“No, th-they’ll draw attention, and this y-young man won’t. Anna knows h-him, too,” Brother Yur responded.
You unlocked Deliver Whole and Unscathed
This is the fourth in the All Hail the King! series of hidden quests.
Task: Get Princess Anna to the Tearful Goddess Order mission.
Mandatory condition: the princess has to get to the mission alive.
Reward:
1500 experience
Ability to unlock the next quest in the series
I nodded and bowed, earning myself a backhanded compliment from Brother Yur.
“You know, y-you haven’t been completely r-ruined b-by this world—there’s still something to you. It g-gives me hope that y-you aren’t a l-lost cause after all.”
And on that major note, I left the mission and logged out of the game.
***
Despite my haste, I really had been playing for quite a while. The sun was starting to dip behind the horizon, and the fact that Friday wasn’t a full work day (it was very much a full day at the office, though Vika had independently decided that she deserved to get off early) meant I didn’t have much time.
Zimin had kept his word, sending me a huge file with descriptions of dachas outside the city. I was supposed to pick one of them. After reading five of the descriptions, I swallowed hard.
I’d assumed they would be half-acre plots covered in weeds and maybe a few trees, possibly in the middle of the forest. Vika and I, I thought, would be spending the next few years dumping energy and time into it. But no, Raidion had fooled me yet again.
They were as large as an acre and a half, and they all had sturdy houses already built on them—some brick, others wooden. Gas, water, electricity, finished interiors, and all the rest came included. Some even had furniture, at least, judging by what I could see. Some pictures showed saunas outside the houses. How much money do they spend on upkeep?
I coughed, my breath caught in my throat and my fingers drumming on the table. It was too much. Okay, so the car was all right; fine, I was making good money. But a house like that, and on a good chunk of land… It was more a chunk of pork in an enormous deadfall than the cheese in a mousetrap.
Just then my phone rang. It was Zimin. “Good evening, Kif,” he greeted me as cheerily as ever. “Well, have you picked where you’re going to be resting from your righteous labor?”
That’s an odd way of putting it…
“That’s what I’m sitting here thinking about. Isn’t it a bit much? It’s just…a lot.”
“A lot? You really aren’t used to the good life, Kif.”
“I grew up on a fifth of an acre, and that was plenty for me. It was a lot, even, and especially when it came time to plant and then harvest potatoes,” I replied self-deprecatingly.
“That’s okay, good things are easy to get used to,” Zimin replied confidently. “You don’t have to plant potatoes; you can just relax. That’s what the house is for. So just go for it. Like I said, my rule is to make sure my people have everything they need. At least, as long as they belong to me soul and body.”
“Sure, I’ve told you that’s fine. But still… What am I going to do with all that land, not to mention the huge house? It’s probably a good 2,000 square feet. How much are the taxes alone?”
“Let’s start by remembering that you aren’t a lone wolf anymore. You have a woman, and maybe even some kids soon,” Zimin noted reasonably. “As far as the money goes, the company pays for it all, so you don’t have to worry about it. You really are lazy, Kif. We have nobodies who start working for us and immediately jump in with their demands: a corporate phone number, medical insurance, apartment payments…and they get it! We don’t skimp on stuff like that because it doesn’t make sense for us. People are governed by fear, and they’re afraid of losing their jobs as well as all the benefits they’re accustomed to. That’s when they work hard to make sure they stay on. Some, sure, forget their fear, but that’s something different. And you’re not even interested to hear what you can get. Your benefits package is almost as good as what we offer the corporation’s junior partners, and all the information is still over there with Eliza. She’s been taking bets to see if you’ll ever pick it up.”
“I didn’t even know it existed,” I muttered. “Nobody told me. Eliza didn’t say anything twice, and I’m afraid of her as it is.”
“She makes me a little nervous, too, although she’s not a bad woman at all. Though if you only knew her father…” Zimin snorted. “About the benefits, you can remember I told you since that’s actually what happened.”
He bet on me again, that sly dog!
“Okay, good luck tomorrow. We’re all going to have an interesting night.”
