“I always try and deny myself, but I never can. They make those damned things with real strawberry’s and even when I tell myself that my hips don’t need to get any bigger, I still end up getting the shake,” Raven said with a little sigh that made Gabi laugh. Gabi put her burger back together and lifted it for a bite while Tammy rolled her eyes and moved behind the counter, obviously thinking it was as ridiculous as Gabriella did. Raven wasn’t very big and her hips were curvy, not fat.
The door jangled and Log walked into the diner making Gabi’s guts clench as she waited, looking behind him for Kyle. It took several moments for her insides to settle when she realized that he wasn’t with him. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see him because she did, but after their talk this morning she was nervous. Kyle had always made her feel secure and safe, but thinking of him pursuing her was daunting. Not because she didn’t want him, but the fear gripped her every time she considered a relationship. She knew without a doubt that Kyle would never push for more than she could give him. He’d more than proven that fact over the past few years. She worried that she couldn’t be a whole woman for him and it scared her to death.
Gabriella wanted to be a normal woman, one who wasn’t afraid of the dark shadows of her past. She took a bite of her burger chewing the bite woodenly as she contemplated her fears. The ones that burned through her mind with a furious hold that she was afraid would always rule her life. Kyle wanted her to try and let them go, but she was almost sure she’d never be able to hold them back, even for a man like him. Even if every part of her wanted to be owned by him, her soul was too shattered, too violated. How could she offer him the parts of her that were left, when he deserved so much more than she could give him?
“Are you okay?” Raven asked frowning. Gabriella realized she’d been staring at the doorway for more than ten minutes while she ate her burger, trying to decide what she was going to do with Kyle.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Gabi said, putting on a fake smile that she was sure Kyle would have known was bullshit, but it seemed to work on Raven.
“Good, I was a little worried when you got silent. How are you handling the news about Mark? I guess you’re planning on moving with him?” Raven asked.
“What? Why would we be moving?”
“Oh, I thought you knew. Travis said that Mark was being sent to Titus to watch the Jackals. Everyone knows you’ll go with him.” Raven dipped a fry into her ketchup watching Gabriella carefully as she took a bite. Gabi gripped the table, panic sliding into her heart as her breathing became uneven. She almost couldn’t see the diner any more as it faded. She couldn’t move to Titus she thought. She felt like her world was falling away as she thought of being that far from Kyle. Her hands gripped the edge of the table and her head began to spin as fear took over.
“Gabi! Gabi, are you okay?”
She could hear the words, but they sounded like they were miles away and didn’t make sense. She heard the jangle of the door and the loud voices that spoke to her, but all she could think of as her world fell away was being hundreds of miles away from Kyle. She felt someone jerk her chair out and her head was shoved between her legs, but her panic didn’t lessen. Slim was yelling at her asking if she was okay, but she wasn’t. She was nowhere near okay if they forced her to leave Devils Falls.
She blinked, trying to bring the world into focus, but her vision was blurred and she couldn’t see as the world started to darken around the edges. Someone was yelling and she heard a voice repeating the word, no, over and over. It took her a moment to realize that she was the person saying no. Why was she falling apart at the thought of being so far away from him? Just this morning she’d tried to shove him out of her life, but suddenly she knew that she couldn’t handle him leaving. She needed him. She needed him. That was the only thought playing on repeat inside her head as she tried to calm down.
“Move,” a harsh voice commanded as chairs scraped and people spoke, but none of it mattered to her because she was breaking. Her world was crumbling to dust around her and she had no idea how to stop it. Her head felt like it was spinning and she didn’t know how to calm down.
“Firefly, look at me.” Kyle’s voice broke into her panic, making her eyes focus on his face which loomed in front of her. He looked grim and his brown eyes were dark with worry as he held the sides of her face. He was haloed by the darkness that seemed to be spreading, and when he spoke his command was low and calm, “Breathe.”
