lucky to have him.”
“Even when you’re so exhausted you can hardly move?” Tala asked him. “You still feel like that when he nudges you to take the time to play with him?”
“Yeah.” Graham smiled. “Even then. Maybe especially then. It’s good to be reminded that kids haven’t changed their basic natures and their needs remain the same.”
No one ever made conditions on the bunkroom. They just naturally separated into the boys’ section on the right and the girls’ on the left. A similar tacit understanding came regarding the rest of the household chores; if something needed to be done, one of them would just pitch in without being asked.
Graham often wished Bang could grow up a few years, all of a sudden. Being the only abled-bodied male around, he found life difficult as the days went by. He finally decided that Macy would have to give up domestic life and help him chop wood.
Tonight he thought he would bring it up, along with their scavenging trip into town. He could hear old Ennis and the boy coming up the trail with Sheriff. Ennis was toting a string of what looked like perch and bass and, not surprisingly, Bang came running up holding a rabbit by the ears. Dinner would be good again tonight. It was nice that the old man could do the fishing right now, because come colder weather, Graham didn’t think Ennis would be able to stray far from the cabin’s warmth to hunt. And Ennis going fishing gave Graham more time to get things done around the cabin before the first snowfall.
“Looks like a nice haul, guys,” Graham said as he wiped the sweat from his face with his shirt. Bang beamed at the praise.
“He done it all. That boy’s a natural huntsman!” Ennis said.
“I only caught one of the fish,” Bang corrected.
Ennis stared at Graham. “You got to get some help with that,” he said, pointing at the woodpile. “You can’t do it all by yourself, you’ll kill yourself doin’ that. What good you be then?”
“I know, Ennis, I was just thinking the same thing,” Graham said, raising a sweaty hand to stop Ennis’s lecture. “We’ll talk about it at dinner.” Then he split the block of wood into two pieces and tossed them onto the pile behind him.
After Ennis and the boy went to clean their catch, Macy emerged from the doorway and brought a glass of water to Graham. “Tala said you need to drink this.”
“Thanks, Macy. What are you doing in there?”
“Tala and Marcy are doing the laundry and I just finished packing the last of the smoked deer meat, like you showed me.”
“That’s great, kiddo. Do you think you could work outside with me for a while?”
She looked at the woodpile. “Working inside all day drives me crazy. I’d love to help you.”
“Great. Help me stack this wood and I’ll even teach you how to handle the ax,” He pulled up several blocks he’d cut from a downed tree with a chainsaw from the shed. Graham showed her how to alternate the stacks, and though they didn’t have any gloves that would fit her small hands, she didn’t complain at the splinters she got.
As Macy tossed another chunk onto the pile, Graham heard the loud single shot from behind the cabin. He grabbed his weapon, Macy pulled hers, and they ran.
By the time they had arrived, they saw a cougar lying partly on the boy. Had Ennis hesitated, Bang would surely be dead now. The big cat had sprung on the boy and pinned him face forward to the ground. Ennis simply raised the rifle and shot it in the chest, dropping it instantly.
“Oh, shit!” Graham said, reaching down to pull Bang, who struggled from the weight of the cat, to climb out from beneath it.
“Damned cat. I hate cats,” said Ennis, spitting.
By that time the ladies in the house had come around the corner. Their eyes went wide as they saw for themselves what had taken place. Bang had several deep scratches on his back and skull, though nothing serious; he was scared more than anything. Graham pulled him up and the boy buried his head into Graham’s neck, trying not to cry. “It’s okay, Bang. You’re all right,” Graham said as he held him tightly, trying to convince himself as well. He and the boy had come a long way together.
Tala came up and patted him. “Let’s get you cleaned up, Bang.” Graham handed him over to her. Tala held the boy’s hand and took him inside to tend to his wounds—both inside and out.
The others stared down at the massive cat and Macy broke the silence first. “Can we eat it?” she asked.
Graham, who was holding his hand over his heart trying to calm its beating, burst into laughter at the practical question and, after a moment, so did the old man and girls.
“God, that was lucky, Ennis. Good shot. Thank you,” Graham said. He felt awful for not being there when it happened.
“It was so fast, I didn’t even think. I guess I still got what it takes,” Ennis said, looking up at Graham. They all laughed again at their near miss and good fortune.
“You girls go ahead and pull that cat over here,” Graham directed. “Macy, I’m real proud of you for whipping out your pistol like that,” he said, patting her on the head. “That was good. Now you girls can see why it’s so important to be cautious. Someone’s life could depend on it,” he added.
Marcy nodded solemnly and picked up one of the cat’s big paws, avoiding its claws, still warm from life. She helped Macy attempt to drag the heavy animal over to Graham’s ready butcher knife. Together they could barely budge it. Graham let them struggle with it a while and then jumped in to help them. This was real life now, and they needed to adjust to it.
