‘I’ll stay here for a while,’ he said.
Great.
While we stood there, me resenting Beck and then feeling guilty to be resenting her, the music changed from the usual electronic rubbish. The new song was some kind of Latin American thing, a definite improvement as far as I was concerned.
Becky listened to it for a moment then headed over to us. I hoped she wasn’t going to ask me to dance, I couldn’t do any of those fancy steps. She said, ‘Come on Finn, dance with me. You can do this one. Remember you used to show me how?’
The way she said that, smiling up at him, made me feel totally excluded. The two of them had a shared past, things I knew nothing about.
Finn hesitated but Becky wasn’t going to take no for an answer. She grabbed his hand and pulled him onto the dancing area. At first he just stood there, listening, and then he began to move.
I watched, and although I was still annoyed, I couldn’t help also being amazed.
Becky was right, Finn could dance to this kind of music. In fact, both of them could. I didn’t think they were doing a proper tango or a salsa or whatever it was, but they were certainly moving in a way that made it impossible to ignore them. Quite a few other people had given up their own attempts so they could watch the display. I wondered where on earth they had learnt this, Finn taking Becky’s hand and swinging her around, doing the cha cha steps, leaning her back on his arm. It was quite something.
Becky was bright and giggly, but it was Finn I couldn’t take my eyes off. Even in a plain black tee-shirt, black combats and outdoor boots he looked more like a professional dancer than anything else.
It made me feel stupid, an outsider. Obviously I was totally in the way. When they started on the third song I’d had enough and took myself outside.
I stood at the entrance, letting my eyes accustom themselves to the darkness. I tried not to feel cold and lonely. There was stuff going on in the other marquees. I didn’t have to hang around and wait for Finn, who clearly preferred being with Becky. I could walk around on my own.
I had just made this momentous decision, when Finn appeared at my side.
‘Why did you disappear?’ he said, swinging his jacket over his shoulder. ‘Shall we have a look round together.’
‘You seemed – busy.’
‘You should have come and danced with us.’
I wanted to say, you didn’t ask me. Instead I said, ‘I can’t dance like that.’
He shrugged, as though he didn’t care one way or the other. But he did say, ‘Suzanne is looking after Beck just now. So where do you want to go?’
‘Are you sure you don’t want to stay and dance?’ Stay with Becky, I meant.
‘I’m sure.’ Although his dancing had been amazing, he didn’t actually look that happy about it. Not proud like I would have been. More uneasy, like he wanted to get away.
I wanted to ask questions, like where he’d learnt to do that, but didn’t. For the moment he’d chosen to be with me, not Becky. This was my chance to spend time with him. ‘Let’s start with the main stage.’
The main stage was where all the big acts were supposed to be. Even if I hadn’t actually heard of half of them, I still wanted to know what they sounded like. And to be able to tell everyone back at school I’d seen them.
As we set off across the uneven grass, I could feel myself cheering up a tiny bit. It had been disconcerting to see Finn dancing like that, with Becky, but he was with me now.
It had started to drizzle and the ground underfoot was spongy. There was no shelter for the audience of the main stage. The bands stayed dry under that flying-saucer style awning, but we were left out in the elements. Not that people seemed to mind. Most were dancing, almost as crazily as those we’d left behind, bangles and dreadlocks nodding and waving.
‘Who’s the band?’ I asked as we inched our way towards the front.
‘An Irish group who were big in the eighties. Can’t remember their name.’
We were close enough to see now. There were seven or eight guys on the stage, all holding fiddles or flutes or guitars except for the one at the front who flung a tambourine around when he wasn’t singing. They were pretty old and it wasn’t normally my kind of music, sort of up-tempo folk, but they weren’t bad. Watching some of the guys on the fiddles was mesmerising, I couldn’t believe their fingers could move so fast.
‘Wish I could play like that,’ I said during a pause between songs.
‘Do you play?’
‘I did violin for a couple of years until I persuaded Mum to let me give it up. I think she was quite relieved. I never really got past the screeching stage.’
