He pulled back and smiled up at the barman as he placed our drinks down on the table in front of us. Noah pulled out his wallet but the barman shook his head. “Courtesy of the man at the bar.”
I smirked at Noah as I looked across to the bar. I had never seen Noah blush like he did when the hot guy lifted his own glass to Noah and smiled widely.
“Fuck!” Noah seethed as he turned back round. His embarrassment turned from shame to anger, his teeth digging painfully into his bottom lip.
“Why are you fighting this?” I was so angry that he denied who he was. It didn’t make sense. Noah had always been an outgoing man. He was frightened of nothing, yet his sexuality or rather his own personal confliction with his sexual preference was agonising him to the point of changing my brother from a soft hearted, laid back kid into an angry and moody man.
“I’m not fighting anything, Bea,” he spat, his face glowing with anger and disgrace.
“Yes – you –are!” I hissed. “Why won’t you let yourself be the real you?”
“This is the real me, Bea! That isn’t who I am!”
My blood was boiling. I was so damn angry with him. And me being me put my foot in good and proper, right down my own throat. “You have been in love with Jamie for eight years! It’s about time you made that move!” Jamie had been Noah’s best friend since childhood but I saw the way Noah looked at him, with need and a yearning that broke my heart. I’d also seen the way Jamie looked at my brother and I was positive if Noah finally made the move he wouldn’t be scorned. But Noah refused it, denied what was in his belly and his heart.
I’d witnessed Noah’s violent side on few occasions and I knew then that I was going to witness it again. Both of us were terrified of that side of him. I knew he couldn’t help it but as I watched the frost seep into his eyes I braced myself. His fingers curled deep into my hand and he yanked me so hard across the table, my glass shot off to the side and smashed on the hardwood floor, the contents spraying my legs with red wine.
“Don’t fucking start, Bea!”
I nodded quickly, forcing a smile at the two blokes who were rushing over to help. “It’s okay. I’m okay,” I urged quickly.
Noah blinked and dropped my arm like it was on fire. His red eyes found mine and the devastation in them caused my chest to tighten. “It’s okay, Noah. I’m okay.”
He sucked his lips behind his teeth, then picked up his glass and threw it across the room before he stormed out.
Quickly making my way over to the broken glass, I bent down and picked it up, hissing when a sliver cut into my hand. “Fuck!” I moaned. “Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!”
“You okay, love?”
I nodded to the man who squatted beside me. Taking my hand gently away from the glass, he held it to one side as he picked up the glass himself. “Boyfriend?”
“Sorry?”
He nodded towards the door. “Was he your boyfriend?”
“Oh no,” I smiled at his concern but my cheeks flushed with shame for Noah. “He’s my brother.”
His eyes widened but he nodded. “Does he always treat you like that?”
It was then I realised it was the same man who had bought Noah and me a drink. “No,” I sighed then gulped and took a gamble. “He’s struggling with the part of him that dismissed your offer.”
He stared at me then nodded slowly. “I get you. It took me a while as well.”
“And how did you learn to accept it?”
He shrugged and pursed his lips. “I woke up one day and decided not to be ashamed.” I smiled softly. “I’m not saying it will be that easy for your brother, but one day, who knows.”
“I hope so.”
He grinned. “Me too.”
I laughed when he waggled his eyebrows and winked. “Thank you.” He nodded and walked away leaving me watching the swing of his tight backside. “Fuck Bea,” I grumbled as I shook my head.
I needed to seriously get laid if I was lusting after a gay man! I shook my head again when Jay’s face filtered in. I couldn’t go there. I wasn’t what he needed and vice versa. He would ruin me and I could never be what he craved. I sensed it deep inside him, the need for something darker than I was used to, and I knew, no matter how many times I knew he would make me come, it was whether I was enough to make him come that was the question. A question I already knew the answer to.
Chapter 8
Jay
“What’s up?”