Gabi sucked in air as commanded. He was here. He was with her. Her mind stopped spiraling out of control as her eyes took him in. Her heart slowed, and the roaring sound started to dissipate.
“Good girl, do it again baby,” he directed.
Gabi did as she was told, taking in another deep breath, her eyes glued to his. Her hands she realized were gripping his cut, holding him to her like a lifeline. For several minutes Kyle talked her through her breathing. She clung to him, staring into his eyes and breathing when he said to until she was taking those slow deep breaths on her own. The world settled and the darkness faded as Kyle came into focus. His brown eyes were boring into hers as he held her face and watched her carefully. After a long moment of them staring at each other with her breaths matching his own, slow and even, he rubbed her cheeks with his thumbs gently and spoke.
“You good now?”
“Yes,” Gabi whispered, embarrassment flooding her. She glanced around to see nearly everyone in the whole diner was standing around her table with various expressions of worry and horror. Kyle let his hands drop from her face, but he didn’t stand up.
“I am so sorry Gabi. I didn’t know you were unaware, or I wouldn’t have asked.” Raven muttered from her spot across the table.
“Ask her what?”
“About moving to Titus.” Raven replied.
“That’s what this was about? Mark moving to Titus.” Kyle was frowning, but she could tell that he wasn’t surprised by the news that her brother was leaving. Gabi felt her breathing changing again as it picked up erratically and she started to panic. He knew she was moving and he hadn’t told her? Did he want to put space between them after all? Why had he asked her to try a relationship with him? Kyle turned back to her, frowning when he noted she was starting to panic again.
“Breathe,” he demanded, eyeing her carefully. “Why does this upset you like this, firefly? You know him leaving is a good thing. It means the club is giving him his second chance. It’s a good thing babe.”
“I don’t w—wa—want to move.” Gabriella finally panted out, feeling tears threatening to overwhelm her. Kyle frowned harder, his brow furrowing.
“You aren’t going anywhere.” Kyle grunted, his words filled with finality, as if the idea of her moving was ridiculous. Hearing those words shouldn’t have made her fear recede but it did. As soon as the words were out of his mouth and she knew that she didn’t have to move away from him, relief spun through her making the next breath easier.
“I don’t have to move?” She asked, needing reassurance from him. His hands rose to cup her cheeks and his eyes held hers steadily as he spoke. Tears started pouring from her eyes as the relief he’d sent arrowing through her began to sink in.
“No, you’re staying here with me. Did you think I would let you escape me that easily, Gabi? You should have known better than that.” Kyle grinned and leaned in, his lips brushing against her cheeks in soft kisses that stole her breath for a moment.
“What is going on here?” Mark demanded from the doorway. “Someone said that Gabriella was having a panic attack and needed help.”
“She’s fine. Everyone back off.” Kyle barked as he kissed the tip of her nose and rubbed at the tears under her eyes. She hadn’t even realized she’d been crying.
“She doesn’t look fine!” Mark snapped, glaring at Kyle.
Kyle gently urged her hands to release his cut and stood up, one hand still tangled in her hair holding her steady as he pressed her head into his hard abs and turned to her brother. Sl
im was already shoeing people back to their tables as Mark and Kyle glared at each other.
“She’s fine.”
“She was panicked because she thought you were leaving her when you moved to Titus. Pretty Boy helped calm her down.” Raven told Mark. Kyle’s head snapped around and he was glaring at Raven who’d hadn’t heard their conversation regarding her staying in Devils Falls because she’d left the table to go get a warm towel for Gabriella to wipe her face. She handed it to Gabi and smiled sweetly. Gabi wanted to return the smile, but her insides were in turmoil at the thought of Mark insisting she go to Titus with him.
“She isn’t moving with me.” Mark said carefully.
“What? Why not?” Raven asked.
“Because she’s staying here with me.” Kyle stated, his words rumbling across her racing heart like a balm.
