by Iris Parker
Of course, the rest was another story. Safety, happiness, I was out of my depth there. I’d never provided for any woman, save for the redhead I was visiting daily. It’d taken me many years to become a good son for her, but I was finally getting there.
Grabbing Emilia’s arm, I pulled her with me across the crowded bar. The crowd was a little thinner in the back, and she followed me there with abandon. Her hand curled against my wrist, making my head and heart pound the beat of a thousand drums.
An old, damaged booth sat in the corner, dingy and forgotten. Putting down our beers, I slid into the one good bench it had. I filled the space, and Emilia eyed the other side of the table with confusion. Drunks had ripped up the upholstery long ago, leaving it as little more than a frame.
I smiled, gesturing downwards with my chin.
She could sit on my lap.
Her face lit up with embarrassment and awareness, but she didn’t hesitate before starting to squeeze in. She was conservative, just placing herself on the edge of my thighs, but it was enough. The feeling of her body pressing against mine was a rush, her sweet smell intoxicating. The blood rushed to my belly; if she put just a little more weight on me, she’d know exactly how I felt about her.
How I’d always felt.
“You’ve been driving me insane,” I whispered, and I felt her back stiffen. I couldn’t restrain myself, hand flying towards her neck, down her shoulder and arm until it came to rest around her feminine hip. I bent my head forward, resting it against the nape of her neck and inhaling her scent deeply.
We were both breathing slowly, my cheek rubbing against her skin and her hand traipsing its way up my other thigh. She didn’t need to sit there to know my reaction after all, the outline of my hard cock made it clear as day.
“Emilia—” I began, only to be interrupted by the vibration of her phone. It was pressing into both of us, buzzing away. We both froze, waiting for the ringing to end so we could finally talk.
This had been a long time coming. It could wait another minute.
I ran my mouth along her cheek, feeling the soft dampness of her perspiration against my lips. Finally, the buzzing stopped.
“Emilia, I— ” I tried again, only for another round of buzzing to begin.
“I guess someone can’t take a hint,” she whispered, pulling out the phone from her pocket while looking at me with glazed-over eyes. I could feel myself burning up, the warmth building and building with no end in sight.
And then suddenly all the weight and pressure were gone as she launched herself to her feet, pacing next to the table.
“Where is he?” she asked, staring at me with a sudden alertness. “I’ll be there right away. Wait for me,” she snapped, hanging up the phone and chugging her beer faster than I ever imagined she was capable of.
“What’s going on?” I asked, the heat suddenly replaced with a cold fear. Something was clearly very wrong here.
“Theo’s been shot.”
Two years.
Jake died two years ago.
He trusted me, and…
Why couldn’t it have just been me?
Things would’ve been better if it had been me.
I tilted my head towards the ceiling and sighed, trying to avoid making eye contact with anyone. We’d been here for hours, kept company by the low-priority cases and all the other saps who were unable to lie about being family. Underfunded and understaffed, the emergency room was a depressing place.
Sitting across from me was a drunken man, who’d been cradling his hand and muttering to himself for quite some time. In the corner stood a beet-red man who was clearly exhausted but refused to sit down, while a lonely old woman sat to my left. She hadn’t made a single sound, staring at the clock as she rocked back and forth. Further away, a young couple were wringing their hands over and over as they leaned into one another.
The long, monotonous wait was broken occasionally by the arrival of high priority cases being rushed through, gunshot victims and overdoses taking precedence over less deadly concerns.
I wondered how long Theo had been in this barren room, hurt and scared, hoping a doctor would be available soon. My stomach wrenched at the thought and I looked back down, deciding that staring at the drunk wasn’t so bad after all.
As bad as I felt, Simon seemed even worse for wear. He was loitering with Adam next to a vending machine, white as a ghost. He didn’t look anything like the vibrant, flirty, slightly intoxicated man I’d been with a few hours ago. His forehead was creased with concern, and he had a harrowed look in his eye. He hardly knew Theo, but yet Simon was as haggard as if he was losing a family member.
Getting up and approaching the machines myself, I put an arm around Simon’s shoulder. “Did I ever tell you about the first time I met Theo?” I whispered.
Simon shrugged silently.
“I’d just started working at the center, and I showed up a couple hours early to settle myself in. I didn’t see him at first; he was just waiting in the dark. Scared me half to death when I turned on the lights and saw him staring at me. He didn’t even apologize, just acted like it was the most natural thing to break in so he could see ‘the new girl’ a little sooner,” I explained, chuckling.
“What do you mean by that?” Simon asked, his voice a little defensive.
“That I hope he’s okay. That he doesn’t deserve this shit. He’s always tried so hard to be good, even with everything he’s been through. If he—”
One of the doors swung open and a nurse came in, and the entire room turned to stare at her. I could feel Simon’s muscles tensing beneath my touch, and my own heart started beating faster with adrenaline.
It was for nothing, though. The nurse didn’t even look our way, walking straight to another door and leaving again without a word.
Adam and I exchanged disgruntled looks, Simon sighed.
The wait was unbearable.
“Coffee?” Adam asked gently, pulling his wallet from his pocket.