“Having a show again?” I asked knowingly.
“You bet,” Zimin said with a laugh. “We haven’t had anything like this in a while, so it’ll be fun to watch. I mean, we haven’t had a coup in a while.”
And here I thought it was a popular quest. “I guess it’s really well hidden if people do it that rarely?” I asked.
“No, it’s pretty easy to get. I mean, for being a hidden quest. It just isn’t that popular,” Zimin explained. “You don’t get much experience, and the goodies aren’t great either. I think that’s more the reason.”
“And if it’s a success, Anna will be the queen from now on?”
“Yep, until someone else gets the quest and completes it successfully. Oh, and another thing, are you going to go finish up the dryad quest right away?”
“What’s the point of waiting? Plus, I have the new kids showing up on Monday, and that comes with a new quest. ‘Find the odd man out,’ it’s called.”
“Yes, that’s important. Well, just pick yourself a dacha.” Zimin coughed. “I’d go with Minka. It’s great there, the forest is nice, and just the whole thing… Anyway, good luck!”
I looked through more of the information, scratched my head, went online, and decided that Zimin’s suggestion was a good one. The houses there were smart-looking, and the town seemed nice. I picked the five options I liked the most, waited for Vika to get home, and flexed all the eloquence I had in an effort to make sure we headed in that direction. Vika’s head was full of all kinds of nonsense about Rublevka, needless to say. Finally, I went for a shot below the waist—I showed her the prices at the stores in Rublevka, and my smart girl made the right choice.
***
There wasn’t much to say about the trip. Six hours into it, we’d stopped at plenty of villages and homeowner associations, and I finally heard the magic phrase. “Kif, you know, that first one was the best. Let’s go back and see it one more time, okay?” I mentally wiped the hard-earned sweat off my brow.
The house really was nice, made of wood, and it had a fireplace, furnishings, and even a satellite antenna. A sauna, pool, and gazebo were all included.
The inner doubt still gnawed at me, telling me how easily everything was coming and how it was all too good to be true. I’d been around long enough to know that sooner or later, I’d have to pay for every piece of wood that had gone into making that house, but I was in too far to turn around. There was also Vika’s tranquil and happy face that kept looking back at me as she ran around the property. I sighed.
Screw it. I’m in too deep as it is; I’ve taken too much from them to back out now.
That actually made me feel better. I certainly wasn’t planning on anything too idiotic anyway, nothing like biting the hand that fed me.
On Sunday, I called Zimin again to tell him that I’d made my choice. He told me it was a good one, and I sent the information and copies of my documents to an email address he gave me.
As the clock ticked close to zero hour, I started going a little crazy, which surprised me—that wasn’t the way I normally reacted to things.
Even Vika noticed. “What’s wrong with you? You’re acting strange today.”
“Oh, sweetie, it’s just that we have an interesting raid in the gam
e tonight,” I explained.
“Tonight?” Her lips pursed. “You’ve never played at night before!”
“It just happened this way; nothing I can do it. A nighttime quest, you know?”
“Our nighttime quests are better than the ones in the game,” Vika purred capriciously. “And they’re more fun. Tomorrow’s going to be a tricky day, too. You didn’t forget that we have new people coming, did you?”
“As if I could forget that. Fresh meat is always fun.”
“I saw their resumes,” Vika said, suddenly very serious. “They’re not like us, I mean, like me and the boys. They already have experience, some work under their belts—one of them a year and a half even. Do you think they’ll try to push their weight around?”
Ha! My little kitten was starting to worry about her place in the sun.
“If they want to get kicked out the door their first day on the job, they’re welcome to try,” I replied calmly. “Though I don’t think they will. Where’d you get their resumes?”
“I called Raidion’s HR department and said that you wanted to see them, so they sent them over.” Vika smiled, expecting a pat on the back for her ingenuity.
Uh oh, she’s already using my name. Look at you…
“Hey, let’s talk about this tomorrow,” I said. “My mind’s somewhere else, to be honest.”
