by Sicily Yoder
“His birthday, you remembered?” Rachael’s blue eyes twinkled as she giggled and patted Elijah on the back. “You all were always so close. I’m okay with you coming to our place for dinner, but you do need to make a decision to join the church.”
“There won’t be any dinner,” Elijah forced a lump down his nervous throat, “Grossdaedi passed on earlier today.”
“Elijah Yoder! Stop playing your pranks,” Rachael bounced up, hands against her tilted hips, and eyed Elijah, “Don’t ever joke about such a serious matter.” She looked around the station in search for his buggy. It was not there. Her horse, Charley, stood solo at the hitching post.
“I’m sorry,” Elijah reached up and cupped his hands over her hands, trying to warm her clammy hands with the heat from his sweaty hands, “I think that he would want me to tell you and not my fellow firemen.”
Rachael trembled and looked like she could faint at any minute. Elijah stood up and grabbed her, holding her close to his chest. “He was a gut man, Rachael.”
Rachael mumbled, “I wish all the menner were like Grossdaedi Ben. She wept and tried to wipe her tears away as fast as they came. “I wish you were like him, Elijah.”
“It’s not about us, but about him.” Elijah huffed. Sure, she was upset, but he was, too, so why did she feel the need to belittle him at a tragic time like this? It didn’t make sense.
Rachael leaned up and gazed into Elijah’s eyes. “You were once exactly like him, Elijah. You had his courage, his faith, and his laughter.”
“You can go to the hospital. That is where they took him. You have my condolences.” Elijah gave an empathetic smile.
Rachael sighed and shook her head. “That’s it? Condolences? You don’t want to make things right?” She crossed her arms in defiance as Elijah craned his neck over her shoulder to see the red fire truck coming up the street, Mr. Yoder driving. Mr. Zook was gone.
She wouldn’t stop. “Answer one question!”
“Sure.”
“Would you have married me?”
Elijah laughed. ‘Who wouldn’t?”
“Stop being funny, Elijah. I’m almost a spinster, so I’m kind of an ugly duckling, so don’t inflate your words to make me feel better!” Her tone increased, “I want the truth!”
“Ich glie de.” He seemed to have regretted saying it as soon as he’d said it. He grimaced and shook his head. She wanted the truth, and she got it, although he seemed reluctant to expose it. If he loved her, why had he left her?
Her eyes lightened up and gazed into his eyes. “It’s not what I expected, but as fast as you snapped it out of your mouth, it has to be the truth.” Sheepishly, she glanced down at the ground and moved her left black boot in a circle. “Ich glie de.”
“You deserve more than me.” Elijah hated his words, but she deserved the plain, cold truth. He had been a reckless man. “I’ve changed, Rachael.” He hoped his words were right. As fast as his head spun, he didn’t know if he said what he meant to say.
Rachael looked up and slowly said, “Because of the world, you are an outsider now and not the Elijah that I fell in love with many years ago.”
He blushed. “Alcohol will do that to you. I’m sorry I messed up.” What else could he say? He knew she’d suffered at his hands, shed many tears. I need to make it up to her.
Rachael turned toward the red fire truck that pulled into the station lot, then returned her eyes back toward Elijah. “I wish you the best to find Gott. I will pray for your soul. Where is my Grossdaedi’s body? The hospital?”
“Jah.”
“That’s what I thought I had heard.” She gave a sad smile, “Thanks for being there for me today and for Grossdaedi before you fell.”
CHAPTER TWO
Elijah watched as Rachael handed the radio to the firefighters, turned and walked to her buggy. To his surprise, she didn’t give him a parting glance. She was mad at him.
And he didn’t blame her.
Having her say that she loved him caused him to question Ray’s earlier advice on letting her go. How was he to know what Gott wanted? If he passed up the chance at rekindling their love when it was supposed to be, then he’d mess up the rest of his life.
“Giddyap!” Rachael yelled at the horse, nodded at him, and drove the buggy out of the parking lot.
