by Sky Winters
Her dad’s words brought little pinpricks of tears to her eyes and she quickly wiped them away. “Thank you, Daddy.”
“Will you stay long?”
“I thought I would stay here a while and help you out with everything. Would you like that?”
He guffawed. “I don’t need any help. I’m fine.”
Her father turned to the TV as the theme music for Judge Hunter started. He snatched his hand away from Joy and scowled at her. “I don’t hold hands with anyone anymore. Except my daughter Joy. So please don’t do that anymore.”
Joy nodded and swallowed hard. “Sorry about that, Steve. I’ll be more careful.”
Chapter 2
“Joy? Joy!” The gum-smacking, bottle-blond cashier at the Swing Through Gas Station ran out from behind the counter and threw her arms around Joy. The smell of green apple shampoo and vanilla perfume jogged Joy’s memory—it was Coco.
“Coco, hi.” The two regarded each other for a second, Coco with a knowing smile and Joy with an awkward grimace. “So, you’re working here now?”
“Yeah.” Coco gave a little shrug with an eyebrow raise, her signature expression. “It’s okay I guess. I mean, you know, it’s easy. What about you? You here on a visit or are you finally coming back?”
“I moved back home.” Joy put her milk and bologna on the counter, praying the question and answer session was over.
“Oh.” Coco nodded knowingly. “Your dad.”
“Unfortunately. I just don’t feel like he can live alone anymore.”
“I get it.” Coco rang up Joy’s purchases and took her money. “Remember when your dad was our English Lit. teacher and everyone hated him? We were awful! Do you remember the stuff we used to do in his class? It must have taken all his strength not to kill us.”
Joy gritted her teeth but kept a smile on her face. “I remember.” She grabbed her stuff and walked out, not bothering with a goodbye. Behind her, Coco was trying to say something but she couldn’t quite hear it. The door dinged as someone else walked in and Coco quickly switched gears.
“Terry! Hi. How are the kids?”
Outside, Joy looked around at her little hometown of Stottard, Wisconsin. She could almost take in the whole place with a couple of glances. There was the auto shop full of trucks and tractors, the cafe with the same food they’d served for as long as she could remember, the two traffic lights. All the homes were scattered in different directions, the empty space a leftover from the days when Stottard had been a haven for farmers. There were still a few farms, but now they grew an ugly, hard corn that was ground up into a weird mush used by fast food places and food processing plants. To get actual vegetables a person had to drive about thirty minutes out of town to a big chain store just off the freeway.
A big sigh came out of Joy. She could hear her younger self on the phone with her friends. They’d all been so glamorous and beautiful back then. They could spend all day putting on makeup, dreaming of big city life, assigning each other future careers like impressionist painter and the next country music star. None of them had wanted to stay here, they’d all wanted to run away as quickly as possible, but only Joy had made it out and she’d only gone as far as the surrounding mountains.
What had happened to that confidence she’d had not so long ago? She looked back inside to see Coco in her gas station shirt and her over-treated hair. Coco had been a queen bee back in high school. Everyone wanted to be her, to be near her, to get an invite to her parties. Joy and her friends had never been in the popular group, but they’d created their own little universe full of books about other worlds. They’d spend all day dreaming about kings and queens, building castles in the air so that they could climb inside. She remembered feeling so special, so ill-suited for a town like this.
And yet, here she was, right here with all the people she’d sneered at for so long. Well, that’s what a body got for making plans. She turned and walked down the path to her father’s house, wondering if he would remember her this time.
Her dad was having a good day; for the most part he knew who Joy was and why she was there. She was arranging her old room and going through her stuff while he wandered in and out of her doorway, leaning in to ask the same three questions again.
“You’ve really left him?”
“Yes, Dad. Aris and I are through. I can’t take it anymore.”
“You have a lawyer yet?”
“No, not yet. I’ll find one in a couple of days. I just need to rest. And spend time with you.