***
At half past eleven, I logged into the game. The two armored giants were still on the porch. Okay, to be fair, they could have been two different armored giants for all I knew. I waved at them and opened a portal.
Chapter Twenty-Four
In which things finally make it to the palace.
Night hung low over Fayroll. The sky was dark, immeasurable and full of stars, the large moon a shining yellow orb. From time to time, one or another of those stars would streak by overhead, leaving behind a fiery tail. And it was completely quiet.
Thanks to that quiet, I heard somebody sneaking up behind me in Princess Anna’s courtyard a minute after I jumped out of the portal. I spun around, saw Reggie in the moonlight, and couldn’t help but notice the battle axe in his hand.
“Hey, hey, hey,” I said, holding my hands up. “It’s me, Hagen. I was here the other day with Vaylerius and a couple of his monkeys.”
“Oh, it’s you,” the hunchback replied. “From Tronje, I remember you.”
“Thank heavens I heard you,” I said, exhaling. “Otherwise, I’d be lying here with your axe in my back.”
“Probably so,” Reggie assured me. “I can definitely do that to people.”
“I don’t doubt it.”
I really didn’t, as I’ve known people like him. They can put us healthy people in the grave any day of the week. Their bodies don’t look like much, but they’re as strong as an ox and as fast as a monkey.
“Mistress is expecting you.” The hunchback gestured me toward the entrance.
The princess was ready for what promised to be an exciting night that would leave her either sitting on the throne or at the bottom of a pond sewn up in a bag. She was wearing an expensive cloak, and there was a small bag on the table that clearly contained everything she needed—from powder to poison.
“Good evening, fair queen,” I said with a bow. “Are you ready to take what is yours?”
“And a good evening to you, too, Thane,” the princess said, understanding my hint and deliberately avoiding correcting me. Instead, she played along.
So you have some nerves going on after all. Anyone else would have shushed me, telling me not to jinx things. She can’t wait to get up on that throne.
“I’ve been ready for many years now, though the time has never been right,” the princess said with a mirthless laugh.
“Well, here you go!” I clapped. “Shall we head out? Your subjects await.”
“That’s what’s funny about the whole thing: Vitold is the only one that will be my subject, and he’s from the house of Hashim,” the princess giggled. “Yur is a Templar, you’re from Tronje, wherever that is, and my son’s crazy friends are from everywhere and nowhere. Then we have the mercenaries from the Borderlands. So what was that about my subjects?”
“They’ll all be your subjects once you’re queen, at least, besides the Templars. Who wouldn’t want a friend on the throne?”
“What about you?” Anna looked me in the eye.
“Me, too,” I replied, holding her gaze firmly. “Why now?”
“I’ll remember you said that,” Anna said, threatening me with a finger. “You’re a smart guy, and no coward. I need people like that from the very beginning.”
Yup, of course you do. “From the very beginning.” That’s always how it is. At the beginning, whoever helps the new rulers to power are very much needed—they’re the foundation, the ones who know what the whole thing was for. They’re afraid of spilling neither their own nor others’ blood, and they have pity for no one.
Several years go by, however, and the scene starts to populate with people who were hiding in their basements or at their dachas when everything went down. But they’re the ones who make their way into leadership roles within the new government. They may not be able to shoot or cut, and they don’t know their attacks or maneuvers, but none of that matters. What they can do is figure out who is saying what when, not to mention discerning the king’s mood by a twitch of his nose.
Meanwhile, the warriors who held the throne on their shoulders and bathed it in their blood are inarticulate and unaccustomed to bending the knee. Or, rather, they don’t know how to bend the knee. But they do get in the way of the courtiers and the monarch himself, so one is sent to the scaffold as a conspirator, another is exiled to the mines as a traitor, and the third takes a sip of wine that leaves him convulsing on the rug in a pool of his own spittle. Journalists know these things. But the more you know…
“Of course, my queen. I’m with you to the end.”
“Then let’s go.” Anna grabbed her bag, brushed away my attempt to help her, and rushed lightly down the stairs. I followed behind her.