He grinned and I was going to ask what instrument he played, I remembered someone had mentioned him performing, but the music started again.
This was brilliant. I was here, at the Forest Festival. Despite everything, I’d managed to stay! And even better, I was with Finn. I was happier when he was around. It wasn’t just that he made me feel safe. Actually, he could be pretty annoying about all that taking care stuff, plus his obsession with Becky, and his way of making me feel guilty. Nevertheless, everything seemed more interesting when he was there.
He had put on his jacket but left it open over the dark tee shirt and he looked amazing. I thought so, at least. A lot of people didn’t seem to notice him, but once you did, you didn’t want to stop. I kept glancing at him every now and then, not wanting to stare, but fascinated by his pale eyes, laughing at the music, and the high, sharp cheek bones. It was just a pity he didn’t seem so interested in me.
I must have sighed a bit too heavily when I thought this because he said, ‘You had enough here? Shall we move on?’
I couldn’t exactly say I’d had enough of not being crazy and beautiful like my step-sister, so I let him lead us over to the Real World tent.
The evening passed in a blur. Finn didn’t buy any alcoholic drinks for us, which I thought was a bit of a shame. But neither did he ask me to pass things to people. We drank Irn Bru and Coke and moved from one stage to the next, easy with each other. It was a bit of a pain that Finn seemed to think he needed to check up on Becky every so often, but once he was sure she was still safely occupied he continued the tour of the various stages with me.
The last band we saw was in the pub tent. The rain was coming down harder now and there were quite a few people crowded in here, adding the smell of hot bodies to the trampled grass and mud. I saw Cami at the far side, but he was still avoiding me, the git. And then the music started and I forgot all about him.
It blew me away, totally. And I didn’t even like country music.
The band consisted of three guys from Glasgow, one with a massive double bass, one on drums and the other doing guitar and vocals. They had cowboy boots and jeans and hats which looked a bit odd with their Scottish accents, but when they began to play I forgot all about that.
They were wild, bringing the crowd to life with their exuberance. The rhythm of the drummer was awesome and within minutes the whole place was hopping.
‘This is INcredible!’ I yelled at Finn. He shrugged and stood well back, not even looking at the stage. He’d actually tried to get me to leave when this band were announced, but I’d refused. Maybe he thought it wasn’t cool to like country, but who cared? I was having a ball. He didn’t have to stay, did he? The group swung from one song to another and then another, stopping only to take swallows of beer and then they were off again. Some of the songs I vaguely recognised, others I hadn’t heard before, but it didn’t matter. When they shouted there were CDs for sale at the front I was one of the first ones there. So what if it was only a recording done in someone’s back room, I had to have a copy of my own.
And then it was two a.m. and they had packed up and Finn was saying with a faint smile, ‘Well, you certainly seemed to enjoy that one.’
‘Awesome,’ I said as we headed back to our tents. ‘I didn’t even think I liked country.’
‘Faux country,’ he said.<
br />
‘So? I wish I could listen to the CD right now but I’ve nothing to play it on. I really liked the double bass, brilliant sound don’t you think?’
His lip was raised in a sneer as good as any from Cami. ‘If you like that kind of thing.’
I felt peeved. Why did he have to be so down on it? But even with his attitude, I was still high and happy from the buzz. Becky was back in the tent before me – Finn had walked her over a while ago – and it was a shame she was asleep so I couldn’t share my enthusiasm.
Still, I was happy enough with my own thoughts. This is what it’s all about, I thought as I lay warm and comfortable in my sleeping bag. Real live music, everyone having fun, spending time with Finn. I was so glad we had stayed.
Chapter Twenty-Two
FINN
I was lying in my tent. Not sleeping. I was still too hyped after seeing Jay walking on to the stage. I should have checked out if The Kings Of Billy were playing here, but I hadn’t been that interested in Marcus’s stupid line up. So I lay there, just thinking over the evening. Apart from Jay, it had been okay. Beck had been quite up. She was coping better than I’d hoped. And, I had to admit I quite liked spending time with George Wray. I enjoyed the way she enjoyed things. Even if she had taken a shine to The Kings, the last band I wanted to hang out near. Watching her kind of reminded me you could be happy like that – without the drugs or the alcohol that everyone else resorted to.
