“We did it, and she is beautiful.”
Chapter Four: Two Weeks Later
Leah
Robert and I try to get into a regular routine. Well, normal for us. I called Angel and thanked her for the amazing quilt she and Mason made for Grace. She tells me she hasn’t quilted in years and she was excited to actually have a reason to make one. I also learned that Mason did have a hand in its creation. Actually, two hands. He applauded when she was done.
Grace is still in the hospital and is going very well. Her only setback so far is she was jaundiced for a short time. They used the ultraviolet lights on her to help bring up her bilirubin blood count. Our daughter is a Florida girl, she loved soaking up the rays from the light.
I go to visit her and I can spot my daughter from across the nursery. The heart the Robert drew on her foot is no longer visible. She has a look that I can never confuse with another child. She has thick black spiky hair and dark eyes. She looks just like a combination of Robert and me.
While I was in the hospital, I had Mom and Margie bring some things from home for Gracie. I look in her incubator and Jamie’s stuffed animal Jack is sitting near the bottom of the bed. I also had them bring up Jamie’s musical ballerina music box that plays “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” The nurse has it playing as she rocks Gracie. The cards we got while I was in the hospital are now taped to Gracie’s bed. The Happy Birthday and Congrats balloons are now deflating on top of the incubator. Her small bed looks like a welcoming party and I love it.
The nurse sees Robert and me and smiles immediately.
“Hi, Momma’s little girl,” I say as I get closer to them. Nurse Amy stands and hands Gracie to me. Robert clears his throat and I say, “I mean, Hi, Momma and Daddy’s little girl.”
“Thank you,” he says.
“You’re welcome.”
“She’s hungry, so you are just on time for her feeding,” Nurse Amy says.
I hand Robert the baby so I can get ready to nurse Gracie. She is still tiny but latches on quickly. I miss the bonding with her when I’m not here to feed her. I pump my breasts often so Gracie always has breast milk for her feedings. Robert also gets to be included in her feedings and I know he needs time to bond with her, too.
The more time that goes by, the less time Gracie needs to be in her incubator. Robert still likes to keep her in there as often as we can when we visit. I know he thinks it’ll speed the process up and she’ll get to come home sooner. I personally think that bonding with her, holding her and showering her with love will do just as much good if not more.
Robert winds up Jamie’s music box and I sing along softly to the music. I rock Gracie back and forth as I feed her. Even though she was born prematurely, she still has long thick eyelashes. I stare at her as they fan across her cheek and sadly she looks nothing like Jamie did. Since they are siblings, it would be nice to compare them with the other. But since she was switched at birth, we don’t have that option. I still remember what Jamie looked like as an infant. I never questioned her lighter hair. I always said she had her own looks, she didn’t have to resemble me or Robert. Now, as I hold Gracie, I wonder what Madison looked like as a baby. She looks like a combination of Robert and I now. I imagine she and Gracie would look a lot alike.
Once Gracie burps and Robert holds her for a brief time, he stands to put her back in her bed.
“Would you mind if we just held her for awhile?”
“I think she would do better in the incubator.”
“Just long enough to read her a story from Jamie’s bedtime book,” I plead. I don’t look at him, I reach into my bag for Jamie’s book instead. I am watching him through the corner of my eyes as he stands there pondering my words. I get the book from my bag and Robert sits back down with Gracie. I smile as I take her from him. “Thank you,” I say as I stand to change her diaper.
“I just want her to get well enough to come home,” he says a little too sadly.
“I know. I do, too. But I think family bonding will do her better than being isolated.” I nod to the cold, sterile incubator.
“Maybe you’re right.”
Once the baby is changed and swaddled, I sit beside Robert in the rocker and wait for him to read. Gracie doesn’t cry; she lies awake and looks around at the bright lights in the room. For Robert to be a big man he has a very calming voice. He looks over several times as he reads and watches Gracie. She falls asleep before the story is over and he says, “She’s just like Jamie.”
