by Marlin Grail
Would Gary feel this way? I guess I can relinquish command of the group over to him, so I don’t have to doppelganger his ass anymore, but still…
He’s killed more than me, that I’m sure. How can he not emotionally be where I’m at right now?
The interest in a heart-to-heart conversation with him about this is what gets my downpour to a stop. I wonder, for real, if the fact he’s who he is, adaptive and secure about himself, is what would make him the guru to my crumpling spirit on this matter.
What’s changed, Gary? How do I go back…?
It hits me.
The answer of what will get me off of this ground, shrivel up the last of my tears, and keep forward is deceptively simple.
Do what must be done. Anything else is going to have to wait.
First, help the officers restore the village to calmness.
Chapter LXVIII
(Gary)
Maurice, you’re absolutely right.
Lissie barks at her continuously in regards to the defense points Maurice is adamant about.
“It’s not his fault we got sucked into this crazy shit!”
“Of course not,” Maurice agrees. “But there’s no other way to explain it. Let me put it this way. As of yesterday morning, I woke up with the usual scent of garbage, and that’s a good thing. This evening, there was the scent of sharks, not blood, but that’s anxiety enough to have disrupted everything.
“As of yesterday, none of the few gutted around our perimeter were able to have an opening. There were no children whose faces were red from fear. All of us adults feel that too on the inside. We still feel it.
“We were peaceful and welcoming to you and the other helicopters, like we did the others before today. You all helped clean up the perimeter of our land. We like anyone that can bring extra help. Then, our gracious leader surprises us with his long hoped-for return. That was excellent.
“But, he also brings another newcomer, who happens to be the focal interest our attackers have. How does that help us?”
“We already told you! They’re dead!”
At this moment, thanks to Maurice lighting a candle, we’re able to witness her gesture of a lifted finger.
“You hear that?” Lissie asks excitedly.
“Hollering of soldiers, but the guns have stopped their own,” Maurice answers.
“Exactly. I guess that means that we’ve—”
“Exactly my point as well,” Maurice interjects. “You all that arrived before Odhran and him clearly can pull the weight, but those two brought the weight to us all.”
“Maurice,” I reluctantly intervene.
Odhran didn’t want this. For any of us.
Her eyes are sharp, twitchy like a bird’s, with keeping an eye on everyone and everything.
Such as when the door rattles from a firm pounding fist.
“Guys,” a sturdy deep male voice calls for attention. “The land’s safe…”
He strings out his last word.
One thing might be taken care of—Casey and his unit—but we can’t forget the other problems currently shoved up front. The undead and one haze Lissie and I know had burst out of one.
“Stay inside for the time being though!” he issues.
It wasn’t something he expected a response about because how could he? Not when he immediately pops a few rounds at what we can only imagine are undead.
A few of the people huddled around, the ones I can make out from the illumination of this small candle light, jump out of their skin from the loudness of the bullets.
Maurice isn’t one of those people getting scared by it though. I figure she doesn’t scare easily, especially considering her mind remains on her linear track before our discussion got put on hold.
After the officer sounds like he’s done clearing up the gunk of undead near our cabin, his feet can be heard scrunching against the ground’s soil until those sounds can longer be heard.
“Lissie, you see? I know for a fact you all will live in peace after tonight, after we clean up, and patch up whatever we heard get blown open. But I know you can throw down when necessary.”
“So can Gary,” Lissie angrily emphasizes. “You saw his brute force against several of you holding the door closed on us, and that’s in his condition now.”
“Yes, but how many people has he set off? To get a bullet in his thigh? Stab wound on his chest? Bludgeoned and puffy eye? There must be serious enemies he has.”
“You don’t understand,” Lissie argues, a slight dispirited tone proceeding in an exhale she gives. “His major stalker is laid out, dead, probably getting shredded by undead. Same goes for that Egyptian bitch.”
“And Odhran? He’s out there too, maybe being feasted on, yeah?” Maurice asked it with a rising vibration of anger, but immediately pulls back on that touchy subject.
At me.
Lissie and I watch as she breathes in heavily while at the same time closing her eyes. “Listen. I’m just trying to iron out the pros and cons here. If Gary was truly the cold-blooded murderer, this wouldn’t be a problem.”
Lissie and I both look at her in confusion until Maurice continues.
“He’s not. That why I just know he’s still got loose ends.”
Chapter LXIX
The two of them have been going back and forth so quickly that I’ve barely been able to provide my own input. I’ve tried to express to Lissie she doesn’t have to risk her connection with the landfill’s head council member like this. She doesn’t have to defend me, but because of my wounded state Lissie feels she has to be my voice.
But enough is enough.
“You’re right, Maurice. I have created potential threats. Not all of them have been taken care of.”
“Gary,” Lissie exclaims with a pinch of shock in her voice.
“It’s true, Lissie. I’ve made enemies in the western side of this nation. From Nevada, to Idaho, to here.”
“So have I. I’ve hopped around, from group to group, and person to person. There might be a man out there that thinks we’re still together, and is looking for me as we speak.”
