Masked Indulgence

by Michelle Love

  She asked the question then they both remembered the circumstances. Lila gave a soft laugh. ‘If it meant not meeting you, I would happily take that knife over and over.’

  Noah flinched. ‘Don’t say that.’

  ‘You know what I mean. My life began when I met you, Noah.’

  Their food got cold and other diners kept casting amused glances in their direction but neither of them cared. Tonight was about them.

  At a quarter of midnight, Noah helped her into her coat. She put her hands on his chest and gazed up at him, with soft eyes. ‘Noah, I want you to know…’

  Noah pressed his lips to hers. ‘What, Lila?’

  ‘I want you to know…that I’m going to do very naughty things to you when we get back home.’

  Noah chuckled. ‘Then let’s get there quicker.’

  The Seattle night was cold and steam blew out of their mouths when they breathed. Lila hugged her coat closer and Noah grinned down at her.

  Then all hell broke loose. Into Lila’s eye line stumbled a woman, long dirty blonde strewn across her face. Something glinted in her hand and then there was a loud popping sound. Screaming.

  Noah staggered back and as Lila turned to look at him, her eyes widened in horror as blood started to bloom across the front of his shirt. He looked back at her confused, reached out and then collapsed.

  All Lila could hear was the frantic beat of her heart. She didn’t care if the next bullet came her way, all she could think about was Noah, his big frame sprawled on the sidewalk. She dropped to her knees beside him, every sane thought in her head gone as she screamed his name over and over…

  And he didn’t answer.

  Tinsley yanked her suitcase from the luggage wheel and practically ran through SeaTac airport. She hailed a cab, jabbering the name of the hospital to the driver, who took one look at her stricken face and broke every speed limit in the city to get her there.

  At the desk, she lied and said she was Lila’s cousin and they directed up to the emergency room waiting area.

  Lila was pale, shaken, her white dress covered in blood. She sat with another woman Tinsley didn’t recognize, and a tall, handsome man who was taking to Charlie. When Charlie saw her, he came over.

  ‘How is he?’ Tinsley whispered and Charlie shook his head.

  ‘We won’t know for hours. He was shot in the chest, just once, but it’s bad.’

  Tinsley peeked around Charlie to see Lila, her head down. ‘How’s Lila?’

  ‘In shock. She hasn’t said a word.’

  Tinsley looked at Charlie’s closed face, and then ducked around him to go to her friend. ‘Lila?’

  Lila looked up and the raw pain in her eyes was almost more than Tinsley could bear to look at. She frowned as if trying to place Tinsley and Tinsley crouched down in front of her.

  ‘Darling, I’m here for whatever you need.’ She took Lila’s hands and smiled at the woman next to her. ‘Hey, there, I’m Tinsley.’

  The other woman smiled, touched her arm. ‘Quilla Mallory. It’s…’ She broke off and looked away and Tinsley nodded.

  ‘Yeah, I know.’ She got up and took the seat on the opposite side to Lila. Charlie was right, Lila was almost catatonic. She had a small black velvet box in her hand that she kept turning and turning around. She bent her head and Tinsley heard her whispering something over and over.

  Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease….

  Tinsley ached for her friend. So much pain, so much loss. Not Noah. Please let him live. She found herself echoing the mantra of her friend. She looked at Quilla over her friend’s head and the other woman looked as devastated as she did. They must be friends of Noah’s, she thought.

  As if reading her mind, Quilla spoke. ‘This is my husband, Jakob. We’re old friend of Noah’s.’

  Tinsley nodded to the other man, who spoke in a low voice. ‘It was Lauren, Noah’s ex. She was arrested, didn’t even put up a struggle. Said she wanted to kill them both but she never got off more than one shot before a passerby tackled her.’

  ‘God,’ Tinsley spoke before she could catch herself, ‘what the fuck is wrong with people?’

  She leaned her head against Lila’s, felt her friend stiffen then Lila’s hand crept into hers.

  ‘Why can’t they just let us be?’ Her voice was gruff, broken. ‘All we want is to be happy, be together. What possible good comes of this?’

  ‘I know, sweetheart.’