I wasn’t listening for Beck, or for anything really, but suddenly I knew something wasn’t right. There were people moving around all the time, even in the early hours of the morning, but this was different. The way the person sniffed, fidgeted, hesitated and then went on.
I unzipped the tent slowly, and was just in time to see Beck moving off around the back of the campsite.
Shit! I jumped so high I hit my head on the pole at the top of the tent, which fortunately wasn’t that hard. I fumbled around to get my boots on, find a jacket, check the tablet was still in my pocket. I had to stop her. This was the dangerous time, the really dangerous time. No one knew that better than I did. I was an idiot, a moron. I’d got complacent and left her with George who didn’t have a clue.
I headed straight for Dex’s van. That was the worst place, the one she’d most likely go to. I needed to get there as soon as possible, even head her off if I could.
I wasn’t quick enough for that but for once in my life I was lucky. Dex wasn’t in.
I found Beck banging on the door, trying to speak through the crack at the side. ‘Please, Dex, I need some. I really need some. De-ex!’
‘Hiya Beck,’ I said, as though I hadn’t heard her words. ‘Don’t think Dex is in just now.’
‘He must be. He has to be.’
‘Look, why don’t we go for a walk? We don’t want to disturb everyone.’
She looked around and seemed to notice for the first time that faces were peering through windows of a couple of nearby vans. She didn’t like that, thank God.
‘Oh, I didn’t realise …’
I took her arm and led her away, not sure where we were going except that I didn’t want her anywhere near the van when Dex came back.
I headed up the slope towards the trees. It was quieter here, people were less likely to overhear us if she did start shouting. But the fight seemed to have gone out of her. She followed me docilely, and, when I tripped over a tree trunk lying on the ground, we sank down onto it.
She put her face in her hands, ‘Finn, I can’t do this.’
‘You can,’ I said, because there was nothing else to say. But I knew just how easy it was to turn back. The words tasted bitter in my mouth. ‘You’d do better with help.’
She put a hand on my arm. ‘Help me then. Please. Take me to Michelle’s. I need something. Now. Please. I can’t stand this anymore.’
She sounded absolutely desperate and my heart clenched in panic. How could I get her to the Centre in the middle of the night?
I squeezed her hand. ‘It’s okay, you’ll be fine. I can’t take you now, but we’ll contact Michelle again in the morning, arrange transport. I’ll do it first thing, I promise. And in the meantime ...’ I hesitated. I didn’t like doing this. It would be me giving her stuff, illegal stuff. But what choice was there? She was really bad, sweating and crying. ‘Listen. I managed to get hold of some buprenorphine. If you take half a tablet, it’ll help you till tomorrow.’
‘Buppy? Oh, Finn, Finn, you’re amazing. Thank you, thank you.’ She grabbed my arm and I was glad I’d already broken the tablet in two. She grabbed one half and stuck it under her tongue with shaking fingers. She was so trusting, so vulnerable. You could have given her anything just then and she would have taken it.
I shivered and put an arm round her, keeping her safe. ‘That should be okay for now. But remember, I’ve got the other half if you need it tomorrow.’
She just closed her eyes and leaned against me.
We sat like that for a while. I needed to get her back to the tents, but first I needed to be sure it was working. You never knew with stuff you got off the street.
Then I heard someone trip and swear. It sounded like they were climbing up to us. Not good. Then the moon broke through the clouds a little and I saw the tell-tale hair. ‘George? Is that you?’
She groaned. ‘Ouch. Yeah.’ She came to stand beside us. ‘How’d you know it was me?’
‘It’s that hair, you really should cover it if you’re going to be sneaking around.’
‘I wasn’t sneaking around! I was looking for Becky.’
