To Build a Vow

by Chencia C. Higgins

  Pain exploded behind my eyes as I rolled to my side. I blinked once, twice, then darkness overtook me.

  ♥♥♥♥

  I had the mother of all headaches. It felt like construction workers were jackhammering my brain. The harsh fluorescent light shining directly into my face didn’t help. It took a few slow blinks, but finally, my eyes adjusted to the brightness and I was able to observe my surroundings. I was lying on an uncomfortable bed in a small room that had floor-to-ceiling beige curtains on three sides. On my left, Trisha sat in a low chair typing into her cell phone.

  “Ah, she’s awake!”

  I whipped my head in the direction of the voice and immediately regretted it as I whimpered through the burst of pain.

  The heavyset woman wearing a white coat over a pastel green dress pulled the curtains closed behind her and walked over to me.

  “Be careful. Sharp movements like that are sure to exacerbate your pain.”

  I gritted my teeth. Too late for that warning.

  The woman smiled. “I’m Dr. Cindy. I’m the attending here in the ER. What I’m going to do is give you some simple instructions and I need you to follow them to the best of your ability. Okay?”

  I dipped my chin once, not trusting a full nod, but that seemed to be enough for her. She pulled a pen light out of her pocket and shined it in my eyes while she instructed me to look in different areas of the room without moving my head. She asked me basic information, like my name, age, the date, and whether or not I knew where I was. I answered everything correctly and she rewarded me with a smile.

  “Alright, that’s perfect. Thank you so much for your cooperation. You don’t seem to have a concussion and there is obviously no memory loss. We did an ultrasound while you were out and the baby’s heart rate is fine as well. You will have a headache and a nasty bump on your head for a couple of days, but we can prescribe you some Tylenol for that. Other than that, do you have any questions?” She pulled a pad of paper out of her coat pocket and started scribbling.

  My eyes were wide and I glanced behind Dr. Cindy at Trisha, who’s surprised expression surely matched mine.

  “Did you say ‘baby’?”

  Dr. Cindy nodded as she ripped off the top sheet and handed me the prescription for pain medication. “According to your blood work and ultrasound, you’re approximately seven weeks pregnant.

  Tears welled in my eyes and Dr. Cindy’s smile dimmed.

  “You didn’t know you were pregnant.” It wasn’t a question but I shook my head anyway. “We had just started to try and now he’s—now he’s—”

  Trisha jumped out of her chair and approached me from the other side of the room. “Lisa! It’s not what you think, calm down. Do you have any more questions for the doctor?”

  I wiped my damp cheeks. “Nothing but: How can I be calm when life is so cruel?”

  Turning to face the doctor, Trisha gave her a wan smile. “She doesn’t have any more questions, doctor. Thank you.”

  Dr. Cindy nodded and, giving me one last glance, left through the same curtain she had entered. Through the flowing fabric, I saw Sabrina standing in the hallway. Her mouth was ajar and her eyebrows were near her hairline.

  “Sabrina!”

  Just seeing her caused a fresh round of despair to rumble through me. This was the woman who gave birth to my unborn baby’s late father. She had just lost a son and had to be devastated. Not only that, she was probably furious with me for breaking up with him, then showing up in Little Rock. Lord only knew what she thought of me. Sabrina came into the room and I could see the exhaustion on her face. The lines around her eyes were deep and there were dried tear trails on her cheeks. She looked at Trisha.

  “Did you tell her?”

  Trisha shook her head. “I was just about to.”

  I looked at the two women before settling my gaze on Sabrina. “Tell me what.”

  The woman who I loved as if she was my own mother regarded me silently for a moment before opening her mouth. She released a heavy breath. “Jeremiah wasn’t in that house tonight.”

  My face crumbled. “Wha—what? Are you saying that he’s not—” I couldn’t even finish my sentence; couldn’t even say the words.

  Sabrina nodded, seemingly understanding my plight. “He’s alive in well. He isn’t even in Arkansas; hasn’t been for three weeks.”