For some reason, I find myself chuckling at that last statement. Not because I’m poking fun at the man that could absolutely be on the lookout for Lissie. It’s in recognition that these last couple of months she and I have known one another has felt longer than the actual apocalypse.
It’s true, though. We both were separate at one point in time. Likely in different states at a few junctures, creating a life, or scraping one up anyways, in this new world. I’ve found…interesting…encounters with others. Things could’ve turned out differently had I not became an enemy to them.
Kary, Opal, and Reggie are a great example.
“I’m too dangerous, Lissie,” I finally share with sorrow. My fingers also reveal this remorse as she lets me caress the side of her face. “I’m immune, and I’ve worked with the abilities an immune has. Who knows? Maybe I'll end up a beacon for undead and hazes, and that alone can disturb the way of life for everyone already here.”
She cradles my hand with her two, gluing my palm to not release from her cheek. “Well, then, if you’re not going to be staying here, then I’m not either. We stay side by side, babe.”
Her tender kiss on my wrist is the magic that suddenly energizes me. This boost happens every time she offers one. With it is my incessant need to let her know she’s never obligated to kiss me ever, or be by my side—the way she does.
“If you want to stay here, then don’t worry—”
“Don’t front,” she says in a teasing manner. “I saw you light up when I said it.”
“I won’t lie I’m happy to hear you say that,” my smile fades, “but I also won’t lie that I feel you’d be safer with the land here than elsewhere.”
She cocks her head to a thought that’s channeling into a new topic. “What about the house still?”
“The one in Utah?”
“Yeah.”
“It might be
a drive away from here,”
Maurice’s hand comes cutting through Lissie and my face closeness, immediately thought of by us as rude, but not necessarily ending up so.
“We can help find you transportation.” Her mouth drops slightly as she delves into another different topic. “Actually, with the numbers we have now, I think it’s safe to say we could end our deal with the outside group.”
Maurice’s head tilts over to a nameless man rested up by the same wall she’s on. “Wouldn’t you agree?”
“You should let the soldiers all know about it,” this man answers immediately. “After all, guns are guns, even if the carriers with us are smarter and more skilled with them.”
It dawns on my sluggish mind what outside group they’re referring to.
The people that fixed my wounded thigh, and then I scared off with my immune abilities.
“These people,” I slowly say. “You wouldn’t happen to know a man named Tanner being with them, would you?”
Both Maurice and this man look meaningfully at each other. It’s obvious they aren’t confused by the name. It’s clearly not the first time they’ve heard it.
“Did you meet Tanner?” the man questions.
“I did. I’m sorry to say I ruined any chance I could say we’re ever going to be friends—”
“Where’d you meet them?” Maurice cuts me off.
“Uh, a little away from here. Maybe a few miles.”
She resituates against the wall. I get the feeling she’s settling in because we’re about to delve into this matter much deeper.
“We’re not an aggressive bunch, Gary. And a group of people fished that out of us. We’ve been in a deal with them for a bit. They’ve taken all of our cars, the ones we haven’t buried under garbage for emergency use. However, they’ve let us keep our barricading trucks.” Her head taps to the wall, and she stares upward. “Thank god they let us have those.”
“We’d be no use to them dead,” the man next to her comments.
“That sounds about right.” Maurice pauses, making a clicking noise with her tongue as she silently swims around in her thoughts. This stops when she sharpens her eyes to mine. “Gary, when you heal tonight, I’d like you to stay a little longer for tomorrow. Not even a day’s worth of time though. Just so you can take several of the officers and show them where you met Tanner and his group.”
I nod. My eyes shutter closed as I lay back down. “I can certainly do that—”
“Oh, so now you want him to stay?” Lissie snaps. “Because he’s of use to you?”
I rise back up in a flash to soothe Lissie, but I find I have to multitask with calming her while at the same time listening to what Maurice is explaining to me.
“We’re not asking you to get caught up in another fight. Just lead them to where you last knew of Tanner’s whereabouts, and we’ll take care of it from there.”
“They had a substantial number of people.”
“I know it’s not higher than ours is now.”
There’s a unanimous choice to take in what’s been told. Maurice and I stay silent for some time. Then, Lissie lets a snicker come out.
“Girl, you sound more like you’re ready for heads on spikes than for peace.”
“Since when did I say we’re going to kill them?”
“Well, you basically insinuated it.”
Maurice chuckles. Not to keep kicking this can of friction back and forth between them, but to defuse any rising tension. “Yeah, okay, maybe I did sound that way. But what I meant was that they’ll realize we’ve broadened in protectors. We’ll insinuate to them if they keep this unfair deal going, they’ll be bullying ones who’ve been pushed too far.”
“So, in essence, let others do the dirty deed?” Lissie lowers her head and shakes it in mild disappointment. “Well, I won’t tell you how to strategize, Maurice, because this won’t be a problem me or Gary will be around to watch unfold.”
“Speaking of us,” I dart in. “What about Will, Janice, and Ashton?”
I don’t know their take on this place. What if they want to stay?
