When your heart is broken, it takes its own sweet time to heal. I had learned that after Melissa ravaged it in high school. It took me years to trust again. Now, here I was, like nothing had changed. Nothing.
Chapter 2: Lindy
Lafayette, LA
Staring at the urn, a lump rose in my throat. It was three years ago, but my heart ached as if I’d only lost him just yesterday. Some days it wasn’t real to me and I expected him to walk through the door asking when dinner would be ready. A question that sometimes annoyed me, but I would give anything to hear it right now. Only, I’d never hear my husband ask me that again. He was ashes, contained in the urn sitting before me, waiting to be released. His death had turned my life to ashes too. I’d never be the same and I had no idea how to move on. Maybe I just didn’t want to.
Finally, I had saved up enough money to fulfill his dying wish. Dane had requested his ashes be spread in Maui because our honeymoon there had been so incredibly special, and it had been the only place we’d ever been together. I wished we could have gone back there together before he died, but it just hadn’t been possible.
Sipping my coffee, I stared out my window, wondering how I ended up a widow living in a trailer park. Oh, that’s right. My life sucked from the moment my parents died when I was ten and I was placed in foster care. The one silver lining had been meeting Dane. He was four years older and had taken me under his wing. The first week, I was so scared of everything, especially the other kids. But Dane made sure no one bothered me. He was my protector from the moment we met.
“Don’t cry, Lindy. I promise everything’s going to be okay,” Dane said.
“How’s it going to be okay? I don’t have anyone. My parents were my only family.”
“You have me. I won’t let anything happen to you,” he said, putting his arm around me. I buried my face in his neck, tears streaming down my cheeks. He gave me the comfort I needed so desperately.
“It’s not so bad here once you get used to things. Just keep quiet and don’t make any trouble.”
I nodded. “I’m used to being quiet since I was the only kid at home.”
“Then you’ll be just fine.”
Pulling away, I looked Dane in the eyes. His big, brown eyes. “Why do you think my parents had to die? Do you think it’s because I’m bad?”
“Oh, no, Lindy. It was an accident. You’re not being punished, I promise.”
“It sure feels like it,” I said, the weight of the world on my shoulders. I didn’t know how I was going to bear this. I missed my parents so much. It was so unfair.
“Hey, how about I tell you a secret? But nobody else can know.”
“A secret? I promise not to tell.”
“Every day after school, I go to old man Lander’s shop and work on cars with him. The part that’s a secret is when I turn eighteen, he’s going to let me work for him and I will eventually own his shop. He wants to retire to Florida or something.”
“I promise not to tell, but why is it a secret?”
Dane looked down for a moment. “Sometimes, saying things out loud has a way of making them not come true.”
Dane looked so sad. I had no idea why he was in foster care. He hadn’t told me. “It will come true for you, Dane. I just know it will.”
Dane gave me a slight smile.
If it was possible to be in love at ten, then that’s what had happened to me. Dane treated me like a kid sister, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was being with him. Of course, when I was ten, Dane didn’t think of me as the person he would eventually marry. It took him longer to see me, but I saw him right away. My heart had latched onto his and didn’t let go. Still hadn’t let go. I miss you so much, Dane.
Glancing at my watch, the dreaded time had come for me to go to work. After Dane died, I’d quit college and taken a job waiting tables at a truck stop. The tips were good, but the unwanted attention from truckers was overwhelming at times. I had slapped away more hands than I cared to remember. But, it was a job and it kept a roof over my head. At least I got to work with my best friend Ro.
***
“Busy day?” I asked Ro as I walked into work.
“We’ve been slammed. I’m so glad you came in early.”
“Me too. I need the extra money for Maui.”
Ro squeezed my hand. “It’s going to be good and I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
“I know. It’s just…hard to let go.”
“I know, Lindy, but it’s time. Dane would want you to be happy. He would hate to see you living…”
Ro stopped talking. I stood there with my mouth slightly open. Living how? Like trailer trash? She hadn’t said it, but maybe it was what she was thinking. Oh, God, I hoped not.
“I just want you to be happy, Lindy. If you’re happy, I’ll shut up right now.”
“I’m happy I’m here with you, Ro, and we’re going to Maui together for a much-needed vacation. That’s going to have to be good enough for now.”
I had learned a long time ago that happiness was overrated and could be snatched away at any moment. My happiness with Dane had been taken and I was still recovering. I knew he wanted me to go on with my life and maybe this trip, spreading his ashes, was the way to begin. I certainly didn’t want people feeling sorry for me or thinking I wasn’t living. Maybe my life wasn’t exciting, but I was surviving my losses. I guess anyone could argue that surviving wasn’t living. It was just existing.
Chapter 3: Trace
San Diego, CA
Opening my eyes, searing pain raged through my head. Laying there for a few moments, I rubbed my temples. Every inch of my body hurt. Sitting up slowly, I placed my feet on the floor. It felt like fireworks were going off inside my head. I put my elbows on my knees, cradling my head in my hands, wondering why I drank so much. None of this could have really happened, could it? Was I drunk and had imagined everything? That was the only reasonable explanation. Reaching for my cell phone, my hopes were obliterated when I pressed play. Shit. Not able to stand watching it anymore, I put my phone down on the nightstand and headed for the shower, taking two aspirin before getting in. The hot water streaming down my back eased my tense muscles a little, but getting through the next two days was going to be the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life so far. It just didn’t seem like it was really happening, but it was.
