by Judy Baer
Lilly opened her mouth to speak but I stopped her. “It’s my time to talk and your time to listen.”
“I don’t need to listen to you. I see your actions.”
“What is it you think you see, Lilly? Me asking for flowers and candy and attention? Me making huge plays for Connor’s affection? Me trying to push you away so Connor notices me, instead? I don’t think so. If you’d truly been looking, you’d have heard me suggest that Connor get to know you better. You’d have seen me turn down dates and even a trip to Hawaii with him. You’d have seen me backing away from a relationship with him as fast as I can.”
Lilly gaped at me, but I didn’t give her time to speak.
“You, of all people, should understand why Connor is pursuing me. You two are just alike. I’m appealing to Connor because I’m not encouraging him, not in spite of it. You do the same thing, Lilly. Don’t you see?”
“That’s not the point….”
“It is the point. You want Connor because he doesn’t fall all over you. Come on, Lilly, tell the truth. If he’d come to town and swept you off your feet, would you still be together now?”
“Of course!” She hesitated and her brow furrowed. “I think.”
“Neither of you realize it, but this is a game you both play, a game of conquest, not genuine love.”
Lilly stared at me, dumbstruck.
“You expect men to be interested in you and when they disappoint you…”
“…I think there must be something wrong with me or they’d be interested,” she admitted reluctantly.
“So you set out to prove yourself wrong, that there isn’t really anything wrong with you. That you can make any man love you.”
“Is that what I do?” She sank into a chair as if her legs had given out on her. “Norah, I’ve been so miserable…I’ve missed you…the way Connor looks at you…it’s been eating me alive.” She put her head in her hands. “I’ve been such a fool.”
“We’re all foolish sometimes.”
She looked up and her eyes streamed with tears. “Oh, Norah, you don’t even know the half of it!”
I don’t know the half of it?
I rolled Lilly’s words around in my mind for the rest of the day but couldn’t make sense of them. What else has been going on that I don’t know about? Instead of feeling better that I’d finally had it out with Lilly, I felt as if I’d opened another can of worms, nasty ones.
I ran into Joe at the market after work. “Hey, how are you?” I greeted him.
He looked up, his hand midair, reaching for a jar of caramel fudge ice-cream topping. “Norah!”
“Don’t look so surprised. I eat, too, you know.”
“Of course, I just didn’t expect to see you here tonight.”
Why not? Joe looked nervous, almost guilty. What is so strange about running into me in the grocery store?
“Looks like we have the same grocery list,” I commented, peering into his cart. A bunch of bananas, steaks, ice cream, lettuce, strawberries, dinner rolls, pineapple preserves and whipping cream. “Nice supper tonight?”
“Ah…nothing special. Good to see you, Norah, but I’ve got to get going. See you tomorrow?”
“Sure, I…” But I was addressing Joe’s retreating back.
“Weird,” I muttered, reaching for a jar of butterscotch topping. I hadn’t had a banana split since the falling out with Lilly, so that’s what Nick would get for dessert tonight. I hoped that more than dessert will be sweet if Nick and Bentley meet face-to-face tonight.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Bentley can read me like a book.
He senses my emotional state almost as quickly as I do myself. Apparently he’s reading something in me right now because no matter where I move in the kitchen, he follows and sits on my feet. Tonight I could have worn him instead of slippers.
It must be something in the air. Hoppy won’t get out of his litter box even for lettuce and Winky and Asia Mynah are having some sort of whistling contest that forced me to stuff my ears with cotton or go deaf. Still, I was ready before seven and waiting for Nick to come.
I’m not sure why, but I felt the need for candles, so I put an entire forest of them on the patio. In a huge departure for me, I even put on makeup. Not my standard swish of blusher and mascara but foundation and eyeliner. Filled with anticipation and dread, I fortified myself in every way I knew how. My feelings for Nick have undergone a change since the last time he’d been at my home. I find myself terribly afraid that Nick and Bentley can’t make peace with each other and am troubled about the idea that Nick may be permanently out of my life. Or maybe I’m acting like Lilly, wanting someone just because I can’t have him. Either way, I’m not willing to give up Nick’s friendship without a fight.
