“My God!! What in hell have I done!? Is there anytime ever, that you count your blessings? Does nothing please you!?” He roared springing up from the bed as if something had stung him. “You do nothing but complain, whine and cry! Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag! For God’s sake – my trying to be kind to you is to no use! I’m sick of it — and I’m sick of you! I have to get out of here!!” He finished shaking his head as he raked his fingers through his hair. Turning, he slammed out of the room. He passed his father out in the hall, receiving a look that could kill. “You don’t like it?! You tend to her then! I’m done!!”
He needed to blow off some steam, and sprinted off toward the pond within the woods off the field behind the house, it had always been his and Lena’s favorite place. He slowed down once he entered the cooling shade of the crop of trees; strolling, he wondered once again, where was Lena?
It wasn’t long before peace descended on him being surrounded by the birch, poplar and oak trees. The lush softness underneath his feet joined by the fresh air and smells, did wonders to calm him. He came to the clearing by the pond, which was covered with a carpet of bluebells, clovers and rich green grass. He smiled, on the opposite side of the pond to where he came into the clearing, he saw her. Slowly, quietly he crept to the other side where she lay. Gently he eased himself down beside her, sitting at first, and then leaning to one side bracing himself up on his elbow, palming his cheek.
A few moments passed with him there, watching her sleep; taking in her slow even breathing, and the peaceful smooth look of her face. Her skin was lightly misted and dewy. Her lips slightly parted, as if awaiting his kiss. She stirred, gently turning her face toward him and took a deep breath, a moment later, she softly smiled.
He brought his other hand up and very softly caressed her cheek.
She moaned quietly knowing who it was, slowly…her eyes opened.
“How’d you know it was me?” He asked softly.
She didn’t answer, just reached up and caressed his cheek; then scooted closer to him, her body cozily touching his. Next thing he knew, she was pulling him down to her, her lips softly caressing his.
His hand slowly began a journey down her body, freely exploring her swollen breast, where he gently squeezed and then further down over her rounded abdomen. There his large hand stilled as his fingers spread wide to completely examine the entire protected enclosure of his growing child, who chose that moment to move as if expecting him. They both laughed. Manny leaned down pressing his face to her stomach. “Hey little one… I love you.” He looked up at Lena, and soon they were making love, gently…right there. It wasn’t long before they were both flying high from dizzy amazement. Later as he lay beside her, looking into her eyes, without thought, he stated simply. “I love you. God help me…but I love you.”
Her eyes grew huge, filling with moisture as he leaned over her; continuing to her surprise. “I am so much in love with you…I cannot think straight. I’ve tried so hard, so hard to – to deny this, what I feel – for you. Not anymore, I cannot, I cannot fight this; you were meant for me, every beat of my heart tells me so! Tells me, that I – I love you. You are…my entire world…and all I want is you. Just you…and our children; if they would just let me be! Why can’t they let me be!?” His head fell to her breast, as she held him close to her. She couldn’t believe it…over ten years of her life, she’d lived for and loved this man. Knowing that almost from the very beginning; and now, hearing him confess his love for her, she didn’t know what to say. For some reason, hearing it…frightened her.
He lifted his head from her breasts looking down at her, “Why are you so quiet? Did you not know? Surely you have always known? That I have loved you, from the moment I laid eyes on you! Didn’t call it that at the time…but everything in me, came alive that day in the warehouse. It overpowered me and I fought it with all my might, failing often, failing constantly. I knew then, and I know it even more so now. I am, in love with you – Princess Ceś alena!”
Tears streamed from the sides of her eyes; gently his fingers caught them, wiping them away. He pulled her into his arms and held her as she held him - tightly, squeezing as more tears fell. After holding each other for countless minutes, he further spoke his mind, “I cannot go on like this Lena. Not anymore. I need you, and not just - in my bed. I want you with me, not as my slave…but - as … my wife.”
She shivered from his words.
“You cold?”
She wasn’t, but nodded yes anyway. She had to move. “Come, let us go to your cabin. We have much to discuss, you and I - I think it is long overdue.” He stood, pulling her to her feet.
