Frowning, I dug into my bag for my own phone. Silence descended around the table as I swiped my screen and smiled at the little inbox icon at the top of my phone. My heart jumped as I touched the screen to open Messenger. I grew even more excited when a paused video greeted me.
My excitement turned to horror when I pressed play. The blood in my veins stilled as my heart stuttered and bile poured into my mouth. I couldn’t breathe, my throat closing in as my eyes glued to the recording playing out. I didn’t want to see but I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen.
“What the fuck!” Nate spluttered, shocking me out of my trance.
Looking up I found them all staring at me with wide eyes. Mason looked at me with pity as my head shook from side to side.
“Shit Bea,” Ava consoled as her arm wrapped around me. “Are you okay?”
My mouth opened and closed and I couldn’t help but look back at the video playing over and over again on repeat. “Why would Jay do this?” I choked out. “Why would he send this to… everyone? Why?”
Once again I looked down at the screen, the break in the dance music making the sound on my phone seem deafening.
“I need your love Beatrice,” he whispered as he softly stroked my hair when I sobbed into his chest. “I need you to prove that you don’t just need me for your fix.”
“Of course I love you,” I wept, shaking my head at him, the angle of the camera showing my tears dampening the shirt of a man with no head. “I do, you know I do.”
“Then you need to show me.”
I stared up at him, my face unsure. “How, tell me how.” My voice was urgent as I begged my captor for peace.
“Show me how grateful you are, my sweet girl. Show me how much you love me.”
My mouth fell open and my eyes widened as the headless man unzipped his trousers and pulled out his cock. His hand pressed into my shoulder and he gently pushed me to my knees. He slipped his hand out of his pocket, the familiar syringe in between his fingers. I leaned forward and took his cock into my mouth, so easily, so eagerly. The tears that fell from me soon stopped as my captor pumped his hips, thrusting himself deeper into my mouth as he slid the needle into my vein.
And then the screen went blank. As did the room when I passed out.
Chapter 34
Jay
The hyperawareness from the thrum of cocaine in my system made the incessant need in my veins fuller. I was hungry for pain. Sweat poured from me and my stomach twisted with each tingle of desire. This wasn’t good. I’d told Miles I wasn’t using this weekend because I knew what it would lead to but he’d waved me off, told me I was still a free person, that I wasn’t married to Bea and I should enjoy myself. He’d been right of course, Bea had told me to have fun, but the fun always led to something else for me, and that was the problem I was having.
I blinked at the many bright neon signs as Miles and I walked, my mind trying to find something to focus on instead of the itch on my skin. The others had gone back to the hotel when they’d snorted too much, but my heart was hammering and Miles had suggested a walk to clear my head.
“It’s okay to give in to it, you know,” Miles said out of the blue as we watched a couple practically having sex against a wall.
“You know I can’t do that, Miles.”
“Why?” he scowled at me. “I thought it was just a slash on your skin, it isn’t like you’d be fucking someone.”
Snorting, I shook my head, making the lights dance before me. “You know it’s not that simple.”
He looked at me as we continued on. “I still don’t understand why you need the pain, I’ve never quite understood it.”
“It’s hard to explain. It’s just shit from…”
“Your childhood,” he finished for me. “I know that, but it was your mum who was hurt Jay, it’s not like you were abused or…”
“Miles!” I snapped. “You think because I wasn’t physically hurt that I didn’t suffer?”
“No,” he gawped at me with wide eyes, “You know I didn’t mean that. I just can’t understand. I mean, if your mum was subject to so much pain, why the fuck do you crave it, it doesn’t make sense to me.”