“You know, Bentley,” I said as he sprawled across my legs, “I can’t have a serious relationship with Nick if we have to stay outside all the time. This is Minnesota. I imagine the romance would end mid-January at the latest.”
The dog made a low whining sound as if to apologize but he made no effort to move. That, I fear, is how it may be—Bentley and I, apologetic but together, and Nick nowhere in sight.
“That was simply amazing.” I leaned back in my chair and rubbed my stomach. “You are truly the best cook I’ve ever met.”
“Better than the ones at Ziga’s?” Nick asked.
“Top of the heap. And I’m ashamed to give you my fresh-from-the-dairy-case excuse for dessert.”
“Banana splits, I hope.”
“No homemade fudge topping, no freshly made caramel, nothing.” I brightened. “I will cut the bananas myself, however.”
“Perfect.” Nick rose to follow me into the house but halted so suddenly I heard his shoes skid on the patio floor.
I looked back to see what had stopped him. His gaze was riveted on the floor inside the door. There, peering out the window, were two beggars, hoping for scraps. Bentley and Hoppy looked as pitifully underfed as two fat and pampered pets look, each hoping I’d take pity on them and share my table food.
“Isn’t that cute…” I said, then realized that Nick was still frozen to the spot.
Bentley.
“I’ll wait out here.”
“Nick, this is the most harmless dog on the planet. Trust me.”
“I trust you, Norah. I don’t trust him. I’ve had more experience with this than you have.”
More than me, dog lover extraordinaire? I don’t think so!
The rest of the evening deteriorated rapidly and I, disturbed by Nick’s insistence on the dangers of a dog like Bentley, didn’t help matters any. I was, in fact, glad to see him leave shortly after dessert.
It isn’t working. Nick is not going to change his mind about dogs, nor will I change mine about Bentley. It’s ridiculous to imagine that a woman who owns a pet shop could fall in love with a man who hates her pets. What have I been thinking?
Frustrated with myself, I picked up the phone to call Joe. Joe understands me. He likes Bentley and tolerates all the other creatures that have paraded through my home and shop over the past couple years. Perhaps Joe is right and he and I are meant to be together.
But Joe didn’t answer his telephone. Instead his answering machine picked up. I didn’t leave a message. Puzzling. In the grocery store he’d sounded as if he was cooking dinner at home. Maybe he’d run back to the Java Jockey. Joe’s a homebody. If he purchased food for dinner, surely he’d be home cooking.
The next day, I felt as if I were the sole survivor on an island. Annie told me Joe had taken the day off and that she was covering for him. Lilly’s assistant came to work saying that Lilly had gone to market. Nick and Sarge, according to what Nick had told me last night when our evening was still progressing nicely, had an assignment to work a strawberry or apple festival and parade somewhere in the city. Lou had a doctor’s appointment and had told me in no uncertain terms that I was to stay at the Ark. She’d arranged for the senior bus to pick her up, take her to the clini
c and bring her home again. Even Barney’s Gas was being staffed by someone I didn’t know while Barney took his vacation fishing in the Boundary Waters of northern Minnesota.
I was so grateful to see Julie Morris walk through the door of my shop I nearly kissed her.
“You look sparkly today.”
“Oh, Norah, I feel sparkly.” She put her hands to her ruddy cheeks and beamed at me. “I’ve had the best news!”
Great. I could use some good news.
“Officer Haley stopped by the house this morning on his way to an assignment. He told us that he’s still looking into the issues with Bryce but that he is very happy to see Bryce taking such an interest in Lou. He said it’s good for both of them and a real help to you.”
Oh, he did, did he? I hadn’t realized he’d noticed.
