Masked Indulgence

by Michelle Love

  Kissing her was a part of my plan. I wanted her to feel the feelings I had for her, because clearly being nice after kidnapping her wouldn’t work. As much as I wanted to take her right there on that bed, I couldn’t. I had to resist as much as possible.

  I’d be lying if I said the thought of her curvy body wasn’t always in the back of my mind. It was. Each and every day, I imagined my hands moving up and down her smooth waist and pulling her body close to mine. I longed for her touch. It killed me inside that I couldn't have her the way I wanted. Why did she have to fuck up?

  I shook my head angrily at the thought and continued on with my day. There was a meeting today with the guys and me. We were getting together to talk about what was new with the whole kidnapping situation and what was new with the cartel in general. This cartel was first put together by David and me, around the time we both became very money hungry. We were looking for ways to make more money, and David, being my best friend since childhood, was doing nothing but looking out for me when he suggested this idea. A drug cartel full of millionaires. Yes, I said it. A drug cartel full of millionaires.

  Each and every one of us had worked our way up to an outstanding amount of money coming in daily because of our jobs and also this cartel. If anyone found out about this, we wouldn’t lose much money because we already had a lot saved up, but we could ruin our reputations within our careers. Not to mention, we could do a lot of time in jail. That was why the boys were so anxious to get rid of Lola, but I really didn’t think that she would be the one to take down our entire cartel.

  If she really wanted to sabotage us, she would have acted quickly. There were no messages or emails on her phone and laptop about the situation, so I doubt that she even had a plan to expose us in the first place. The guys made it seem as if she was working with the enemy and they knew the easiest way to get inside of my house was by using a young, pretty girl.

  That logic didn't make sense, simply because of the fact that Lola was playing extremely hard to get. If the enemy sent her over to get any information from me, then I would have had sex with her the first day we met. She wouldn't have hesitated to spend the night at my place either. The guys really kept coming up with these outrageous theories about her, but she was just a normal girl who got caught being very nosey.

  "Hey, what's up guys?!" I greeted the guys as I walked into our clubhouse. Similarly to the meeting from last week, the guys sat in a group behind the table and I stood in front of it. They greeted me back with various ‘hey's’ and ‘what's up's.’

  “So, what’s up with the chick, boss?” David sat up in his chair.

  “Yeah, boss. Did you get the job done?” Pete spoke.

  “What do you mean did I get the job done?" I cocked an eyebrow and crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for a response. "There was never a job to begin with."

  "Did you kill the girl?!" one of the other members yelled.

  "No, I didn't kill her," I spoke.

  "She knows too much, boss," Pete added.

  "Look! I told you idiots that she only knows that the drug cartel exists and that I killed that woman's husband. That's it. She literally knows nothing else," I spat angrily. How dare they question me about killing her when that was never the plan in the first place.

  Silence filled the void air between us as the guys looked at me, taken aback by my reaction. I paced back and forth for a few seconds to blow off some steam. I couldn't handle the thought of Lola actually being dead, especially because of me.

  “What’s the update on the missing packages?” I sighed and took a seat. Someone handed me a beer and I took a quick swig.

  “We have the names and location. We were going to send a few of our best men out to get them tonight.” Pete took a swig of his beer and looked directly at me.

  I nodded. “Let’s get their things ready.”

  “Yes, sir,” they all said in unison, with the exception of David. I could tell by the look on his face that he was thinking really hard about something. He wasn’t paying much attention to anything that was going on around him.

  “You two,” I pointed to the two guys in the back. “Get the bags, and the rest of you get the guns ready”

  I sat back in my chair and watched as everyone left the room. Again, all but David. I grabbed a cigar from the box on the table and lit it.

  “You really like this girl, huh?” David chuckled, looking up at me.

  “I do.” I took a drag from the cigar and blew out the smoke in his direction. I kept a straight face. “Why are you asking me this?

  “Why else would you spare her life, Arsen?”

  “She’s the one, David. I’m so serious when I say this.” I took a deep breath and brushed my hair back with my free hand.

  “How are you so sure?” His eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “She’s a little college girl.”

  “No, David. She’s a grown woman, and I know she’s the one because Lola makes me feel the same way she did. Maybe even a little better.”

  “Damn,” he laughed slightly. “You really are feeling this girl. Now I know why you lashed out. I’m surprised that you even went through with the kidnapping plan if your feelings for her are that strong.”

  “That’s the thing, man. I’m torn between loving her and killing her.” I shook my head. “I don’t think I could bring myself to do it, but the thought seems tempting. I couldn’t live with her being dead, but I could definitely live without the fear of falling madly in love again. You get what I’m saying?”

  “I understand man.” He sighed. “It’s just going to take time, all right? Don’t stress yourself out.”