“Oh, um—but I don’t understand.” Raven looked confused as her look turned from Gabriella to Pretty Boy. Gabriella could see her mind trying to make sense of the words both men were saying as she frowned at them.
“I wasn’t panicked about Mark moving. I was, however, freaked out when I thought I had to leave Kyle.” Gabriella said quietly, trying to clear up things for her friend. She felt the jolt that went through Kyle and when she looked up she saw the look of satisfaction on his face at her announcement.
“Who’s Kyle?” Raven asked, her confusion increasing.
“I am.” Pretty Boy stated firmly, his hand running through her hair as he held her to his side.
“Oh—Oh, now I understand.” Raven said, her eyes wide with surprise.
“I would never have even considered taking her with me anyway. She doesn’t need to be anywhere near the Jackals.” Mark moved to straddle a chair that he pulled up to the table watching her. Gabi couldn’t meet his eyes as she turned her face into Pretty Boy’s abs, needing the contact to push back the fear that was caused by her brother mentioning the Jackals. Kyle pulled her closer, his body pressing against her side as if he sensed her need to be closer. He likely did sense her need. He always seemed to know what she needed, even if she wasn’t sure.
“I didn’t realize that Pretty Boy and Gabi were umm—friends.” Raven stumbled.
“We’re more than friends.” Kyle grunted, his hand tightening in her hair as he spoke.
“I see,” Raven said at the same time Gabriella tried to apologize.
“Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin our lunch by freaking out on everyone, but like I said, I was a bit upset that I was moving an—,” Kyle cut off her words by gripping her hair and pulling her head back so that her eyes met his.
Gabi felt fear grip her for a second before their eyes connected. Kyle’s hand tugging her hair wasn’t hard, but the memories of being jerked around that way by the Jackals tried to surface. She refused to allow it and shoved those thoughts back by reminding herself that this was Kyle and he would never force her. She wouldn’t allow her fears to poison what they had. She couldn’t. He wasn’t hurting her as he tugged gently, tilting her head back.
“You. Aren’t. Moving.” Kyle gritted out, his eyes blazing with possessiveness.
“I know. I’m staying with you. I just meant I was freaking out about thinking I had to move.” Gabi said, feeling warmed by his words. She’d needed to see that exact look in his eyes and know that he wanted her here as much as she wanted to stay.
“Sorry about scaring you Gabi, I didn’t mean to.” Raven was looking at her while wringing her hands.
“It’s no big deal. I promise I’m okay. Just a little embarrassed that I freaked out on you. I just want to go home and forget this ever happened.” Gabi said, glancing up at Kyle as the last word left her lips. Kyle nodded and she was being tugged to her feet almost immediately.
“You can ride with me. Mark can bring your car back later.” Gabi leaned into Kyle’s side and glanced at her brother to see his scowl as he watched the way Kyle’s hands cupped her hips. Gabi didn’t pull away from him despite her brother’s obvious disapproval. Kyle fished her keys from her bag and handed them to Mark without asking her permission. Mark took them even though his frown didn’t ease. Kyle ignored him and guided the strap of her purse, cross body style over her neck and shoulder. Gabi didn’t speak as she allowed him to put it over her head.
“We will see you later. I’m going to take Gabi home.” Kyle said, nodding to her brother before he began leading her towards the door without another word. Gabi waved to Raven and her brother as she was nearly dragged out of the diner. When they were outside she stopped walking near the bikes.
“You can’t just man handle me Pretty Boy.” Gabi stated as she stopped a few feet from his bike with her hands gripping her purse strap. She stiffened her spine trying to hold her ground. She couldn’t let him think she was a push over. Down that road lay destruction. She wasn’t one of those women who would follow anyone’s commands and she would never allow herself to be led around like she was incapable of making her own decisions.
“I will not discuss this here. I’m already too keyed up over your breakdown. Get on the bike, firefly.” Gabi stood still and Kyle didn’t bother arguing. He lifted her around the waist and carried her the last few feet to the bike. Frustration burned through her, and Gabi turned to face him intending to demand that he stop acting like a damned neanderthal.