‘She’s here.’
‘I know that now.’
In the faint moonlight Beck huddled lower on the log, sniffing and shivering, but she no longer felt so tense she might break apart at any moment.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘She’s not feeling – well.’
‘Is there anything I can do?’ said George doubtfully.
‘Yes. In a minute you can help me get her back down to the tent.’
‘I don’t want Dex to see me,’ whimpered Beck.
‘That’s good. We’ll go the other way, then, no need to go back past the vans. We can climb through the fencing at the side of my tent. It’ll be fine.’
It took a while to get Beck moving. George wasn’t much help, just staring while I talked soothingly, easing Becky to her feet.
The moon disappeared again but I knew where we were going. Beck stumbled along between George and me, sniffing. George, for once, was absolutely silent.
When we reached George’s tent I shook Beck’s arm to get her attention. ‘You’re going to be all right, okay? I’ll get hold of Michelle first thing tomorrow. You’re going to lie down, and in a while you’ll sleep, okay?’
‘Yeah.’ She crawled inside the tent.
I waited for George to follow her, but unfortunately she’d found her voice again. ‘What’s going on?’ she said urgently. ‘What was she doing out there?’
I shrugged although she probably couldn’t see me. Did she need to ask? ‘Looking for drugs, of course. She was desperate. I didn’t think I was going to be able to stop her. It was … bad. Thank God Dex wasn’t in his van or I don’t know what would have happened.’
I felt rather than saw her lurch as she took in the words.
‘So it’s true? Becky’s taking drugs. You mean hard drugs, heroin or something, don’t you? And she gets them from Dex?’
‘What do you think?’
‘Thank God you found her.’
I shrugged again. ‘I just happened to hear her go.’
‘I should have heard her. I was asleep right beside her. I didn’t notice anything until she’d gone …’
‘No harm done. I hope. She’s taken something to help her just now. And I’m going to try and make arrangements for her to get away first thing tomorrow. She’s trying to come off the heroin. Which is good. But she thought she could do it on her own and she really can’t. She needs to go to Michelle’s or some other rehab pl
ace.’
‘Michelle runs a rehab centre?’
‘Yeah, what did you think? That it was some kind of holiday camp? Look, can you stay with her until morning? I mean, really stay with her, don’t leave her side for anything?’
‘I will,’ she said in a small voice. She sounded scared. No wonder. Hadn’t I told her she was getting involved in things she had no idea how to handle?
‘Okay, best go and lie down yourself, then.’
She turned towards the tent, and then turned back to me. ‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘Thanks for looking out for Becky – and everything.’
I sighed. This was only the first step. It could still all go wrong.
Chapter Twenty-Three
GEORGE
I did as Finn said and crept back into the tent. Becky was either already asleep or pretending to be. I wriggled into my own sleeping bag and lay there feeling empty and scared.
My sister was a drug addict. She wasn’t just slightly messed up. She was really, seriously messed up. I’d thought, or wanted to think, that Finn was planning to send her away because of Dex. I knew he was hitting her and that was bad enough, but this was worse. It wasn’t easy to get off hard drugs, everyone knew that. People had a really horrible time, sometimes they couldn’t do it. I tried to swallow down my panic.
I wanted to help her, I really did, but I didn’t see what on earth I could do.
It took me ages to get to sleep and then I kept on waking to see if Becky was still there. She was totally out of it, moving restlessly but looking frail and pretty at the same time. Even ill, Becky still managed to be beautiful. For once though, I wasn’t jealous.
I daren’t even leave her to use the loo. What would happen if she went to find Dex again? Finn had said she’d taken something to help her just now, but how long would that last? Once it had grown light and I’d given up trying to sleep, I put on some cleanish jeans and a dark tee-shirt (it showed less dirt), and tried to distract myself by applying make-up using the not-very-useful pocket mirror.
At about half eight someone appeared at the entrance to the tent, but it was Cami, not Finn.
Music and Lies (George and Finn Book 1) Page 12