  I flashed the slight smile and put out my cigar. What I really needed right now was some rest. I hadn’t slept much for the past few days, so I was just running off of multiple cups of coffee. I said my goodbyes to David, telling him to pass the message along to the rest of the team, and left.

  The drive back home was shorter than I expected and I was thankful for that. Immediately after making it inside of the house, I quickly walked to my room. I wasted no time taking off my clothes and hopping into the shower. The warm water kissed my skin and I swear it felt like heaven on Earth. I found myself humming along to the song that was playing softly when I entered Lola's room earlier. It made me think of how beautiful the shower would have been if I were to share it with her.

  My mind started to fill up with the thought of her. Whenever I tried to think of something different, it just brought me back to her. She reminded me of the sunset. How it's so warm but so vibrant, and it could make your whole day better just by looking at it. She was like caffeine in the morning. As much as you had been warned to stay away from it, it was addicting and you needed it to get through the day. She stood tall like a sunflower, beautiful and bright. The perfect combination.

  Who would have suspected that I, Arsen Lockhart, would ever find love again? Now, I just had to figure out if she loved me back.

  Lola

  I woke up yet again, but this time to a purple and orange sunset. I didn’t even know that I had fallen asleep. It was like they were waiting for me to wake up, because the moment I sat up in bed, there was a knock on the door.

  “Dinner.” I heard Ms. Rose speak through the door. I smiled slightly, but not for long.

  When the door opened, Ms. Rose wasn’t alone. She walked in with a huge tray and Arsen followed swiftly behind her. I guess I wasn’t eating dinner alone. I looked down at my hands and played with my fingers while Ms. Rose sat the food in front of me. I whispered a small thank you and she whispered back for me to stay strong.

  I looked up only enough to see the food and Arsen's body as he took a seat on the bed. We were having grilled chicken and broccoli for dinner. I picked up my plate, placing it on my lap, and began to eat in silence. I didn’t know how to feel, but I knew I wasn’t necessarily in the mood to speak with Arsen right now. Especially after that kiss.

  “It’s a nice night, huh?” He broke the silence. I saw h
im take small bites of his food while waiting for my response.

  I just stayed silent, not sure of how I should reply. I took another bite of my food and sat my plate to the side. I wiped my mouth with a napkin and turned away from Arsen. I went to sit on the window seat and watched the sky turn black. I heard him muffle a stiff laugh and sit his plate down on the serving tray. Then he set the tray on the dresser.

  “Lola, can you talk to me please?” he asked. The sound of his feet tapping against the hardwood floor as he got closer to me made me anxious. “Why didn’t you finish your dinner?”

  “Not hungry,” I replied simply, watching the sun almost go into hiding.

  “Why are you acting like this? Is it something that I’ve done?” His tone of voice was dripping with concern and confusion. He took a seat beside me and I could feel his eyes burning holes into the side of my face.

  “How do you actually feel about me, Arsen? Why’d you kiss me, then leave me here locked up without an explanation? Am I part of some type of sick game you’re playing?” Tears began burning my eyes, waiting to fall out, but I forced them back. “Why are you doing all of this?”

  “I’m not sure why I’m doing this … but I don’t want you to ever think that I’m playing you or whatever. I actually care about you.” He tried to take my hand, but I quickly pulled it away. I didn’t want to touch him right now.

  “How do you feel about me, Arsen?” I asked again. I finally turned to face him and looked him directly in the eyes.

  “I …I can’t put it into words, but I know that I can show you”

  “Great.” I forced out a laugh. “And how do you plan on doing that?”

  He kissed me. Just leaned in and kissed me, but this time, I didn’t kiss back. I stood up and walked away from him, shaking my head.

  “No, Arsen. You don’t get to just kiss me and leave again.”

  “But Lola—“ He started, but I quickly interrupted.

  “If you don’t mind, I would really like to be alone right now”

  He sighed and left the room. I heard the lock click and for some reason, it was annoyingly loud. I just wasn't quite sure how to feel at the moment. I’d had the opportunity to express my feelings for him. Better yet, he’d had the opportunity to express his feelings to me, but I guess he just wasn't ready yet.

  What was crazy about the whole thing was the fact that he was a writer. It really shouldn't be that hard for him to put his feelings into words. Me being a writer as well, it was very easy for me to explain myself. I guessed it was just different for everyone.

  I really needed to separate myself from him. I couldn’t pinpoint this exact feeling but it was very overwhelming. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of my own emotions and I was too far away to swim back to shore. This was what I called the visionary aspect of a writer's mind. I had these moments where I actually envisioned my thoughts and my imagination became so vivid that it felt real.

