by Brie Paisley
He’s right, and I know it, but I can’t help but push all those buttons of his. “Awe don’t get all sentimental on me now.”
“Keep pushin’ me,” he says with a brooding look.
“Ooh, I’m shakin’ in my boots.”
“You’re not even wearin’ boots.”
Shrugging a shoulder, I snap back with, “Semantics.”
Cason starts to respond back with something I’m sure I can top when Mama interrupts. “Boys, stop arguin’.”
“He started it,” Cason and I quickly say at the same time.
“One would think y’all were children instead of grown men,” Clark states.
Shelby and Carter snicker as I pout. “You wound me.”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine in about five seconds.”
“You’re right,” I say to Clark as I point my fork at him. “I’m all better and back to my normal awesome self.” Clark uses his middle finger to scratch his nose to flip me the bird without Mama noticing.
“As much as I love listenin’ to you boys bicker, I think y’all should start clearin’ the table,” Dad tells us and Clark shoots me a dirty look before we do as Dad asks. It’s another routine we have every time we come over to our parents for breakfast or dinner. Pretty much anytime there’s food, my brothers and I do the cleaning. Sometimes Dad will help, and we all feel it’s fair for us to clean up after Mama spends all the time cooking. I mean it can’t be an easy task to cook for five grown men. Not to mention, it’ll be six when Caleb returns home for good.
Shelby and Mama make their way into the living room as Clark, Cason, and Carter all start grabbing the empty plates. Dad and I take the leftover food into the kitchen and begin to put them away in Tupperware bowls. It’s a mindless task, and it leaves me wide open to Dad’s question. “Son, what are you goin’ to do about your woman problem?”
“I don’t know, Pops. What is this problem you speak of?”
The look he’s giving me tells me all I need to know. I’m full of shit, and he knows it. “Are you goin’ to find her?”
Glancing back into the dining room, I make sure my brothers can’t hear me. The last thing I want is for the entire family to bust my balls about a girl again. “It’s a small town. Figured I’d leave it up to fate.” And I have thought about using my job as a way to find out more about Savannah, but it really didn’t sit well with me. I’ve never been the one to bend the law to my will, and I don’t want to start now. Although, it would make things much easier.
“I’m sure you’ll find a way to see her again.”
Dad’s words make me halt all movement, and I frown as I look at him. “Why is everyone suddenly concerned with my love life?”
“Because,” Mama says, and I scream making Dad’s eyes widen. “What is wrong with you?” She asks.
“Damn, Mama. You scared me half to death.” Her eyes narrow at me but before she can scold me I add, “Where did you get those ninja moves from? Cough or somethin’ next time.”
Dad chuckles, and Mama shakes her head although she’s smiling. Carter, Clark, Shelby, and Cason walk into the kitchen with a worried expression. Well except Cason. He just looks bored. “Why are you screamin’ like a little girl, Caden?” Shelby asks.
Pointing a finger at Mama, I explain. “Did you know Mama has ninja moves? She scared me. I might have to check my britches now.”
Carter, Clark, Shelby, and Dad laugh, but Cason just glares at me as Mama says, “Now you’re just exaggeratin’.”
“I am not,” I screech. “You can’t sneak up on me like that. Dad and I were mindin’ our own business, and you come in here creepin’.”
Mama walks up to me and places her hand on my cheek. With a sweet voice I’ve heard all my life, she softly says, “I love you dearly, but you’re such a drama queen.”
“Tell me how you really feel,” I pipe back with a laugh.
“I’m only tellin’ you the truth, sweetie. Now take your leftovers and get out of my kitchen. You have a girl to find.”
Picking up my bowl of food, I raise it up as I say, “Yes, ma’am.” Cason does the same only he kisses Mama on the cheek and says goodbye to Dad before we walk out of the house, and I wonder if maybe if my parents are right. Maybe I don’t need to wait for fate to do her job. Maybe I should start controlling my own fate.
Bang.
Bang.
Bang.
Cracking one eye open, I wonder why it sounds like someone is trying to break down my bedroom door.
Bang.
Bang.
What the fuck? Blinking the sleep away, I toss the covers off me and slowly get out of bed. Shuffling carefully in my dark room, I hold my arms out in front of me. I’m not sure what time it is because of my blackout curtains, but this constant banging on the door is sort of freaking me out.