I had meetings scheduled for the morning, but the afternoon was light. Leaving early was definitely happening and so was taking tomorrow off. It wasn’t the plan originally, but no one was going to question me, as I was the boss. I had a couple of things to do to put my plan in place. But could I really go through with it? Being vindictive wasn’t in my nature, but the idea had come to me and in my anger I decided to go with it. Surely it was what they deserved, but would it make me feel any better afterward? I contemplated the potential consequences for a moment. Only one way to find out.
Stepping out of the shower, I stopped and stared at myself in the mirror. I had gained a lot of muscle mass in the last six months, trying to look like an underwear model for my girl. My six-foot-one-inch frame was shredded at one hundred ninety-five pounds. I had never been in this kind of shape before. I had always been considered good-looking with my blond hair and hazel eyes, so I knew Angelina cheating had nothing to do with how I looked. Something else was going on, but what? In my world, I thought I had given her everything she ever wanted. Guess I was wrong. How had I gravitated toward another woman who would cheat? I could kind of understand Melissa cheating in high school. She didn’t know what she wanted and we were young. Angelina didn’t have that excuse. She wasn’t a teenager.
I had thought we were happy. I had been happy. How could I have been so wrong? I never got the feeling that she was acting. She came across as sincere in her love and affection. It was all too much. Just too fucking much.
I got dressed, ate my high protein breakfast, and was out the door, heading to the office. It was going to be the longest day of my life, bu
t at least I’d found out. I knew the truth before getting hitched. Some guys didn’t get that luxury and ended up married to some shrew of a woman who basically ruined their lives. I should be grateful I knew now, but I wasn’t quite there yet. I was miles away from being there. This fucking hurts.
“Good morning, Mr. Michaels,” Fran said.
“Good morning, Fran.”
“You have a gift waiting for you on your desk,” she said with a smile. If she only knew the fucking truth, she wouldn’t be smiling.
“Thank you, Fran. With the exception of my meetings, I don’t want to be interrupted today and I won’t be taking any calls.”
“Not a problem. I’ll make sure you’re not disturbed. You have a lot going on with the big day upon you.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Is there anything I can do for you?” she asked, concern etching her face.
“If I think of anything, I’ll let you know.”
Fran nodded and I went into my office. On my desk was a bottle of my favorite scotch with a card. It was from Derrick. Reading the card with his well wishes made me pissed all over again. I balled up his card and threw it in the trash. The nerve of that back-stabbing bastard. How could he give me a gift when he was fucking my fiancée? Had he been planning on fucking my wife? Taking in some deep breaths, I had to remind myself to stay calm. My jaw was tight and for a split second I thought about throwing the scotch against the wall, but now wasn’t the time to lose it.
I had to go through the motions of being with him today at the office and at the rehearsal dinner tomorrow night. No matter what, I was going to operate in the realm of everything was fine, nothing unusual going on. Fran might be able to see through me. She had known me for a long time and she always knew when something was up. Hopefully, I hadn’t set off all of her bells by being a little short with her.
The morning progressed rapidly and before I knew it, all of my meetings were over. At least that was accomplished and I could get out of here. I had managed to avoid Derrick and just sent him a text, thanking him for the scotch. He replied that we needed to get together for a drink before I became a married man. I guess I was going to have to get through that before leaving work today. Picking up the bottle, I headed toward his office. When I tapped on his door, he looked up, motioning for me to come in. It should have been like a thousand other times we had hung out together, having a drink. But it wasn’t. Our friendship was over. I had no idea how we would be able to continue working together either. This was bullshit.
“I was about to take off, but thought we could have one drink before I do,” I said, sounding as normal as I possibly could. I was practically seeing red just being in his presence. I had to tell myself to relax my face because I knew I was giving him a hard look.
“Sounds great, man,” Derrick said as he took out two glasses from the credenza behind him. He hadn’t really even looked at me.
I opened the bottle and poured each of us a drink. Handing Derrick his glass he said, “Let’s toast. To a great couple who have a once in a lifetime kind of love.”
Our glasses clinked, and I put the glass to my lips, but I pretended to drink. There was no way in hell I was drinking to that toast. Not with the man who had destroyed my so-called once-in-a-lifetime love. How could he be so deceitful? I was his best friend for crying out loud. Had he always been this way and I’d just never noticed?
“Thanks, man,” I managed.
“That’s what the best man is for. Is Angelina out taking care of last minute details?”
“Yes. I have some details myself. I’m heading out and not coming in tomorrow, so I’ll see you tomorrow night at the rehearsal dinner.”
Derrick stood up and came around his desk. “I couldn’t be happier for you. You found yourself a very special woman,” he said hugging me.
How I didn’t become rigid as a board I’ll never know, but I managed to hug him back. “I’m fortunate,” I mustered. All my energy was going toward not attacking him. But, at some point, I knew my fist would be making contact with his face. It was just a matter of time.
