by Brian Godawa
Joseph cried out, “Rumors! I only heard rumors! Something about a bride price.”
“Bride price?” said Ishbi.
“Disgusting,” said Lahmi. “What is wrong with you people?”
Ishbi said, “If he is already on the palace guard, then he may be buying his way in to the royal family. That would place him in the lineage for inheritance.”
“To be king,” said Lahmi. “The messiah king?”
“That is all I know,” said Joseph. “You must believe me. I am but a common armor-bearer, with little knowledge.”
Ishbi stood to leave. “I believe you. You cannot be of much import for them to leave you behind.” He turned coldly to Lahmi. “He is yours to dispose of.”
Joseph cried out, “No! No! I gave you what you wanted! Please don’t kill me!”
Lahmi said, “I am not going to kill you, Hebrew. That would be merciful.”
Lahmi took one swift swipe and cut off Joseph’s member and testicles. The Israelite screamed in utter agony.
Lahmi took the dismembered flesh and stuffed it in the mouth of Joseph.
“I hear your Law speaks of equal retribution; eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth. Consider this cock for cock.”
Lahmi got up and walked away, to let Joseph bleed out in his humiliated state. The shock to his body kept the mutilated soldier awake, but he could not make a sound as he gagged on his own genitals.
But when Lahmi was out of hearing distance, a battle axe came down swiftly, cutting off Joseph’s head and ending his misery.
It was Ittai. He had stayed nearby and overheard it all, while pretending to arrange the weapons in his cart. He now knew the name of this mysterious savior of Israel. David ben Jesse. Shepherd, warrior poet. Ittai wondered what his own fate would be before this victorious scourge of Philistia. Would he do the same with Ittai’s manhood? Ittai was not going to wait to find out. If these Israelites cut off their foreskins as a covenant sign, then Ittai would prepare himself for the inevitable possibility of facing this Israelite nemesis. He would perform the sign of covenant with their god just to be safe.
He would circumcise himself.
Chapter 33
King Saul finished a feast of fowl, fruit and bread cakes with his wife Ahinoam, and his children, Jonathan, Merab, Michal and three others. He guzzled a chalice of wine, enjoying the drink.
A messenger entered, slightly anxious.
“My king, an urgent delivery from David, the captain of your guard.”
Saul was tipsy and impatient. “Do not just stand there, servant. Bring him in, bring him in.” He belched and sighed with satisfaction, from having relieved a bit of the pressure from eating too much.
David approached the dining table where the family all reclined on their pillows. His eyes caught Michal’s and his heart leapt with hope and joy.
He winked at her. She smiled.
David carried a wool bag over his shoulders.
Saul blubbered, “This had better be important, David. You interrupt my family meal.”
“Forgive me, my lord,” said David. “But I have fulfilled the king’s demands for a bride price.”
In his drunken haze, Saul did not quite remember what bride price David was referring to.
But Ahinoam did. Her eyes went wide with shock. She reached over and put her hands over the eyes of the youngest teen, Eshbaal.
Jonathan and Michal looked with horror at each other. Jonathan was about to say something.
But it was too late. David had given the sack to Saul and Saul had clumsily poured its contents onto the floor. It was a pile of severed male members and testicles.
David said, “Not merely one hundred foreskins as you asked, my king, but two hundred. Just to prove how much worth is your daughter’s love to me.”
The sight, the putrid stench of the rotting flesh, the shock hit everyone. But it hit Saul the hardest. His stomach heaved, he turned his head and began to vomit. Because he had eaten and drunk so much, it took more than a few eruptions to disgorge his belly of his gluttonous intake.
Ahinoam and the eldest children gagged. The two youngest projectile vomited onto the table of food in front of them. Ahinoam, Merab and Jonathan ushered them out of the room to safety. Michal stayed behind.
When Saul had finished expelling the contents of his stomach, he wiped his mouth with a napkin and complained to David. “Why did you bring them to me at dinner? Why could you not wait?”
David said, “Forgive me, my lord. I should have been more circumspect.” David gave a secret smirk only Michal could see. His audacity excited her.
Saul added to his complaints, “I asked for the foreskins. You brought the entire — thing.”
“Forgive another misunderstanding, my lord. But they do include the foreskins, after all, do they not?”
Saul gave a dry heave. But he was totally empty. “Fair enough. They do include the foreskins. You have fulfilled the demand. You may have my daughter’s hand.”
Michal squealed with delight, “Daddy!” and ran and hugged Saul. “I would kiss you, but your beard is full of puke.”
Saul felt nauseous again. He said, “Take these wretched things out of here, will you?”
Chapter 34
The wedding of David and Michal was a glorious affair. Though Saul was normally stingy with his money, he was not so with his daughters.
Michal had started the day with a bath followed by a bodily anointing of oil. She wore a linen and silk dress with embroidered cloth of Phoenician purple. Her hair was brushed to a soft perfection and placed beneath her Tyrian style crown of gold. She was bedecked with gold and silver jewelry from Egypt. Bracelets, necklaces, ear coverings and a ring on her nose. She walked through the Gibeah streets in fine calf leather sandals, surrounded by a cadre of dozens of virgin bridesmaid companions dressed in white linen. A band of minstrels led her with rejoicing on tambourine, flute, and lyre.