Finally, she said goodbye. Elijah turned his gaze to the four firemen, who stood there smiling. Had they sensed the forgotten love between Rachael and him, or were they part of another prayer chain? Ben had gotten former biker gang members to pray for him, so he wouldn’t put it past Ben getting his fellow firemen to pray.
He just had to ask, “I have a question, Mr. Yoder,”
Mr. Yoder smiled and nodded. “Jah?”
“Did Ben have you all praying for me?”
Mr. Yoder nodded. “Half the town. He has six prayer chains going.”
“What a man!” Elijah was in awe. To hear Rachael say that he was once like Ben before he’d left the Amish community humbled him. He wondered if he could go back to be an awesome man of Gott again?
He believed he could.
All things were possible with Gott. He’d been taught that by a praying Amish mother, and he’d believe it, no matter how bleak the future looked. He’d do everything he could to pass Ben’s legacy on.
“Do you think you should escort her to the hospital?” Mr. Yoder asked, and Ben nodded.
There was one problem: he had sold his bike. “I’ll have to catch up with the buggy.” He craned his neck toward the street and saw the black buggy sitting at the light. “I can catch up with her!”
Make a run for it! Ben had always said that no one should be alone when they are with a dying loved one!’
Elijah ran through the lot and finally reached the buggy.
Rachael slid her eyes towards him. “You are going with me to the hospital?”
“Jah, if it’s okay.”
“Jah, I really don’t want to go alone, but I didn’t want to ask you to go since I’ve already bothered you a bit.”
He jumped into the buggy. “Bothered me, how?”
“By saying you loved me.”
Elijah grinned. He wanted to jump right back out of the buggy. “Well, it is true. I love you a lot and our dochders.”
“Dochders? We only have one daughter, and Jeremiah’s mamm is raising her.” Rachael nudged her right elbow under Elijah’s left rib. “And Jeremiah took the blame for you!”
“Jah, it was a bad idea!” Elijah sighed, but she nudged her elbow under his rib again.
“So, I want to get our dochder from your mother’s haus, Elijah! I will raise her alone—”
“Really?”
“Jah.”
“Can you raise her alone?” Elijah doubted her. Silently, he sent imaginary daggers her way. He’d spent years looking for his other two daughters, and now she wanted to snatch one away. One. There were three babies. He could share.
Maybe.
“Giddyap!” Rachael flicked the reins, but Charley was moving like a turtle. That would be her luck since Elijah was in the buggy. Any mention to the bishop about her getting close to him again, and she would be headed for The Bann for six months.
Finally, her chin tipped up, her tone confident, she replied, “I will be the perfect mamm!”
“Of triplets?”
Rachael growled. “Please stop joking. You’ve always been a joker, but it’s getting on my nerves today!” She shook her head and clicked at the horses.
“I’m not joking. I promise. We had triplets: Rachael, Rhonda, and Renee.”
Rachael seemed shaken by Elijah’s confession, totally alienated from reality. Her mouth open, she nervously led the buggy until her hands were trembling so fast that Elijah had to take the reins for safety.
“I’ll drive, scoot over here and rest.” Elijah gripped the reins and angled his eyes toward her to make sure she was stable, then returned them back to the traffic ahead. Shipshewana was bustling with tourists. “You okay?
”
The color in Rachael’s face drained by the minute, and Elijah felt like she wouldn’t be able to walk into the emergency room. If he carried her in, would people gossip? He loved her, didn’t want her in The Bann.
He was right, fifteen minutes later when he and a white-haired, thick black eyeglass-donned ER physician came out to the buggy with a wheelchair to transport her into the ER. She was passed out.
The last time that she’d been in this ER was when she’d been in labor, and Elijah hadn’t been there with her. Jeremiah had been. “I’m not leaving her this time, Doc.” Elijah watched as the doctor checked her vital signs. “I’ll stay with her; go inside and ask one of the nurses to get me a stretcher. She’s passed out.”
Elijah ran into the ER, motioned for one of the nurses, and yelled, “She’s passed out. We need a stretcher NOW!”
A pneumonic-looking, blonde-haired nurse ran down the hallway and came back wheeling a long white-sheeted stretcher. One of the other nurses walked from behind the desk and hurried her out the door. Elijah ran beside them.