  Her words sunk into my psyche and I lurched forward on the narrow bed, sobs of relief flowing from my body. Sabrina engulfed me in an embrace and rocked back and forth.

  I sucked in a breath. “Thank you. If he would have died I would have—”

  She leaned away from me and gave me an assessing look. “You would have what, Lisa? Regretted breaking his heart? Or leaving him out of the blue, without a real explanation? Oh! Or maybe you might have wished you could go back in time and accept his marriage proposal. That must be it!” Her eyes were narrowed and the corner of her mouth was curved up into a slight smile but her tone was soft and deadly; packing a punch of both admonishment and accusation.

  I sank back against the bed. This was a conversation I had expected from her a lot sooner. Foolishly, I had assumed that since she hadn’t brought it up, that it wasn’t on her radar. I mean, Pops hadn’t treated me any differently over the past two months, so I assumed that Jeremiah was keeping the information close to the chest. I had no way to know if that was true or not, but I chose not to question it and just go with the flow. Sabrina’s hot gaze was telling me that, that flow lead me right into a pit of lava.

  There was no use in being anything but honest. “Yes.”

  She tilted her head. “Yes to what?”

  I sighed. “All of it. I would have regretted all of it. I already regret it; have since the moment it happened, but what’s done is done.”

  Sabrina moved away from the table and placed her hands on her hips. “Does that include you withholding your pregnancy from him? From us?”

  I sat straight up. “Now hold up, I’m not withholding anything! I just found out I was pregnant two minutes before you walked into the room!”

  Her arms folded across her chest. “And you expect me to believe that?”

  I blew out a breath through my nose, taking the few seconds to get my thoughts under control. As much as I loved Sabrina, I had no intentions of sitting idly by while she fussed at me. “I don’t expect anything from you right now. You don’t have to believe me. It doesn’t matter either way. I’ve already done enough for you to be mad about, what is one more thing? Honestly, I’m just ecstatic that Jeremiah wasn’t in that house. That makes all of this worth it.”

  Her accusing gaze softened into confusion. “All of this? What do you mean?”

  I shook my head. No one would get an explanation until I laid eyes on Jeremiah and told him just what happened over these past two months for myself.

  “Alrighty then, you’re free to go on home!”

  All three of us turned in the direction of Dr. Cindy’s cheerful voice. She stood at the edge of the curtained partition with a smile on her face that seemed oblivious to the tense conversation she’d just interrupted. How in the world a doctor who worked in the emergency room managed to stay so chipper was beyond me, but I was immensely grateful for her unintended interference. I swung my legs over the side of the bed.

  Apparently, being upset with me didn’t strip her of her concern since Sabrina quickly returned to my side and, along with Trisha, helped me to stand. I stepped into the low heels I’d worn to work and smoothed my hands down my braids. I looked around the tiny sectioned off space loosely called a room and frowned. I felt like I was missing something.

  “What’s wrong?” Trisha must have noticed my none too subtle searching.

  “Where is my purse? I don’t see it anywhere…”

  “Oh, it’s in the car. You never took it out when we arrived at the house earlier.”

  “Oh.”

  There was an awkward moment of silence while the three of us stood there staring at Dr. Cindy expe
ctantly. It wasn’t until Sabrina cleared her throat, that the woman sprang into action.

  “Oh!” She chuckled. “Forgive me, I zoned out there for a minute. This is for you.”

  She stepped forward and handed me a colorful folder imprinted with the hospital’s logo on the front. When I flipped through it, I saw several sheets detailing the care I had received. At the very back of the sheaf of papers was my bill, itemized line-by-line with the astronomical prices of every procedure, down to the tablets of Tylenol I was given the first time I had regained consciousness. A simple glance at my watch told me three hours had passed since I’d arrived in Little Rock. How in the world could a short two-hour stay garner a five-digit price tag?

  “I put in some suggestions for a couple of obstetricians whose practices are in the business building here at the hospital. They are only suggestions, of course, and you should feel free to use whomever you feel comfortable with.”

  Still staring at the bill, I responded idly. “I have an OB already.”