“Mistress,” the hunchback said when we got out onto the porch, “what about me? Am I coming with you?”
“Reggie, you stay here.” Anna’s brows furrowed. “You already know that. I explained the whole thing already.”
“Mistress!” His face fell.
“Reggie!” Anna tapped her foot and jabbed me in the side. “Hagen, go ahead.”
I opened the portal and stepped in, the hunchback’s cry following us though.
“Mistre-e-ess!”
“So clingy,” Anna said with a snort. “Like some kind of burr!”
“On the other hand, he’s devoted, and that’s important,” I objected. “Like a dog.”
The princess didn’t reply.
***
“Who are you? Where are you going? Who do you need to see?” the giant on the mission steps hooted owlishly.
“The fair Princess Anna and Laird Hagen here to see Brother Yur,” I rapped out, not nearly as surprised as the princess when the knight battered the door with his fist. Although… How is it still in one piece?
Brother Mikhael appeared almost instantly on the porch.
“Princess, and you, Laird, come in. They’re expecting you.”
Stepping in behind Anna, I heard her hiss through her teeth, they’re expecting us, and they can’t even be bothered to get their asses out of their chairs. I could tell the whole thing was going to be tricky and hoped I’d be somewhere far away when the rickety structure came crashing down.
“We were w-worried,” Brother Yur said in greeting. “We s-started to think something happened.”
“Good evening,” Vitold added.
I had the feeling the two wise crows hadn’t left their spots since I’d last seen them there two days before.
Brother Yur got up from his chair and bowed his head to the princess. Vitold followed suit.
You completed a quest: Deliver Whole and Unscathed
Reward:
1500 experience
“Yur, it’s good to see you,” Princess Anna replied, so warmly that I glanced at her in surprise. “Look how gray you are! What happened?”
“The sun isn’t as h-high in the sky as it used to be,” Brother Yur replied, more poetically than I was used to from him. “You kn-know how it goes, fair Princess.”
“And you still have that stutter?” The princess placed her hand on his shoulder. “I hope you don’t curse me for what happened?”
“It j-just added w-weight and i-importance to my voice,” Yur said with a laugh. “Everyone’s a-afraid of me even more with my impediment, and they l-listen much more carefully.”
The princess chuckled sadly.
“Good evening once again, Princess Anna,” Vitold said, reminding her of his presence.
“Good evening, Master Vitold.” There was a chill in the princess’s voice. Okay, who am I kidding? It was ice. It sure sounded like the three had known each other for quite a while, and they had very different relationships. I had to wonder what their story was.
“N-now that we’re all here, it’s t-time to get started.” Brother Yur rubbed his hands, clearly happy to get back to his world of figures and agreements. “Before w-we start anything that w-we have p-planned, you and I need to s-sign a contract, Anna.”
“Isn’t that a surprise,” the princess replied sarcastically. “If it weren’t for that, you’d be—”
“Shh,” Brother Yur interrupted with a finger on his lips. “You’ll ruin this poor fellow. He probably doesn’t know the kind of word you were about to say. By the way, my young friend, h-have you c-come to an a-agreement with the princess regarding what y-your interest is?”
“Well, we talked about it…” For some reason, I felt like an idiot, and the fact that both of the old deal-makers bent over with laughter told me I was right on the money.
“He talked about it!” Vitold wiped tears from his eyes. “With Anna!”
“Hagen, d-don’t be offended, but v-verbal agreements in cases like these a-aren’t worth any more than the d-dagger you get between th-the r-ribs to keep you from talking,” Yur said conciliatorily. “P-paper is all you can believe since w-words are just that—immaterial, traceless v-vibrations in the air. But a d-document that sh-shows what you have a right to, i-is signed by witnesses, and is s-stored, preferably, somewhere dry, d-dark, cool, and, most importantly, s-secret…that’s your guarantee that you’ll g-get what you were promised. And if we’re t-talking about royalty, then y-you shouldn’t be taking a-a s-single step until y-you have something down on paper.”
Fayroll [04] Gong and Chalice Page 32