  The color blue surrounded me, but it surrounded me in various shades. Both warm and cool tones captured my soul in a way they hadn’t before. Blue sky, blue clouds, and blue waves. There was fog everywhere and the air was clammy. My hair stuck to my arms like feeding leeches.

  It was not salty ocean water that I was floating in. I was washing away in my own tears. I took a look up and the clouds looked like question marks. They had this gold glow that rested around the edges of their shape like they were hiding the answer to all this confusion from me.

  The sky turned a peachy orange color as my body washed up onto a black sand beach. After seconds of coughing up water, I started to catch my breath. The sun peeked through the clouds letting me know that even though things may have seemed solely negative at the moment, things were going to be okay. Left in the sand were the footprints of another human being who was now vacant. I wondered if they were on the same trail of vivid emotions.

  I was just trying to find my way through this warped reality but I knew that it would take a while. It was already taking me a while to process the thought of Arsen not feeling the same as I did, but what if he didn’t feel anything for me at all? What if this was just a simple scam for him to have his way with me and still end up killing me in the end. I didn’t know. I didn’t think he wanted to kill me, but with him, I never knew his true intentions until he acted upon them.

  Why did I feel like the only one who didn’t have the answers? Why must I be the one lost at sea?

  My questions almost never had answers to them and I wished I knew why. It had almost always seemed like the answers to my questions would only come in the form of a conclusion to my overall problem, which was very annoying because the situation could last for years and I would be confused all the way up until the very end, when things were solved. I threw myself onto the bed and pulled the blanket over me. It felt like I was a child again.

  When I was younger, I would always crawl into bed and lay under my blankets as a way to solve my problems. It was the place that made me feel safe and that was why, for the longest period of time, my room was my sacred place. Being alone in there made it so easy to be one with my thoughts.

  It had been only a few seconds, but within that short amount of time, I felt like I was in my sacred place again. But this wasn't my home and I didn’t think it ever would be. I knew that my feelings for Arsen were very strong, but I just didn’t know if he felt the same. I didn’t even know if his kisses were genuine. I needed him to show me that he actually cared for me in more ways than just physical.

  There were a million and one ways that he could express his love for me, if he had any, but he'd just have to find out how to show me on his own. If he felt the same way, this wouldn't be a problem. Although I had just taken a nap, I decided to just go back to sleep and get ready for whatever Arsen had planned for me to do tomorrow.

  I woke up to the loud ringing of the alarm clock, which was crazy, because I didn't even set it. I pushed myself out of bed and into the bathroom to take care of my hygiene. My schedule said that this morning I would be grocery shopping and that I should be ready to leave by 9:45 so that I could make it to the store by opening time.

  It was just grocery shopping, so I decided to wear a t-shirt, a pair of yoga pants, and a pair of running shoes. At 9:45 sharp, the door unlocked and opened. In front of me stood Ms. Rose and Arsen's driver.

  "Are you ready, Lola?" Ms. Rose asked.

  "Yes," I said with a smile, then she handed me the grocery list and the credit card.

  "You can follow me to the car, Ms. Lola," the driver spoke. His smile never left his face the entire time.

  I followed him out to the car, got inside, and he opened the door for me. I was happy to be out in the fresh air after being locked up in the house for a day and a half. I rolled down my window and let the wind blow through my hair as we drove off. I tucked the grocery list and card into my back pocket, trying to clear my mind off the task that needed to be done until it was actually time to do it.

  We drove through part of town that I had never seen before. This must have been where the wealthy people shopped because the buildings around the other parts of the city were nowhere near as nice as these. The driver found a perfect parking space right in front of the grocery store and told me that he would be waiting for me right in this spot when I was finished. I thanked him and got out.

  The store was named Organic Everything. It was set up really nicely and organized throughout the entire store. I grabbed a cart and pulled out the list of items that I needed to pick up. Finding things in the store was very easy, due to how they labeled everything from the aisles to the prices. Strangely, this brought me peace.

  The soft music playing from the ceiling speakers and the subtle chill that surrounded me put me at ease. I wouldn't mind doing this all of the time. This felt like meditation.

  I had gotten all of the items that were on the list within fifteen minutes. Just when I was about to close the note and put it away, I saw something written at the bottom. It told me to also pick up
a few of my favorite snacks, because by the time I got back I would have a mini fridge and a small cabinet for my items.

  I smiled at the list and put it away before quickly doing another run of the store and picking up a few things that I wouldn't mind snacking on from time to time. I went to the cashier and paid for all of the items. Maybe this day would be better than yesterday.

  The driver helped me pack the groceries into the trunk and we both got back inside of the car. I kept my snacks in the backseat with me. The music on the radio was playing little louder than it had been earlier, and it was on another station too. It was on the alternative station, and I knew every song that came on back-to-back. This was just another good thing to add on to this good day.