I looked up at my dad when he handed me a cup of coffee and sat on the sofa beside me. It was the Sunday after the night before and I was at my parent’s for lunch. Bea’s reaction to my kiss had given me a sleepless night, the bags under my eyes proof of my restlessness. I wasn’t even sure why she worried me like she did, but I knew she felt the connection between us too, I’d seen the same heat and need in her eyes as what I saw in mine ever since I’d spoke to her in Pulse.
“I’m not sure,” I answered honestly.
My father nodded slowly then sighed but watched me closely. “Beatrice Vine was Beatrice Havers when she started working at NSC five years ago.”
I stared at him. I knew he’d read me, even though he’d only been back in my life for the last ten years, we both had an uncanny ability to understand one another. “You knew her before she was married?”
“I did, yes.” He frowned, taking a sip of his own coffee. “She was very outgoing when she started as a temp for me. She was always the life and soul of the party and people gravitated towards her instinctively.”
“I get that.” And I did. Beatrice was quirky and funny but she was also soft and genuine, very rare in people now and that in itself gave her an appeal that I knew I was drawn to, never mind others.
“She came to me one day asking for a few days off. Apparently,” he sighed and frowned again as if questioning the memory, “she was getting married.”
“That suddenly?”
“Mmm, I remember about six months later Ben who was the head of her department then came to me with some concerns about Bea, she’d become withdrawn and timid. I had a word with her but she said everything was fine and nothing else came to my attention about her until I heard she’d got divorced a couple of years later.”
Knowing how sore a subject it was in my family, I braced myself as my gut twisted with my next words. “I think he hurt her.”
He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes. “Have you asked her?”
“No, just a feeling I get.”
He nodded then shuffled his body so he was turned towards me. “Jay,” he placed his hand over mine and I looked up at him. “I love you, you know that I do.” I nodded. “But I also know what you and your mother went through with James. And I also know that it still haunts her even now.”
“What are you saying, Dad?”
“I dunno what I’m saying but I do know that you’re… you. You can’t just bed Bea. She isn’t the type that will cope with…”
“Dad, come on!”
“No Jay. Be honest with yourself. You play around but more than that, you… have needs that, and I’m not judging, that some women can’t cope with. Beatrice Vine is one of those women.”
I cringed, shame heating my face as I looked away. “I…”
“Don’t apologise for who you are, Jay. You’re a good man and both your mother and I are proud of you. But I know more than you think I do. I know how your childhood haunts you and I know how you cope with that.”
“Dad...”
“No!” he said firmly. “I’m just saying that Bea won’t cope with that. At all.”
“I know,” I admitted quietly, “and that’s why I’m fighting… whatever this damn thing is. But…” I shook my head, “I dunno, she’s just got this thing about her that I can’t let go of.” I blinked at him and closed my eyes, unbelieving of my next words. “But I know without a doubt that I don’t want to hurt her, physically or emotionally.”
“I know you don’t want to Jay,” he smiled, “But it’s a question of if you
won’t.”
We both blinked when Erin walked in with my mum, her bouncing brown curls reminding me so much of my mother when she was younger, but unlike my mum, Erin had a happiness in her eyes that had always been missing from my own mother’s eyes.
“Dad,” Erin whined as she fluttered her eyelashes at him. “Can you look at my car? It was jumping all over on the way here.”
He rolled his eyes but nodded. “Do I ever get a day off?” he grumbled as he bent to kiss Mum on the head on his way out with Erin.
“You love being wanted!” she shouted after him as she settled beside me.
“Always, Angel!” he reciprocated with a chuckle.
She turned to look at me and smiled softly.
“What?”
Her expression softened and she tipped her head. Then all of a sudden she reached out and cupped my face gently. “You’re a better man than you think Jay Carter.”
I paused, my throat tightening. The last thing I ever wanted was for my mother to find out what a monster I was. “I’m not sure…”
“I am,” she stated adamantly. “Talk to her, Jay.”
“I… uhh…”
“Beatrice Vine?”
“How the hell?”