I laugh because Jamie never stayed awake to hear the ending of any story. Just when the book was getting to the good part, she would fall asleep. He reads until the end and then helps me to get her settled for the night. The hospital has recently started letting her wear some of her own clothes. She only has a few preemie outfits and even those are too big for her.
On the way home from the hospital, Robert and I stop by the bookstore first. Since Gracie’s birth, he is back to working out every day. I spend my time at the hospital and stop in at the shop daily. Gracie is doing very well and is steadily gaining weight. Just not fast enough for me. I want her home and I want to move forward with Madison. I know Robert speaks to Bruce regularly about her, but he rarely shares anything with me. I also know he thinks he is protecting me, but I am stronger than he gives me credit for. I keep telling myself when the time is right I’ll bring it up and ask him about her.
Robert and I walk hand in hand into the bookstore. A few patrons are sitting at the bistro table sipping on their coffee with a book in hand. The women see me and smile, but when they look at Robert their smiles get bigger. When we walk past them, I can almost feel that they are staring at us. Robert holds the door open for me and I look over at them. Sure enough, they are watching my Robert. The smell of cinnamon buns fills the air. I think I will always find comfort in the aroma of cinnamon. It will always feel like home, and this is home. Dove and Bethany are at the counter. “May I please have just ONE cinnamon bun?” Robert pleads.
“Do you want to lose your fight with Kennedy?” I ask. I don’t wait for him to answer, I don’t need to. “Well, there’s your answer. Beat Kennedy and I’ll buy you a dozen, but until then, eat a carrot stick,” I tease.
“That doesn’t even compare.”
We hug Bethany and Dove and chat with them about the shop and business. They ask about the baby, and they also ask about the upcoming fight with Kennedy. I guess since I am no longer pregnant that means I am not as fragile. They’re right. The black cloud has moved further away from me. I can still see it, but it no longer hovers, as it did not so long ago. I’m not thrilled about Robert fighting, but I have come to accept it.
Bethany tells me what’s been going on in the shop while I was away.
“Yesterday a woman came up to the counter with several diet books. I joked, ‘Would you like a cinnamon bun with that?’
“The woman replied, ‘No, thank you. Yesterday I had four of those, and today my belly is swelled up. I think I’m allergic to cinnamon. Give me four chocolate-chip cookies instead.’
"Another woman — who was fat, came up to the counter and said, 'I'll take four chocolate-chip cookies and no diet books. Obesity is its own reward.'
“Right after that, another woman came into the store and said, ‘I’ll have one of your extra-extra-extra large chocolate-chip cookies. I like those because they are diet cookies.’
“I said, ‘Diet cookies? Uh, these have lots of sugar and butter.’
“She said, ‘Yeah, but I can write in my diet diary that I ate only one cookie.’
“Another woman — who was thin — was watching us. After the customer left, she walked over to me and said, ‘I heard that sugar will kill you.’"
“I told her, ‘That is absolutely correct. Sugar is slow poison. If you eat sugar for 70 or 80 years, you will die.’”
“I don’t believe these things really happened. You’re lying, aren’t you?”
“Yep. Through my teeth.”
The da
rk cloud is gone, at least for a while.
I say over my shoulder as I walk away in the direction of my office, “There may be an order that needs to be put away, Ace.”
“I’m on it, Sweets.”
When my book order and the deposit is finished, I call Mom to see how the baby is doing. Gracie spends very little time at the hospital alone. Between our parents and us, she has visitors often. I’m grateful so many people love and care for her. It’s also reassuring to know that if something were to happen someone would be there. I would live there if Robert let me. He feels I need the rest and the time away to keep my thoughts clear. He’s right. The time away lets me take care of myself, so that I can take better care of Gracie.
Drake Sinclair
As soon as I found out the other parents’ names that were involved in the baby swap, I started researching them. Their employment, residents, family, children, friends — everything I could. If there was any possible chance that Madison would spend any amount of time with them, I had to learn all I could about them. When I felt that I didn’t know enough, I hired a private investigator.
