by MJ Summers
“Thanks, Alessandra. I appreciate you saying that.”
They sat quietly for a moment, Alessandra fidgeting with her hands, before either of them spoke. Trey broke the silence. “Can I ask you something?”
“Yes, of course.”
“How did you learn to speak English so well?”
“I did my first year of University in Chicago. The Brazilian government gives out scholarships so people can spend one year in the United States to learn English while they study.”
“Wow. You took your first year in a foreign language? On a scholarship? So, you must be really friggin’ smart, then.”
Alessandra laughed. “I’m no dummy.”
“I got to say, I’m feeling a little bit intimidated now,” Trey replied with a twinkle in his eye.
“Good. You should. I’m very intimidating.” She gave him one solid nod, her voice firm even as she felt her stomach drop. There was that word, intimidating. It was like the romance kiss of death for any smart girl. It had gone this way her entire life. She was always the smart one, and from her experience, boys didn’t like smart. They lusted after beautiful, bubbly girls that made them feel intelligent. Turning quickly to look out at the view, Alessandra hoped her disappointment didn’t show on her face. She decided her time would be better spent studying than gawking at this gorgeous man who under normal circumstances wouldn’t have given her a second glance.
“I need to go study. I still have four weeks of law school, and I’m afraid I’ve let myself get a little behind,” she said, pushing her chair away from the table and getting to her feet.
“You’re in law school? And you’ve been taking care of Tomas on your own this whole time? How have you managed that?”
“There is another nanny, Priscila, in the building, who I am friends with. She takes Tomas for me when I have to go to class.”
“I can’t even imagine trying to look after him while I was in school. Listen, now that I’m here, you don’t need to worry about Tomas. It’s a big enough help that we can stay here until I’m allowed to bring him home.”
“Thank Gabriela’s parents for that. If you don’t mind, I will also be staying here. I am finishing my school year and I want to spend as much time with Tomas as I can before you leave.” She tried to sound matter-of-fact but she knew that her sadness over losing Tomas was obvious on her face.
“You’re going to miss him, then.”
She nodded. “I was naive. I thought being a nanny would be just a convenient job while I was in school, but I didn’t anticipate how hard it would be to say goodbye. I’ve been with him for two years now. Almost every day since he was only one. I know everything about him.”
Trey stared up at her with a sympathetic expression. “And here I’m his father, and I don’t know anything about him. I’ve missed every day of his life since he was a baby.”
“Take it from me, it’s nicer to be at the beginning of your time with him than at the end. He’s the most special little boy.”
“I already believe it. I know how lucky I am to have him. It’s weird, but since I found out I had a son, I’ve felt like part of me was missing. Just this emptiness that was always there, and as soon as I saw him walk into the kitchen today, it was like that hole was filled up. That probably sounds crazy, right?”
“Not at all. I think that’s exactly how a father should feel when he’s apart from his children.” Alessandra looked at him, a little in awe of his openness about his feelings and shocked by how sad they made her feel. She wondered if her own father had even once felt an emptiness where she should have been. She doubted it very much. “Well, I should get some sleep. I have a lot of studying to do tomorrow.”
“Okay, I should call home and let my family know I made it here.” He nodded. “Good night, Alessandra.”
“Good night, Trey. I hope you can sleep.”
Seven
“Hey, ugly, how was your trip?” Dustin grinned as he answered the Skype call.
“It was long, you little turd, but I’m here in one piece,” Trey replied.
“Glad the plane didn’t crash. How’s the little guy doing?”
“He seems alright. He doesn’t understand about Gabriela yet. I don’t know how long it will take before he gets the idea that she isn’t coming back. I guess she left for Rio six weeks ago to be with her boyfriend. It sounds like that was happening a lot in the last year.”
“You serious¸ man? That’s a little weird.”
“Well, I don’t get to judge. I haven’t been around at all for his entire life. Alessandra, Tomas’s nanny, said that Gabriela was hoping to get married. It sounded like she was trying to fast-track a proposal by staying there for long periods of time. It worked, too. He asked her to marry him the evening she died.”