She laughed quietly. “I’m your mum Jay, I can see it in you. I also know as a former abused wife that Beatrice is also one.” I swallowed but she shook her head resolutely. “But I also see the fight in her Jay and I see the way she looks at you. I know you’re scared and angry at what you yearn for…”
“Mum, Christ, is there anything you don’t actually know?”
She shrugged. “Pi’s always been one I’ve struggled with.”
I smiled and nodded but the restriction in my chest was becoming too much. I could feel the heartache pour from her and I shook my head when she started to cry. “Please don’t.”
She coughed and smiled. “I know it’s still so raw Jay but I can’t help you move past it if you’re unwilling to.”
“I’m not unwilling to,” I argued softly. “I just… I just can’t seem to… shift from the damn nightmare inside me.”
“Sweetheart,” she whispered, “look at me. Look in my eyes and see what’s there now. See what your father gave me back.”
I wiped her eyes and kissed her forehead, nodding. “I know, I know.”
She grabbed my hand when I stood up. “Promise you’ll talk to her.”
I shrugged and nodded. “It’s all I can do.”
“You’ll be fine. It will be fine.”
“I hope so.”
And I did. Yet something inside me was telling me to stay away from Beatrice Vine, that I was no good for her. My demons would swallow hers whole if I allowed them to take control. Usually the thought of setting that side of me free, although it disgusted me, gave me an excitement that was beyond anything, however Beatrice Vine had me wanting something I had never craved before. Something that I swore I would never want. Something that scared the motherfucking shit out of me.
Intimacy.
Chapter 9
Bea
Wednesday night, Mia, Leo, Emma and me bustled into the seats quickly as the lights dimmed and the movie began.
“You coming for a drink after?” Mia whispered as she leaned into me.
“I’m not sure, I’m tired. See how I feel after the film ends.”
She nodded and tutted when a group of rowdy men entered the dim cinema laughing and shoving one of their friends as they appeared to make fun of him. “Tom, you knob!” one of them shouted. “You can tell you’re an only child, no fucking etiquette with pussy. You should have had an older brother to guide you along, my friend. She was practically eating out of your hand and you…”
“Fuck you, you prick. You know fuck all!” the guy they were making fun of spat back angrily to his friend.
My eyes widened when I spotted Jay Carter amongst the group as they wrestled into a row of seats around four down from us. And Mia, being Mia, shouted out loudly, “Shut the hell up, we’re trying to watch!”
A range of claps and whoops rang round the room as all four men turned to look and see who was heckling them. One of the guy’s switched on his phone torch and swung it our way. “Fuck, Mia! Why can’t you ever keep your trap shut?” I hissed as I slid down my seat, trying to hide behind the huge hair of the woman in front of me.
“What?” Mia retorted. “They’re being rude.”
I groaned loudly when Jay’s bright blues found my steel greys and his face lit up like an excited child on Christmas morning.
“Bloody hell!” I growled when he jumped over the back of his chair and clambered over the remaining three rows of seats, triggering some furious shouts from people until he plonked into the empty one beside me.
“Bea!” he beamed. His gaze moved to Mia who was gawping at him from beside me. Sticking his hand out, Jay grinned at her, “Mr Sex, pleased to meet you again.”
“What are you doing?” I hissed when some more moans and mumbles came from behind us.
“You have popcorn. I don’t.” His huge hand dipped into my popcorn before he settled back into his chair for the film. “Stop staring at me, Sugar. Close your mouth and watch the movie,” he stated firmly. “I’m trying to listen!”
Oh for fucks sake!
I grit my teeth together cursing him quietly and took a huge breath, trying to ignore the arrogant arse as I shoved the bag of popcorn into his lap and then settled back and tried to get into the movie.
About halfway through I felt my phone vibrate in my bag but I was so engrossed in the film I ignored it. It went twice more before the three quarter mark and just as I was about to reach down to see if it was important, the two main characters on screen started to have sex.
Could this day get any worse???
I could feel Jay’s wicked grin as my cheeks flushed and he leaned towards me. “Is his arse firm enough for you?”
