by Sara Alexi
Poppy twisted her fingers into each other.
'I know it was not love because I have experienced love, and in the naivety of youth I did not know how precious it was.'
Poppy could not help but look at him now.
'It is you I loved, Poppy. It has always been you that I love. Poppy …' He stood and with a quick stride he was across to her and on one knee before her.
'Poppy will you marry me?'
Chapter 33
'Oh my goodness!' Juliet exclaims. ’What did you say? What did you do? Oh my goodness,' she repeats, her emotions limiting her choice of words. 'How on earth did you feel?'
'Which would you like me to answer first?' Poppy’s eyes shine; she is clearly enjoying herself.
'What was your answer?' Juliet refines her question to address what she wants to know the most.
'The answer took a while. He stayed there, kneeling, waiting for me to respond. But after a minute he shifted, as if his knee was hurting. I realised I needed to find some words so I said, “Get up.”'
'”Get up”? That’s not very romantic!'
'Romance!' Poppy splutters. 'This man took advantage of his position to seduce a young girl in his employment. Made her pregnant, left her to deal with her miscarriage alone, reappeared with a wife, made her raise children that were not her own, took them away, brought them back, and then declared he loved her all along and asked her to marry him. Where in God’s name was the romance in that, Juliet!'
Juliet is glad Poppy is an elderly lady now, small-framed and, at the moment, not even able to stand – she can imagine how formidable she was when she was a few years younger. Juliet is not sure that she wants to cross swords with her but feels compelled to challenge what Poppy has just said.
'Don't tell me you had no feelings for this man? Sure, he had been an idiot, and thoughtless. Cruel even, in his selfishness, and he acted immaturely when more was needed of him, but you did have a connection with him, didn't you?'
'Would that please the romantic side of you? If I said Mick was an idiot and thoughtless and cruel and selfish and immature but you had a connection, would that have been a good enough reason for you to stay with him?'
Juliet shuts her mouth and narrows her eyes as she considers this.
'Okay, you have a point, but I do not see this Pantelis as being like Mick. Mick really was a waste of space.'
'Well, Pantelis would have been the same if he hadn’t been born to rich parents, don’t you think?' Poppy drains the last of her wine as if to emphasise her point.
'You might be right. Although it sounded to me more as if he was immature and it took his marriage to Monica to make him wise up.'
'Maybe. But was I supposed to take every knock along the way and wait for him to become an adult?' Poppy puts her empty glass down.
'I suppose not, but what about the children?'
'Well, he got up off his knee and blinked at me like an owl.'
'Pantelis.' Poppy stood so they were face to face.
'I don’t know what sort of fantasy you have been having on your way here, but yet again you have forgotten to think about the situation from my point of view.'
He blinked again as she said this.
'Maybe you had some sort of daydream about us getting married and being a happy family with the children, and I can see how that would suit you just fine.'
She put her hands on her hips, not aggressively, just casually. 'But it strikes me that because of the circumstances under which we met, you have been making all of the decisions and it has come to my notice that perhaps being born into money and being given this house has not made you particularly good at making decisions.'
Poppy stopped for a second as he actually inclined his head in agreement at this point. 'So I suggest that you stop and allow someone who is a bit more clear-headed to make some of the major choices for you.'
As he did not flinch, Poppy kept going. 'The children, for example, need stability, so they will stay here, they will go to school here, and only if and when they want to continue with their studies after school should they be allowed a choice as to whether they want to study in Greece or America, or maybe even somewhere else. But until they reach that age they stay here, and they are no longer dragged around the world as it suits you. To this end, they need someone who will be here with them consistently and constantly, and seeing as they love me and I love them, I will take that position. If they want to call me Mama they can, but I will never hide the truth of their birth from them.'
Pantelis put up his finger as if to stop her so he could say something but Poppy was still not finished.
'This means that you will not only continue to give me housekeeping money, but you will give me enough money that I may take care of all the children’s needs. The bills will continue to be paid and if you intend jetting back and forth to wherever you go to do whatever you do, then a telephone must be installed so your children can speak to you daily.'
Pantelis opened his mouth at this point, and now it was Poppy who held up a finger, to silence him. 'And finally, you will continue to pay my wages but I will not be treated like a servant. You will treat me as an equal.’
Poppy lowered her finger. ‘There, I have finished,' she said, and she waited a full minute for him to speak, and when he didn't she turned on her heel and went to bed.
The following morning, she awoke to the smell of coffee. She dressed quickly and found Pantelis in the kitchen.
'Would you like coffee on the terrace?' he said when he saw her.
'I am not Monica,' she replied, and she took the coffee out of the back door and sat on her little stool and looked at her herb garden and the olive trees beyond.
'Poppy.' He followed her out. 'I just want you to know that I won’t be going backward and forward to anywhere. I have thought over what you said and I can see it is the best for the children, but maybe it is also the best for me. I accept all you said, I am in agreement with you entirely, but the fact does remain that I really am in love with you.'
'You see!' Juliet interrupts Poppy's narration again. 'He really did love you. Did things change with time?'