“And, he told me that you were the one who suggested he talk to Bryce. So guess what?”
I had no idea. Nothing surprised me any more.
“He’s taking Bryce to the State Fair.”
Okay. Some things do surprise me.
“He is?” I felt a strange twinge of jealousy twanging away at my emotional center. I love the State Fair. I want to go to the State Fair. And Nick’s taking Bryce?
“The best part is that Bryce is excited about it.” Julie grabbed my hands. “I have you to thank for all of this—Officer Nick befriending Bryce, Bryce’s job at Auntie Lou’s—why, you’re God-sent!”
Yes, well, God-sent. At the moment I’m feeling like anything but a messenger from God. I’m hurt, left out, jealous and confused, which also makes me feel small, self-centered and childish. Not pretty.
I was in a weakened emotional state when Connor walked through the door and asked me to join him for dinner.
“I really shouldn’t.” Lilly would never believe I’d accepted an invitation only because I was feeling forlorn and out of the loop. Forlorn is not one of my normal emotional states but today the description fits.
“My brother is considering the purchase of a restaurant about thirty minutes from here. He wants me to take a look at it. I’d rather not eat alone.”
Thirty minutes away? What’s the likelihood of crossing paths with Lilly? I weighed the risks and accepted his invitation.
“When can you leave?” Connor looked around the shop. A black-and-white kitten was hanging on the edge of its cage, pawing at him. With a hint of a smile, he let the kitten hook its paw around his finger.
“I can leave anytime. It’s almost five anyway. No one will notice that I’m missing.”
He looked at me quizzically. “Something wrong, Norah?”
What’s wrong? Today it feels like everything.
When I didn’t answer immediately, he said, “Let’s save that question for later.” His gaze turned back to the kitten. “Is it true that cats don’t like water?”
“Some do, especially big cats in warm climates. They like to cool off, although I’ve never met a house cat that likes a bath.”
“I never paid much attention one way or the other to animals until I met you. It’s the first time I’ve ever really considered that they have distinct personalities—like this little fellow.”
The kitten’s purr was audible from where I was standing.
“I’ve considered getting a pet, but I’m not home a great deal.”
“Then I wouldn’t sell one to you.”
“No?” He looked surprised. “Where’s the business-woman in you?”
“Standing behind the animal lover, I’m afraid. Now if you wanted a dog that you could take sailing with you, I could find you a nice water dog like a Keeshound.”
He looked at me in amusement and held out his car keys. “I’ll consider it. Shall we go?”
He put the top down on his convertible, I pulled the ponytail clip out of my hair and we cruised the freeways, Connor looking like an escaped movie star and me, well, I looked more like an untrimmed poodle with my curls whipping in the wind.
The restaurant was nice and the location good but it was definitely not Ziga’s. Still, we managed to enjoy ourselves on the deck and talk desultorily about nothing until they lit a fire in the outdoor fireplace. Then we ordered dessert and slowly sipped our coffee, allowing the night to drift away.
“Now are you ready to tell me what was wrong back at the shop?” Connor asked gently.
“It’s not ‘wrong’ anymore. I was feeling sorry for myself. But then you came along—” I gestured toward the beautiful setting “—and made everything right.”
“Everything?”
Why was he dredging up the emotions I’d been stuffing?
“I don’t know what I want, Connor, or what I’m expecting. The parts of my life I thought I had in place have gone topsy-turvy and I’ve lost my footing.”
Joe’s become distant, Lilly angry and Nick…what is it with him and dogs, anyway? Sure, some dogs are badly trained and dangerous but couldn’t he just give Bentley a chance?
“I’ve never thought of myself as a control freak, but…Connor, do you believe in God?”
“Sure.”
“Do you know Him?”
“Not the same way you do, Norah. We’re more passing acquaintances than intimate friends.”
“There’s something I’m beginning to recognize about myself. My life isn’t turning out how I’d planned it would. I feel as though I’m losing control of my world and I’m starting to panic.”