“How long are you staying?”
“I really don’t know, Dad. I hope a long time.”
When she said that, he would smile and wander away, singing a little tune to himself. Joy found herself singing along as she made her bed.
Take my girl
And you’ll take my world
Wreck my heart and
You’ll tear my soul
You don’t know how hard
I’ve fallen...
She remembered listening to that song with her high school crush, Zak. What had ever happened to that guy? One day he just wasn’t at school. Joy could still recall how shocked all their teachers had been that he seemed to have just dropped out.
“Has anyone seen Zak? Anyone know if something happened?” They had all been genuinely concerned that such a sweet, smart student could just vanish without anyone knowing why or how. Joy had always lived with the guilt of inspiring him to disappear. She was sure she was the reason.
The two of them had gotten together and had a madly romantic couple of weeks kissing in the back of the movie theater, driving around the open country roads outside of town and telling each other their secrets. Then, suddenly, Aris had come into Joy’s life and something in her snapped. While Zak was gentle and genuine, Aris just had that bad boy edge that made Joy’s heart pound. In a few days she’d made her choice.
“Zak, you’re great. Really. But, I just want Aris. I can’t help it.”
“What?” The poor kid. He was so shocked he hadn’t said anything after that, just ran off into the night and left her on her porch. She’d felt awful, but she was sure she’d made the right decision. She couldn’t be with one guy if she was in love with someone else, right? It had seemed so clear to her at the time.
The next day, he was gone. Just like that.
Her room finished, she decided to make lunch for herself and her dad. He only ate bologna sandwiches these days. She didn’t mind, but she also really wanted to get some vegetables in his diet. She wondered how nurses went about sneaking carrots or greens into their patients’ food. It couldn’t be easy.
“Hey dad, you hungry?”
Her father walked into the kitchen with a scowl. “Why are you asking me? Aren’t you in charge around here, Brenda? If you’re hungry, make some food. Just leave some out for me and I’ll get to it.”
“Sure thing, Steve.”
“And let me know if my daughter calls. I’ve been waiting to talk to her.”
He stomped out and sat down in a huff. Joy wasn’t sure who Brenda was, but she was suspicious it was the name of a nurse dad had hired a while back. He would only be so short with a stranger.
She made herself a sandwich and then one for her father, then joined him in the living room for an episode of Judge Hunter. The show was a reality program about a small claims court where the judge would get fed up with the people who would come to see her. She often told people they were ridiculous or irresponsible, much to her father’s delight.
Just as she got settled, a noise started up outside. At first, it sounded like a weird buzzing, maybe a swarm of bees. After a moment, Joy realized it was the sound of motorcycles all revving and speeding down the street. She tried to ignore it but the noise filled the living room. Her father cranked up the volume on the TV but it was no use, the roar of the bikes speeding past was too much for even the loudest setting.
“Damn kids! I hate those biker sons of bitches. I’ve called the police a hundred times.
Never does any good.”
“Bikers?” Joy stood and went to the window, too curious to let the moment pass. She pushed aside the curtain just as a gang of bikes turned the corner on their street. The big, gleaming motorcycles careened around the corner like a parade. The air throbbed with the power of their engines and the drivers made sure to rev their engines as much as possible, announcing to the whole town that they were present and powerful.
She stared at the man who led the group. His deep black hair and bright eyes were incredibly familiar, but she couldn’t place him. Had they gone to school together?
Her father joined her at the window, scowling again. “I just hate to see that nice boy throw his life away like that. His parents didn’t raise him that way.”
“Who?”
“What do you mean who? The leader! Your ex-boyfriend, Zak. That’s his gang and that’s him right there in the lead. I tell you, he is not the kid I remember. No, sir. For a long time, I hoped you’d marry him. Now I hope you never go near Zak Mansing again.”