The pneumonic nurse talked in short breaths as she ran, wheeled the stretcher, “Your wife passed out?”
“A friend; her grandfather just died here.”
Both nurses’ feet halted. Impulsively, their backs arched and they were in rescue mode again. The pneumonic one bluntly said, “She’s the mother of Brandy Thompson’s twins.”
“Yes.” Elijah hated speaking the truth, for it pierced his heart deeply.
The weaker-looking nurse wouldn’t shut up. “How did she get those girls? The rumor has it that it was an illegal adoption.”
Elijah refused to answer. He just followed the team to Rachael. To explain what had happened would take a lot of guts.
If he didn’t end up going to jail again. He could only pray.
******
“Blessed be those who lean on Gott for comfort,” Ben Zook’s words ran through Grossmammi Zook’s weathered bones like a sudden winter chill during an ice-cold blizzard, causing her to pull her black sweater towards her neckline for warmth.
Ben was gone.
“One day, the Lord may call one of us home before he is ready for the other. If this happens, lean on Gott and know that it was His will,” Ben had said a month or two after they had been married by Bishop Yoder.
One day. Today was that “one day.” Grossmammi rubbed her trembling hands over her frail arms as Henry, their driver, sat across from her in a wooden chair, his face washed with a genuine compassion.
The simple, yet usually cozy living area had a cold chill, icy and rough. Death had flown in, unexpected and cold, and Grossmammi was shaken. Her pale hands shaking, she reached up, took her black-rimmed eyeglasses off, and wiped them with her black apron. Slowly replacing them, she wished that this would be a bad dream that she’d wake up from, but she knew it wasn’t. Ben’s number had been called.
“Is there anything that I can do for you?” Henry asked, but she didn’t reply. She looked down, and shrugged her shoulders against the oversized recliner. A quiet moment turned into minutes before she uttered a word, “The good Lord took him, Henry.”
Henry replied, “The Lord does things that we don’t understand, but He will help you through this.”
“What will I do without him, Henry? We’d been together for over sixty years,” she paused as she sniffled, “and we had a solid marriage, one built on trust and love for each other.”
“Trust in Gott,” Henry said softly, and she grimaced, shook her head.
She looked him squarely in the eyes, “What would you do if your Rebecca was suddenly taken?”
He fidgeted in the seat, and she wanted him to because he still had his wife, the love of his life.
She did not.
For the past half hour, he’d sugar-coated things, telling her Gott would see her through this difficult time. To Grossmammi, it was more than a “difficult time,” it was chaos. Total chaos.
Henry changed the subject, “Well, I better go. I bet a meal is waiting for me at my haus. Better not keep them waiting!”
“Thanks for coming,” Grossmammi said in a low tone, her body still slumped in the recliner. “You need me to let you out?” She stared at the front door that was across the room. Oh how she’d wish Ben would come walking through that door with his big ear-to-ear smile and dazzling baby blues. Why was life so unfair?
“I can let my own self out.” He pointed to her and gave a warm smile, “You stay right there and get some rest, and remember the good Lord hasn’t forsaken you. He’s right here with you.” She forced a smile and nodded, and he turned and let himself out the door, bringing in a bone-chilling wave of cold air.
But the room was colder. Much colder. All she needed was Ben to warm it up and lighten up the room with his contagious smile and laugh. Slowly, her eyes scanned the cold room. He was not there.
Ben is gone. Death is cold. Why Gott, why?
Gott was being quiet today when she needed Him most. Why? All she wanted to know was why Ben was taken from her? Why weren’t they taken together? If they had been, she’d be spared the pain of grieving.
Grossmammi reached over and grabbed her Bible off the table. The Twenty-Third Psalms always comforted her during the hardest times. Opening it, she thumbed the pages until her teary eyes were reading it. The Lord was her Shepherd. He comforts me. Her eyes closed, her mind absorbing the promising words. He comforts me. She gripped the sides of the Bible in her hands, her closed eyes deep in grinding in the encouragement, her trembling body slowing down as it slumped over. He comforts me.