“I don’t expect you to understand.” And I didn’t. No one could understand. Pain for me was a way to deal with the guilt I lived with. The guilt I felt for not being able to help the one woman that gave me life and protected me from the nightmare that ruled my childhood. My mother kept me safe, she endangered herself to keep James’ temper from me. Even when I had done wrong she took the blame and shielded me from his wrath. And that was something I couldn’t forgive myself for. She took the pain and I had sat back and let it happen. I knew I had been a kid, a small kid but that didn’t stop me from wishing I had phoned the police or even taken a knife to the bastard’s throat. Wishing that the one time I had gone in search of my real father that I’d tried harder. The pain that raged through my body with each strike of leather was just a tiny amount of the suffering my mother had coped with and I knew it would never bate, no matter how much therapy I had or how much the sensible part of me told me that it wasn’t my fault. Because, it was my fault. My mother had given up her soulmate to nurture me and that could never be brushed aside, no matter what.
“Can I be honest?” Miles rolled his lips, cringing as he kept his gaze from me.
“Are you anything but?”
He shrugged and chuckled, “I guess not. I hate that I’m going to say this but you’re my best friend, Jay and… and well you know you’ve always been more than that.”
“Miles,” I warned, “Don’t allow our past sexual relationship interfere in our future. Yes, we played and yes, I enjoyed it and although I admit that I’m part bi…”
“Part bi?” he scoffed as he stopped and stared at me. “How can you be part bi? Your cock has been buried deep in my ass and that, to me, says that you’re definitely bisexual.”
“I didn’t mean that! What I meant was, I enjoy sex with you Miles but I prefer pussy.”
He nodded, “And that’s fair enough but don’t push aside your friends for…”
“For?” I waited, my eyes narrow and expecting on him.
Sighing, he rolled his eyes, “I’m not doing a good job of this. I’m just gonna come out with it.” I nodded, encouraging him to do the fuck that! “Ever since you’ve been with Bea, you haven’t been happy.”
“What?”
“Don’t have a go, I’m being honest, hate me for lying, yeah, but not for saying how it is, Jay. She’s dragging you down. She’s trying to change you and that’s not fair!”
“She isn’t…”
“Yes!” he hissed, “She is. You need pain Jay, look at you, you’re literally humming without it. Your eyes are dead, you’re knackered because of all the fucking drama in her life…”
His teeth clenched when his back slammed the wall under my force. “Don’t you dare speak of her like that!”
“This is exactly what I mean!” he shouted, and glared at some passer-by’s that were staring our way. “Look at you Jay! Look!”
I’d never before been so damn angry with life. Yes, I loved pain but I’d found a way to deal with it that kept me sane and the hatred inside me subdued. Life had been easy, apart from the agony in my soul, but it had been a life that I had enjoyed, yet now, it seemed a mess. Bea’s problems had become my problems, I was constantly on edge that someone was going to take her again and I was scared shitless that she would give in to her heroin addiction. But most of all I was terrified she wouldn’t ever be enough for the monster inside me. It wasn’t as though sex with her wasn’t good because it was fucking amazing and I knew I would never get tired of sinking inside her delectable pussy. But it was the rage inside me that she couldn’t dampen, and I’d be lying if I said that didn’t worry me.
“Look Jay!” Miles whispered again, dragging me from my thoughts.
Dropping him, I nodded. I had never before threatened him, or even physically hurt him. “I’m sorry, I
didn’t…”
“It’s fine. I’m not concerned about me, but this is what I’m saying, you’re a mess, a mess that I’ve never seen before. You used to be so carefree, and happy. And forgive me if I’m wrong, but you don’t look very fucking happy.”
“I love her Miles. It’s that simple.”
He smiled sadly and nodded. “I know, mate. I’m just worried about you, you’re driving yourself into an early grave. Are you telling me you can go on like this for the rest of your life, no pain, no way to end the ache? You’re literally vibrating with the need, what’s going to happen if you can’t satisfy that… ever?”
My gut twisted as my mouth dried. “Honest answer, I don’t know. I asked Bea to… hurt me but she couldn’t. I’m not sure if she’ll ever change that answer though. She has a thing for pain, but it’s only to her, however there isn’t a single bone in her body that could dish out pain, and that’s what worries me. But I love her, too much? Yeah maybe, but I can’t help that. I’m willing to take this agony just to see her smile every morning, the smile that is just for me, Miles. It’s so damn beautiful it makes my heart fucking ache with pleasure.”