  Dr. Cindy seemed in no way perturbed by my otherwise engaged focus. “That’s great! I wasn’t sure since it didn’t seem like you knew you were pregnant, but I’m glad to hear that. Inside your folder, you will also find a higher strength acetaminophen, just in case the first one isn’t doing it’s job fast enough for you. I do caution you with taking anything stronger than those 500 milligrams, though. Anything else might give you an instant relief you crave, but will be very bad for the baby. If in doubt, call up your OB.”

  I nodded, finally taking my eyes from the three-page-long bill. “Will do. Thanks, Doctor.”

  She smiled brightly. “You are very welcome ma’am. Now go on home and take good care of yourself and that baby. He or she needs you as healthy as possible.”

  Sabrina patted me on the back and returned the doctor’s smile. “Don’t worry. We are going to make sure she takes real good care of my grandson.”

  The doctor’s eyes widened, as did her smile. “Oh, wow! I didn’t realize you were Mom! You are definitely taking great care of yourself because you don’t look nearly old enough to have a thirty-five-year-old daughter.

  Sabrina laughed, and I tried not to roll my eyes at the predictable line; not only because it would cause unnecessary problems, but also because I was sure that the move would inflame my headache and that was the last thing I wanted at the moment.

  “Aren’t you just the sweetest little thing! Thank you for that, darling. I’m mother to the father of the baby she’s cooking.”

  To the doctor’s credit, she didn’t bat an eye or break her smile. If I didn’t have a bill in my hands, high enough to buy a certified pre-owned car, outright with cash money, I’d suggest she get a raise. But, I did, so I didn’t.

  “Well, that is wonderful. All-around support is what every pregnant woman needs.” She backed up and pulled one end of the curtain to the side, revealing the hallway. “If you step this way, I’ll lead you ladies back to the lobby. Ms. Sutton, if you have any questions, I also included my card in your folder. Don’t hesitate to ring me if you’re unsure about something.”

  I nodded and we followed her silently through a curtained maze until we reached a set of double doors that opened into the waiting area. She bid us goodbye, and both Trisha and Sabrina stood back as I prayerfully handed my insurance card to the cashier. Within minutes the man behind the counter had a new sheet of numbers in front of me as he explained what I had to pay versus what my insurance would cover. Once I reached the bottom of the now single-page bill and saw a cost that was only a fraction of the initial charge, I breathed a sigh of relief. Now that my payment was only equal to a couple of months of my mortgage payments, I felt significantly more relaxed, and I nearly burst with gratitude that Jeremiah had set us up with a joint emergency savings fund years ago. Being able to swipe my designated card without having to maneuver money around was worth the few dollars skimmed off my check every other week.

  Just that fast, I was reminded of all the amazing things Jeremiah brought to my life and how close I had come to losing him forever. I shoved my receipts into the folder Dr. Cindy had given me and brushed my unoccupied fingers over my forehead. A lump the size of a golf ball stuck out above my right eyebrow. Ridiculous. I could have killed my own self, trying to see about Jeremiah. My baby girl would have been an orphan. Now that I think about it, with the way Pops spoiled Ja’mya, she would probably prefer that.

  I turned around to see Trisha and Sabrina standing about ten feet away from me. Their backs were to me and they were speaking in hushed tones.

  What do they have going on?

  Trisha glanced back at me and, noticing that my attention was now on the two of them, whispered something to Sabrina before turning to face me completely.

  “Are you ready?”

  Thanks to the massive lump on my face, I couldn’t narrow my eyes like I wanted to, but I stared as hard as possible and hoped that Trisha felt the burn. “Are you ready? I don’t want to interrupt this powwow the two of you have going on.”

  Deciding not to engage my outburst, Trisha simply shook her head and motioned for me to walk to the door. We walked outside, with Trisha standing close by just in case I stumbled and headed toward the parking lot. There, I deferred to Trisha who led the three of us to where she had parked my car. Trisha opened the passenger side door and held my arm while I climbed inside, then shut the door. I watched her cross to the other side of the car and approach Sabrina. She said something, and Sabrina nodded, then the two of them embraced before Sabrina walked off in the opposite direction. I waited until Trisha and I were settled into the car.