“That doesn’t seem like you.” The waning light softened his features and I saw compassion in his eyes.
“It isn’t. I thought I was through panicking about things when—” the aha moment hit me hard “—when I turned everything over to God….”
When was the last time God and I had had a really good discussion about what He wanted for me? Granted, I’ve been calling for His will to be done and petitioning Him right and left—to return Lilly’s friendship to me, to make my plan for Auntie Lou work out, for Nick to like Bentley, for Connor to…But when was the last time I asked God what He thought about these things and taken the time to listen to His answer? Had I ever asked Him if Connor, Nick or even Joe was supposed to be a part of my life? Had I assumed that because I wanted Auntie Lou on Pond Street that it was His plan for her? Maybe Lilly and I are done. Is it possible that Lou isn’t supposed to live on Pond Street anymore? It suddenly occurred to me that in this relationship I’ve had with God, I’ve been doing all the talking.
I groaned and put my head in my hands. What an arrogant, presumptuous fool I’ve been.
Connor leaned forward. “Are you okay? Can I get you something? Water?”
I looked him straight in the eye and made my decision. “Connor, I’d like to tell you what’s been going on in my life. It’s only fair because you are a part of it.” And I recounted everything that had been happening on Pond Street—including the fact that prayer becomes very one-sided when I do all of the talking and none of the listening.
When I was done, I leaned back in my chair and breathed a sigh of relief. He deserved to understand what had been going on between Lilly and me. He’d become my friend and deserved my honesty.
As we sat there and the dusk turned to darkness, I tried to explain everything that had been happening since he arrived in Shoreside.
“I see.” He spun the straw in his glass between his thumb and forefinger and looked at me appraisingly. “I had no idea what a juggling act you’ve been attempting to keep everyone happy. What would make you happy, Norah?”
I wanted to blurt, “That you fall in love with Lilly, that Auntie Lou get back to her prestroke state and that Joe and I…or Nick and I…” But I didn’t. “I want to quit trying to manage this by myself, turn it back over to Him and see what He does.”
I want to listen for a change, Lord.
“You’re a brave woman.”
“Brave? Hardly. Shortsighted? Yes. Mistrustful? Of course.” I put my hand over his as it lay on the table. “Whatever happens, I want God to be the one to plan its unfolding, not m
e. Do you understand?”
Connor laid his free hand on top of mine. “I do understand. I’m not sure why I understand because usually I’m not a very spiritual guy.”
He looked deep into my eyes. “And now I have something to confess to you.”
I tilted my head, waiting for him to speak. When he did, he multiplied my problems tenfold.
“Norah Kent, I love you.”
Chapter Thirty
I opened one eye and saw a single eye staring back at me from the other pillow. Then a long pink tongue shot out and licked my nose. Bentley and I lay facing each other, a look of contentment and peace on his features that I envy. All is right in Bentley’s world as long as his stomach is full and I’m around.
Me? I’d soothed myself with Ben & Jerry’s until I made myself sick.
I rolled over to grab my phone and call Annie, who was opening the store today.
“Norah’s Ark. There’s nothing like puppy love. May I help you?”
“Hi, Annie. Everything okay down there?”
“Sure. You sound tired.”
“I’m on overload. Do you think you can handle it today?”
“No problem. Stay in bed, eat two chocolates and call me in the morning.”
“Thanks, I’ll do just that. If you need help, don’t call me.”
“Gotcha,” Annie said cheerfully and hung up.
I was pulling the covers over my head, planning to lie there until either my or Bentley’s bladder threatened to burst, when the phone rang. I eyed it, wishing I had caller ID. Unfortunately I’m too snoopy to leave a ringing phone alone.
“Norah?”
I bolted upright in bed and Bentley grunted a complaint. “Nick?”
“You sound funny.”
I may sound funny, but I feel anything but. “I’m okay. Just a little down in the mouth.”
“Would an outing help?”