Bang.
Bang.
“Caden!” Jumping at the loud voice, I immediately know who it is. Cason’s consistent banging and the tone of his voice lets me know he’s in cranky mode. “What are you doin’ in there?”
“Hold the fuck on,” I grumble loudly. Can’t a guy get some sleep around here? Cason and I have lived in the same apartment downtown since we both graduated high school and went out in the big ol’ world. There are days I don’t mind living with my twin, but then days or nights like this that I hate it. I’m certain it’s still daytime, possibly in the afternoon, because I have to work the night shift, and I hope I didn’t oversleep. Jerking the door open, Cason almost hits me in the face since he was about to bang on my fucking door some more. “What do you want, Cas? What if I was doin’ somethin’ private?”
Lowering his hand, he glares at me then his eyes widen. “Could you please put on some fuckin’ clothes? I don’t want to see your junk.”
Glancing down, I realize I’m still in the nude. “Huh. Well maybe if you weren’t two seconds from bustin’ through my room like the Hulk, I could’ve gotten dressed. You know I sleep in the nude.” Flipping on the light, I turn to get some shorts from the dresser on the far side of the room. “Plus it’s not like you don’t see the same shit every day. Hello,” I say as I turn and wave a hand back and forth. “Identical twins remember?”
“You’ll never let me forget we shared a womb.” As I’m sliding on my shorts, he adds, “And just because we have the same body, it doesn’t mean I want to see yours. It’s weird.”
“You make it weird.” With his deadpan look, I shut the dresser with my hip. “What can I do for you, your highness?”
“I can’t find my laptop.”
“And you thought it was hidin’ in here?”
“Cut the shit, Caden. I need it for work. Now hand it over.”
Shaking my head, I brush past him and make my way to the small kitchen. The apartment Cason and I share isn’t much. It has two bedrooms, one bathroom, a small living room, and kitchen. But it suits us perfectly. “It really disturbs me when you blame me for takin’ your things when you know I’ve never done that.”
“Oh, really?”
Putting a K-cup in the Keurig, I press start then turn around. “Yeah, really. You must have misplaced it because I’ve never taken anythin’ of yours.”
Cason leans against the kitchen counter as he says, “You stole my G.I. Joe action figure when I was six.”
“Blasphemy! I did no such thing.” Okay there was that one time when we were kids, Cason had one thing, just one thing back then that Mama and Dad didn’t get me, and yeah I took the stupid doll.
“You did so. I also remember you put it on the grill and melted it.”
Crossing my arms and leaning against the counter, I add, “I also remember you cryin’ when you found it.”
“I never cry.”
Grinning widely, I know he’s full of shit. “You cried for two days about that stupid doll.”
Rolling his eyes, Cason huffs out a long breath. “So you’re admittin’ you took my G.I. Joe action figure, not a doll, and now you took my laptop.” The way he
says action makes me chuckle. He’s putting way too much emphasis on it, but it’s cute he’s trying to make it seem like he didn’t love playing with dolls. “I need it, Caden. Just hand it over so I can just go back to work.”
Grabbing my coffee, I power off the Keurig then face him again. “I seriously didn’t take your laptop.” We stare at each other, and I know he’s trying to read me for any lies. It’s our twin bond, and I’m kind of annoyed he wouldn’t just believe me. Cason seems to finally believe what I’m saying, and he readjusts his cap then rubs a hand down his face. He seems stressed, and I can sense the uneasiness within him. “I know what you need.”
“And I know you’ll tell me, even though I don’t care to know.”
“You’re right. I will tell you because I’m your brother, and I know what’s best for you.” Cason grunts out his disagreement, but I continue anyway. “You need to get laid. How long has it been now?”
“I’m doing just fine, and my sex life isn’t any of your business.”
“I disagree. You’ve been on edge and crankier than normal. A night with a fine woman would do you wonders.” Setting my coffee mug down, I push off the counter. “I’ve got someone that would be perfect for you. I’ll text her and ask her to come over.”
Cason pushes himself off the counter and stops me from going back to my room to grab my phone. “I do not want your nasty sloppy seconds.”
“I’ve never been with a nasty lady, Cas,” I say back in a serious tone.
