P.S. Don’t call us necrophilists. Call us – relics-knowers !
2. Holy water on your taste and color! Water - is a source of vital force and longevity!
Holy water distilled classical : 1 silver coin.
Holy water distilled over-blessed lay-on-handed : 3 silver coins.
The most holy water all-churched silvered : 7 silver coins.
His Holiness Alex’s urine, personally blessed : 30 silver coins.
The action “Gimme two!” : till the End of Times only: order the doubled quantity of Alex’s urine at the same price of 30 silver coins!
P.S. Ah, my water, you are good! For us all it’s holy food!
3. This church’s blessing and damnation – weapons of purification ! Bless will you we – it is the tooth, and your enemies we’ll curse !
Blessing of a single parishioner of the 1st level : 2 silver coins.
Blessing of a single parishioner by the head of Church : 5 silver coins.
Blessing of a group of parishioners : 10 silver coins. Attention: the quantity of blest souls is limited by the church’s physical capacity of their bodies.
Damnation of a single parishioner’s foe of the 1st level : 1 silver coin.
Damnation of a single parishioner’s foe by the head of Church : 3 silver coins.
Massive damnation of group of foes : 8 silver coins. Attention: the quantity of the damned cannot exceed all population of a planet, minus the quantity of those damning and asking for it.
Massive damnation of group of foes with illuminations and the ends of the world : 30 silver coins.
The action “Refer a friend” : Bring us any new unique parishioner for blessing, and receive a discount of 50 % on a damnation of your foe! Period of validity: exclusively till the end of 2012.
P.S. Bless those damning you, damn those who haven’t blessed you!
4. Church’s candles cure souls! Eath those candles from the bowls!
Church candle never burning : 1 silver coin.
Church candle smoking : 3 silver coins.
Church candle never smoking short-living : 4 silver coins.
Church candle good-smelling : 6 silver coins.
Candle exclusively for anus : 13 silver coins. Removes constipations, improves mood, excludes hemorrhoids. Double effect with usage together with vaseline!
The VIP-candle : Only for prosperous customers. Removes sins, clears a karma, improves both health and the future : 30 silver coins.
The action “Guest of honor” : bring a candle of any our competitor on an exchange, and receive our own at a discount of 90 %!
P.S. Put our candles into yourself! Support a flame of your soul!
5. We will absolve you all your sins, we’ve found way to release gins ! The God himself gave us this right, and we now bear it with pride !
Remission of an insignificant sin : 5 silver coins.
Remission of a considerable sin : 10 silver coins.
Remission of a heavy sin : 15 silver coins.
Remission of a mortal sin : 30 silver coins.
The action “All inclusive” : 666 silver coins – and sin till the End of Times fearlessly!
*
- Well, how’s that, Voldemar?
- Knock downing ! Well, I just wanted to ask, if there is really no more firm soil underfoot of these innocent divine creatures, these so-called-believing or even so-called-wanting-to-believe ? Has the Dark One really already slammed the last door remained ?
- Why, bless you, Voldemar, certainly not. The door was closed, but the footpath still remains.
- Errmm. Allow me to take an inquire, what does this track looks like, Vladimir?
- Live God, Voldemar. Live God …
FB2 document info
Document ID: 8111c74a-fb0d-4d31-bde2-5ee6b21ec3da
Document version: 0.9
Document creation date: 13 October 2010
Created using: FictionBook Editor Release 2.6 software
Document authors :
Timong Lightbringer
Source URLs :
http://en.timong.name/prose/russia-news
Document history:
0.9
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Russia News Page 2