“You soppy twat,” he laughed as he pulled his phone from his pocket and read a text. “Come on, let’s get back. The others are wondering where we are. Apparently there’s a line of shots perfectly lined up on the bar.”
“That’ll be Tom’s OCD kicking in.” I answered as I searched my pockets for my own phone, frowning when I couldn’t seem to find it.
Miles chuckled and slipped his arm around me, turning us and directing my swaying body towards the hotel. “I meant to ask, if we fuck, is that still classed as cheating to Bea?”
I rolled my eyes but laughed. “You never give in do you?”
He shrugged as we hurried across the road, several horns blaring angrily at us. “At least humour me.”
“Okay Miles,” I joked. “Let’s go back and fuck.”
He beamed at me, nodding eagerly. “I knew you couldn’t resist my charms.”
Turned out it wasn’t his charms I couldn’t resist. But the promise of pain.
***
Belinda laughed, her eyes rolling back into her head when Miles got his dick out and slapped it across her face. We were all off our faces, each one of us high on the white stuff and hard liquor. “See, thick and strong,” he smirked. “Never taunt the beast.”
“The beast?” she mocked as she lay back on the sofa naked with a line of coke running between her breasts.
I was sat at the other side of the room, watching them cautiously. Tom and Syed had gone back to their own rooms but me and Miles were still in Belinda’s room. I knew she wanted him, and he wanted her. Miles’ cock was hard and Billie had stripped down to nothing, tempting both of us to snort off her flawless skin.
Miles bent, sucking the line off her and inhaling it into his already addled brain. “You know this stuff makes my dick hard,” he mumbled, leaning into Belinda and dragging his tongue over her lips. She moaned and slipped her hand around the nape of his neck, thrusting her tongue in between his parted lips.
Knowing it was time to leave, I grasped the arms of the chair and tried to stand, my palms slapping the wall when I tumbled head first into it. Both of my friend’s laughed behind my back. I couldn’t get up, hysterics hindering each attempt to rise to my feet so I remained in place with my forehead pressing into the wall as my fingers splayed across the gross wallpaper to steady myself.
I gasped when a sharp sting split the material of my shirt. My body raged to life with the pain that tore through me and I shivered as I looked over my shoulder. Belinda stood staring at me, my own belt in her hand.
“Don’t fight it,” she whispered as she lifted it high and brought it back down.
I cried out – not at the pain but the ecstasy that stormed me. My mouth watered and I started to pant when she slashed me yet again.
“You need this Jay, let me do this for you. Please. I hate to see you ache.”
“Bill…” I couldn’t form words as my whole body vibrated with the need for more and the pleasure she was raining down on me.
“Shh.”
“Let her do this,” Miles urged when he settled down on the floor beside me. “Bea won’t find out. Let go, Jay.”
My eyes widened when his fingers reached the fly of my jeans and slowly he slid it down.
“Miles… Billie... I can’t…”
“Yes,” Miles whispered as he manoeuvred beneath my body, “Yes you can.”
I shook my head and moved away from him, but when the leather of the belt hit me again, I groaned with the gratification. “Don’t…” I urged, but it was far from convincing as my voice trembled and my cock throbbed.
“Feed from it Jay,” Billie whispered as I felt the skin on my back tear open. As the blood poured from me, my eyes rolled in pleasure but I shook my head and scurried back.
“Please…” I begged as I crawled across the carpet, away from the temptation and the promise of heaven. They both looked at me with sadness when I curled in on myself, fighting with the agony in my soul. “Please…”
Billie tilted her head to the side, her eyes brimming with tears at my despair. Slowly, she approached me and lowered herself onto the floor beside me, then she took my head and gently moved it to her lap. The smell of her arousal made me snap my teeth together. Her fingers in my hair was soothing, calming the rage slightly but not enough. “Shh, Jay,” she whispered. “It’s going to be okay. I’m going to fix this. I promise. I promise to make it good.”