“Please.” Not that I expected cafeteria coffee to be as good as Adam’s, but at least drinking it would give me a little caffeine and something to do with my hands.
As Adam disappeared through the automatic doors, I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I had no idea if Theo was even still alive, or if I’d ever see him smiling again. It never took much to make him smile; when you have so little, even a tiny thing is worth the whole world.
It wasn’t fair.
Simon turned, my hand falling like lead to my hip as it slipped from his shoulder. I could feel my frustration starting to spill over, the urge to lash out at him growing. Before I could open my mouth, though, I felt his arms wrapping around me and pulling me close. Feeling his body against mine, I finally broke down sobbing.
I’d never been a delicate flower, but something about his embrace made me feel safe enough to let go. To release the tears I’d been fighting since the call had interrupted our profoundly confusing, profoundly disturbing, profoundly arousing flirtation.
He still smelled a little bit like the alcohol that had fueled our indiscretion, though his touch right now was completely different. His skin was cold and clammy, and when he set his chin on top of my head, I felt an almost imperceptible tremor running through him that told me more about his past in a few seconds than I’d learned in months of living with him.
Simon had a history, and I knew nothing about it. Hell, I hadn’t even known I’d been living in his hometown until a few hours ago.
It was a strange thought, but it helped distract me. Returning his embrace, I slowly began to pull myself together.
“Thank you,” I whispered into his chest. “Thank you.”
“Any time, Em,” he said gently, and I shuddered beneath him.
Em. He’d never called me that before.
My friends called me Em.
When had he gone from Simon-fucking-Ferguson to being my friend?
When had I changed so much that the thought would make me happy, even
on a night of misery?
“I actually wanted to get you something to eat, but from what I gather, all the food in this vending machine is likely to kill you. You’d think a hospital of all places would know better,” he remarked, his voice infused with the disdain that only a British accent can convey.
“I might have to settle for a little partially detoxified industrial waste anyway, I’m starving,” I teased, chuckling a little in spite of myself.
“When’s the last time you ate?”
“Lunch.”
“Jeez, Em. That was fourteen hours ago. We need to get you some proper food, soon. You skip so many meals,” he said, suddenly sounding very concerned.
“We were going out drinking to celebrate, remember? Isn’t that the tradition you guys have after winning a game?”
“Well yes, but we eat first. Lots and lots. Shepherd’s pie, roast beef with gravy, scotch eggs, steak and kidney pie…. You’ll recall I did suggest we go to Johnnie’s first.”
“Yeah well, I’m an athlete. I need to watch my figure,” I said, blushing.
“Is starving yourself necessary to be an athlete now? Have I been doing it wrong this whole time?” he asked.
He had me there, but there was no way I was going to tell him the real reason. His suggestion of getting dinner together before going out and drinking had sounded an awful lot like a date, and I’d shot it down accordingly.
Of course, if I was being honest with myself, the truth was that I had actually liked the idea a little too much. I’d vetoed it in a panic, afraid of opening that particular can of worms.
Looking up at Simon, I could see that deep worry was once again written all over his expression. I scrambled to think of a way to change subjects, anything really.
The nurse came back in, and I could feel Simon’s body tensing back up. He mumbled something into my hair before letting me go, rushing up behind the woman and saying hello. She spun around, her face already locked into a glower.
The nurse wasn’t much taller than I was, and her eyes only went up to Simon’s chest. I watched as she craned her neck higher, her demeanor changing instantly as she sized him up and found him gorgeous.
An irrational part of my mind wanted to run over there and shove the woman back through the door she’d just come from. Mostly, though, I was just worried about Theo. I held my breath as Simon gestured animatedly in conversation, the nurse nodding along as he spoke. With one last, bright smile, the nurse winked and left.
Jesus.
Simon turned back around, running a hand through his hair as he slowly walked back. He looked exhausted, and my stomach twisted as I began to fear the worst. Before he could say anything, however, an overweight woman wobbled into the waiting room.
I recognized her immediately. Theo’s mother, Ella, was both very small and very wide. Her short black hair was matted to her skull, her face sweaty and tired.
“Emilia! How’re you doing?” she asked pleasantly, her tone giving me hope.
“I’ve been better,” I admitted. “Do you have any news? How is he?”
“I just got Shauna’s message from a couple hours ago, saying he’d been shot and was losing blood. She didn’t answer me when I called back, though,” Ella shrugged, seemingly offended. “You know, I always thought he was going to turn out better than the others.”
Simon arrived just after Ella finished making her comment, and I bit my tongue. Offending Theo’s mother was only going to make it harder to get any information.
On the opposite end of the ER, the door opened once more. The nurse was leading a very disheveled and disoriented Shauna, who wasted no time in running over to us.
“Simon!” she called, flying straight into his arms. He held her while she broke down into sobs, just as I had earlier.
“Well, I’d do that too, if I was her age,” Ella said with a wink as she looked Simon over from head to toe.
My fingernails were threatening to draw blood from my palms, but I managed to stay quiet. Besides, Ella wasn’t all that bad compared to many of the so-called parents I met working at the rec center. At least she had actually showed up, and her only crime this time was making inappropriate comments. At least she wasn’t threatening Shauna for calling in the middle of the night, or telling the doctors they needed to stop helping her son.