“You don’t have the rig—,” Gabi started, but he interrupted her.
“Firefly, right now saying something like that isn’t a good idea. Today’s been a little rough for me, and I need you to just get on the bike and let me take you home. Please, just do it.” He sighed out as he climbed on his bike turning to stare at her. Pausing, Gabriella scrutinized him. Taking in the weary, almost defeated look on his face. Gabi frowned, noting that his eyes pleaded with her to follow his command. Gabriella realized she was going to climb on his bike without any more of a fight. She knew she shouldn’t allow him to get away with this macho man act, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that he needed to be with her today. She realized that something had him upset and he was riding the edge of reason in a way she’d never seen him ride it.
“Fine, but it won’t always be this easy.” Gabriella climbed on the bike behind him, wrapping her arms around him with a little sigh. Her body melted into his like it always did, like it belonged pressed against him. It had always been like this with Kyle. Wherever they touched it was like her body knew his, like she had always been his. At first it had confused her, frightened her even, but now it was as natural as breathing and she knew she would miss that feeling desperately if it ever went away.
“I know, but today I need to sit and hold you or I’m going to go insane.”
“Why?”
“People including you, seem to think I’m not serious about owning you, but I—fucking—am. You’re mine. And right now, I need to reassure myself that you belong to me. That you agreed to try us being a couple this morning, or I am about to lose my shit.” He didn’t wait for her to speak.
He just kicked the bike into gear making Gabi clench her arms around his waist as it lurched into motion. He roared away from the diner with her clinging to him. Her thoughts dwelling on his words. She knew he wanted her, but she’d never realized he wanted to own her. Date sure, but own? That was a whole other kind of statement. Owning a woman for a Devil was like marriage. She was a little shocked that he wanted that with her. Didn’t he realize how weak she was? That she might never be able to give him what he needed? She didn’t know and her thoughts were in turmoil as they neared home.
He’d always been careful what he said to her. She’d known that for a long time. More than once she’d felt that he wanted to say more but he’d held back for her sake. Gabi wanted to tell him that he’d never own her, but somewhere deep inside her heart she knew he already did. That was the reason she didn’t bother to protest as they pulled up to his cabin instead of hers, and it was why she let him lead her inside so they could cuddle on the couch while watching hologram vids.
Chapter Six
Nights like this one always put Pretty Boy on edge. He’d been tasked with checking on a few things over at their tattoo shop which had taken longer than he’d intended. Leaving him miles from home at three in the morning trying to melt the distance between him and his woman with speed. He hated taking these runs, but most of his brothers had kids now. That didn’t make his old lady any less important, but with small kids Pretty Boy knew that taking these runs gave his brothers the ability to help look after their kids. Doing runs for the club now meant when he needed to stay close to home they’d be sure to work with him. Soon he might be having to ask his brothers to take care of things without him so he could stay near Gabi. She was likely to have a hard time with building a relationship with him in the very near future.
Not that he was worried about it. She loved him. He could already see it and even knowing that her road wasn’t going to be an easy one, he knew he’d get them there. Hell, he’d already waited two years for her to be ready. Why she thought her hesitation or fear would cause him to walk away now was beyond him.
He felt his guts clench when he thought of the miles between them. He had Log checking on her tonight, but he knew that Gabi never really let anyone take care of her anymore. He was the sole exception to that rule. Not that he minded much because no other fucker should be near her, but he didn’t like the thought that she was upset, with no one there that could calm her down.
He’d checked his phone before he’d left the tattoo parlor and stuffed it in the pocket he’d had sewn into his cut soon after she’d left his bed. It was right against his heart and he knew he’d feel the vibrations of a call even if he was riding full out like he was currently. He never wanted her to need him and him not be available.
Healing Gabriella (Red Devils MC Book 8) Page 4