“You know what I mean. I won’t stick my dick in anythin’ you’ve been in.”
Looking away, I say, “Well, when you put it that way it does sound gross.” It was a good idea even if Cason isn’t on board. He’s never been the one to openly chase after a woman like me, but it’s been far too long since he’s had a woman’s touch. I’m not sure if it’s by choice or if he’s just not into women. With him, you can never tell. Plus even if I were to hook him up with a lady friend of mine, it’s not like they would know the difference between us. All Cason would have to do is not talk, and they would think he was me.
“How long has it been for you? Our apartment has been oddly quiet as of late.”
Holding up my hands, I try to distract him. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. We’re not talkin’ about me. We’re talkin’ about your women problems.”
Cason crosses his arms, and I know I can’t dodge his question. “How long?”
Grinning at him, I point a finger at him as I say, “You. You’re persistent aren’t ya?” He doesn’t respond, but the look in his eyes lets me know he’s not going to drop it. Letting out a deep sigh, I turn to grab my cooling coffee off the counter. “Three months, three days, and some odd minutes and seconds but whose countin’?” I have to admit, I’m a bit surprised Cason seems so shocked by my admission, but it’s the truth. I’ve been given the nickname of a manwhore, but I’m not really. Okay, I like women. I love their soft skin, their sweet lips, and their cries of ecstasy when I make them come. There are plenty of things I love about the women I’ve been with, but not a single one of them was fulfilling. There was always something missing, and it was just about sex. I’m not man enough to admit since the end of February, I’ve wanted more than just a roll in the hay with another woman. That and the fact the every woman I’ve ever been with can’t tell the difference between Cason and me. One would think the differences in us would be the first thing they would notice, but I’ve learned the women I’ve been with are just as shallow as I’ve been in the past. I do not take pride in knowing this.
Taking a drink of my coffee, Cason takes his seat at the small dining room table. “No wonder our couch is still intact and the apartment hasn’t burnt down.”
Swallowing my coffee down quickly, I claim, “Oh my god. That was one time, Cas.”
“One time too many. You nearly burnt the entire livin’ room.”
“You’re stretchin’ the truth a bit much don’t you think?”
Cason shakes his head, but I see the smirk he’s trying to hide. “The couch was toast. The rug had to be thrown away. Hell even the coffee table had some smoke damage.”
He’s never going to let me live this down. Once and only once, I had a girl over, and we were getting a bit frisky on the couch. I knew Cason was out with Carter, so I thought sure why not. The girl I was with was a bit kinky, but I just rolled with it. Things got hot and heavy real fast, and before I knew what was happening, she had my shirt off and a candle in hand. I’m all for trying out new things, so I let her light the candle and drip some wax on my chest. Needless to say, when she sneezed, she dumped a shit ton of wax on me, and fuck it hurt. I was so focused on getting the wax to cool, I didn’t realize I’d knocked the candle, which didn’t go out by the way, out of her hand and it started a small fire. “I don’t understand why you keep bringin’ this up. I replaced all the furniture.” Glancing down at my feet, I add, “Still can’t grow any nipple hair back.”
“Dude,” Cason starts. Looking back up, I hold back a laugh with the disgusted look on his face. He’s totally grossed out. “Please don’t ever say nipple hair around me again.”
“Nipple hair.”
“Stop it.”
“What’s wrong with nipple hair? It’s only natural for a man to have nipple hair.”
“I’m leavin’ before you say nipple hair once more,” Cason says and I open my mouth to say it again, but he holds up a hand. Laughing as he glares at me and stands, he walks to the door. Before he opens it, he turns back to me. “Are you workin’ night shift?”
“Yep. I’m workin’ a double, so I won’t be around to smother you with all my love.”
“Such a shame.” He counters with a deep monotone voice.
“You know,” I begin as I make my way over to him. “One day you’re going to actually like the things I say.”
“I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you,” he claims then he walks out the door, shutting it behind him. With Cason gone, the apartment seems too quiet. Huffing out a breath, I head back to my room. I only have a few hours left before I have to go to work, and for some reason that damn pang in my chest is back. My mind instantly goes to Savannah’s eyes, and I wonder if I’ll ever see her again.