Looking down into her face with such love in his eyes, she felt more pain in her heart. They set off to her cabin; holding hands. When they reached the cabin area, she let go, but stayed close as they passed others that might be around. Letting go made little sense to him, after all, they knew, everyone knew that their relationship was solid, established and continuous. To see them together, no one bat an eye. Mike came running around the corner of their cabin with Sammy behind him. The two rolled from Sammy’s tackling him to the ground and began wrestling there. Though Sammy was thirteen over Mike’s ten years, he could hold his own. He looked up from the ground at his parents and asked while still in a wrestle hold.
“Can I camp out tonight with Sammy, Johnnypoe and Leon?”
Sammy rolled off sitting next to him awaiting the answer.
“Where?” Manny asked not giving Lena time to answer, so she went into the cabin letting him deal with his son, her mind was still buzzing from his disclosure.
Mike turned to Sammy for the answer, who of course shrugged the gesture, ‘don’t know.’
“Ah well, too soon to be asking isn’t it? First find out where? And I can tell you now, if it is in the woods…no. If it is not near the cabin of someone I trust…no. So…get all the details, and then we’ll see.”
Sammy made a face of sympathy to Mike when Manny entered the cabin and closed the door. “Don’t seem to me you gone be campin’ out tonight.”
Sitting in his brown leather, high back, wing chair… Manny held Lena on his lap, his arms around her. With their heads together, she sat content with her arm around his shoulders as the other held the fancy combs he bought as a gift for her hair. His one hand played with her other hand hanging over his shoulder, kissing her fingers, her soft palm.
Her heart thumped in and out of rhythm from his words as he poured his heart out to her. Apologizing for ever marrying Katherine, wishing he had figured a way to buy himself time. As she listened, Lena faced the cruel reality that she could never be anything more than his bedwench, despite him coming to terms with his true feelings.
“Lena?”
“Hm?”
“Well?”
“Well what?”
“I asked you, do you love me?”
With a heavy heart, she drew back slightly to look into his face. In her eyes, he was the most beautiful man she’d ever known. She loved him beyond what was morally right, or wrong – it mattered not – because nothing could make her change the way she felt about him. However, what she must face and what he must face, is that in this world, where would it ever get them? Tears gathered in her eyes as she confessed shakily, “I - have always loved you – even when, I swore that I did not. God is my witness, I do…but-…”
“But? But what? Why the tears?” He asked softly.
Try as she might, how could she ever get him to understand her own fears? Understand the facts she faced in her life of being a black woman - period. She sighed, thinking, then looked back into his aqua-eyes; focused on his fair skin coloring, coming to terms with all that it meant.
“Well?”
“Manny…you are a white man. As a white man, in this world with all others, it is okay with them, for you to do all you have with me, but do not, no – dare, go any further. Admitting what you have, today - you’ve crossed the line. You have no business being in love with your Negro slav
e. And I fear, that our love, will never be anything more than what it is now…a forbidden, hidden, sinful affair that should have never, started. It bothers me sometimes.”
“I know Lena, I know.” He compassionately admitted, wiping stray strands of hair from her cheek. “That’s why I’ve come to a decision.”
“What decision?”
“I’m going to take you and Mikey away from here…with me.”
“What? Away? Where? How?”
Taking a deep breath, he informed her, “Out to sea; out to a wide, endless ocean, free of rules and laws. Free of prying eyes, gossip and dividing lines; where a man can live by his own laws! And love whom he pleases!”
“But - Manny?”
“Listen…just listen and let me explain, okay?” She nodded and listened quietly as he did so. “For the last three years, I’ve been investing in a business venture with extra cash earned from the cattle and cotton crops. And, I’ve gotten a few loans. Right now - I’m in a position to pay back most of the money. Every coin of Morris’s money from the plantation I invested is now back where it came from. As for my own personal profit, I’m starting to gain already. I have two accounts open now, in my name alone, and in them, and growing is our future together; the future of our children. In fact, I’m rich…do you understand…rich-…” He announced excitedly.