“You serious? That is unbelievably shitty.”
“Sure is.” A silence fell between them for a while before Trey spoke up again. “On a happier note, when Tomas saw me, he ran and got out the toys I sent him. He wanted to play with me right away, so that was a good start.”
“Wow. I can’t even imagine having a son right now,” Dustin said, almost as though thinking out loud.
“Well, I’ve had years to get used to the idea. It actually feels a lot better to be with him than knowing he’s thousands of miles away. You’re going to love Tomas, by the way. He’s such a smart little guy, and he’s a bit mischievous too. You can see it in his eyes.”
“So, he’s got a little of his old man in him, hey?” Dustin laughed. “If that’s the case, you’re gonna be in trouble!”
“Don’t I know it,” Trey replied.
“How long do you have to stay there before you bring him home?”
“Wish I knew. I have to file with the court to prove I’m his father. It’s probably not a bad thing to have some extra time here. I wouldn’t want to take him away from Alessandra before he’s used to me. He’s so attached to her,” Trey replied, his face serious.
Dustin nodded at his brother. “That makes sense. He’s going to be confused enough, coming to a whole new country where everyone speaks a different language and everything looks different. We’re all a bunch of strangers to him, really.”
“Yeah, I’m going to have to take things slow. Whatever I can to make this easier for him. As far as moving back to the US, I don’t think I’m bringing him back to Colorado, Dustin. I don’t think I can handle all the tension right now.”
“What are you talking about? Mom thinks you’re coming home. She’s been getting ready to have a little boy in the house again.”
Trey sighed heavily at the news. “Shit. I don’t want her to do that. Can you tell her to stop for now? I don’t want her to spend any money.”
“Um, no. I don’t want to be the messenger on that one. I don’t have a bulletproof vest.”
Trey rolled his eyes. “Alright. I had to try.”
“You doing okay?” Dustin asked. “You look beat.”
“I’m a little tired. It’s been a long few days and there’s a lot to get used to.”
“I bet. All the more reason to come home. Mom will dote on Tomas all day and you can get a job.”
Trey sighed. “Yeah, that would make things a lot easier, for sure, but what kind of grown man moves back home and gets his mom to raise his son for him?”
“Just till you get back on your feet, Trey. You’re in a tough situation. There’s no shame in admitting when you’re in over your head.”
“Yes, there is.” Trey yawned and rubbed his temple with his hand, suddenly feeling exhausted, both by the trip and the decisions he now faced.
“Listen, I better get going. It’s late here and Tomas is up early.”
“Alright, you take care, you ugly mutt.”
“You too, turd.”
Trey hung up and let his shoulders drop, as if that would allow the considerable weight on them to slide off. He stood and walked across the balcony, leaning his forearms on the railing. The thought of going home to Colorado w
as not a welcome one.
He had disappointed everyone who loved him the most in the world, and now the idea of facing them again was completely without appeal. As much as he missed them, he had yet to redeem himself. He didn’t know if there would ever be a way to make things up to his cousin, Cole. He didn’t know if he’d ever be able to look his Aunt Mary and Uncle Jake in the eye again. He had disrupted their entire family with his carelessness. His mom and her sister, Mary, had barely spoken in years, not since the truth came out about Trey—not Cole—being Tomas’s father. The fellowship they had once shared had disappeared, and he hated like hell that he was the cause of it all.
But letting himself dwell on that wasn’t going to help anything. He had enough to deal with here, and sitting around feeling guilty wasn’t going to accomplish anything. He needed to find a lawyer who would work for next to nothing to help him out. Trey’s mind wandered to Alessandra, and he wondered if she might be willing to help him find someone.