  The depths of Lila’s despair were searing. Tinsley felt tears coming and got up, not wanting Lila to see them. She went to Charlie who was staring out of the window. It was early morning but the city was still dark. Charlie didn’t turn to her, just kept his gaze fixed in front of him. It took Tinsley a moment to realize he was staring at Lila’s reflection in the glass. Her heart went out to him and she touched his arm. He started and turned to her, his eyes flat and cold.

  ‘Charlie, I’m here for whatever you two need…’

  He jerked his head towards the corridor and she followed him out. He closed the door, before turning to her. ‘We’re fine. She’s fine, I’m here now.’

  Tinsley was stung. ‘She’s my friend too, Charlie.’

  ‘We don’t need you here. Thank you for coming but we’re fine.’

  Tinsley’s hands clenched into fists and her temper swelled. ‘Why are you being like this? Lila needs all the friends she can get right now.’

  Charlie had stopped even looking at her directly. ‘You should go.’

  ‘I’m not going anywhere, asshole,’ she hissed at him. She took a deep breath in, trying to calm herself. Anger and confusion was giving way to something else now, something more tangible. Fear. Was Charlie losing it? Tinsley studied the man she had been so intimate with and saw nothing there that she recognized. Was he just in shock? No…it was something else.

  ‘Charlie, I am here for Lila and believe it or not, I don’t need your permission to stay with my friend.’ She tried to push past him to go back into the waiting area but he grabbed her wrist. Hard. She winced and pulled away just as she heard someone say Lila’s name. She turned to see an elderly, distinguished looking gentleman, his face etched in pain hurrying towards them. Noah’s father. The gentle looking woman to his right had tears flooding down her cheeks.

  ‘Charles,’ Mr. Applebaum looked at Charlie, ‘We came as soon as we could.’

  ‘We drove from Portland,’ the woman said, presumably Mrs. Applebaum.

  Charlie greeted them warmly, much to Tinsley’s shock. He showed them into the waiting room and she heard them comforting Lila. Charlie stood at the door and looked at her icily.

  ‘Go back to New York, Tinsley, we’re fine here.’

  Tinsley stood her ground. ‘No fucking way, Sherman. I’m here for Lila, not you.’

  He stepped towards her and smiled. It did not reach his eyes. ‘Don’t be a little cunt. Get out of here.’ And he was gone, into the waiting room, closing the door firmly behind him.

  Tinsley could barely believe what had happened. She stumbled down the corridor blindly and out into the frigid morning air. She stood there for a while then realized she had left her suitcase upstairs. God, she didn’t want to go back to that room now…for the first time, she was afraid of Charlie Sherman.

  She sat on a small wall outside of the front entrance and tried to stop the trembling that wracked her body. ‘What the hell is going on?’ she whispered to herself then jumped as a voice behind her said, ‘Excuse me, are you Tinsley Chang?’

  A young orderly was standing behind her – her suitcase at his side. She nodded and, smiling awkwardly, the orderly handed her the case and disappeared back into the hospital.

  She had been banished. She took the case and wheeled it to where the cabs waited but before she got in, she looked up to the fourth floor where the waiting room was.

  Charlie Sherman looked down at her – and straight through her as if she didn’t exist.

  Lila sat at Noah’s bedside, her hand in his, watching the m
achines breathe for him. He had been out of surgery for just a couple of hours now but he looked so still, so pale that she couldn’t believe he was actually still alive.

  The surgeon had come to find her just after ten am. and told her that they’d stabilized Noah but the bullet had destroyed one lung and clipped his heart. ‘I don’t want to give you false hope,’ he’d said.

  Hope. That seemed like a ridiculous notion now and Lila was at her breaking point. Richard, Matty, Riley…now Noah. She put her head down onto the bed and sobbed silently, her fingers twisting in Noah’s. She cried all of her despair out and eventually fell asleep next to him.

  There was someone stroking her hair and her head shot up eagerly – was he awake? Her heart thudded with disappointment when she saw Noah was still unconscious. Charlie was sitting beside her, his arm around her shoulders. She sat up and he pulled her into a hug. Lila, drained and exhausted, didn’t much feel like being held – by anyone other than Noah – and she pulled away after a second.

  ‘How long have you been here?’ She tubbed her face.