When I was younger, I desperately wanted to be a photographer. I wanted to be the one to capture all those precious moments from others and create memories that would last forever. Before I left college, I was well on my way to obtaining my dream. Now it seems I should’ve wished to do something else. Perhaps if I became a private investigator, the path I’m on wouldn’t be so disappointing. Day after day, I search for my birth mother, but I’m at my wits end. I’m not sure how much more I can take before I finally accept defeat. It’s not in my nature to give up, but what else can I do? Maybe if I had the skills and knowledge to find a person that doesn’t want to be found, then perhaps I would’ve at least gotten something out of moving to Mississippi.
Every day I wake up with these same thoughts. It’s never ending it seems. Laying back on the hotel room’s bed, I wish someone would just give me a sign that I’m in the right place at least. My instincts tell me I am, but then again I’m beginning to doubt them. I’m starting to wonder maybe if my parents never told me I was adopted, then I wouldn’t feel the way I do. It’s the endless unfilled hole in my heart that stops me from truly living these days, and I fear I’ll never be able to find the answers I seek. Closing my eyes, I conjure up bright blue eyes and a drop dead gorgeous smile in my mind. The cop from a week ago seems to be overtaking my brain more and more, but for whatever reason, his eyes and smile make me feel better. I’m not sure why it’s him of all people, but I can’t seem to stop myself. If I hadn’t been so stunned the day he came up to my rental car, maybe I would’ve remembered to get his name. C. Harlow isn’t something I want to call him, but beggars can’t be choosers. No matter the reason, when my thoughts go to the handsome and sarcastic cop, a smile forms on my face and my belly flutters. I don’t really question why anymore since it happens
too often to count, and I can only hope I’ll run into him once more. I tell myself if fate is kind to me, and if I see him again, I’ll ask him his name. I’ll ask him if he loves his job, what his family is like, and what he looks like naked. Wait … No, not that. Moving off the bed, I shake my head. I mean of course, it’s only natural for me to think of the sexy cop naked, but I can’t go there. My reason, and only reason, for being here is to find my birth mother. Not fall into bed with a random guy, let alone a panty melting cop.
Glancing at my phone, I realize I’ve been wasting the day away in my thoughts. My work shift at Tampico Bay is quickly coming, and although I hate the thought of going into work to deal with drunk customers, I need the job. Being a bartender at the local bar in town isn’t exactly what I would call a dream job, but money doesn’t just appear out of thin air. Letting out a heavy sigh, I begin to get ready for work. I walk around the small hotel room trying to find some fresh clothes. I really should clean this room up. I’ve never been the one to be organized, and it shows with the room looking like a bomb went off. The hotel room at The Holiday Inn is smaller than I would’ve liked to be in for so long, but it has a nice TV and the shower is to die for. While the wallpaper looks outdated and the sheets on the bed are kind of itchy, the room serves its purpose. It’s a means to an end, one that I’m hoping actually ends soon. Plus it’s convenient my place of work is right next door. Feeling as though I’m wasting my time here, I grab the cleanest looking pair of pants and stop when my stash of weed falls to the ground. Thinking about it only for a few seconds, I pick it up and tell myself one joint before work won’t hurt. Another perk of the room I’m in, is that it has a balcony that overlooks the back of the hotel. It’s probably not smart to be smoking an illegal drug so openly, but I really don’t care. It calms me and lets my mind stop wondering about shit that I can’t control.
Opening the sliding door, I step outside and suck in a breath as the humidity hits me. It’s almost suffocating, and I’m not sure how the people here can live in this. Florida is humid, but it’s different here. Pushing all thoughts of home out of my mind, I pull out a lighter and light the small joint. Taking a deep drag, I let the smoke fill my lungs and slowly let it out instantly feeling the calmness wash through me. Leaning against the brick wall, I tell myself I need this. I need an escape, even if it’s only for a small window of time. I’m so sick of worrying about finding a woman that probably never wanted me. I’m sick and tired of looking for her. But as I take another drag, I know I’ll never stop looking. I have to know why she gave me away. I need to know if it’s because she just didn’t want me, or if it’s because I can’t be loved. A part of me hopes it’s because she just wanted a better life for me, but just like all the other times as soon as that thought crosses my mind, my stomach dips and I have a feeling that’s not the case at all.