Her soothing voice swept through his mind like a gentle breeze. Next, her pretty grey eyes and her smooth skin, the colour of honey, somehow found their way into his thoughts. She was lovely, and there was something about her calm nature that gave him the comfort he had been needing since he found out how his life was going to change. He’d surprised himself with how honest he’d been with her. He’d never told anyone about how empty he felt when he was apart from Tomas, and he had no clue why he’d decided to tell her. It had just spilled out of him. He tried to tell himself it was because he was tired and full of uncertainty, but deep down, there was some other reason that he couldn’t put his finger on.
Eight
The next day was Sunday. Trey spent it keeping Tomas busy so Alessandra could complete a final project for one of her classes. She sat at the kitchen table in front of her laptop, with a yellow notepad and several reference books scattered around. Trey caught himself staring at her more than once as she worked. Her wild hair was piled up on top of her head with dark curls tumbling down, and she wore black-framed glasses that Trey found adorable on her. How could a girl in glasses and an insanely bright yellow T-shirt be so attractive? There was nothing revealing about her clothes and she wore no makeup that Trey could see, but somehow he found himself wishing she would look up from her work just to smile in his direction.
Deciding it was better to go out than to sit gazing at her like an idiot, Trey took Tomas for a walk to the park. Tomas ran around for the better part of the morning before they returned to the apartment for lunch. In the afternoon, Trey found himself unable to stay awake and nodded off on the couch during Tomas’s nap. He woke to the feeling of something pressing against his cheek. Opening one eye, he found his son peering at him, about three inches from his face. “Aah!” Trey yelped in surprise, jerking upright.
Tomas shrunk back and his bottom lip began to quiver.
“Oh, no . . . It’s okay, Tomas! Don’t cry, buddy. I just got startled, is all.” Trey reached for Tomas, but Tomas backed away and went in search of Alessandra. He found her at the kitchen table and climbed up onto her lap. He buried his head into her chest and wept. “I want Mãe,” he sobbed.
“Oh, I know you do, rapazinho. You miss your mom.” Alessandra rubbed his back as he cried.
“You get her now!” He lifted his head and gave her a hard look. “Get my mommy!”
Alessandra’s eyes filled with tears. “I wish I could. I would do anything to bring her to you right now.”
“Go, Lessa! Get her!”
“I can’t, baby. I’m so sorry. She’s not coming back again.”
Trey had followed him into the kitchen, feeling helpless. “This is all my fault. I scared him,” he said quietly, rubbing a hand over his face.
“It’s okay,” Alessandra said. “It’s not your fault. He needs to let this out. It’s good for him.”
“I wish I could do something.” Trey’s face screwed up with emotion.
Alessandra nodded, blinking back her own tears. She rocked Tomas back and forth a little and pressed her lips to his head. “Are you thirsty, Tomas? Maybe you would like some strawberry juice mixed with milk?”
He nodded, his small head rubbing against her shoulder.
“I’ll get it.” Trey walked to the fridge, glad to be of use. He mixed his son’s favourite drink and returned a moment later, then placed his fingers lightly over Tomas’s sandy brown hair as he held out the cup. “Here you go, little buddy.”
Tomas sat up and took the drink from Trey. “Fank you.”
“Anytime.” Glancing at Alessandra, Trey sighed. She gave him a sad smile and Trey knew she felt as helpless as he did.
The rest of the day went surprisingly smoothly. When the heart-wrenching moment had passed, Tomas seemed to warm back up to Trey and wanted to play again. Trey kept him occupied kicking a soft ball back and forth in the kitchen while he fried up some eggs and made toast for supper.
When it came time for Tomas to say good night to Alessandra, he looked up at her with huge, sad eyes. “You sing me to seep?”
She smiled at him and nodded. “Of course, rapazinho.”
Trey gave her an apologetic look. “He asked me to sing to him when he was in the tub. I think that tipped the scales in your favour.”
“What do you mean? You sounded like a professional, especially on the high notes,” she said with a teasing grin.
Trey gave her a nod, a wry look on his face. “Thanks.”