“Well…we’ll just straight-up ask them how they feel about here.”
“Are those three with you?” Maurice directs to Lissie.
“They’re part of our family. If anything, I can imagine at least one of us will create a fork in the road.”
I toss my own two cents on the matter. “Possibly—”
There’s an interruption of a yell, and it’s not by anyone inside our cabin.
Chapter LXX
I’m able to identify it not only as a person, but one I know beyond just that. That southern voice cracks in pitch under strain. It’s calling out to something black, fat, and without a physical form to shoot down.
I know it’s Will, and he’s yelling at the one haze. I’m sure it’s the same one Lissie and I saw, to come forth and chase him down.
The haze’s still near our cabin? It’s so quiet. Thankfully he isn’t, and we know why he’s shouting in our direction.
“Is that…?” Lissie puzzles with a frown.
“It is.”
I have no hesitation in rising, no matter how stiff I feel. Even if it feels I’m making monumental progress just lifting an inch off the ground. I grow slightly agitated—though I can’t be too judgment on myself, what with my condition—with Lissie erasing those inches away from me when she presses on my shoulder to lay back down.
“He might be trying to get over to where the commotion was with Claw—”
Lissie overrides me. “Then I’ll let him know we’re in here.”
How can I say no? As stubborn as I’ve been, yours topples mine. Especially when I can’t ignore your eyes and how blissful they are.
With Will’s voice growing faint, panned on right side of the cabin now, it means he’s currently on the path to reaching the monumental trash pile. He knows exactly what he’s doing yelling at the haze.
He knows they don’t follow by sound. If he wasn’t purposefully working to grab attention, he wouldn’t be doing so.
“Okay, but just be careful on the way out.”
She buries my worries with a long press of our lips. “I’ll be right back.”
Her boots thump on the wooden floor and steadily swerve past several others’ feet. It’s while watching her pass by them all before going out the door that I fully encapsulate how enclosed we are all. There’s easily a dozen of us—maybe more.
This point in time, with Maurice in the middle of a long yawn, and the wax of the candle liquefied to the plank beside my blanket, that the prudent course of action comes up. Rest. I can imagine Lissie is right now worried that I won’t do it.
Nothing to do now but rest.
I fade out to a dark void. I’m ready for whatever painted dreams might come for me tonight. Perhaps it’s the fact I’m physically and mentally exhausted, but I don’t mind falling asleep shortly after a firefight just occurred.
Let alone fall asleep after witnessing the deaths of three individuals who brought death upon each of them.
In some abstract idea of mine, I include the thought that each of them brought life too. Without their existence being undoubtedly real and in my face, I wouldn’t have felt I had anything else to live for. When I thought my group was gone, revenge was all I had to hold onto.
Then, hope for the pain to stop.
Let’s just imagine I did kill all of them at Cheyenne. What then? What if I never was shot by Claw, and Tanner didn’t bring me back, or let me know about helicopters at this landfill?
What if I just gave up on life when I felt death was the last thing waiting for me?
If the events of tonight went differently, or didn’t come at all, I wouldn’t know how to be breathing in the cadence of drifting asleep ever again. If C.F.O.G. was defeated too early, it would’ve been too late to ever reunite with my family.
To think this morbidly, and still feel like I’m drifting closer and closer away is a pure indicator to kno
w something’s changed.
A scar in my mind, like my chest, leg, and face are sure to have.
Will I prevent it from forming? In order for a scar to heal, it must form and fade into the skin.
I will be able to move on from tonight…
A few knocks pound on the door, and then Lissie’s voice comes. “We’re coming in!” She sounds out of breath, as though she’s just run flat-out.
It sounds like Will made her run, but I have the sense this door is about to be opened—with no issues—by the same man I fell on earlier. Lissie’s tired but not just from running. She sounds like her mouth has also been exercising.
Exercising the right to shout at him.
Both are swerving over to my corner spot. While kindly making it past the people here, Lissie racks up the attitude of insensitivity. Not to them, but towards Will.
“Will, tell him why you want to break off from the group.”
Will is broad-shouldered and has great posture, but the way he’s holding his head low, he might as well be hunched-over from depression. “I…uh…I can’t be around.”
Lissie slumps onto her left hip, expressing disbelief. Agitated disbelief. “That’s all?”
“No! It’s that…I need to go back to basics. Start over. Unfortunately, you and the rest symbolize what I feel is only going to plunge me into more sadness if I stay.”
“He and Lissie aren’t staying,” Maurice tries to clarify for Will. “When Gary can help us with our remaining problem, both intend to leave—”
“I don’t just mean here,” Will abruptly corrects the other woman. “I mean everything.”
He takes little duckling steps towards the back wall, the one my head is closest to, and slides down so I can better see him under this dim candle light.
“When Harold found me, I thought the idea of moving forward was the way to go for me.” His next statement clogs his throat from swallowed tears. “I realize it was right. What made it better was I didn’t have people who relied on me.”
“Will,” I sympathize, knowing exactly how he feels. “I understand your stress. You just came out of warfare—”