'Well, I feel we have now come full circle back to why I wanted to talk to you in the first place. You see, we went on to live together for fifteen years side by side raising Anna and Vass, and in all that time he never wavered. He had a telephone installed for the very rare occasions he had to go back to the States for business, but otherwise he was there for the twins day and night. He stopped drinking, and he would take them to church on Sundays and for long walks along the ridge at the top of the island on Sunday afternoons. In short, he grew up and became responsible. And every day I would wake to the smell of coffee and a small cup was always waiting for me in the kitchen. At one point I remember I asked what he was trying to achieve with such an action, and he said if he could not tell me he loved me in words then he would do it in this one action. He made me a coffee every morning for fifteen years and never once forgot or failed.'
'That is some dedication,' Juliet admits. ‘But I’m still not really clear what you wanted to talk about.'
'You remember that letter that was in my pocket the day of the accident? I think it is by my bed. Would you mind fetching it?'
Juliet fetches the letter and checks in the kitchen for more wine, but it is all gone. She glances at the clock, reasoning that it is rather early to be drinking, and reminds herself again that she must replace the batteries.
Poppy opens the letter. 'It’s from Anna,’ she says. ‘Mama, I have some sad news. Baba has passed away.'
Poppy stops, her bottom lip quivering so much she cannot speak. Juliet feels her own tears immediately rise in sympathy.
Poppy struggles to control herself. 'The battle was short and he was in no pain. He could no longer hold a pen and so he asked me to write for him.' Again Poppy stops, puts her crooked fingers to her mouth to control the twitching and the quivering.
'Agapimeni mou, Poppy. All our life together I
have loved you, and the only reason you did not love me back was because I forced you to become hard. It hurt both of us and I have never forgiven myself for doing that to you. Now they say I have only a short time left, so I want to tell you once again, Poppy, that I love you. I think we are two parts of the same soul, and we should have joined together, but I made a mess of that. I hope we get another chance somewhere, somehow. But please, Poppy, tuck away in your heart the knowledge that despite everything you were really and deeply loved by me. In death as in life. Pantelis.'
Her eyes screw shut and she is silent, fighting the emotional waves flowing over her. Juliet is doing no better. She plucks tissues from the box on the coffee table and looks at the ceiling as she absorbs all she has been told.
Poppy is the first to speak. 'Anna goes on,' she says. 'Mama, I always knew Baba loved you. It was obvious in so many ways, and I have always known that you loved him. I saw it in the way you looked at him. I know you will grieve his passing but I wonder if one day you could try to help me understand why you did not allow yourself to show your love for him.'
Poppy folds the letter. 'There is more, but it is from Anna, saying I can ring her and so on, and about when the funeral might be.' Poppy is hardly able to enunciate these words, her mind so obviously on Pantelis's death.
Juliet thinks it is better not to say anything, to allow Poppy room for her emotions to settle. They sit in silence. Aaman comes in, takes a turn around the kitchen looking for food and goes out again. Outside, the cicadas rasp out their serenade and a dog’s barking echoes round the village.
'So.' Poppy draws the word out. 'The question is, am I too old, is it too late, to lose some of that hardness?'
Juliet recognises herself in the question. 'And you are asking me?'
'As we have said, I think we recognise each other. Maybe that was why I chose you to talk to?'
'Maybe you chose me to warn me?'
'Ah, you are only young, and you still have time.'
'Time slips by and we intend to change but we don't.'
'True.'
They sit in silence again.
'So do I think we both have time to change?' Juliet tries to add some humour, but the question feels too important and the chuckle dries in her throat.
Chapter 34
Juliet walks slowly down the lane. She felt she needed a change of scenery. Poppy asked for help to put her legs up on the sofa and then fell asleep, which didn’t surprise Juliet, given the amount of wine they had drunk before midday and the amount of emotional energy Poppy had used up. So it seemed like a good time to get some air and something for lunch. Poppy's tale took her to so many places, but in the end it brought her to her own demons – their shared demons, it seems. How the arrival of that letter must have hit Poppy! Juliet can imagine that the years floated by, and all the time she knew she was loved and that was enough for the moment. Maybe one day she intended to contact him, put their history behind them, allow them a chance. But then to suddenly have that love taken away by death, with no real resolution – that must be like having the oxygen sucked out of the air.
As she is considering Poppy’s tale, Juliet’s thoughts drift to Miltos. Sure, their relationship is only weeks old, but she is stifling it before it can even begin. She must do something, start doing things differently. Take a chance.
There are three women in the bakery and no one serving. They turn at the sound of the bell above the door as Juliet enters, and she recognises Kyria Sophia, who lives next door to Marina and sometimes helps her out in the corner shop, Toula, a diminutive and very old lady who divides her time between the village and her daughter in London, and Anastasia, the long-term partner of Theo who runs the kafenio.
Greetings are exchanged and the women resume their conversation, seemingly unconcerned that there is no one there to serve them the bread or biscuits that they have come in for.
Toula is talking about what she bought and who she met at the market this morning. Juliet has completely forgotten it is market day, and it’s probably too late now. The stallholders will be dismantling their stalls and packing up their vans. There is no clock in the bakery, but she is reminded to get batteries for her clock at home, and she moves towards the door – she can get them from Marina’s shop, and the women will probably still be standing here gossiping when she returns.