“Shut up.”
“He’s not fucking her hard enough. Look at her, she’s bored.”
“Shut up!”
“She needs to get on top, ride him until she gets off.”
Just as I was about to hurt him the leading lady rolled over her man and started to ride him. Oh for fucks fucking sake!
“See,” Jay whispered in my ear, his warm breath doing things that the film had started to. “I love a woman who knows what she wants.”
I scoffed. Mia elbowed and shushed me.
“I bet your tits are prettier than hers, Bea. I bet your nipples are rich and plump and juicy. In fact I bet you bounce a lot fucking better than she does!”
“Will you stop it!” I glared at him. He grinned and waggled his eyebrows before looking back at the movie.
And then things got a bit rougher. My heart started to pound when the man grabbed her and flipped her back over. Taking her hands, he bound them tightly in some rope as his other hand slid slowly down her neck. I squirmed as I tried to swallow quietly. He started to fuck her harder and harder, their passionate grunts echoing around the silence of the dark room.
“Is this a porno?” Leo asked way too loudly from the end of the row.
My phone buzzed again and I took the opportunity to snatch up my bag and leave. Bursting through the double doors I blew out a long breath and leaned against the wall. My skin was hot and clammy and that was nothing to what my girly parts were like. “Jesus bloody Christ!” I mumbled when the doors banged and low and behold, Jay bloody Carter grinned at me.
“A bit too hot for you, Beatrice?”
“You’re missing the end!” I spat as I pulled my phone out of my bag.
“Seen it. He strangles her.”
My mouth popped open. “He never does?”
Jay nodded, his gaze dropping to my phone when it rang in my hand. His eyes darkened before they slowly lifted back up. “Who’s Jack?”
I frowned then looked down at the flashing phone. “Jack?” I answered.
“Bea! Where the fuck have you been?”
T
he hairs on my skin prickled at his tone. “I’m in the cinema, what’s wrong?”
I stiffened when Jay stepped closer to me so he could hear the conversation. I glared at him then slapped his arm and moved away. He narrowed his eyes, snatched my phone from me then put it on speaker and held it up high so I couldn’t reach it. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“What do you mean, what the fuck am I doing?” Jack hissed. “I’m in the fucking hospital!”
My breath left my lungs in a sudden gush. “What?” I shouted so he could hear me from Jay’s high hold. Jay immediately gave me the phone back, his expression now of concern than anger.
“It’s Noah,” Jack continued. “He’s been attacked.”
“Oh God no!” Jay slipped his arm around my waist, holding me up when my legs gave way. “I’m on my way.”
I terminated the call and rushed along the corridor then slammed to a halt and turned back round. “Where are you going?” Jay asked when I bumped into him and sent him staggering back a few steps.
“I came with Mia, I don’t have my car.”
“I have!” he stated as he took my hand and pulled me after him.
***
“What happened?” I asked Ollie when the nurse showed me to my waiting family outside Noah’s room.
Ollie shrugged. “I dunno, I just got a call from the hospital saying he’d been assaulted.”
“Assaulted? But why? Noah’s as soft as they come!”
“I don’t know, Bea!” Ollie yelled, making me step back a little when his spit flew in my face and he screeched at me. “I – don’t – fucking – know!”
“Hey!” Jay stepped in front of me, his glaring eyes narrowed on Ollie. “There’s no need for that, mate.”
Ollie stared at him, his angry gaze venturing down then back up before his eyes widened slightly. “And who the fuck are you?”
“I’m a friend of Bea’s. And you haven’t apologised yet.”
Ollie’s jaw dropped and he took a step towards Jay. “Apologise? To you?”
Jay shook his head as if astonished. “Not me! To Bea!”
“Alright guys,” I tried as I placed a hand on each arm, holding them apart the more they pressed into each other. “I don’t need this, nor does Alex and Dylan. Cool it!”
Forbidden Pleasures (NSC Industries #11) Page 4