  ‘Long enough,’ Charlie said. ‘Any change?’

  ‘No.’ Lila sighed, stroking Noah’s hand. ‘Hey,’ she said looking back at Charlie. ‘Where did Tinsley go? She was there one minute, gone the next.’

  Charlie smiled coolly. ‘She’s in town somewhere, I don’t know. I thought you had too many people around you last night so I sent her back to the hotel.’

  Lila sighed. ‘You didn’t need to do that, Charlie, she could have stayed.’

  ‘Too many people.’

  Lila couldn’t be bothered to argue but Charlie’s attitude was irritating her. Ever since she’d called him, hysterical, after Noah had been shot, he’d taken over, speaking to the doctors on her behalf without her consent, talking to Noah’s parents as if he’d known them for years. It shouldn’t irk her, she knew, he was only doing what was best but his attitude that she couldn’t handle things for herself was annoying.

  It wasn’t just that…his entire manner was that of a consoling husband – not a friend. He was dismissive of any positive news about Noah’s condition – not that there was much – and he seemed to be ‘preparing’ her for the worst, as if it were a foregone conclusion that Noah would die.

  Lila shook off Charlie’s hand on her shoulder. ‘Please, Charlie, I just want to be alone, right now.’

  ‘I’m not sure that’s a good idea.’

  ‘I wasn’t asking for your opinion.’ She snapped back at him. Charlie stared at her, and she looked away. ‘Please, Charlie, I want to be with Noah.’

  Charlie said no more but the door to Noah’s room slammed after him. Lila sighed. Forget him, Noah is what’s important. She moved her chair closer and stroked his face. Already lean, he seemed to have lost even more weight overnight, his cheeks were hollow, his skin looked pinched.

  He was still the most beautiful sight in the world to Lila though and she stood and bent over him, kissed him where she could. ‘I love you so much,’ she whispered, ‘Please come home to me.’

  She imagined she felt a slight pressure on her hand from his fingers but it was so slight she knew she imagined it. There was a small tap on the door and Quilla Mallory poked her head around the door. Lila felt relieved, glad to see her friend. Quilla tiptoed in. ‘How is he?’

  Her lovely dark eyes were full of sorrow and compassion. ‘The same,’ Lila said, ‘Which I’m looking at as good at the moment. His body needs to heal, rest. I’d rather he sleep and….well, we both know how it is, don’t we?’

  ‘We do,’ Quilla nodded. ‘May I stay with you a while?’

  Lila nodded, smiling. ‘I would like that.’ She needed her friend’s gentle presence here; not only that, but she knew Quilla really understood what being a victim of violence meant to both the sufferer and their loved ones.

  Quilla took the chair vacated by Charlie and placed her hand on Lila’s back gently. ‘I want you to know, you are not alone in this. Whatever you need, just ask, please.’

  Lila felt tears spring up in her eyes. ‘Thank you, Quilla.’

  ‘I hope you don’t mind; I spoke to the staff and they’re going to bring a cot in here for you to sleep on. You need to rest as well.’

  See, Charlie? This is the way to care for someone. ‘I will, I promise and thank you, Quilla.’

  Quilla smiled at her, and then nodded at Noah. ‘I think he looks a little brighter, don’t you?’

  Lila was grateful for her friend’s attempt to make Noah seem better but they both knew his life was hanging in the balance.

  Lila thought about Lauren, about what she’d stolen from Lila – her child and now possibly her love – for what reason? Was she any different from Cora and her jealousy of Tinsley? Nope.

  So much hatred, so much fucking entitlement, she thought angrily. Who the fuck do these people think they are?

  She said as much to Quilla now and her friend nodded. ‘I know. It’s twisted and disgusting and sadly all too prevalent.’ Quilla sighed. ‘Gregor Fisk decided that I was his to decide who I fucked and when I died. But I survived, barely, but I’m still here. You’re still here, Lila, and Noah will get better.’

  Lila looked her with hopeful eyes. ‘You promise?’

  Quilla smiled. ‘Lila, this is a man who can run a half-marathon and not even break a sweat. Hell, even if he runs a marathon, he just says ‘woo, that was a tough one’ and jogs to the water stand.’

  Lila laughed softly. ‘You’re right.’ She looked back at Noah. ‘It’s going to be okay.