The P.I. has proven to be very competent and worth every penny. I walked into his office yesterday for a follow-up meeting and was shocked. Can you imagine my surprise when he told me that Madison’s biological father, Bobby Grether, was a drug addict?
It seems that he had an impeccable record up until the death of his daughter — my daughter — Jamie. Sadly, the loss of his daughter sent him into a drug and drinking binge that lasted almost a year. I plan to use this information to keep Madison. He will never take Madison from me.
Chelsea has been sad ever since we learned that our biological daughter has passed away. Although we didn’t know her, it doesn’t matter, she’s still gone and she was a part of us. It would have made it easier to learn this before our meeting. The day we showed up bearing gifts for the little sweetheart. Learning that she was dead almost sent me into a rage that would have landed me with a life sentence.
Chelsea and I talked to Madison and Caden about what’s been going on. Of course Madison knows, but she really doesn’t understand, and Caden — he’s just too young. I think I prefer it that way. While Chelsea is heartbroken over the loss of our biological daughter, Madison and Caden are sad because a child has passed away. They know about death all too well from when their grandmother died from bone cancer a few years ago. They know death is permanent and irreversible.
Chelsea and I decided to go to the cemetery to visit Jamie. As soon as we learned that she was our daughter, we didn’t need to know her to love her. The Sinclairs have a very strong family bond. We support and love our family, unconditionally.
After church, we took the children to the store so they could buy something for Jamie’s grave. When we all left the shop, we each found something special for her. One the drive to the cemetery, Chelsea is quiet. I don’t know if she is worried the Grethers will be there, or if she is just saddened about that fact that we will never get to know our daughter. It pisses me off some drunk couldn’t stay sober enough to drive. My daughter would still be her today if it weren’t for him.
It takes me several minutes to find the exact spot where Jamie is buried. I have been here before, scoping it out. When I see the large black, teardrop-shaped tombstone, I know it’s hers. It is stunning and it is the exact same one I would have chosen for my daughter. The teardrop shape of the stone speaks volumes. It lets me know that Jamie was loved and that they mourn her loss every day. I feel good knowing my daughter was loved, even if it wasn’t from me.
I park the car and open the children car door first. They each have their gift in hand and wait patiently for me to open Chelsea’s door. She has her monogrammed tissue in her hand. The monogrammed tissues were a wedding gift to her from my mother. Chelsea always carries one with her.
We walk in a single file up to the grave. I stop when I see Jamie Sue Grether written is gold letters. Chelsea cries and Madison holds her hand to offer her comfort. Caden stands still; he doesn’t realize this is his sister’s grave. I hold Chelsea close and let her mourn. One by one, we walk up and leave the gifts we bought for Jamie. I go first. I kneel down on her grave and try to explain who I am and that I’m sorry I never had a chance to know her. I tell her I love her before I place a dozen red roses on the base of the tombstone. I chose red roses because red means love. I don’t have to know her to love her.
Madison goes next. She walks up slowly and also kneels down. She bows her head and says a silent prayer. I wish I knew what she was saying, but I don’t. I watch as she kisses the porcelain doll and lays it beside my flowers.
Caden goes next with Chelsea. She helps him tie his helium balloons onto the arm of the doll Madison left. The balloons don’t say anything, but they are in a rainbow of colors. All he says is, “Rest in heaven, Jamie,” before he stands to join Madison and me.
Chelsea stays and sits on the grass. She is wearing a very expensive dress, but at this time, she could care less about the money or the clothing. She cries. I watch as she moves over a porcelain angel and sets her angel wreath beside it. Chelsea speaks open and honestly and it pulls at my heart strings. “I love you, Sweetheart, and I miss you. I hope you had a good life and that you were loved.” She cries and says between sobs, “If I had one wish, it would be that you were still here today. I pray that you are happy and are flying high with the angels. Kiss Grandma and ask her to watch over you until I get there. I love you, Jamie.”