“I need a break from my studies anyway. My eyes are going crossed.” She scooped up Tomas in her arms and carried him down the hall, inhaling his freshly washed hair as he rested his head on her shoulder. It was all so natural, so familiar. “I missed you today. I’ve been so busy doing homework, but you seemed to be having so much fun with your dad.”
Tomas lifted his head, his eyes lighting up. “We played lots and lots.”
“I saw that. You know, he will be with you always from now on. Isn’t that wonderful?”
He smiled, putting his little hands on her cheeks. “Me and Dad and Lessa!”
Alessandra gave him a quick kiss on the forehead, feeling a tug at her heart at the thought of losing him. “Time for bed, little one. What song for you tonight?”
* * *
Trey listened to their exchange from the kitchen, worry overtaking him yet again. He was going to take his son away from this woman who loved him so much, and who his son obviously adored. He wouldn’t have had the first clue how to handle Tomas crying for his mom, but she had been so calm, saying exactly the right things. He dreaded the thought of trying to figure this out on his own. He let out a long, slow breath, then reminded himself of what a terrific day they’d had together. Making his way to the living room, he started the arduous task of cleaning up the mess of toys. By the time he had finished and was settling himself at the kitchen table with his laptop, Alessandra came out of Tomas’s room. She had a sleepy look about her, having been in the calm dark.
She stopped in the kitchen to pour two glasses of water, then brought one to Trey and set one in front of her spot at the table. “He certainly is happy to be with you.”
“Oh, well, the feeling is mutual. I’m just amazed by him. He’s so damn smart, you know? It’s amazing how he is so at ease in two languages. He must get that from his mother’s side,” Trey joked before he remembered that Tomas’s mother was gone. His face fell a little.
Alessandra was quiet for a moment before speaking. “Well, no matter who he gets it from, he’s a very special boy.”
The two got to work, Alessandra on her assignment and Trey searching the Internet for his next move in trying to take his son home. Unfortunately, he had very little idea of where to start, and his was far too complicated a situation to get help online. Finally, Trey sat back and scratched his head.
“What’s wrong?” Alessandra asked.
“Just trying to find out what the next steps are in getting Tomas home, but I’m afraid I’m coming up short.”
“I can get some h
elp for you. Tomorrow, I’ll talk to one of my professors who I think would be willing to advise you on this.”
“Nah, I couldn’t ask you to do that. You’ve got enough to deal with right now. I’ll figure it out.”
Alessandra gave him a serious look. “Trey, I will make time to help you. I want the best for Tomas, and it seems that you are the right person to raise him. His grandparents disapproved of Gabriela and what happened and have kept their distance from Tomas. They don’t know him at all.”
“Really?”
“They are not interested in their grandchild. Don’t you think it’s strange that they haven’t contacted you yet? It’s been over a week since Gabriela died, and I’ve spoken to Mr. Ferreira only once in that time. They know their grandson is here with me and I told them you are coming, but they do nothing. Shouldn’t they want to know if you are a decent man before letting a stranger near that little boy?”
“I guess I don’t think of myself as a stranger, but when you put it that way, it seems pretty odd that they haven’t at least checked on Tomas.”
“It is wrong. They do not love him the way they should but I can see that you do, so I will find someone who can help you.”
“Thank you, Alessandra. It means a lot that you would do that.”
Alessandra smiled. “It’s nothing.”
“To me, it’s everything.”
Nine
The next afternoon, Trey carried Tomas up the steps to the lobby of the condo building. Tomas was soaked and covered in mud, having discovered a particularly slippery bank on a tiny stream that ran through the neighbourhood park. Trey had found twigs they could use as boats to float downstream, not knowing that a three-year-old, lacking in impulse control, would most certainly try to retrieve the boats at some point along their journey. Now, back at home, he held the front door open for a small, well-dressed man carrying a large briefcase. Wiping his dirty running shoes on the mat, Trey gingerly made his way to the elevators, hoping not to make a big mess. The man stood next to them, waiting for the elevator door to open. He glanced at the pair often enough that Trey started to feel uncomfortable.