“Wait wait wait; Manny, slow down - what business venture?”
“I’m a merchantman! I’ve taken on the business of shipping, cargo ships and passenger travel…but mainly, trading goods from overseas. Charles has taken care of all my licensing; with this new embargo act, it slowed me down for a while. But all of the details and procedures have been worked out. Getting my manifest in order, as well all my certifications for landing on return…well…let’s just say, everything is now falling into place. I’ve made my connections, and presently have three contracts as a permanent supplier to manufactures in Natchez, New Orleans and Boston.”
“But - Manny?”
“Listen darlin’, I presently have three vessels, all three belong to me! Two of them need a lot of repair and updating, but for that I have a plan laid out as well.” With joy in his eyes he gazed at her cupping her cheeks, so eager in the telling. “My beautiful little Princess, soon, and I do mean real soon…I’ll be in a position to tell my father – exactly where to go – right, before we depart this place.” His passion was so acute his eyes watered. But still he could see a look on Lena’s face, not as enthusiastic as his own. “Darlin’…what’s wrong? Do you realize what this means for us? I have almost everything we need to be together; the four of us. And - I don’t give a damn what the world says or wants, in my heart, you - are my wife.”
“Oh Manny.”
She cried out sadly, falling to his shoulder, her arms around him hugging tightly. “If it were only that easy; no one desires what you’ve planned more than I…no one.” He pulled her away to look into her eyes. “What are you saying?” She took a deep shaky breath. “I’m saying…it won’t work. It can’t work Manny.”
“Do you love me or not?” He demanded.
“Yes…of course I love you.”
“Then that’s all that counts!”
She rose from his lap walking to her vanity and put her combs there, turning she walked to the partition that blocked her bed area from the kitchen, standing at the end of it, Manny watched her, and waited. Holding onto one of the post, she shook her head. “No Manny. It is not all that counts! You are a man of honor! It is one of the reasons I love you so much. And with honor, comes responsibility.” She glanced over at him as he sat in his chair.
“Oh no, not you as well!? Look, I’ve heard that all of my life! I don’t need to hear this from you too!” He spoke deep and harsh, standing now beside her, taking hold of her, he turned her to look at him. “It may not be what you wish to hear, but hear it you must. Because it is something that neither of us can deny, nor is it something we can ignore.”
“Look, I’ve done all I can do here. I’ve lived up to my responsibilities. I’ve sacrificed enough of my life and happiness. Enough, no more!”
“Wrong Manny, you can do more — and you will do more! Because it doesn’t end just because you say, I’m done. When I came to this plantation, I was scared to death, as you well know. But after living here a while and absorbing the facts of how we all live, it came to me that we all were the fortunate ones. Fortunate for two reasons, one is Royal Sun - your mother … and two - you. To her, these people were more than her slaves; they were her family…her responsibility. She loved them, and fought many a battle with Morris to see to it that none were mistreated. This plantation thrives because of that. Because of her, there is no place like, Webster Fields. You - my man of honor…will not leave these people, any of them…Jordan, Amos, Kayleen, Leon? What about him? Then there’s Ferrus, Henry…and everyone else. No…you will not walk away and leave them to the very thing, your mother swore would not take place here! You will not! That is your responsibility … these people and their lives and happiness, is your first responsibility. You have only just begun; to make sacrifices…it has only just begun. As for me, I’m here for you always. I am not going anywhere.” She leaned against the partition quietly giving him a moment to think.
Sighing, he placed a hand to either side of her, leaning and shielding her within. He lowered his forehead to hers, quiet…thinking. She finished it off with just a bit more for him to think about.
“At sea, we…our little family…maybe we would find happiness. But our nights, they would be filled with nightmares, fears and regrets, how could we possibly know true joy, if we can hear the cries of those at Webster Fields? Cries because someone else takes over, and makes them all - truly slaves? Who will die, because you’ve abandoned them? Who will be sold off, because you have abandoned them? Who will know the whip, because you abandoned them? You do this, and Royal Sun, and all that she’s done will be truly dead. And you my -(she hesitated, then smiled)- my – husband … will never again, know peace.” She was done, she would say no more. Leaning forward she wrapped her arms around his waist and held him.