Joy’s heart stopped. Zak? No, it couldn’t be. Zak had loved reading, had spent long afternoons in the woods watching the birds and keeping an eye out for deer. Zak had been a volunteer at the church, a good student, a nice son to his parents. Now he was in a gang? She could hardly wrap her head around it.
The gang came back around and Joy stared out the window to get another look at the man who, long ago, had been her first boyfriend. For just a moment, he turned and saw her in the window. Did he give her a little smile, or was that her imagination? She wasn’t sure. All she knew was that her heart was going a million miles an hour. She couldn’t remember the last time a man had made her so excited.
Over the next few days, the mood of the town shifted. Apparently, the gang wasn’t there all the time, just once every few weeks. Everyone was a little more jumpy, a little less smiley when they were close by. Joy saw the difference instantly. Even Coco from the gas station seemed like a different person when she went in to buy some juice and eggs one morning.
“Hi Coco. How are you?”
“Good, thanks. That will be five dollars and eighty cents.”
Shocked at Coco’s poker face, she put the money down. Then, she heard them. The motorcycle engines revving like crazy as they drove straight for the station. She turned and hoped she’d have time to leave before they came in, but no such luck. By the time Coco had passed over her change, they were there. They parked so that they blocked the door and no one could leave. The group walked in with a tough swagger, throwing the door open and stationing one member in the doorway so no one could get in.
A bearded man in a black leather jacket approached the counter. “Hi Coco. How’re you?”
“You guys have to pay for your stuff. You don’t get to come in here and loot my store. It’s not okay.”
Joy backed up and tried to make herself as small as possible as the two had their stand-off, Coco demanding money while the bearded man insisted she worried too much. All around Joy, members of the gang were helping themselves to packaged cakes, bottles of soda, hot dogs from the spinning cooker and burritos from the fridge. All the food went right into their pockets or straight into their mouths. No one reached for their wallets.
Seeing a free corner, Joy made her way towards it, avoiding eye contact as much as possible. Without meaning to, she bumped into a shoulder and mumbled a “sorry.”
“That’s okay. Hey, wait a minute.” A hand grabbed hers and stopped her. “Joy? Is that you?”
Zak’s eyes looked just like she remembered, blue as a summer sky and just as clear. To her surprise, the sweetness she remembered was still evident in those eyes. She smiled back.
“It’s me. I just came back to town.”
“Wow. You know you look exactly the same.”
“No! You’re flattering me.”
“I’m not.” He smiled and squeezed her hand a little more. She didn’t pull away. The two stared at each other for a long moment, then started laughing. Joy wasn’t sure what about; although Zak and his friends robbing a store while they played catch up was kind of funny.
“Hey,” he said, still holding her hand. “What are you doing tonight? You want to get together and catch up?”
She looked around at his crew. All of them looked pretty rough. Even the pretty ladies in the group had a hardness in their eyes that made Joy very nervous. The ripped up jeans, the leather jackets, the shirts proclaiming their love of different brands of alcohol, all of it seemed to add up to a bad idea.
“I don’t know, Zak. My dad needs a lot of help. I better stay in tonight.”
“Alright, you’re playing hard to get. I understand.” He picked her hand up and looked at it, then looked her in the eye. “But you know you’ll go out with me one day. I don’t know when, I just know it’s going to happen. And so do you.”
He gave her hand a kiss, then gently lowered it back down to let it go. “Alright, troops! Let’s roll out.” He signaled for their exit by making a big circle around the top of his head with his hand and without protest the group filed out, got on their bikes, and roared off. Joy and Coco watched them leave, Coco with her arms crossed and red-faced. Joy’s eyes stayed on Zak. She couldn’t seem to look away. He looked back at her and they held eye contact for a long time, both of them smiling. She watched until he pulled away, and he and his crew disappeared into the distance.
Of course, she wasn’t going to go on a date with him; that would be massively stupid. Just the thought made her shake her head at the absurdity of the idea. But she couldn’t forget those beautiful eyes. They followed her everywhere she went for the rest of the day.