She wipes away the tears, pulls at a few weeds, and gently touches the gold lettering that says Jamie Sue Grether. Madison and Caden cry. I’m not sure they are crying because of Jamie, or if it’s because they are seeing their mother so sad. When Chelsea is sad, we are all sad. She stands and walks towards us. Caden and Madison release their hold on my hand and run to be with their mother. At this moment, I realize that we cannot lose Madison. We are a family and we will stay as one.
Robert
Since Gracie’s birth, I have been worried about Leah. I overheard Mom and Sue talking about post-partum depression and I realize it could affect Leah. Right now she doesn’t show any signs of depression, but I am still concerned. I guess I shouldn’t go looking for something until it happens. It may be that Leah’s depression was an isolated event, I just want to be ready for it, if it does return.
Leah isn’t back to work yet, but I am back to my regular workout routine. Actually it was Leah’s persistence that got me started back on it full time. It feels good to be doing what I love to do. I also think I would be just as happy sitting at the hospital watching my daughter. I could stare at her all day. I am just waiting for the nurses to tell me that my little girl is weighing 4 lbs. Then we will be able to bring her home.
While I spend my mornings training, Leah spends her mornings at the hospital with Gracie. In the evenings when we go home for the night, we stop by the shop so Leah can check in. She feels sorry for Dove and Bethany, although they don’t complain. We also stop by often and visit with Jamie.
I heard from Bruce the other day and we have a court date for custody of Madison. I haven’t told Leah yet, I’m not sure how. He advised me that we won’t be issued permanent custody right away. He explained that the courts will want to go through steps so it doesn’t traumatize the child. I understand that. Madison has no idea who we are. I am excited to at least get a few hours of visitation started so she can get to know us. I pray that Drake hasn’t filled her mind with lies.
I wait patiently for Leah as she tries on another pair of pre-pregnant jeans. She is so eager to get into her regular clothing. Finally, she decides on a dress. Before we go to the hospital, Leah and I have plans to have breakfast with Jamie. The anniversary of Jamie’s birthday and her death are fast approaching. This is always a difficult month for everyone. Jamie sadly died the same month she was born. She was born October 8th and died October 27th, three years later.
Once Leah is ready and breakfast is packed, we head to the cemetery. First,
we stop by the florist and get Jamie some fresh flowers. I have to blink a few times to make sure I’m looking at Jamie’s grave. We put balloons on her grave only for her birthday.
“Robert, is that Jamie’s…,” she begins to say.
“It sure looks like it,” I say putting the car in park. I grab the sack that contains our breakfast, a blanket, the two cups of coffee, and the two bouquets of flowers and I have to run to catch up with her. She is already standing at the foot of Jamie’s grave with her fingers pressed against her lips. I stop and look at what she is staring at. Balloons, red roses, an angel, a wreath, and a porcelain doll decorate the base of Jamie’s tombstone.
“Who did this?” she cries.
I already know. “It looks like the Sinclairs have found Jamie.”
She looks up at me with tears running down her pale cheeks. “You think they did this?”
“I do. Who else could it be?” I spread the blanket down and Leah starts to pick everything up as she carefully inspects each item. When Leah is done, I hand her a coffee and her breakfast sandwich.
“It looks like they love her,” she says softly.
I have to agree. I’m glad to know the angered man has a soft spot. “It does.”
“I wonder how they knew where she was. We didn’t say anything to Chelsea when she came to the hospital.”
“No, we didn’t. I’m sure Drake has searched our family extensively. I know I did him.”
“You did? Why would you do that and why didn’t I know that?”
I look at her and say, “I didn’t want to worry you. I guess I had to make sure she’s safe. I have no idea who these people are. I had to make sure our daughter is being taken care of.”
“And I should assume she is?”
I confirm, “She is.”
“Good, I’m glad you did that. I didn’t think to check up on them.”
“Why would you. You live in a safe world with rainbows and unicorns,” I tease.
“I don’t know about that, but I do prefer to think that the world is filled with more good and love than hate.”
Against the Odds Page 11