She felt like a queen.
She would be a queen one day. She knew that she was marrying the mightiest warrior in all of Israel. The gibborim who had killed the giant Rephaim Philistine, who her own father, the anointed warrior king, could not conquer.
All she could think of the entire journey to the palace were the lyrics she first heard her from the lips of her bridegroom upon their first acquaintance. She had never forgot them. They were burned into her heart.
He had sung a song of virginal submission to a manly king as a sample of his musical talent to her father. But she knew he had sung those words for her. She knew by the look in his eyes, his unquenchable stare of desire for her.
It was like a prophecy. Now those words were coming true, she was going to be living them out any moment.
Hear, O daughter, and consider, and incline your ear:
forget your people and your father’s house,
and the king will desire your beauty.
Since he is your lord, bow to him.
The people of Israel lined the streets and cheered their beautiful princess as she approached the entranceway to the palace. She could feel her heart pounding out of her chest. Would he sing to her on their wedding night? Would he seduce her with his musical talent before he ravished her?
All glorious is the princess in her chamber,
with robes interwoven with gold.
In many-colored robes she is led to the king,
with her virgin companions following behind her.
With joy and gladness they are led along
as they enter the palace of the king.
David’s procession had journeyed through the other side of the city, allowing the opportunity for those who were fortunate to get a glimpse of their future prince. He was clothed like a warrior priest. His long flowing hair was gathered beneath his headdress of gold and ivory. He wore new royal robes of many colored embroidered Phoenician cloth. He wore rings and a necklace of gold and silver embedded with gems. He carried an ornamental bronze sword sheathed to his hip and wore an ephod of linen beneat
h his robes.
A pack of minstrels also led him to the palace with their playing. They arrived at the front entrance to meet Michal’s entourage. When David saw her, his loins burned for her. They had hidden their love for such a long time. They had shared souls in their singing, now they would share their bodies. They would play a concert for their king, Yahweh.
Jonathan stood next to David as his shoshbin, his esteemed groomsman, to be witness. Earlier, David had signed a ketubbah with King Saul. It was a marriage contract with the father that established their legal union and responsibilities. The father released his daughter from under his authority and the groom promised to take care of her with honor and respect. It included an accounting of the bride’s inventory of assets, which in this case was quite extravagant because of her royalty. And it included a listing of the dowry owed by the father to the groom and the bride price owed by the groom to the father.
Saul winced at the disgusting memory of his foolish bride price of one hundred Philistine foreskins. It had been an attempt to endanger the young suitor. But it had come back to kick him in the goads. By Asherah, he would never make that mistake again.
All that was left was for their chuppah, or sexual consummation of the bride and groom.
The bridal parties left the couple to enter the palace alone and find their way to their bed chamber.
• • • • •
Ittai the Gittite closed and locked the door of his smith shop. He walked solemnly to the back of the room where his furnace blazed.
He sat down, staring into the flames, and wondered what Sheol was really like. There were myths and legends, ballads and epic verse written about it. The saying went that the mouth of Sheol and Abaddon was never satisfied, Abaddon meaning “place of destruction.” It was the Land of Forgetfulness, outer darkness, where the worm does not die. It was said that Tartarus was the deepest pit in Sheol, which was as far below the earth as the earth was below the heavens. He already felt as if he was in Tartarus. He had no idea what possible reality heaven could ever have in his existence. Was there even a heaven at all?
He had heard the Babylonian Epic of Gilgamesh as a boy. Ugarit up north and his own Philistia had plenty of tablets of the text because of their commerce and trade with other nations. He was reminded of how Gilgamesh had sought significance in life through deeds of greatness and glory. He lost the friendship of his warrior companion Enkidu, a friendship closer than that of women, forged through battles, journeys and facing death. He was resigned to an everlasting despair that could not be quenched. His greatness became as nothing. No matter what he did, no matter how great he would become, he too would die and all he had done would be of no benefit in the underworld, a place of dreary darkness and insatiable Shades. Even the gods had rejected him.
There was one god that Ittai obsessed about: Yahweh of Israel. He was at war with the giants of Canaan. Ittai himself was under that very curse. And yet, he began to wonder if maybe death at the hands of such a deity might actually be his redemption. If he was of the cursed Seed of the Serpent, then maybe giving his own life in sacrifice to the deity would atone for his evil. And if it did not, then maybe Ittai would nonetheless find his own satisfaction in defying his blood curse, even if only for a moment. It would be a moment of satisfaction for a lifetime of pain.
He would take the mark of this deity upon himself, like a tattoo of bond service. He would brand his flesh as his first act of defiance against his own corruption.
He reached into the fire and pulled out a dagger that was now glowing red hot.
• • • • •
At the request of Michal, David played the silly song he had played for her when they first met. He had almost forgotten the thing because he had committed to stop playing it as a means of manipulating women. But he played it on his thin lyre as Michal freshened herself up behind a screen and put on a soft gown of translucent lace.
When she stepped out and hugged the screen seductively, he stopped playing.