Soon his arms came down around her. He inhaled deep and long, hesitating and giving her words thought, he spoke again saying, “Spoken like a true princess. Princess Ceś alena…why - I wish to know, has God blessed me with you? When I am so undeserving, treating you as I have.”
“I love you.” She swore quietly.
“Because of me, you are painted a - a-…” He could not bring himself to say the word.
“I love you.” She repeated squeezing him.
“You deserve better than this.”
“God put me here with you, for a reason and I-…”
He stopped her, placing his finger to her lips. “I’ve listened, and I know…that you are right. But know this, I cannot live this way much longer. I won’t. Somehow, I will have you, as you deserve to be…in an honorable state. No one will ever label you as you have been again. I swear it! And when I have done this…with a fleet of vessels behind me, I will take you home - to your father. He will see, what became of his…little princess. That is my dream, and I will make it so!”
CREEK INDIAN VILLAGE
“Why my husband do you look so worried? Things will go well. The decision you made was for the best of us all, and I have no doubt that your people will follow you no matter what.”
“Em, but you love me, no matter what I do, you would find no fault with me.”
“Hm? Quite possibly true. Now finish your meal that your hunger does not scatter your thinking before the counsel.”
Chief Long Bow sat in heavy contemplation as he mechanically consumed his stew. For the last twelve years a remnant of his Cherokee tribe had been on the move. He’d broken from his brother’s in Georgia, and just in time. As his own father had foreseen, and stated, the white man’s words were worse than leaves that withered and died. His father had foreseen the great changes that would take place in the land once the white man with his st
range tongue, moved in and settled. No matter how often their great leader Washington, gave his word to protect their lands, it changed, as their need increased.
Taking from the Muskogean and Iroquoian Indian all that they once lived on, hunted on, thrived on. It had come to him as a young man as he ventured from the rest of the tribe to seek out his vision quest from the great spirits. In that vision quest, he saw large numbers of his people, as well the neighboring tribes gathering together for what he thought to be a ceremony of mourning. But actually, this vision was a forewarning of great wars and sorrows; a warning of severe depressions, disease and desolation. Taking a proud nation and reducing them to weak beggars, waiting to be fed; forcing them to travel great distances, where most died from hunger and abuse. The misery and outcry from women and children ripped at his heart.
Though he saw it all, he could not help them, nor could he stop the many great beast, in his vision who foamed at the mouth, maintaining a large ring around them, their fur a strange blue and gold. Their sharp tongues darted out to the weak and fallen, devouring them as they fell, leaving some cold and dead, to be eaten upon by the animals and vultures of the land.
Now, slowly but surely, his son…Chief Long Bow, could see that vision coming to be. As a nation, they often stood to fight, such as in the attack on Tennessee settlers, and others since. But remembering his father’s words to him as he was drawing his last breath; imploring him to put the lives of his people who would follow him, before his pride. That it was more important for survivors to be left of the strong, proud Cherokee nation, than all go down to speak never again, he implored him. “Many will die when the prophecy comes to be…you my son must think ahead. You must guard the lives of those who would follow you, so that we as a nation shall not perish. My son, there will be great wars among us. Leaders will rise up, and they will argue for our cause with the beast in his own tongue. As they are beast, they care only for the survival of their own kind. They dawn the cloak of peace, only to shed it as they slaughter us by thousands with their diseases, forked tongues, and poisonous fangs. You must guard our people my son. Lead them away from the beast, even if it means moving them often. You, my son, are guardian to their souls. You are the key to hide away those who will live. Make few, the cries of the women and children in my dreams. Let my rest…be in peace, so that as time goes on, so may we. Do not forget, those who live, will tell the story, but those who die, are soon forgotten. Do not let them be, do not…let them…”
Princess Ces'alena (Webster Fields) Page 21