  “What’s wrong with her?”

  Trisha glanced at me. “Did you forget about the shooting?”

  I cursed my minor injury. It was keeping me from giving all of the facial expressions I used on a regular basis.

  “No…That’s the whole reason we are here, to begin with. I asked what was wrong with Sabrina, specifically. If neither she nor Pops was hurt, and Jeremiah wasn’t there…” I trailed off. Now that I thought about it, Sabrina’s reaction at the house was what made me jump to the conclusion that Jeremiah had been inside. Her cries were full of the type of anguish I would expect to hear behind losing a son.

  I heard a sigh from Trisha. “She lost an agent. He wasn’t her blood, but to them, Hawkins Realty is a family. It wasn’t like hearing about strangers being shot on television. This was someone she knew, whose life story she had heard, a man who she had shared meals with. His life was important too.” Her tired tone held a note of admonishment as if she was explaining something simple to a child.

  Oh, right.

  I wasn’t even mad. Once again, I was so wrapped up in Jeremiah, that I ceased to acknowledge the rest of the world. Of course, Sabrina would be emotionally affected by the death of one of her agents. If she had been unbothered by it, not affected in the least, I would have questioned her humanity.

  “For what it’s worth, though,” Trisha started, then hesitated. I gave her my attention. “Sabrina said that Jeremiah was supposed to have been at that open house.”

  I sucked in a breath. The bad news just didn’t stop coming.

  Trish continued. “Apparently, the woman who owned the house was his client and he was spearheading the sale, but had been MIA for the past couple of weeks, so he was pulled and another agent stepped up.”

  My first thought was of that night at the gas station. It was definitely a couple of weeks ago. Was that why…? I could ask a million questions, but they’d all be pointless. There was nothing else for me to say and I didn’t feel the need to fill the silence with idle chatter. I reached down by my feet and grabbed my purse, rifling inside until my hands closed around my cell phone. I had half of a dozen missed calls on my phone. Two from Deena, and four from Ja’mya. There were also three voicemails. I decided to listen to the messages before calling anyone back.

  “Hey, Lee, it’s Deena. I’m just letting you know that Deon called me and said James
dropped Ja’mya off at the house. I didn’t want you to worry. Call me back when you get this.”

  I closed my eyes. Ugh. I could have saved myself at least one thread of worry if I had just answered the phone when Deena called me. That’s what I get for assuming I knew what she wanted. The second message played.

  “Hi, Mommy. I had to leave my game early because Pop Pop said something bad happened in Little Rock. I called your phone but it kept going to voicemail, so I asked him to bring me to Deena’s. Okay, I love you. Bye.”

  I looked at my phone in confusion. I didn’t see any missed calls from her. I navigated to my call log. She must have called at the same time that I was trying to reach Sabrina and Pops. That’s the only reason I could think of that her call would automatically be rejected. The third message started and my breath caught at the worry in my baby’s voice.

  “Mommy, where are you? I’ve called you like ten times and you haven’t answered once. What are you doing? Call me back and come get me.”

  The message was timestamped at nine o’clock, and a quick glance at the dashboard let me know over two hours had passed since then. It was far too late to call, even if she was still awake, so I sent Ja’mya a short text message to let her know that I was okay and that I would see her in the morning.

  Where was Jeremiah that our daughter was calling me so late at night to pick her up? Sabrina said that he wasn’t in Arkansas, so where was he? When did he leave, and more importantly, how long would he be gone? This was a testament to how successful I’d been at pulling away from him because I hadn’t even known he had left.

  I leaned my head back against the seat and closed my eyes. Had I done too good of a job in convincing Jeremiah that I was through with him? Would he believe me when I tried to get him back? Would he take me back? Did he even still love me anymore? There were so many variables to righting my wrongs, all I could do is hope for the best.

  Chapter Nine