Meanwhile, Tala washed the boy’s wounds with soap and water; though they weren’t too deep, she knew cat wounds could easily become infected. He was silent, but she talked to him anyway and tried to soothe his fears. She asked him about the medallion he wore around his neck. He didn’t answer her when she asked if it had been his mother’s.
After an awkward silence he finally asked her, “Did you have children before?”
She stopped her ministrations and
looked at the boy. “No, but I was a teacher and I miss those children very much.” She patted the scratches dry and added antibiotic ointment to each one, all the while thinking how very lucky the boy had been. She looked at the torn green flannel shirt that he’d worn night and day since this all began and said, “We need to find you a new shirt.”
“I have another one in my backpack,” he said. She helped him down off the counter and he disappeared around the corner to the bunkroom.
Tala was glad to have made a little headway with him, and now that the ice was broken, she hoped they could talk more freely. She went back into the kitchen and began stirring the deer meat chili she was preparing for their dinner.
Soon Graham and the others brought in the cougar meat, ready to be processed.
“You know that predator animals have to be treated differently, right?” she asked Graham. By the look on his face, she didn’t think he knew what she was talking about. “They carry the trichinosis parasites, so we have to cook it thoroughly, with no pink center. We can slice it into steaks and freeze it for now,” she said loudly. Her intention was to educate them all about the danger.
It had been several days now since they had found themselves together at the cabin and they had already settled into an easy and predictable routine with one another. Without saying much, they each paired off and began slicing up the fresh cleaned cougar meat into piles as Ennis helped Bang put them into bags and wrap them tightly into bundles.
Once they were done, Graham guessed there were about sixty pounds of meat there. The small freezer was already full, so they made room in the little refrigerator that was mostly empty, turning down the temperature to accommodate the new load. Bang closed the door on the fridge. “It was going to eat me. Now, we’re going to eat it!”
Tala ruffled his straight, shiny hair. “Yes. Confusing, isn’t it? But that’s the way things are, Bang. I’d rather we eat the cougar than have to think about it eating you.”
Bang managed a wobbly smile at Tala’s words and sidled closer to Graham.
“Tomorrow,” Graham said, “we’re going on our first scavenger hunt. We need a deep freezer, if we can get our hands on one; ammo and winter clothing too.”
They cleaned up the mess they’d made, and then Tala served the chili. Since it was later than usual, and with the unexpected work on the cougar, they were hungrier than they normally would be. They continued to discuss the things they’d like to find the next day, creating a wish list. They agreed that Ennis and Sheriff would stay behind to keep an eye on the cabin since, Ennis was an old man and slow to get around. Ennis pretended to be offended, but he understood.
That night Graham tucked Bang into bed and hugged the boy. Graham’s guilt rose up again. He vowed once more to guard this little boy who’d been placed in his care.
As he snuggled Bang down and stroked his hair, Graham heard a soft sob come from the other end of the bunkroom and saw that Macy was sniffling. He said goodnight to Bang and walked over to the girls. “What’s going on?” he asked.
“It’s just . . . we’re being . . . too normal,” Macy said with tears running down her cheeks. A little confused by her statement, Graham looked over at her sister for an explanation.
Shaking her head, Marcy said, “She misses Mom and Dad, and this feels too much like summer camp to her. She sort of feels like maybe tomorrow we’ll go home.”
Graham sat on the edge of Macy’s bed and almost banged his head on the bunk above. He reached over, smoothed his hand over her back, and said, “I feel the same way, kid. We all do.” Both girls looked up at him. “I think any minute my dad is going to walk through the front door there with his red plaid shirt on, carrying in the trout he just plucked out of the lake, and ask if I want to have a beer with him out on the porch. We did that a lot when we were here. I miss him terribly.”
“Our mom and dad were divorced, but they talked about getting back together,” Marcy said. Graham remembered the grisly scene he had discovered in their dad’s apartment, and the woman who had perished with him. He doubted the girls’ hopes had been destined to come true, but he wasn’t about to say anything. Instead, he asked, “Did your dad ever take you girls fishing?”
“No, but Grandpa did,” Macy said. She was calm now, and Graham thought that perhaps they needed to remember those they’d lost. Maybe, after all, it was best to talk about them and remember their lives. Keeping it all bottled up was causing them more pain and suffering.
“You know what I think we should do?” Graham asked. The twin pairs of blue eyes were on him, questioning. “I think we should have a night after dinner around the woodstove once a week where we remember them all. Talk about what they did, stories we remember about them,” he said.