  He’s going to come back to me.’

  Tinsley holed up in the motel for a couple of days. Because of the prominence of Noah’s family, the local news ran reports on his condition on every bulletin – critical but stable.

  God. Tinsley, even forty-eight hours after the event was still seething about Charlie’s treatment of her. Angry and confused. Had their relationship deteriorated that much or was it because Charlie was stressed out?

  Don’t be a little cunt.

  Every time she thought of that and the look on Charlie’s face, she would stop, take in a sharp breath. It was so vicious, so spiteful, and so full of rage. When had they got to this?

  The letter. It all began when I read that letter that night. It had been the catalyst she was sure but thinking back to its contents, she couldn’t figure out why he would take exception to her reading it. It was a simple goodbye letter from one friend to another.

  Please don’t try to find me.

  Well, Charlie had ignored that and…Tinsley sat up. Charlie had ignored Lila’s plea for privacy. He had found her. So what? Tinsley told herself, he’s a cop, he had connections and he was probably worried about her. Except…would he have been able to find her? He hardly had the cash to hire someone to do it for him, but if he had been watching her. An insane theory began to form in Tinsley's head and she closed her eyes trying to sort through the melee.

  Why was Charlie upset about the letter? Because it proved Lila had asked him to stay away. So what? He was a friend anxious about another friend. Charlie had disliked Richard. Maybe he knew Rich cheated on Lila – Lila may well have confided in her oldest friend. Except she knew Lila hadn’t…

  Jesus, Chang, what mad theory are you trying to come up with? Tinsley got up and went to grab a shower. She would go back to the hospital today and whether Charlie Sherman liked it or not, she would see Lila.

  As Quilla had told her, the staff had brought in a cot for Lila to sleep on and she crawled gratefully into it when she could barely keep her eyes open. It was still afternoon and there was some noise from the other parts of the hospital but she soon fell into a deep but troubled sleep, wracked by nightmares…

  They were on the island again, making love slowly in the huge king sized bed. Noah was kissing her as he drove his huge cock into her harder and deeper with every stroke. Lila was gasping, moaning with pleasure and when she came, a thousand stars exploded in her vision.

  But then things turn
ed darker as Noah, turning his head, seemed to say something to someone behind him. Are you ready? She’s yours…

  What? Noah pulled out from her and stood to the side of the bed and then a figure stood before her….she couldn’t make out the face. She looked at Noah who smiled. It’s okay, baby, this is what I want. The figure had a knife and as Lila began to scream, he raised it above his head and brought to down…

  Lila shuddered and half-opened her eyes. ‘Ssh, ssh, it’s okay baby, go back to sleep.’ Someone was stroking her hair, her face and she was so dog-tired she couldn’t be bothered to process what was happening. She gave in to the darkness again.

  Tinsley walked down the corridor, her heart thudding heavily against her ribs. Despite her bravado she was nervous – Charlie was bound to be here and if he treated her like he did the first time…she didn’t know that she could keep her temper. She found Noah’s room by repeating her lie about being Lila’s cousin and as she approached the door, she could see the lighting was low. The door was open a crack and she peered in to see Noah still unconscious and hooked up to the machines. She bit her lip; she knew it had been ridiculous to hope for some sort of miraculous recovery. She stepped into the room a little and stopped.

  At the far end of the room, Lila slept on a cot, Charlie crouched beside her. He was stroking her face and Tinsley couldn’t tear her eyes away from the tender way he was touching her friend. Jesus…

  ‘Lila?’ Charlie’s voice was a whisper, ‘Can you hear me, baby?’

  Lila gave no reaction and to her horror, Tinsley watched Charlie run his hand gently down Lila’s body, cup her breast. He slid his hand under her sweater and stroked her belly. Tinsley couldn’t believe it. Charlie leaned in and kissed Lila’s mouth.

  ‘I’m so sorry, baby…I’ll take your pain away…’ His voice was a whisper. Tinsley couldn’t help the squeak of horror that escaped her and as his head shot up, she ran.

  She stumbled down the hallway to the nearest exit and almost fell down the stairs. God, what the fuck was that? She staggered down two flights then stopped, breathing hard.