Chapter 3
Joy’s father had good days and bad. Sometimes, he wanted to dance in the living room, stay up late and eat chocolate ice cream or sing songs with his daughter. He seemed delighted to have her back in his life. Today, however, was not one of those days.
“Brenda, call my daughter, will you? I haven’t heard from her in ages. I’m worried.”
Orders to call herself were always given without eye contact. She hated it when she had to be Brenda. Brenda was unwanted, unrecognized. If Dad experienced any joy, he was loathe to share it with her when she became this other person to him. It made her heart sink down into her stomach.
Tonight, she thought she would try something. She walked over to the phone on the wall and picked up the receiver, covertly unplugging the connection so she could press the numbers without calling anyone.
“You remember her number?”
“Sure thing, Steve. I’ve got it memorized.” She waited a few seconds, then put on her little performance.
“Hello, is Joy there? Oh great, could I speak to her, please? Yes, I can wait.” In the next room, the volume on the TV got lower and she could hear her dad leaning so far back in his lounger that it gave a big creak. “Joy? Hi! It’s Brenda, your Dad’s helper. Oh, we’re fine. We just wanted to call and see if you could manage a visit sometime soon. Really? You don’t say! Well, that would be just wonderful. He will be thrilled. I’ll tell him right now. Bye, Joy.”
She hung up and saw that her father’s head was peeking around the doorway, anxious for news. “Well?” His eyebrows were almost all the way up his forehead. “What did she say?”
“She was missing you so much and so happy to hear that you were thinking of her that she’s coming to see you. She’ll be in first thing tomorrow.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful.” He put his hand on his chest, warming the space around his heart. When he looked up, he had the beginnings of tears in his eyes. “She was the best thing that ever happened to me, you know? We didn’t plan her, we just went for it. Being parents. She was my one impulsive decision and I don’t regret it. Not for a minute.” He looked up at her and instantly got annoyed. “What are you crying for? She’s not your daughter!” He huffed and stormed out of the room like a little boy, leaving Joy to hold her own heart.
The next morning, she woke up excited to
see if her father would be back in Dad mode or if he would be her cranky patient again. She jumped up to make his coffee and get his bagels in the toaster. Dad really needed to cut back on bread. Well, that was for another day; today she prayed he would be happy.
He shuffled out of his room and gave her a big smile. “Good morning, sweetheart. Did you sleep alright?”
She ran over and gave him a big hug. “I did, Daddy. Thanks.”
He hugged her back. “Aren’t you sweet? You know, I had a memory come back to me last night.”
“What was that?”
“Do you remember that time we missed each other so much that you just dropped everything and came out here for a visit? All it took was one quick phone call from that cow, Brenda and you ran out here like a shot.” He patted her cheek. “That’s what I always loved about you, dear. You’ve always known just when you’re needed.”
The rest of the day was a nice one. The weather was mild and great for puttering around in the garden, so she and her father tooled around outside. When he asked her if she would go and pick up some chocolate ice cream at the store outside of town, she went happily, checking to make sure nothing had been left on or locked before she went.
“Anything else you need, Dad?”
He handed her some cash. “Get something for yourself. You’re a sweetheart, you deserve it.”
She ran out to the car and flew down the street, hoping if she hurried that Dad’s memory would hold out for the rest of the night.
As soon as she pulled into the parking lot, she saw them. The line of motorcycles right at the entrance. She swallowed and parked as far back as she could, uncertain what to do next. Then she saw the gang’s guard posted outside the door. They looked at each other for a moment, then he turned to the inside of the store to talk to someone. When he turned back to her, he gave her a big, come-on-over wave. She pointed to herself; me? He nodded. Gulping, she walked towards the big, carefully guarded doors and the big, bearded man standing with his hands in his pockets.
She could see herself reflected in his shades, the two women in his dark eyes looking pale and shaky as he stared at her, expressionless.