I nodded, relief flooding me with her promise. Except, what I thought was her promise to help turned out to be the opposite. And the monster in me had the biggest fight of his life.
Chapter 35
Bea
Elijah looked over at me with caution. I could feel the bubble of his fury in the air as I once again ended the call to Jay when I received his voicemail for the fiftieth time.
“Where the hell is he?”
“Better still, what the fuck is he playing at?” Elijah mumbled. He was furious, his clenching and unclenching hands showing me just how angry he was even though his face remained passive and unreadable.
Mia sighed and I glared at her when she looked at me with pity. “He isn’t coming babe, we need to go.”
My heart hurt and I was struggling to contain the urge to cry. My brothers were all chomping at the bit too and I hated that I was doing this on Noah’s day.
“It’s pretty fucking obvious that he isn’t coming,” Ollie snapped when he looked at his watch again.
“Bea, we have to go,” Jack urged gently.
There was only Elijah who knew about the video Jay had sent. If any of my friends or family found out then Jay was a dead man. And I had enough on my plate to deal with without worrying about starting a war. Jay should have returned yesterday but I’d heard nothing from him. I didn’t understand what the hell was going on and I needed answers. The pain that had sliced through my heart when I’d opened the video had been the most unbearable pain in my life, even after what Graham had done to me. I couldn’t figure out where the hell Jay had got it from to start with, and why send it to everyone as well as me? I couldn’t help but feel it was something to do with my stalker. Then with his disappearance, I was terrified, unable to even breathe properly as dread turned the air in my lungs to sludge.
Eventually, after trying Jay’s phone again, I nodded. “Okay.”
“Thank fuck!” Alex grumbled. Without saying another word, he grabbed Mia’s hand and pulled her out of the house. I frowned, wondering if they’d finally got it together but when everyone filtered out one by one to the waiting hearses and Elijah took my hand and gave it a squeeze I smiled up to him.
“I’m beside you all the way,” he whispered with an encouraging smile.
“Thank you.” It came out choked and when Elijah went to hug me, I shook my head. “I’m okay. I’m okay. I just want to get through today.”
Elijah wa
s driving me to the cemetery and we climbed into his car when the hearses pulled away, my eyes staring at Noah’s coffin covered in a mass of flowers.
He patted my leg and smiled as he started the car and pulled off after them. Usually I sat in the back of the car but today, I needed the closeness of Elijah for the longest journey of my life.
The world went by as we drove in silence, my mind not focussing on anything but the ache inside me. I needed Jay. It was that simple. I needed his support for what was to be the hardest thing in my life. Memories of my parent’s funeral surfaced and I couldn’t help but release a choked sob when a specific memory of Noah slipping his hand into my tiny one as we sat at the front of the church made me physically baulk.
“Hey,” Elijah whispered as he pulled in to the edge of the road. Snapping off my seatbelt, he grabbed me and pulled me across the car into his lap, where, as I let go and released all the grief inside, he shushed and rocked me. His arms felt secure and tight, his comfort the very thing that I needed right then. Time went by as he just sat and allowed me to rid all the pent up emotion riding me.
Eventually, pulling away, I smiled nervously but Elijah waved off my embarrassment. “Don’t be embarrassed. It’s good that you have got a bit of it out. It’ll kill you if you don’t. However, we need to get going. I know they’ll all wait for you but...”
I nodded and smirked. “Yeah Ollie isn’t the most patient of men.”
My phone pinged as Elijah pulled back out into the traffic and I rolled my eyes knowing it would be Ollie asking where the hell I’d got to. What I was surprised to see was an email – from an unknown sender.
Opening it up, I frowned deeper when another video was attached.
Life sucks, My Sweet Girl…And so does your boyfriend.
The use of ‘Sweet girl’ made my brain crash. It was him. My abductor. I knew it. No one knew what he had called me. I was scared to open the attachment. I knew it was more of the same that Jay had distributed and although I didn’t want to see, I knew I had to.
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