“I don’t know how a gorgeous woman like Angelina settled for a guy like you,” he said laughing, patting my back. I knew he was just kidding me, but it really took all my strength not to wrap my hands around his throat.
“Yep, she fell for all my tricks,” I countered, smiling as much as I could.
Derrick seemed satisfied. “Well, you better get out of here. If I know you, I’m sure you have something very special planned for your wedding. Care to let me in on it?”
“I’m going to play it close to the vest on this one. You’ll get to see it when everyone else does.” And I’m going to enjoy every second of it.
Derrick’s secretary buzzed him that his one o’clock had arrived. I gave a brief wave as I picked up the bottle of scotch and began making my way out.
“See ya tomorrow night.”
“See ya.”
***
Getting into my car, I had no idea what to do with myself. My mind was consumed with the image of the two of them…together. I hated this. It fucking sucked. I didn’t move a muscle for what seemed like forever, staring off. The life I was anticipating flashed before my eyes. Pounding on something at the gym was the only way I could take out my aggressions before the wedding. Making it there in record speed, I was in the locker room changing before I knew it. I didn’t even know how I got here. I just seemed to arrive. Nothing could shake the image of them. Nothing. I had to get my anger out or I was going to lose it. Derrick had pushed me just far enough and if it hadn’t been for his appointment, I don’t know what would have happened.
A kickboxing class was just about to begin. Normally I would be lifting weights, but I desperately needed to punch something. This class was just what the doctor ordered. I found a spot in the corner toward the back so I could watch what everyone else was doing. When the instructor began, I felt right at home, imagining Derrick’s face as my target for every delivered kick and punch.
The class relieved some of my stress, but I had no idea how I was going to make it through the rehearsal dinner, let alone my wedding day. Wondering if I could make my plan materialize, I headed to the locker room to get my gear. I had some big things to consider tonight.
Arriving home, I tuned out for a while and became engrossed in the television. Watching an entire season of Dexter took my mind off my problems. Dexter seemed to have it easy. He had a code he lived by and the code served him well. I decided my code would be not to destroy my life with a lying, cheating woman who had the nerve to go to bed with my best friend. If I had any reservations before my Dexter marathon, they had all vanished, just like Dexter’s victims. I would just do things like he did. Plan the attack in detail. Be organized. Slice, clean up, remove evidence. Well, I couldn’t achieve all of his actions…
Chapter 4: Lindy
Lafayette, LA
Ro had stuck around, drinking coffee at the counter until my shift ended. It was late, but we decided to go back to my place to hang out for a while. Her husband, Todd, was working out on an oil rig, so she didn’t have to be home at any particular time. Plus, we both liked the company and if it got too late, she would just crash on my couch.
I poured us each a glass of sweet tea and we propped our feet up on the coffee table. Laying our heads on the back of the sofa I asked, “Do you almost have enough money saved for the house?”
“Yes. Todd is up for a promotion and when that comes in, we can buy a house. I can’t wait. I’m so tired of living in an apartment.”
“I don’t blame you,” I said, glancing around my shabby trailer. A house sure would be a welcomed change.
“Yesterday I saw a For Sale sign in front of Mrs. Guidry’s home. I think she might have passed away, although I don’t know for sure.”
“Do you think you’d want to buy it? I love that property with the huge willow trees and a creek running through the back.” I could see Ro in that house, making memories wi
th a family.
“It would be the perfect place for raising a family,” Ro said, placing her hand on her stomach.
“Ro? Are you—”
“Yes, I’m eight weeks pregnant,” she gushed. “We wanted to wait until I was three months before we told anyone, but I can’t wait any longer. I don’t know how I’ve kept it in. It’s been killing me not to tell you.”
I hugged my best friend. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Me, too. Todd is beside himself. He wants a son so badly.”
An uncontrollable twinge of sadness shot through me. Dane and I had talked about having children. He’d really wanted a family. We both had. I was pregnant when he died, but we just hadn’t known it. Miscarrying was a cruel joke I’d yet to recover from, but I never talked about it. The sting of tears began to well up, but I willed them to go away. I didn’t want to ruin Ro’s moment of telling me by making it about my loss. Too much time already had been spent on my loss, even though Ro was more than happy to listen to me. I don’t know how I would have gotten through without her.
“Lindy, are you okay?” She wouldn’t understand the bitter pill I was swallowing. I am excited for them, but I never shared with her about the miscarriage, and I won’t now.
Ro brought me out of my reverie. “Yes. I’m so happy for you. We have a lot of planning to do to get you ready to be a momma. She’s one lucky baby.”
“I think it’s a girl too, but don’t tell Todd. We’ll find out in a few months.”
Ro’s phone lit up. “Who could be calling me this late?” she asked, reaching for it.
“Hello. Yes, this is she. What? Oh my God. I’ll be right there.”
“What’s happened?” I asked, seeing the panicked expression on Ro’s face.
“Todd had an accident on the rig. He’s being airlifted to Lafayette General.”
“Did they say how bad it is?”
The Only One for Her Page 2