'Oh, and I saw Miltos,’ Toula continues. ‘Such a polite man. He was having coffee with such a pretty little thing. Heads so close their foreheads were almost touching.'
Juliet’s head spins round at this, all thoughts of batteries gone.
'Oh, who was that then? Did you recognise her?' Kyria Sophia is asking Toula.
'I sort of know her, heart-shaped face, hair in a ponytail, you know, as they do, scraped back off her face. She would have looked so much prettier if it had been loose.'
Juliet's stomach turns over and a sudden pressure pulses behind her eyes. She pushes out of the shop feeling a little sick, but the air outside is laden with heat.
By the time she gets home, Poppy is awake.
'Oh, what has happened?' are Poppy’s first words.
'Nothing.' Juliet goes through to the kitchen and unloads her bag, taking out one of the two bottles of wine she bought and pouring a good measure into a tall water glass. 'You want one?' she adds as an afterthought, filling a wine glass and giving it to Poppy.
'Good heavens, Juliet, what on earth is going on?'
'I’ve blown it! I’ve done what I always do. I’ve pushed Miltos away when he got too close and now I have blown it.' Juliet flops into the hanging chair outside, allows it to spin so she faces Poppy through the open door and digs her heel into the floor to stop it swinging. She takes a slug of wine.
'I don’t suppose you have missed any opportunity with Miltos. Weren’t we just saying that it is never too late?' Poppy’s eyebrows are raised so high that her forehead is furrowed like a field in springtime.
'In the bakery I heard Toula tell Kyria Sophia that she saw Miltos in Saros having coffee with a woman.'
'So?'
'A young woman with a heart-shaped face and long dark hair.'
'And?'
'Oh, come on, Poppy! He has no relatives round here, and if it was anyone from the village Toula would have named her … So it’s obvious he has met someone in Saros, and who can blame him? I was cold and unresponsive and I pushed him away.'
'I think you are jumping to conclusions. Overhearing one conversation in the bakery does not make it a fact …’
'Well, forget him! She can have him. Maybe it is for the best. Let me have my space back, and get back to normal. The last thing I need is people under my feet, getting in my way.'
'Oh.' Poppy puts her crooked fingers to her mouth.
'Oh, I didn't mean you, Poppy.' Juliet pauses with her glass half raised to her mouth.
'No, I am sure you didn't, my dear, but perhaps you are right. It was an imposition in the first place, and I have been here long enough.' Poppy’s voice tails off, and she is talking to herself as much as to Juliet by the end of her sentence.
'No, Poppy, I mean it. You are no imposition, and you are welcome to stay, I’m just letting off some steam because I have made such a mess of things. Don’t take me seriously.'
'You have not made a mess, Juliet, and it might well be better for you to have your own space again. Besides, when you were out I went to the bathroom all by myself.'
'You did!'
'I did. I used your umbrella here as a walking stick in one hand and your poker in the other and I managed just fine. So I think it might be time for me to become independent again.'
'Well, you are welcome to stay, Poppy. I really wasn't meaning you, I just felt so angry at myself for pushing him away,' Juliet protests.
'I am sure you are wrong about Miltos, Juliet. So unless you are going to march round to his house and open your heart to him, which I very much doubt, I suggest you just leave it be and give it time. Meanwhile, I will make arrangements to go ho
me. My cats will be missing me and Marina will be overfeeding them and overwatering my plants.'
'Well, please don't feel you have to go.' As she says these words, Juliet wonders if perhaps it will be a relief to have her house to herself again. From that point of view maybe it is better that Miltos has found himself a girlfriend. Maybe everything will return to normal and her emotions will settle down again, and she will get on with her translation work, go to the market in Saros twice a week and have coffee with Stella once in a while, and life will be uncomplicated again. She takes another sip of wine.
'I suppose we need some lunch,' Juliet says drily. 'I got a couple of tins of dolmades and some gigantes from Marina’s, and I think I have some tomatoes. I thought we could just have those with some bread?'
'That sounds perfect,' Poppy says softly.
After lunch, Poppy dozes off again on the sofa and Juliet sprawls on the single bed in the guest room. The days are starting to get warmer – that, and the wine at lunchtime has had its effect.
It has only been a few weeks that Miltos has been part of her life. It’s not long enough for him to have made an indelible impression, and he will fade quickly, with a bit of luck, and her equilibrium will be restored.
She must have been tired, or it was hotter than she thought. Or maybe she needed time to process her thoughts, because when she wakes the light is beginning to fade. She is aware that some noise woke her but she cannot tell what it was. As she listens there is the metal creak of a car door and the crunch of gravel. Someone has arrived in a car. Raising her eyebrows, she opens her eyes and blinks several times to rouse herself. Her head is thick and slow from the midday wine.
'Stupid,' she mutters and puts her hand to her forehead. Someone outside laughs and so, running her hands over her hair and slipping on her flip-flops, Juliet hurries out to see who it is. Marina come to visit Poppy, perhaps – but then she would have walked, as would Stella or Vasso. Someone from further away, then? But who that could be is a mystery.