“I don’t even know what day of the week it is,” Marcy said. Graham agreed that that was a problem, and they vowed to add to their wish a calendar when they went scavenging the next day. That way they could keep track of birthdays and holidays, too—especially in case Graham’s calendar watch quit working.
“Is there anything else I can do for you girls, besides making it all go away? I would if I could, you know that, but I can’t.”
“No, Graham, you’ve done so much for us already. Thank you for making me feel better,” Macy said.
Graham patted her shoulder and then Marcy’s. “Anytime, kiddos.” He turned to Marcy. “How’s your leg doing?”
“It’s much better. Tala’s been taking care of it and I’m still taking the antibiotic,” she said.
“Well, your face sure looks better now that you’re past the green phase, Graham teased. “In a few more days, no one will be able to tell the difference between you two and you’ll start playing tricks on us all.”
Marcy smiled, and Graham thought it was perhaps the first time he’d really seen her do it. Where smiling came easily to Macy, it did not to Marcy.
When Graham emerged from the bunkroom, Tala was drying the last dish from dinner. “Are all your children tucked in?” Tala asked him.
“Well, they’re yours too. I thought this was a group effort,” he said.
“Of course, I’m happy to help. You’re a kind man, Graham. I heard what you said to the girls, and I think it’s a good idea, what you suggested. You’d have made a wonderful father, just as you make a good leader for our little pack.” Tala smiled. “We’re lucky to have you.”
He saw her throat choke up as she swallowed. “I miss my husband terribly, and know if he’d survived, you two would have been great friends.”
Graham went to put another log into the woodstove. Tala finished cleaning up the kitchen and went into the living room to join him. She curled up on the couch with a cup of hot chamomile tea and watched Graham staring into the flames.
“You know, I was talking to the girls today, and we are going to need to find some feminine hygiene products, quickly,” she said in a whisper.
“Aw, man, that’s all we need,” Graham said. “That’s your department, by the way.” He leaned back against the couch and moved stiffly with his sore, overworked muscles. Tala put down her mug and asked him if she could massage his shoulders.
“Yeah, but only in the we-are-just-friends-in-a-postapocalyptic-world way,” he said.
Tala smiled at his joke and began kneading Graham’s sore muscles. “I miss him so much,” she confided.
“Your husband?”
“Yes, of course,” she said. “I would do this for him after dinner and he would moan and carry on—very silly. I miss that man.”
“I can see why he did,” Graham said, feeling her fingers work his tired muscles. “I’m stifling the moans.” After a few minutes, he couldn’t help it anymore. “God, that feels good,” he finally said. And then Nelly sprung into his mind. “I met Nelly in college. She was a teacher too,” he added.
“Oh, where did she attend?” she asked.
“Pacific Lutheran in Tacoma,” he said.
“I went there too and did my student teaching at Carver
Elementary,” she said, and added, “I don’t remember a Nelly, though.”
“Actually, her name is—was—was Nelson,” Graham said, having a difficult time with the past tense.
Tala stopped massaging. “Did she have shoulder-length red hair?”
“Yes!” Graham twisted around and looked at her.
“Oh, my God! I knew her. We were in a few classes together. She was a year ahead of me.”
The amazement of sharing a link like this brought pain to Graham’s eyes, pain he saw reflected in hers.
“She was pregnant too, Tala,” he said, lowering his head to his knees, shutting his eyes, trying to erase his terrible last image of her—dying—from his mind. He replaced it with the one he cherished of her smiling, on one of the rare days in Seattle where the sun beamed and the evergreens gleamed an emerald shade. They had taken advantage of it, strolling to the park that day, her round tummy already disturbing her balance. Graham had spread a blanket down and they lay down reading and dozing all afternoon. He tried to keep that memory in the forefront.
“Tell me what you remember of her, please,” he said.
“Nelson was a wonderful person. I remember her infectious laugh so well. You always knew it was her if you heard it from a distance, and she loved the kids. Some people become teachers for all the time off. Everyone knew she did it for her love of the children. She was just that kind of person. Even the most difficult ones seemed to melt in her presence. She just had a way of getting through to them. I’m so sorry that you and the world lost her, Graham.”
The door creaked open and Ennis and Sheriff entered, letting some of the cool air seep into the room.
“Getting colder out there,” Ennis said as he carried his rifle and the bow he currently worked on.
“You making headway on that one?” Graham asked him.
“Yep, it’s for one of those girls in there,” Ennis said.
“I’m sure they’ll like it. Where did you learn to do that?” Tala asked.
“I didn’t. I just took that boy’s little bow and used it to model this one. Just made it bigger, that’s all,” Ennis said. “I’ve been carving, whittling something, mostly figurines, since my pa gave me a knife. He taught me how once, years ago,” Ennis added.