Ella was, in fact, quite present in her kids’ lives…when it suited her. She would also disappear for weeks at a time, when it suited her. She never seemed to think, or care, much about the consequences of her actions. Usually she was the one to pay for that, but not always. Shauna did a good job taking care of Theo, but there was only so much that the young woman could do by herself.
“How is he?” Simon asked softly, once Shauna had regained some composure.
“Sleeping. They said he’s going to be fine, that the bullet only grazed his shoulder. I don’t know how a graze could cause so much blood. I was so scared,” she said, starting to cry anew. Simon held her reassuringly, softening as the good news sank in. Tears of relief began to form in my own eyes, and for the first time in two hours, I felt like I could breathe.
“Are you Theo’s mother?” the nurse asked Ella, who was struggling to fit into the small waiting room chair. To her credit, she too looked profoundly relieved. She’d clearly been more worried than she let on.
People always deal with tragedy in their own way, I suppose.
“Yes I am,” she answered, and the nurse’s face turned sour.
“The police would like to speak with you,” she said darkly. “As would social services.”
Ella’s face once again turned impassive as she squeezed out of her seat with a sigh. Simon and I shared a look, and I could tell he was concerned about the ordeal to come. I shrugged towards him, trying to communicate that Ella had already been through this many times before. Sooner or later, she was going to have to face the harsh reality of her poor decisions, but it probably wouldn’t be tonight.
Silently, I tilted my head towards Shauna before looking back up at Simon with a questioning expression. He understood at once, nodding in response.
I didn’t need to say more.
“It’s been a hell of a night,” Simon said. “You probably haven’t eaten any more than we have. How about we go find Adam and tell him the good news, then the four of us get some dinner? My treat.”
Shauna’s eyes lit up, nodding with enthusiasm. All four of us were tired and hungry, and a little late-night food seemed like the perfect way to diffuse the tension we’d all been carrying. My stomach rumbled, and immediately I felt a little better. Looking up at the haunted look on Simon’s face, however, sent another wave of shivers down my spine.
I dreamed about Jake again last night.
I told him it was nothing, that we’d be fine.
Argus was counting on us, we had to do it.
Jake agreed with me.
He always agreed with me.
A few hours later, I told him that I’d find help. That I’d save him somehow.
That I was sorry.
He didn’t agree with me. Didn’t say anything. How could he?
The bullet had hit him in the throat.
“Take care of yourself. We’ll talk more tomorrow, okay?” I heard Emilia whisper into Shauna’s ear during one last hug for the night. The ordeal had left everyone on edge, the most obvious of all being Shauna. Her face was full of barely restrained emotion, while Emilia’s looked pale in the shadowy light of the parking lot.
I did my best to appear as unaffected as possible, but the looks of concern on Emilia's face spoke volumes about my success. Truth be told, I felt like my whole world had been thrown upside down. I’d tried so hard to bury my past, and suddenly old demons were clawing their way up from the earth and back into my present.
“Bye, Simon. Thanks for being around,” Shauna said, sounding a little embarrassed and unsure around me. Of course, I hadn’t yet earned the kind of trust and familiarity that Emilia had built over the years working at the
center. I gave her a smile and offered my hand, though she weaved past it to give me a parting hug as well.
With one last goodbye, Shauna climbed into the passenger seat of her boyfriend’s car. Michael seemed like a nice enough guy, willing to pick her up without complaint even at the terribly late hour. Shauna had always said he was there for her when she needed it, something he’d proven tonight. I waved as they pulled away, relieved she had someone to keep an eye on her.
I stretched my arms out with a yawn, taking in a deep breath of the cool ultra-early-morning air. It was a welcome reprieve from the oppressive heat that had lingered for most of the night.
Now that Adam and Shauna had left, Emilia and I were alone together once again, the first time since we’d gotten the bad news.
“So, what now?” I asked, unsure of where we went from here.
“I should probably get home,” Emilia shrugged.
“Want me to drive you?”
“No thanks, I’ll be fine.”
“I wasn’t really asking, you know,” I chuckled, half amused and half horrified. “I just assumed it was a foregone conclusion you’d take me up on it. I’d be the world’s worst stepbrother if I let you try to walk back home, alone, through this neighborhood, at four in the morning.”
To my relief, she didn’t point out that I’d already been the world’s worst stepbrother on more than one occasion.
“I usually do my runs around here in the early morning, you know,” she said.
“Well, you shouldn’t. A hundred wrongs don’t make a right, you know. Let’s go back to my hotel room, and I’ll grab my keys, okay?” I asked. I grabbed Emilia’s elbow, and her expression went from reluctant to resigned as I walked her towards safety.
“Fine, you win,” she muttered. “But I could do it, you know. This part of the city is a lot safer than it used to be.”
“Yeah, it is, but safer isn’t the same as safe. It’s just the principle, I don’t want to put you in danger needlessly.”
We walked together, side by side, in silence. Between the match this afternoon, our failed attempt to party this evening, and the ordeal at the hospital tonight, I was sure that Emilia felt as exhausted as I did.