“I need you, Lord.” She tried to reach Him, to hear Him, but her mind was suddenly flashed to their wedding day when Bishop Yoder had married them. Bishop Yoder had sensed that she and Ben were meant to be a couple.
Forever.
Grossmammi huffed as her eyes opened abruptly. Forever? Ben was gone.
What a waste of time for her and the bishop to be part of such a lovely wedding to later see if end.
Till death do us part. I uttered those words as if they weren’t real. They couldn’t happen to me! But they had.
Ben was gone.
CHAPTER THREE
Rachael opened her sleepy eyes and quivered. “I’m cold, Elijah. Ask the nurse for another sheet.” She crossed her arms under the thin, white sheet, her teeth chattering. “Why do they keep it so cold in here?”
The hospital was cold, but so was life, death’s needles poking at her family, plucking up one of their own.
Grossdaedi was gone. Dead. Never coming back.
Death is cold.
Her body trembled as she sat up in the bed. “Never mind, I should get up. I want to see him.” She’s lied. She didn’t want to see him.
If he was dead.
She quivered. Her body felt like ice, her words sluggish. “I am dizzy.”
.
Elijah ran his warm hand over her face. “I am scared you’re not strong enough yet. Why don’t you wait until the Bishop and his wife get here?”
Rachael moaned and lifted up. “This bed is hard as a rock.”
“It’s a hospital bed; they are all like that, even our ambulance stretchers,” Elijah leaned down and gently kissed her forehead, “I was a pretty wild boy when we dated, wasn’t I, Rachael?”
Rachael bit her bottom lip and glared at him under the flickering hospital light. “Jah, you broke my heart, but I think that is a topic to be discussed alone.”
“We are alone.”
Rachael grimaced. “In a public hospital, waiting to identify Grossdaedi’s body. Really, Elijah?”
“I’ll shut up about it then. I’m here for you, to support you during this difficult time. I’m sorry I was bringing our relationship up. I shouldn’t have done it at a time like this, Rachael.”
She knew he was right. “Danki.” She tried to position herself into a comfortable position in the firm bed to no avail. She wiggled her legs and turned on her side to face him. “Can you ring the n
urse button? I feel light-headed, and my stomach is turning inside out. I need some ginger tea.”
Elijah frowned. “I don’t think they have ginger tea here, but I’ll go down the street to the store to grab you a ginger ale.”
“A ginger ale sounds good. Anything to ease my stomach. The whole room is spinning, Elijah! It’s exactly like—”
“When you were in labor? Jeremiah told me about it. He kept handing you ginger gum and saltines after labor.” Elijah looked like he wanted to eat his words.
“Good point. Go to the drugstore and get some ginger gum and ask the nurse if I can have a couple of saltines.”
Elijah stood up and gave a compassionate smile. “I’ll be right back. Only two blocks to the store.”
“Hurry up, I feel awful. Jeremiah would have already had the gum and crackers.”
Elijah’s brow tensed. “Really?”
“Well, it’s the truth. He was so prepared that the nurses were bragging about him.”
“They were bragging because one of them took two of our kinner. Free babies, who wouldn’t like Jeremiah?”
She wanted to disagree, but she couldn’t. He was right. “You’re right, okay? Now, go get the gum before you’re cleaning up a mess,” she closed her eyes, “and please turn those overhead lights off. They are annoying!”
Elijah reached up and pulled the string to the light fixture, glanced at her nauseous, pale face, and turned and walked out the door.
The more she thought about what had just happened the more her head throbbed. She needed to rest and not think about anything, but it was hard to do. The smell of alcohol filled her nose, and the sound of the hospital equipment reminded her of the day she’d been in labor, in pain.
Because of betrayal.
Jeremiah had left and was not there when she woke up after having the triplets. He seemed distant, almost like a carefree young boy, not a young man who was fixing to have his first kinner.
Now, it all made sense; Jeremiah was not the father of her triplets, and he knew this all along. Even though he came clean, it didn’t lesson the deep hurt.