“Do not stop playing,” she said.
“Do not tell me what to do,” he said. “I will tell you. And you will obey.”
She shivered with delight. He was the strong man she wanted. She could not stand the effeminate boyishness of the eunuchs or the childish immaturity of the artists and musicians she associated with. She wanted a man who could lead her. She wanted a man of passion and strength, someone she could not control or manipulate. She wanted a wild animal she could surrender to.
That beautiful, wild animal approached her with firm resolve and hot blood pumping through his veins, eyes locked on her like a predator. She lost her breath with excitement.
• • • • •
Ittai’s breathing grew shallow with fear. He followed the procedure he had learned about from his time with Micah the blacksmith in Mizpah years earlier. He took off his tunic and placed a small circular bronze tube over the glans of his male member. He stretched his foreskin over the outside of the tube that was protecting the member. He had used a string to tie the foreskin tightly to the tube.
He then took the red hot dagger and placed it with trembling hands to the foreskin. The heated dagger would singe the skin and prevent bleeding when he was ready to make the cut. He paused, and bit heavily on the rag he had placed in his mouth to bite down on.
• • • • •
David’s breathing grew shallow as he watched Michal parade around him, dancing with undulating movements. He could just barely see glimpses of her form and features through the lace. It was driving him mad with desire.
Michal smiled. She could see he was aroused as he watched her every gesture like a hawk. Seeing that he desired her fed her own arousal. He was hungry. She wanted to be eaten.
She closed her eyes and let herself be taken away with the sensuality of the moment. Before she realized it, he had grabbed her firmly in his hands, ripped off the lace with one tug and threw her on the bed. Her pleasant shock turned to joy when she felt his lips kissing every inch of her body. She was being consumed by her beautiful, wild animal.
• • • • •
Ittai gritted his teeth at the intense pain. He could smell his searing flesh, he felt the burn spread like wildfire through the most sensitive part of his body. He knew he could not stop. He had to finish. He had to fight through the pain to find the relief. A thought flashed through his mind. It was the image of his own forging craft. He would melt a precious metal such as gold to burn the dross away. It was a cleansing. It was the way to purify the metal. Through his silent pain he felt as if he was cutting the evil out of his life and burning it away. Just a moment more and it would be done. He gritted his teeth again and groaned with pain.
• • • • •
Michal screamed out in painful ecstasy. She was a virgin and her first consummation was not physically comfortable. Her mother had warned her and told her that time would deepen her satisfaction. But there was a deep pleasure of love beneath the pain and beyond words. It was the pleasure of surrendering herself totally and unreservedly to her beloved. She was in his hands and at his mercy. He was in her hands and vulnerable. Together they were naked and unashamed. Together they became one before their god.
Afterward, they lay in each other’s arms, without speaking. She could feel his heartbeat with her head on his chest.
He was finally, finally at rest. He could smell the sweet fragrance of her hair and it enchanted him like a magical spell.
• • • • •
Ittai rested on a cot with bandages on his self-administered circumcision. But he somehow felt different, relieved, as if he was no longer cursed. But he knew that was impossible. He could only wonder what he would do next. Should he seek out these Hebrews? Should he wait until he learned more about this messiah king so he could find the right moment to cast himself on the king’s mercy?
A knock at the door of the shop shook him out of his thoughts. He yelled, “Who is there?”
A voice said, “It is me, Ittai.”
Ummi. He had not seen her in a long time. He had avoided her and kept himself busy since they had split apart those months ago. He had resolved to stop the curse and save her from his destiny of horror.
“Go away! I am not well!”
“No, Ittai! I will not go away.”
He grumbled and got himself up from the cot. He hobbled over to the door with great pain and difficulty.
He landed against the door with a thud.
“Are you all right, Smooty?”
“Do not call me that!” he barked. It would only melt his heart.
“I miss you, Ittai. I love you, and I do not care if you are cursed. I will always love you and I am cursed without you.”
Ittai began to tear up.
“What have you done to yourself?” she said.
She had an uncanny ability to intuit what was happening to him. Of course, she knew he did not want to continue his bloodline and there was only one way to make sure that would not happen.
“I do not care if you castrated yourself, Ittai. I do not want children, I want you.”
Ittai’s tears turned into a chuckle. If she only knew.
“I did not castrate myself. But I cannot have you here right now.”
“I will come back. Name the day and I will come back. I will wait for you, my love. My Smooty.”
Now he was crying again. It was all he could do to keep from bawling like a baby. This woman and this woman alone could do this to him, reduce him to a babbling infant.
He could hear her leave. She had been up against the very door he leaned on. They had been mere inches away from each other, kept apart by miles. He wanted to open the door and scream to her to stay. He wanted to hold her and never let her go. But he could only whisper in a weak defeated voice, “My Puma.”
Chapter 35
Michal attended to her home shrine. It was a small separate room that had teraphim figurines of Asherah and Astarte. They were made of red terra cotta clay and were mostly a foot or so high, with the one exception of a life sized Asherah carved out of light wood. The figurines accentuated the female reproductive organs. Many such statues had Asherah’s hands placed beneath her breasts to emphasize them.
